All posts by Jay Dee

SWM 126 – Unspoken Nuances of Understanding

Marriage is a cosmic tapestry, a constellation of souls woven into the fabric of time, where vows echo in the heart’s language, shaping a journey of shared whispers and laughter. It’s a dance of compromise and compassion, a symphony where individual melodies blend into a shared harmony, with time sculpting the narrative of a joint odyssey. Amidst life’s tempests, love’s resilience is tested, forging a bond that transcends the ephemeral, painting a portrait of unity where intimacy bridges solitude, and shared dreams color the canvas of existence.

SWM 125 – Rethinking “Duty Sex”

I’ve had a lot of conversations with couples as well as husbands and wives individually lately about what often gets called “duty sex” or “pity sex.” For those who don’t know, duty/pity sex is when one spouse gives in to sex, not because they desire it themselves, but because their spouse does. They might have sex for many reasons, including feeling obligated, pressured, guilty, to keep the peace or to “get them off their back.”

The problem is that these negative reasons are often the only ones considered, and so any situation in which one spouse wants sex and the other agrees to it without having an internal desire of their own is seen as unfavourable.

But there are some excellent reasons to have what’s commonly considered “duty sex” or “pity sex,” and often, the conflicts I see in marriages are not that it’s because of those reasons I mentioned above but instead about something positive and loving.

So, in this podcast episode, we’re going to talk about reframing duty sex in those situations.

SWM 124 – My daughter’s speech – A vaccine against the epidemic of transgenderism

Today I’ve got something a bit different than the usual fare. Last year, for our 100th episode, I had my eldest daughter present her 4H speech as I felt it fit the scope of this blog. This year, she wrote a part 2. She won at her local club, and placed second at districts. So, we thought we’d record a version for the podcast again. Rather than give away any of the speech, I’ll just let you read it. If you do want to go back you can read the first speech here.

SWM 122 – How to make your spouse more attractive to you

If you look online, you can find tons of videos, articles, podcasts, products and more about how to make yourself more attractive to your spouse or potential partners. I mean, it’s everywhere. You can also find resources to help you make your spouse more attractive by changing them. What you don’t see much of, though, are resources to help you change your mindset to make them seem more attractive to you without changing them.
We all know the phrase “beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” but rarely, if ever, is it used to recognize that you, as the beholder, can change what you’re attracted to.

SWM 121 – Why marriage should be hard work

I made a post on social media some time ago saying, “Marriage is hard, divorce is hard, choose your hard,” and someone asked me if I then disagreed with some other bloggers and podcasters who say that marriage is and should be easy.  This post expands on what I wrote in response to that question.

SWM 120 – How you may be making your birth control methods ineffective

A few years ago, I was talking to a client during a coaching call, and we got off on a bit of a tangent about condom use. I explained a few ways that people tend to lower the protection of condoms when they use them. He was, well, shocked because he’d done many of them and had no idea that every time he did that, he was increasing the chance of conception.

And so, I’ve had this post idea on the back burner for quite a while until last week, when I mentioned in response to an anonymous question that if you don’t want kids, you shouldn’t have sex because even condoms and birth control are not perfectly effective when used correctly – and most people don’t know they’re not using them correctly.

When I posted that, one of our supporters asked if I could write that post, so here we go, because, well, my supporters do so much for me, I’m happy to help them out.

In this post, I’m only talking about the birth control effects, not the effect this could have on STDs/STIs. I’m also not going to address every birth control method, just the three I hear about the most. I’m also not going to be discussing natural family planning, but that is, at best, a delay method, not a method of birth control.

So, here are things you may be doing to mess up your birth control plans.

SWM 118 – In sickness and in health

The traditional wedding vows go something like “I take you to be my wife/husband, and I do promise and covenant, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful husband/wife in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.”

Unfortunately, I don’t remember my wedding vows. I remember picking some. I remember memorizing them. I remember reciting them, from memory, during the wedding, despite having the flu and a fever. But nearly 23 years later, I don’t remember what they were.

I’m sure they contained something like “in sickness and in health,” though.

This past month, we got to test those vows.

SWM 117 – Why do I want sex when I’m sick?

Well, it’s winter here, which means cold and flu season.  So, of course, the last couple of weeks, it’s been rolling through our family of 7.  Christina and I were the last to get it, and it seemed I got it worse than her.  She complained about being sick but still working out multiple times daily (playing Supernatural on the VR – in case any others are fans).  For me, I was barely making it through my desk job and not making it some days.

But at night, we’d crawl into bed, and I was still interested in sex, I think more than usual even – her, not at all.  That made me wonder – what is it about being sick that makes me want sex more?

Unfortunately, my head was too fuzzy to research or write an article; here we are, a week later, and I’m ready to tackle it.  So, let’s dig into being sick and sex and why some may want sex when they’re sick, and even more so when they’re sick.