Way back in May, I started a survey on period sex. I said I would do the analysis when we hit 600 respondents. Well, I give up. We hit 490 and it’s sat there for the last two months. I stopped badgering the mailing list about it months ago, so I doubt it’s going to go anywhere. However, if you still want to fill it out, you can here.
This was all to answer a question someone asked in our anonymous question page back in January. Hopefully she’s still following the blog.
How many couples have sex while the wife is on her period? My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years. The idea of having sex with me while I’m menstruating has always kind of grossed him out. I am the higher drive partner, and this time of the month is usually when I want sex the most. I’m curious, is it “normal” for husbands to have a hands off policy during this week?
So, here we go. Almost 500 Christians answer the question:
Do Christians have sex during their wife’s period?
Let’s just answer the question right off the bat this time.
- No – 40%
- Yes, but only when it’s light – 36%
- Yes, anytime – 24%
Well, there you have it. The majority of Christians have sex during their wife’s period. More information and the reader’s question are below.
What is your attitude towards period sex?
- I’m up for it, but my spouse isn’t – 32%
- My spouse wants to, but I don’t – 8%
- Neither of us wants to – 24%
- We both want to – 36%
I suspected that our readers are more comfortable with the idea of period sex, and their spouses who didn’t fill out the survey are not. But, that doesn’t always seem to be the case. When we split by gender, we see a few differences:
- Only 3% of men said their wife wants to have sex during their period, but they don’t want to themselves
- 43% of men said they’d love to have sex during their wife’s period, but she doesn’t want to
- 16% of wives said they wanted to have sex, but their husband didn’t and another 16% said it was the other way around
What is your reaction to period sex?
- It’s amazing – 13%
- It’s mentally uncomfortable – 23%
- It’s no different than sex at other times – 44%
- It’s not as good as sex at other times – 13%
- It’s physically uncomfortable – 5%
- It’s spiritually uncomfortable (moral issue) – 3%
Men and women generally agreed on this question. Except for these two responses:
- 28% of women said it was mentally uncomfortable compared to 20% of men
- 37% of women said it was no different than sex at other times compared to 49% of men
Seems the “ickiness” of it gets to the women more than the men. I’d sort of expect that. Generally men get more aroused than the women, and so the grossness factor would be offset by that because your definition of gross changes when you’re aroused.
Are you likely to have period sex again in the future?
I’m not going to list all the permutations I checked, but here are some highlights.
As you’d expect, those who don’t engage in period sex are unlikely to do so in the future. However, 10% of those who don’t currently have period said said they are likely to in the future. Interesting. Especially since 17% of them said the idea was spiritual uncomfortable. So, they think it’s wrong, but they think it’s likely they are going to do it in the future.
98% of women who are willing to have period sex any time said they’d likely do it again in the future. Only 80% of men did though. Not sure what’s going on there. For those who answered that they have period sex when it’s light, only 80% said they would in the future. I thought that might be due to age, but when I took out anyone over the age of 55, it only went up to 82%. And again, we have a small contingent of women of think having sex during their period is morally wrong, but they do it, and think it’s likely they will again in the future.
What other activities do you engage in during her/your period?
I’ll just list them off
- Manual sex for him – 57%
- Manual sex for her – 37%
- Oral sex for him – 52%
- Oral sex for her – 11%
- Anal sex – 8%
- Mutual Masturbation – 25%
All together, about 76% of the people who answer do something sexual where the husband receives pleasure, and 52% do something where the wife does (assuming she enjoys anal sex) during this time.
How “normal” is it for a low-drive husbands to not want to have sex during their wife’s period?
So, to answer the original question, males who are the lower-drive spouse and don’t want sex during the period, but their wife does make up about 3% of our respondents. However, another 4% say that neither spouse wants to in that situation. So, it’s about 8% of all men who are low-drive and won’t want sex during their wife’s period. I’d call that pretty “normal”. Not average, but normal.
It is pretty average when you only look at lower-drive husbands. If you’re only looking at those responses, then it’s about 39% of them who aren’t interested in sex during their wife’s period.
I hope that answers your questions.
If there’s a question you’d like answered from this survey, let me know and I can check.
22 thoughts on “Do Christians have sex during their period?”
I don’t mean to be graphic, but *how* do you have sex during her period? My husband is a big dude so our only options are woman on top right now, but if we had sex during my period it would look as if someone was brutually murdered in our bed. Is this not true for other women? Are there ways I am not aware of to keep it from being so messy? A blood bath is just not my idea of a turn on, so I am just genuinely curious how it is done.
I think this depends on the woman. Some flows are heavier. Some people put down black towels or mats or only do it in the shower.
My own period was pretty consistently heavy and crampy the first day, then medium the last two or three days. Because of increased sensitivity and lubrication, I really enjoyed period sex after the first day.
After miscarrying our 5th child I think my uterus tilted (inverted uterus) and blood would pool before coming out. So it was gushy and felt more watery (probably because it wasn’t slowly coming out with regular cervix mucus like before). This was a huge mess and frankly we didn’t do period sex as much. We had two more babies and after the sixth live birth it seems my uterus tilted back to “normal”
Just observations. I imagine there’s much variance couple to couple (and even within a marriage as the wife’s cycle changes).
That’s extremely fascinating; thank you for sharing, though oddly enough for a different reason. Thank you for mentioning your miscarriage. I actually just had my first miscarriage 14 days ago; I was 10 weeks with our fourth. It is helpful to me to see women talk about it openly and honestly the way you just did.
I’m hoping to get my wife to write a post about diva cups some day soon. We’ve managed sex with her on top with zero mess.
With the diva cup?? I use a menstrual cup too, but it sits very low or else it leaks. Does she invert it? I can’t imagine any other way there would be room for penetration when it literally sits at the entrance to the vagina. I could try to put it up higher near my cervix but that still wouldn’t leave more than an inch or two for penetration. I’m even more confused now! Haha
Oh, I think she has it up around her cervix. Hopefully I can get her to write a post soon 🙂
Use Instead Cups. They hug the cervix and have no pointy end, and are disposable.
Thanks, Libl. I will have to check these out.
Jay, I’ll be looking for that post, cuz I still can’t figure out how that would work even then!
The instead cup is great not like the diva or other menstrual cups of is more like a diaphragm *but had NO std or birth control effects.* it is soft and my husband can’t feel it and it keeps the mess away.
I will have to look into that; thank you! I’m curious what you mean about std or birth control effects with a menstrual cup?
She means unlike a diaphragm, which is a form of birth control.
Seems to me that even without arousal altering our gross-out levels that men have a much higher tolerance for messiness than women in just about every area of life.
I think women still tend to deal with more diapers and blood than men. I’m not sure I agree with your statement based on those two things 🙂
Periods gross out many men that I know. Honestly it offends me, though I don’t go walking around saying it. As long as mine is okay with it, then I’m okay. To not want to be intimate because something natural (painful, that sex can actually relieve, go figure) grosses you out would be hurtful. Everyone is different and if a couple is totally fine with not having sex while she is on her period, then okay. I personally want to be accepted by my partner intimately during a vulnerable time and to be rejected would only make being on my period worse (if that is possible).
Well…I’m not so big and we had PIV sex and used a towel underneath us. Sure, it was messy, but we had lots of fun!
My wife could hardly wait for menopause. She had cramps for 5 or more days and heavy flow. I had no problem with sex, we just used a towel. However, it was not as enjoyable for me due to her dryness, or roughness in her vagina. She did not enjoy it either due to the cramping. So, we usually decided to wait until she was through her period.
Coconut Oil cures all.
We do! On heavier days we use an Instead Cup. On lighter days we just go for it uninhibited.
I was brought up believing that it was a sin, but when my husband was sent away for work for 5 years, it seemed the only time he was able to come home was during my period. If we didn’t have sex then we would have been in a sexless marriage!! I did some research and decided it was more of a law to help keep the Israelites healthy and increase sex during ovulation, thus rapidly increasing the population of Israel, rather than an outright sin like murder or adultery.
As the male I have no real issues with sex when she’s on her period. Obviously I want her to be comfortable with the idea as well or it’s not much fun for her. My ex typically passed on the intercourse and enjoyed just making me happy (we’ll leave it at that) during her period, and I wasn’t complaining trust me. But my current wife doesn’t seem to even think what I might need when she’s on her period, so I generally just don’t approach her or the subject during that time.
Some women find themselves so uncomfortable and disgruntled during their periods that they just want to survive the week and take care of their own needs. It isn’t about not thinking about you, it is about having all she can do to just get through. Periods are not just annoying bleeding for a few days. The whole process alters our entire bodies and even minds. Some women experience or handle it differently than others.
I would agree, and she’s said that she doesn’t feel attractive. Which is why I never bring it up or pressure her. I let her pretty much be during that week but we still find snuggle time.