All posts by Jay Dee

SWM 116 – Why do I always have to tell my husband how to help?

Lately, I’ve noticed a trend on social media where famous creator couples make videos of the wife telling the husband that visitors are coming over and they need to prepare. In response, the husband goes and starts cleaning out the attic and crawlspace, going through keepsakes, and performing other tasks that do little to achieve the intended goal of getting ready for guests.
Of course, they’re doing it as a light-hearted joke, but it points to a common conflict in marriages – women often feel they have to ask for the same help repeatedly. Even in the non-hyperbole versions of these videos, the husband typically mows the lawn, cleans the driveway, and fixes issues in the front of the house, such as rewiring a light. In contrast, the wife worries about cleaning the house’s interior and preparing food. Invariably, the wife gets upset that he’s not helping with what she sees as important tasks.
And in media, be it TV, movies, or social media, they all generally side with the wife. The joking videos mentioned above always point and laugh at the men. Why is this? Is it just that men are inept? Are they blind? Inconsiderate?
So, here are my ideas of why this happens – which you are welcome to disagree with in the comments.

SWM 112 – Do men have it harder when it comes to sexual expectations?

Answering the question:

Hi Jay, I’ve noticed a dichotomy when it comes to expectations for male and female sex drives and what’s considered desirable sexual performance. As a man, I feel like there’s a lot of pressure to perform sexually. This means being able to become sexually aroused when seeing a naked woman (my wife in this case), being able to maintain the erection and having the sexual stamina to keep from climaxing for a sustained interval (not sure what the average woman considers desirable stamina but let’s say 10 minutes?) Not to mention the societal pressure that men face when it comes to the size of their penis. I myself feel insecure about not having a large enough penis. Who doesn’t want to add a couple of inches to their penis? I’ve become somewhat perplexed/frustrated because I feel like there are very few expectations placed on females. We live in an age when “all women are supposed to be seen as beautiful.” It seems that females are simply expected to be willing to participate in sex when the mood is right, and that’s it. There’s no expectation on the size or quality of female genitals, no expectation on their ability to get aroused or maintain arousal, and no expectations on the level of physical or mental effort they invest in sexual activity. It seems they are just supposed to be the recipient while the man does the thrusting. Even when it comes to the subject of natural lubrication, there’s a stigma around a man who can’t naturally achieve and maintain an erection, but for the woman, there doesn’t appear to be a stigma around the inability to produce sufficient arousal fluid (vaginal wetness). As it pertains to the topic of pornography, I’ve read many articles about the dangers of pornography for men, how it leads to sexual desensitization, and when paired with masturbation, decreased sexual stamina and even erectile dysfunction. I can’t say I’ve read many articles discussing how viewing pornography is detrimental for women. Is it just me, or is there a double standard when it comes to sexual expectations for men and women?

SWM 110 – July 2023 Anonymous Questions

Answering Anonymous Questions about Married Sex

Topics include:
My wife feels disrespected because I notice other women
Wife is hurt but not healing after years
Wife disconnects during foreplay
What can we do during fertile days
Oral sex questions
Husband doesn’t know our anniversary date
Should I be worried if I’m late?
In-laws over-share about sex
Fantasies for couples
Low-drive husband
Period sex

SWM 108 – What does the Bible say about hell?

One of the most confusing subjects in Christianity is the topic of hell. The popular view is that hell is a place of eternal torment where vengeful God sends you for all of eternity for not obeying Him. People use this belief to try and scare people into being Christians.

Let’s see what the Bible says about hell. Do people get tortured for eternity? Is it just an infinite existence of everlasting torment? Is God really that sadistic?