All posts by Jay Dee

SWM 098 – October 2022 Anonymous Questions

Answering Anonymous Questions about Married Sex

Topics include:
Where does the energy come from?
Mutual masturbation
Sharing fantasies and machines
Masturbation due to struggles with orgasming
Spontaneous / Responsive desire quiz
Why do married men masturbate?
How do you meet other people?
Can I use sex to encourage my husband to lose weight?

SWM 097 – September 2022 Anonymous Questions

Answering Anonymous Questions about Married Sex

Topics include:
Where are you?
How to hide bruises
What role do I have in God changing my heart?
Mother of 3 young kids isn’t as interested in sex as husband
How to recover from faking orgasms?
Husband wants to be pursued
Where do you get your garbage theology?

SWM 096 – Why men being submissive is problematic

A post in response to this question:

Hi. I wanted to know if there is any reason that the man can’t be the submissive part sometimes during sex. Because I feel like I want to be submissive from time to time, but I don’t want to ask my wife because it’s an awkward topic.

SWM 095 – August 2022 Anonymous Questions

Answering Anonymous Questions about Married Sex

Topics Include:
Coming clean about faking orgasms
Wanting wife to wear a diaper
Wet and messy / humiliation fetish
Is oral sex a measure of love?
Married and lonely
Chastity play
Sex outdoors
Pre-orgasmic wife

SWM 094 – Anonymous Question: Who is more righteous?

A reader poses a question:
There are two people. The first person participates in the modern Sexual Marketplace by dating around, having a series of mid-to-long-term relationships that involve sex, and having a few hookups, but ends up in a stable marriage and has children by his mid-to-late twenties. The second person follows Biblical Courtship (or whatever you want to call it), saves sex for marriage, only courts/dates Christians, but never finds a spouse and ends up as a 40-year-old childless virgin.
Who was the more righteous of the two?

SWM 093 – May, June and July 2022 Anonymous Questions

Answering Anonymous Questions about Married Sex

Topics include:
Crossdressing
Counseling not fixing her sex drive
Should I keep fantasies to myself?
Husband addicted to porn
Wife has no sex drive
FaceTime sex
Spouse’s facial and body hair
Does Viagra work for women?
How do I stop her from seeing me as submissive?
No sex due to pregnancy complications
Wife struggles with overeating
How do I stop masturbating?
Anal fisting

SWM 092 – How do you know if you’ve had an orgasm

A reader asked:
If the number of women who reach orgasm from penetrative sex is as low as the surveys that you mention say it is, how would a couple know if the woman is one of those that doesn’t orgasm with penetration? For context, I have been married to my wife for 13 years and we have 5 children…I would say our sex life isn’t dry but we aren’t all that creative. There have been things that I have suggested doing and have tried but she has told me that they make her uncomfortable (things like me using my hands to pleasure her or go down on her). I think there may be something connected to past experiences with masturbation and the guilt that came with that as a teen…but I have taken the position of wanting to serve and honor her so I haven’t pushed it. So, for the past 13 years, we have kind of been doing the same thing once every other week or so. A part of me wonders if the lack of desire on her part is because she hasn’t ever really had an orgasm…but that raises the other question of how are we to know? Kind of a silly question I guess, but something I have been pondering while listening to your podcast. Thanks.

SWM 091 – April 2022 Anonymous Questions

Answering Anonymous Questions about Married Sex

Topics include:
Is it okay to masturbate as a widow?
Explaining romance and foreplay
Is it unreasonable to expect both spouses to enjoy sex?
Is my wife really having an orgasm?
Is it wrong to want to be more adventurous?
Wife got upset when asked for more frequent sex
Is mutual masturbation wrong in marriage?
Nipple orgasms

SWM 090 – March 2022 Anonymous Questions

Answering Anonymous Questions about Married Sex

Topics include:
Husband who gets defensive about possible porn use
Did I change my mind about anal sex?
How to I tell my wife that more sex helps with temptation?
Is mutual masturbation okay if you’re separated due to work?
Haven’t been able to have sex for 4 years due to vaginismus
Friend can’t have sex with his wife because of prior porn use
Is a panty fetish a problem?
Wife hates being pregnant and being a mother

SWM 089 – February 2022 Anonymous Questions

Answering Anonymous Questions about Married Sex

Topics include:
Fix the alcohol abuse before trying to fix your sex life
Wife who has hourly mood swings and is disrespectful
Wife who engages in sex, but isn’t sexual
Oxytocin and porn and masturbation
Wife wants husband to get a vasectomy
Clone-a-willy question

SWM 088 – My Vasectomy Experience

A reader asked:
Your post about your surgery is 5+ years old…. any updates, additional thoughts, additional things to research?  Is there a certain “technique” we should look into (stitches vs something else I read about briefly?)  dare I ask, has it affected your faith? We are Southern Baptist raised, and raising our kiddos Baptist/ non-denominational. In other words, denomination is not a factor in this decision. But there are so many opinions out there, I’m at a loss. I know that is what they are, just opinions. At this point, if I spend time in prayer and the Lord brings me peace… I’m going to trust God to give my husband the same peace. If not, we will go another route. 
As the wife, even if we are both pro-vasectomy, I just don’t know how our relationship would handle the guilt if something did go wrong….