Desire and frequency
Why doesn’t my wife want sex anymore?
- Where did my sex drive go? Free ebook on why desire fades and how to get it back.
- SWM 144 – Why wives have a complicated relationship with sex and what to do about it Why many wives struggle with wanting sex, and what helps.
- Responsive vs spontaneous desire She may want sex once things start, not before.
- The dual control model – Why you sometimes can’t get in the mood for sex The accelerators and brakes that block getting in the mood.
- Becoming more sexually engaged: for Christian wives A course for wives who want to want sex again.
- Understanding Her Cycle: an email course for husbands How her cycle shapes desire and mood, week by week.
My spouse keeps turning me down. Is there any hope?
- Why Do I Feel So Rejected by My Spouse? Why rejection stings so much and how to respond to it.
- When do I give up hope? Honest answer on whether to keep hoping in a sexless marriage.
- How to talk to a refuser How to raise the issue with a spouse who refuses sex.
- Reasons Not To Have Sex Survey Results The reasons readers give for turning their spouse down.
- Understanding Her Cycle: an email course for husbands How her cycle shapes desire and mood, week by week.
My husband has a lower drive than me. Why, and what can I do?
- Why does my husband have a lower sex drive than me? Common causes when he wants sex less, and next steps for her.
- Dealing with differing sex drives in marriage In a quarter to a third of marriages, the wife wants more.
- I want my husband to want me For wives who long to feel desired by their husband.
- SWM 061 – September 2020 Questions – High Drive Wives, Being Too Wet, Polyamory and more Episode answering questions from higher drive wives.
How often do married couples have sex?
- Going to bed naked survey results Reader breakdown of how many times a week couples have sex.
- How long does sex last – Survey Results Average weekly frequency for married couples, plus session length.
- Work and school arrangements affect sex How work schedules change frequency, from a reader survey.
- Sexual Frequency: Why I Don’t Worry Anymore Why the number matters less than the argument about it.
Should I have sex when I’m not in the mood?
- Desire vs. willingness Being willing is different from wanting, and both count.
- Responsive vs spontaneous desire Desire often shows up after you start, not before.
- SWM 125 – Rethinking “Duty Sex” A healthier way to think about sex when you are not in the mood.
- SWM 046 – Responsive desire is a blessing Why responsive desire is normal and not a defect.
- Becoming more sexually engaged: for Christian wives A course for wives who want to want sex again.
How do we connect sex with real emotional closeness?
- What’s the difference between making love and having sex? The difference between making love and just having sex.
- Do you feel like a sexual being, or a sexual object? Feeling like a sexual being instead of a sexual object.
- Are you willing to risk sex to gain intimacy? Choosing deeper intimacy over just getting sex.
- 13 ways to be more present during sex Ways to stay present and connected during sex.
- What do wives want? A primer for husbands What helps a wife feel loved enough to want closeness.
Who should initiate, and how do I do it without pressure?
- What’s the best way to initiate sex? Practical ways to initiate that your spouse will welcome.
- Who should initiate sex, husband, or wife? Whether the husband or wife should be the one to initiate.
- If initiating sex is uncomfortable, start with initiating precursors Low pressure first steps when initiating feels hard.
- Being more skilled at initiation How to get better at initiating without it feeling like pressure.
- Sexy Coupons (printable) A playful, low-pressure way to make the first move.
We’re in a sexless marriage. Where do we even start?
- Can a marriage survive without sex? Whether a marriage without sex can last, and what to do next.
- What do couples do when one wants sex and the other doesn’t? How 1,300 couples handle one spouse wanting sex and the other not.
- You cannot make a refuser generous Why pressure fails, and what can actually change a refusing spouse.
- When you want to work on your marriage and your spouse doesn’t What to do when you want to work on it and they don’t.
My wife has sex out of duty. How do I get her interested?
- SWM 125 – Rethinking “Duty Sex” Reframes duty sex and how to move toward real desire.
- SWM 114 – Understanding and Navigating Sexual Obligations in a Christian Marriage What sexual obligation in marriage does and does not mean.
- How can I help my wife understand that she’s a sexual being too? Helping a wife see her sexuality as her own.
- SWM 089 – When she is more mom than wife, duty sex, oxytocin and bonding, and vasectomies Includes a question on duty sex.
- Becoming more sexually engaged: for Christian wives A course for wives who want to want sex again.
Sex has become routine. How do we make it exciting again?
- Spicing up your sex life in marriage Starting point for adding variety to your sex life.
- SWM041 – How do you stay interested long term? Keeping sexual interest alive over the long haul.
- SWM009: How to keep spicing up your sex life Episode on how to keep spicing things up.
- Can married sex be erotic? Why married sex can be erotic, not just comfortable.
- Spice Jar: a sexual activities game Draw an idea and go. Variety without the planning.
- Our Sexploration List Each of you marks what you’d try; you only see your matches.
How do we make sex a priority when life is busy?
- The dishes can wait – How to make sex a priority Practical ways to put sex ahead of the chores.
- Is scheduled sex helpful for a marriage? Whether scheduling sex helps, and how to do it well.
- You don’t have time for sex? Pushes back on the idea that there is no time for sex.
- 3 myths that kill maintenance sex Myths that keep couples from regular maintenance sex.
- Webinar: Stress and Sex How stress shuts desire down, and what to do about it.
How do I get my spouse to initiate?
- Why lower-drive spouses should initiate sex Why initiation from the lower drive spouse matters so much.
- Why am I always the one who has to initiate sex? For the spouse who is tired of always initiating.
- Why is initiating sex so difficult? What makes initiating hard, and how to lower the barrier.
- SWM 152 – AQ – Unsexy nightclothes, husbands who won’t initiate, scent and partner selection and more Includes a question on husbands who won’t initiate.
- Sexy Coupons (printable) A playful, low-pressure way to make the first move.
I’ve started to dread sex. Why, and what helps?
- Is sex work? Why sex can feel like work for some spouses.
- Becoming more sexually engaged: for Christian wives A course for wives who want to want sex again.
Is sex a need or a want?
- Is sex a need or want in marriage? Jay Dee’s answer to whether sex is a need in marriage.
- SWM003: Is sex a need or a want? Podcast episode on the same question.
- Sex is not icing on the cake, it’s the eggs in the cake Why sex is a core ingredient of marriage, not an extra.
My spouse won’t try anything new. What can I do?
- What can you do with a sexually unadventurous spouse? Options when your spouse is sexually unadventurous.
- How can I encourage my spouse to do something new sexually? How to encourage your spouse to try something new.
- SWM 139 – Why won’t my spouse do x – I would do it for them Why a spouse may refuse what you would gladly do.
- How do I introduce new activities into our married sex life? How to introduce new activities without pressure.
- Our Sexploration List Each of you marks what you’d try; you only see your matches.
I feel lonely in my marriage. What do I do?
- I’m not getting what I need in my marriage When your needs in marriage feel unmet, and what to do.
Is it okay?
What does the Bible actually forbid in the bedroom?
- What can Christians do in the bedroom? The short list of what Scripture actually forbids.
- The relationship is more important than the “rules” Why loving your spouse matters more than a rule list.
- SWM 146 – Legalistic vs Loving Approach to Marriage – Shifting from Rules to Relationship Episode on moving from legalism to love in marriage.
- What if your spouse thinks a specific sex act is immoral? What to do when your spouse believes an act is sinful.
Is masturbation a sin, even in marriage?
- Is masturbation a sin? Walks through the biblical case on masturbation.
- SWM 158 – Solo Masturbation – When You Remove the Other Person From Sex Newest episode on solo masturbation and what it does to marriage.
- Does Masturbation Help or Hurt Your Marriage? Here’s What the Data Says Survey data on how masturbation affects married couples.
- Why masturbation is a problem, whether you’re married or single Why masturbation is a problem for married and single alike.
Is bondage, spanking or kink okay in a Christian marriage?
- SWM 052 – Are Dominance/Submission Games in the Bedroom OK? Whether dominance and submission games are okay for Christians.
- BDSM Survey Results How many Christian couples use bondage, spanking and more.
- Beginner Bondage Questions Answers common first questions about light bondage.
- Honor Bondage How to keep bondage honouring to each other.
Is it a sin to fantasize, even about my spouse?
- SWM 071 – Is it okay for Christians to have sexual fantasies? Episode on where sexual fantasy crosses into sin.
- Is it okay to fantasize about your spouse? Whether fantasizing about your own spouse is allowed.
- Is it a sin to lust after your wife? Why desire for your spouse is not the lust Jesus warned about.
- The best way to discuss sexual fantasies How to share fantasies with your spouse safely.
Is oral sex okay for Christians?
- What can Christians do in the bedroom? What the Bible actually limits in marriage, oral sex included.
- Oral Sex Survey Results How many Christian couples have oral sex and how they feel about it.
- SWM 085 – Wet dreams, whether sexual dreams are sinful, a widow’s desires, and is oral sex a sin Episode answering whether oral sex is a sin.
- SWM032 – Is oral sex unsanitary? Answers the hygiene worry that keeps some couples from oral sex.
Is anal sex or prostate play a sin in marriage?
- Is anal sex a sin? Direct answer on whether anal sex is a sin in marriage.
- Christians, Anal Sex and Anal Play How Christian couples approach anal sex and anal play.
- SWM 038 – Anal sex, prostate massage, female ejaculation, kegels and vaginal orgasms, and multi-orgasmic men Episode covering anal sex and prostate massage questions.
Are sex toys and vibrators okay for Christians?
- Are sex toys allowed in a Christian marriage? Whether sex toys fit in a Christian marriage.
- Is it okay to use a toy as foreplay? Using a toy as part of foreplay, and when it helps.
- What is a good first “adult” toy? Suggestions for a couple buying their first toy.
- SWM 119 – Vibrators & dildos, roleplay, talking to your kids about sex, and more Episode answering questions about vibrators and dildos.
Are threesomes or swinging ever okay for a married couple?
- Can Christians have threesomes? Direct answer on threesomes in a Christian marriage.
- Can Christian couples swing? Whether swinging can ever fit a Christian marriage.
- Is it okay for a Christian couple to ‘expand’ their sexual circle? On bringing anyone else into your sex life.
- Is it still adultery if you have permission? Why permission from your spouse does not undo adultery.
Is roleplay or dressing up okay?
- Is there ever a right way to use fantasy or role-play in marriage? When roleplay can be healthy for a married couple.
- SWM 119 – Vibrators & dildos, roleplay, talking to your kids about sex, and more Episode answering a listener question about roleplay.
- Sex, clothing and lighting survey results What couples wear, or do not, during sex.
Is pegging a sin?
- Is it okay to engage in pegging in marriage Jay Dee’s answer on pegging in a Christian marriage.
- SWM 115 – Strapons, Exes and Foreskins Episode covering strapons and related questions.
Is crossdressing a sin for a married man?
- Is it wrong for Christians to crossdress? Jay Dee’s answer on crossdressing in a Christian marriage.
- SWM 109 – Crossdressing, reframing duty sex, wife gets sex when she wants, but he doesn’t Episode opens with a crossdressing question.
Is it okay to take photos or videos of each other?
- Do Christians make sex tapes? Survey results on couples who take photos or videos.
- SWM 134 – AQ – Piercings, how not to start a fight, nude photos, nude beaches and more Episode answering whether nude photos of your spouse are okay.
- Sexy Photos Course for Christian Wives Taking private photos for your husband, safely and confidently.
Is masturbation okay in a sexless marriage, or when we’re apart?
- What Is Your Opinion Of Solo Masturbation Due To Separation? Solo masturbation when spouses are apart.
- How do we deal with separation due to work? Using a vibrator while a spouse is away for work.
- How do I deal with temptation if my spouse is a sexual refuser? Handling sexual temptation when your spouse refuses sex.
- Anonymous Questions – Masturbation when you live alone after a marital separation Masturbation when living alone after a separation.
Is sex outdoors or somewhere semi-public okay?
- SWM 070 – Feb 2021 Questions – Semi-public sex, squirting, falling asleep during sex and more Includes a question on semi-public sex.
Is there such a thing as Christian porn, or watching something erotic together?
- What is Christian Porn? Whether there is such a thing as Christian porn.
- Is it wrong for Christians to watch 50 Shades of Grey with their spouse? Whether to watch erotic films like 50 Shades together.
- What If Your Spouse Doesn’t Think Watching Arousing Scenes Is A Problem? When spouses disagree about watching arousing scenes.
- Informative or Erotic? Where the line is between informative and erotic material.
Can you lust after your own spouse?
- Is it a sin to lust after your wife? Whether desiring your own spouse counts as lust.
- Is sensuality in Christian marriage a sin? Whether sensual desire in marriage is sinful.
- Does your spouse have permission to arouse you? Giving your spouse permission to arouse you.
Is having a fetish wrong?
- SWM 095 – Faking orgasms, diapers, wet and messy/humiliation fetishes, does oral sex equal love, pre-orgasmic wife and more Includes questions on specific fetishes.
Is adult nursing okay in marriage?
- Adult Nursing Relationships Jay Dee’s answer on adult nursing in marriage.
- Anonymous Questions – Adult nursing relationships, rebuilding intimacy after a porn addiction, and swallowing semen Includes a question on adult nursing relationships.
Is reading erotica or writing stories for my spouse okay?
- Should Christians read erotic literature? Whether Christians should read erotic literature.
- Is it okay to write erotica for my spouse? Writing erotic stories just for your spouse.
- Erotic Literature Survey Infographic Survey results on Christians and erotic literature.
- Anonymous Questions – Are Christian erotic story sites okay, and wanting to submit to a disinterested husband Includes a question on Christian erotic story sites.
Is nudity okay outside the bedroom, like sleeping naked or nude beaches?
- Want more sex? Go to bed naked! Why sleeping naked can help your sex life.
- Going to bed naked survey results Survey results on couples who sleep naked.
- SWM 068 – Jan 2020 Questions – Nudists, exhibitionism, male lingerie, pet play, ANR and more Includes questions on nudism and exhibitionism.
Is dirty talk okay for Christians?
- SWM028 – Answering questions about oral sex before marriage, joint bank accounts, toys, dirty talking and grooming Includes a question on dirty talk in marriage.
- Introduction to Talking Dirty A gentle, Christian starting point for words in the bedroom.
Is a vasectomy a sin?
- SWM 084 – Is a vasectomy a sin, what counts as premature ejaculation, rimming, and a near-sexless marriage Opens with whether a vasectomy is a sin.
- SWM 088 – My Vasectomy Experience Jay Dee’s own vasectomy and how it went.
- Permanent Birth Control Survey Results Survey results on Christians and permanent birth control.
- Is Non-procreative sex OK for Christians? Whether sex without procreation is okay for Christians.
Pleasure and technique
How can my wife orgasm during sex?
- How to make it easier to orgasm during sex Practical ways to help her orgasm during intercourse.
- 10 steps to better orgasms for wives A step by step plan for wives toward better orgasms.
- Wives and their orgasm experiences How often wives orgasm and what gets them there.
- Simultaneous orgasms are rare Why orgasming together is uncommon and not the goal.
- Making it easier to orgasm: a guide for Christian wives Jay’s step-by-step guide for wives who struggle to orgasm.
What helps when he can’t get or stay hard?
- Are there natural ways to deal with erectile dysfunction? Lifestyle and natural options for erection problems.
- Christians and Erectile Dysfunction Medication Whether ED medication is okay for Christians.
- What do you do if your husband has ED due to medication? When medication causes his erectile dysfunction.
- SWM 143 – Redefining sex – How to have a thriving sex life despite sexual dysfunction Keeping a full sex life when erections are unreliable.
How do we get better at oral sex?
- Orgasming from oral sex survey results How many wives orgasm from oral sex and what helps.
- Do All Husbands Want More Oral Sex Data on what husbands and wives want from oral sex.
- What if I can’t make my husband orgasm from oral sex? Help when oral sex does not finish him.
- SWM 111 – Sex in heaven, oral sex positions, recovering from affairs, wanting to be a mom Episode covering positions for oral sex.
- Our Sexploration List Each of you marks what you’d try; you only see your matches.
Are handjobs and mutual masturbation okay, and how do we do them well?
- Is Mutual Masturbation OK for Married Christians? Whether mutual masturbation is okay for married Christians.
- Manual Sex, Oral Sex, Mutual & Solo Masturbation: The Full Survey Results Survey results on how couples use manual and mutual sex.
- Mutual Masturbation Survey Results How common mutual masturbation is among Christian couples.
- SWM 145 – AQ – Handjobs, sex on a full stomach, routines, sex tapes and more Episode answering questions about handjobs.
How do we get her aroused, and what if she’s dry?
- Why doesn’t my wife get wet? Why she may be dry even when she wants sex.
- Arousal non-concordance Why her body and mind are not always aroused together.
- What do you recommend for lubricant? Lubricant recommendations for couples dealing with dryness.
- Why Do You Think Women Need More Foreplay Than Men? Why she often needs more warm up time than he does.
What positions work best, especially for her?
- Sexual Positions Survey Results Which positions couples use most and which wives prefer.
- How to make it easier to orgasm during sex Position tweaks that help her orgasm during intercourse.
- Sex Wedge Pillow Positions: How to Use a Liberator Wedge (And Why It’s Worth Every Cent) Positions a wedge pillow makes easier and more comfortable.
How can he last longer?
- Premature Ejaculation What premature ejaculation is and how to address it.
- SWM 080 – Is premature orgasm a thing for women? How do you last longer? Episode with techniques to help him last longer.
- SWM 043 – Lasting longer, a spouse’s sexual past, light bondage, a bland sex life, and wanting to stop trying Episode answering a listener question about lasting longer.
- The art of edging Slowing down to last longer and build more pleasure together.
Why do legs shake during sex or orgasm?
- Why do some women shake before, during, and after orgasm? Why some women shake before, during or after orgasm.
- SWM 066 – Dec 2020 Questions – Shaking legs, wife changed after separation, birth control and more Includes a question on shaking legs.
Why does lingerie matter so much to him?
- Anonymous Questions – Why lingerie matters, and a husband too sore for sex because of porn Includes why lingerie matters to husbands.
- Sex, clothing and lighting survey results Survey results on clothing and lighting during sex.
- Are some men just not as visual as others? Not every man responds the same to visuals.
My wife has never had an orgasm. Where do we start?
- 10 steps to better orgasms for wives A step by step starting plan for a wife learning to orgasm.
- Orgasm difficulties survey results How common orgasm struggles are among Christian wives.
- SWM 092 – How do you know if you’ve had an orgasm How to tell whether what you feel is an orgasm.
- SWM 095 – Faking orgasms, diapers, wet and messy/humiliation fetishes, does oral sex equal love, pre-orgasmic wife and more Episode answering a question from a pre-orgasmic wife.
- Making it easier to orgasm: a guide for Christian wives Jay’s step-by-step guide for wives who struggle to orgasm.
Do I have to swallow, and how do we make oral easier?
- Is it OK not to swallow? Whether it is okay not to swallow.
- How can I make him taste better? How diet can change how semen tastes.
- SWM 059 – Orgasm without ejaculation, gagging during oral sex, hiding ED medication, and prostate stimulation Includes a question on gagging during oral sex.
Do men like their testicles touched?
- Do men like having their balls played with? Whether men like their testicles touched, and how.
- Do men like nipple play? Related: whether men enjoy nipple play.
How can I be more active and playful in bed?
- How do I open up to my spouse sexually? How a reserved spouse can open up sexually.
- Can a wife be both a lady and an exciting sexual partner? Being both a lady and an exciting sexual partner.
- How do I get my wife to be more sexually active? Tools for a wife who wants to come out of her shell.
- Sex can be silly Why laughter and play belong in the bedroom.
Why do I cry or feel emotional after sex?
- Why do I cry after sex? Why crying after sex happens and what it means.
- SWM 040 – What happens to our souls when we have sex? What sex does to us emotionally and spiritually.
Where should he finish?
- Is it alright to ejaculate on my wife? Whether it is okay to ejaculate on your wife.
- SWM 127 – AQ – Not interested in sex, are men infatuated with ejaculate and many more questions Includes whether men are fixated on ejaculate.
Why is my husband so focused on my breasts?
- Why are men obsessed with breasts? Why many men are so drawn to breasts.
- How does breast or penis size affect sex? What breast size does and does not change in sex.
- SWM 076 – June 2021 Questions – Boring sex lives, ED and PE troubles and breast play Includes a question on breast play.
How do we stay intimate when we’re apart for work or travel?
- SWM 050 – Anonymous Questions from September 2019 – Deployed Spouses, Passive Sex Partners, Sleep Apnea and How to Boost Attraction for your Spouse Opens with staying connected to a deployed spouse.
- Lovense Ferri Review – A Discreet Little Spark for Married Play App-controlled toy review that mentions long-distance play.
What is squirting, and is it just urine?
- Female Ejaculation / Squirting / Gushing Survey Results Survey results on squirting and female ejaculation.
- How can I stop gushing? For wives who want to stop gushing during sex.
- SWM 048 – Anonymous Questions from July & August 2019 – Squirting, Anal sex tips & Unreciprocated oral sex Includes a question on squirting.
How do we get more vocal in bed?
- Sex Noises Survey Results Survey results on how vocal couples are during sex.
- SWM 065 – Nov 2020 Questions – High sex drives, losing erections, being too loud, vaginismus and more Includes a question on being too loud.
- Introduction to Talking Dirty A gentle, Christian starting point for words in the bedroom.
Is his penis too small or too big?
- How does breast or penis size affect sex? What penis size does and does not change in sex.
- SWM 086 – Sex with a well endowed husband Tips for sex with a well endowed husband.
- SWM 105 – Threesome temptation, aversion to manual and oral, penis size, falling asleep during sex Includes a question on penis size.
Which lube should we use, and is needing it a problem?
- What do you recommend for lubricant? Jay Dee’s lube recommendations.
- Why doesn’t my wife get wet? Why needing lube is common and not a failure.
- SWM 141 – AQ August 2024 – Transactional sex, no sex due to birth, lube recommendations and more Includes updated lube recommendations.
I’ve been faking orgasms. How do I tell my husband?
- SWM 097 – Location, bruises, God’s role vs my role, how to stop faking orgasms, where do I get my “garbage theology” Episode on how to stop faking orgasms and come clean.
- Couples need to lie less and trust more when it comes to sex Why faking trains your spouse badly, and the case for honesty.
- Making it easier to orgasm: a guide for Christian wives Jay’s step-by-step guide for wives who struggle to orgasm.
What about sex during her period?
- Can you have sex during your period? Whether you can have sex during your period.
- Do Christians have sex during their period? Survey results on Christians and period sex.
- SWM 123 – AQ – Enjoying anal sex, periods and vacation, aging and orgasms, fantasizing, and condoms for handjobs Includes a question on periods and vacation.
- Understanding Her Cycle: an email course for husbands How her cycle shapes desire and mood, week by week.
Porn and trust
How do we rebuild trust after an affair or lying?
- How to rebuild trust when it’s been broken? Steps for rebuilding trust after it has been broken.
- Getting over an affair Healing the marriage after an affair.
- How do I build trust in him again? For a wife trying to trust her husband again.
- Overcoming guilt from an affair For the spouse who had the affair and carries the guilt.
- Seeking Forgiveness How to ask for forgiveness well after you’ve hurt your spouse.
My husband watches porn. What do I do?
- Struggling with porn Starting point for spouses dealing with porn in the marriage.
- How does porn use harm a marriage? How porn affects your marriage and why it matters.
- Can you divorce a spouse because of porn use? Whether porn use is grounds for divorce.
- SWM 078 – August 2021 Questions – Catching spouses with porn, birth control, Zoloft and PE and more Episode on what to do after catching a spouse with porn.
How do I quit porn for good?
- How NOT to quit porn The approaches to quitting porn that tend to fail.
- How do you stop sinful behaviours? A practical approach to breaking sinful habits.
- I miss porn Honest look at the pull of porn after quitting.
- SWM 156 – Pornography, Erotica, and AI Companions – When You Replace the Person with a Fantasy Episode on porn, erotica and AI as fantasy replacing a person.
My spouse masturbates instead of having sex with me.
- Anonymous Question: Why does my low-drive spouse masturbate? Why a low drive spouse may masturbate instead of having sex.
- What do you do if you suspect your spouse of secretly masturbating? What to do when you suspect secret masturbation.
- My Husband Admitted To Masturbating, How Do I Get Over The Hurt? Working through the hurt after he admits it.
- SWM 058 – When he prefers masturbation to sex, tantric sex, premature ejaculation, and bondage resources Episode on a husband who prefers masturbation to sex.
My husband avoids sex but watches porn. Why?
- SWM 058 – When he prefers masturbation to sex, tantric sex, premature ejaculation, and bondage resources Includes when he prefers masturbation to sex.
How do I stop a masturbation habit?
- How do you stop sinful behaviours? Practical steps for breaking a sinful habit.
Is sexting or flirting online cheating?
- SWM 035 – Erectile dysfunction, erotic chatrooms, a sexual awakening through sex toys, and sexy underwear for men Includes a husband found in erotic chatrooms.
Should I confess a past affair or secret to my spouse?
- Overcoming guilt from an affair Living with guilt after a past affair.
- Seeking Forgiveness How to ask for forgiveness well after you’ve hurt your spouse.
Bodies and seasons
How do we stay intimate through illness, medication or disability?
- SWM 118 – In sickness and in health Staying intimate when illness changes your sex life.
- SWM 143 – Redefining sex – How to have a thriving sex life despite sexual dysfunction Redefining sex so it still works despite dysfunction.
- Sexual Side Effects of Medication Common sexual side effects of medication and what to do.
I hate my body. How do I enjoy sex?
- Don’t say yuck about food (Don’t say “I hate my body”) Why talking down your body hurts your sex life.
- SWM 132 – Breast implants and body image issues Episode on body image and how it affects intimacy.
- Am I beautiful? For the wife who doubts she is beautiful.
- Does losing weight improve your sex life? Whether losing weight actually improves your sex life.
How do we get our sex life back after a baby?
- How do you get past the awkwardness of resuming sex after a difficult pregnancy? Getting past the awkwardness of resuming sex after birth.
- Does having kids ruin your sex life? Whether kids have to ruin your sex life, and how not.
- Sex when the kids are home Finding time and privacy for sex with kids in the house.
- SWM 141 – AQ August 2024 – Transactional sex, no sex due to birth, lube recommendations and more Episode on a couple with no sex since the birth.
What about hygiene, smells and cleanliness?
- Being clean for sex How couples handle cleanliness before sex.
- Why do I smell bad (down there) after we’ve had sex? Why odour can show up after sex and what to do.
- What do people do about cleanup after sex? How couples handle the mess after sex.
- Personal Grooming Survey Reader question and survey on pubic grooming habits.
How does sex change with menopause and age?
- Dealing with low testosterone and other sexual struggles later in life Low testosterone and other sexual struggles later in life.
- Do orgasm times change as you get older? How orgasm changes as you age.
- SWM 113 – Orgasms and age, calling your spouse daddy, guilt from initiating Episode answering a question about orgasms and age.
- Introduction to the Menopause Guide For supporters: menopause and its effect on marriage.
Which birth control is okay for Christians?
- Birth Control Options for Christians Overview of birth control options from a Christian view.
- Permanent Birth Control Survey Results What Christian couples chose for permanent birth control.
- SWM 120 – How you may be making your birth control methods ineffective Mistakes that make common birth control less effective.
- SWM 088 – My Vasectomy Experience Firsthand account of getting a vasectomy.
Sex hurts. What do we do?
- Why does sex hurt? Common causes of painful sex.
- What do you do if sex is painful? Practical next steps when sex hurts.
- SWM 090 – Vaginismus, defensiveness about porn, sexual temptation in a low-frequency marriage, and pregnancy Episode answering a question about vaginismus.
Is sex okay during pregnancy, and what changes?
- Pregnancy and sex How pregnancy changes sex for couples.
- Sex During Pregnancy Infographic Survey results on sex during pregnancy.
- Every pregnancy is different Why sex in one pregnancy may differ from the next.
- SWM 039 – Sex drive in pregnancy, birth control and SSRIs, sex when overweight, sex in heaven, and tantric sex Includes a question on sex drive in pregnancy.
Should we shave or groom down there?
- Do Christians shave their pubic hair? Survey results on how Christians groom.
- Is it unreasonable to expect my spouse to remove their pubic hair? Whether it is fair to ask a spouse to remove pubic hair.
- Anonymous Questions – Pubic grooming stats, sex when you are not attracted, unconsummated marriages, and clitoral stimulation Includes pubic grooming stats.
Why is there a smell after sex?
- Why do I smell bad (down there) after we’ve had sex? Why there can be an odour after sex.
- SWM 064 – Oct 2020 Questions – Body odour, remarriage, doggy style sex and more Includes a question on body odour.
I’m widowed. What do I do with my sex drive?
- What about sex for the surviving spouse? What a widowed spouse can do with sexual desire.
- Is it sinful for widows to masturbate? Whether masturbation is sinful for widows.
- SWM 085 – Wet dreams, whether sexual dreams are sinful, a widow’s desires, and is oral sex a sin Includes a question on a widow’s desires.
How do we find time for sex with young kids?
- SWM 045 – Communication during sex, finding time with young children, premature ejaculation, and language in the bedroom Includes finding time for sex with young children.
- Putting the kids first will destroy your marriage Why your marriage needs priority over the kids.
- Does having kids ruin your sex life? Whether having kids has to ruin your sex life.
- Webinar: Stress and Sex How stress shuts desire down, and what to do about it.
Weight changes are affecting attraction. What now?
- SWM 122 – How to make your spouse more attractive to you How to grow attraction to your spouse.
- Does losing weight improve your sex life? What losing weight does for your sex life.
- SWM 099 – Spouse fell asleep, revealing clothes, public sex, dreams and encouraging your spouse to be healthier Includes encouraging your spouse to be healthier.
Talking and the past
We feel like roommates. How do we reconnect?
- Are you missing out in your spouse’s bids? Noticing small bids for attention that rebuild connection.
- SWM 148 – 14 red flags your marriage is drifting towards divorce, affairs or lifelong unhappiness Warning signs your marriage is drifting apart.
- Do you need to have regular date nights? Whether regular date nights help you reconnect.
- SWM 056 – How To Feel Connected During Sex What feeling connected during sex means and how to get there.
- What do wives want? A primer for husbands What helps a wife feel loved enough to want closeness.
How do we talk about sex without it turning into a fight?
- When Is The Best Time To Talk About Sex With Your Spouse? When to bring up sex so it does not become a fight.
- Why Don’t We Ever Talk About What We Actually Want in Bed? Survey data showing couples who talk about sex are more satisfied.
- Talking about sex survey results How readers talk about sex with their spouse.
- How to ask for what you want in bed How to ask for what you want without hurting your spouse.
- 37 sex questions for spouses to ask each other Ready-made questions so neither of you has to start cold.
How do we deal with sexual pasts, premarital sex or regret?
- Is my married sex life ruined because I had sex before marriage? Whether premarital sex ruins your married sex life.
- How does pre-marital sex impact married sex lives – Survey Results Survey data on how sexual pasts affect married sex.
- SWM 154 – Sex Before Marriage – When You Remove Covenant from Intimacy Episode on sex before marriage and its lasting effects.
- Have you really forgiven your spouse for the past? Whether you have truly forgiven your spouse for their past.
I’m single. How do I handle desire, lust and masturbation?
- Why masturbation is a problem, whether you’re married or single Why masturbation is a problem for singles too.
- Why you shouldn’t ask for God to take away your sex drive Why your sex drive is not the enemy while single.
- SWM 154 – Sex Before Marriage – When You Remove Covenant from Intimacy Episode on why sex belongs inside the marriage covenant.
- How to stop looking at other women Practical help for not looking at other women.
How does past abuse affect our sex life, and what helps?
- How does sexual assault impact marriage – and can we protect our kids from it? How sexual assault affects marriage, from reader survey data.
What should we know for the wedding night and first year?
- SWM 147 – How do you know if you’re sexually compatible Sexual compatibility, and why some wives shut down after the wedding.
- The Newlywed Coaching Gift Coaching for the first year, before small problems set in.
My spouse’s sexual past bothers me. What do I do?
- SWM 043 – Lasting longer, a spouse’s sexual past, light bondage, a bland sex life, and wanting to stop trying Includes a question on a spouse’s promiscuous past.
- Have you really forgiven your spouse for the past? Whether you have truly forgiven your spouse’s past.
- How to move past hurt How to move past hurt in your marriage.
How and when do we talk to our kids about sex?
- SWM 119 – Vibrators & dildos, roleplay, talking to your kids about sex, and more Includes talking to your kids about sex.
- Have you prepared your kids for the first time they will see porn? Preparing kids before they first see porn.
What should we talk about before marriage?
- Preparing for marriage Starting point for couples preparing for marriage.
- Are there changes to sex after marriage? How sex changes once you are married.
- Saving your marriage before it starts – Book Review Review of a premarital book worth reading together.
- The Newlywed Coaching Gift Coaching for the first year, before small problems set in.
How do I get my spouse to tell me what they like?
- SWM004: Why your wife can’t tell you what she wants Why your wife may not be able to say what she wants.
- SWM005: Why your husband can’t tell you what he needs Why your husband may struggle to say what he needs.
- 37 Sex Questions for spouses to ask each other Questions to ask each other about sex.
- SWM 087 – Low testosterone and Cialis, a wife who will not say what she likes, and what counts as sex Includes a wife who will not say what she likes.
- 37 sex questions for spouses to ask each other Ready-made questions so neither of you has to start cold.
- Our Sexploration List Each of you marks what you’d try; you only see your matches.
How do I bring up wanting more sex without guilt-tripping?
- Be Authentic about your Sexual Desire Being honest about your desire without pressuring your spouse.
- Are you initiating conversations for the wrong reasons? Checking your motives before starting the hard talk.
- Making your spouse earn sex can make you feel like a prostitute Why transactional sex talk backfires.
- 37 sex questions for spouses to ask each other Ready-made questions so neither of you has to start cold.
Should we pray before, during or after sex?
- Do you pray as a couple before sex, after sex, or does it depend on the night? Whether couples pray before or after sex.
- Praying With Your Spouse Why and how to pray together as a couple.
- SWM007: Spiritual Intimacy – Praying with your spouse Episode on praying together as a couple.
My spouse says they’re not in love with me. What now?
- SWM 067 – Infatuation, New Relationship Energy, and Love The difference between infatuation and lasting love.
- SWM 106 – Nude pictures, sex toys, asexual wife, wife not in love with me, wish my wife had a bigger butt Includes a wife who says she is not in love.
- Did I marry the wrong person? For when you wonder if you married the wrong person.
How much of my sexual past should I tell my spouse?
- What affect does premarital sex have on a marriage? Survey on how premarital sex affects marriage.
Why did people in the Bible have multiple wives?
- When did God stop allowing multiple wives Why polygamy appears in the Bible and when it stopped.
- SWM 104 – Do women control men, beauty vs lusting, playlist for sex, and are men polygamous by nature? Includes whether men are polygamous by nature.
Nothing matches that yet. Try other words, or ask it below. Jay reads every question.