Our Sexploration List

(11 customer reviews)

$15.00

Our Sexploration List is a 25-page resource designed to make it easier for you and your spouse to share your sexual likes, dislikes, desires, boundaries, and fantasies.  It gives a framework for discussing over two hundred activities, words, vocalizations, name, and feelings as well as worksheets to build lists of activities you are both interested in now or might be in the future.

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Description

Ever feel like you just keep doing the same things in the bedroom, but you aren’t sure what else to do?

Maybe it’s hard for you and your spouse to have a conversation about sex. Or perhaps you don’t quite know what the options are. Maybe you or your spouse have never taken the time to think about what you’d like to do with, to, and for each other.

Well, that’s why I built Our Sexploration List, for spouses who need a tool to help them communicate what some possible alternative activities to their regular bedroom fun might be.

My hope is that you’ll end up with a list of things you both are really interested in, but never talked about before. There will probably be some that one of you really wants to try, and the other is willing to give it a shot. There will be others in the “I’m not ready for that”, and you can shelve them for later in your marriage.

We all change over time, and while Our Sexploration List might be just what you need right now, you might want to print off a fresh copy in a few years and fill it out again. You might be surprised at how your desires, inhibitions and fears have changed.

How to use this resource to have better sex

Our Sexploration List is split into three major lists:

Activities

In the Activities section, we’ll go through a large list of sexual activities I have curated for you to weed out any things I believe the Bible deems morally unacceptable or I think have a high likelihood of damaging your relationship. I think you might be surprised but just how much is left to play with.

Now, you and your spouse may have differing opinions than I, and that’s okay. Frankly, you’ll likely have differing opinions between the two of you as well. I’ve done my best to allow this to account for those so that you don’t end up pushing each other’s hard boundaries or feeling like you are being pressured into doing something wrong.

That said, I would say to seriously consider the individual questions, and not just your gut reaction. Sometimes our upbringing, history, teachers, pastors, elders and a host of other influences can put some ideas in our head that aren’t in line with Truth.

Vocabulary

In the Vocabulary section, we’re going to go through some words that you might use in the bedroom. It’s split up into various groupings to help you focus on one area at a time. Now, be warned, some of these words are generally not considered acceptable in public. However, in the bedroom, we have a lot more freedom to express ourselves as it is the proper context for that type of language, should you choose to use it. If they bother you, you can simply mark them as a turn-off and move on. If it really makes you angry you can black it out with a sharpie if that makes you feel better.

Feelings

Lastly, in the Feelings section, we have a list of feelings that you might have, want to have, or want to avoid during sex. Sometimes we don’t think about how we feel or what we’d like to change. This will give you an opportunity to consider how sex makes you feel and help you focus on some things you’d like to work on in your marriage, or in yourself.

Throughout Our Sexploration List, I’ve also included links that, if clicked on in the PDF, will bring you to a blog post of ours, or a trusted affiliate where you can find out more about a term or item.

The process

Many people will want to just dive right in and start discussing each question with their spouse. I’d advise against that. Ideally, what I think you should do is print two copies of pages 5 – 19, one for each of you. You’ll also need a copy of pages 20 and 21, and two copies of page 22. Then you should fill them out in private, separately. I mean, you can be in the same room if you want, but make sure you can’t see each other’s papers. The reason for this is because often, we change what we’re willing to admit just because someone is watching us. You’ll likely still be tempted to change your answers because you know your spouse will see them, but please try to remain honest.

It might also be handy to keep the PDF open on a device nearby so you can click on the links for anything you might want to know more about.

If you find something particularly arousing, I suggest circling your X or checkmark to make it really stand out.

If you want to remember to discuss something, then underline the question so you won’t forget.

After you’ve each filled it out, then I suggest trading papers and going through them together one by one, discussing where you feel you need more discussion.

When you both aren’t interested in an activity, it’s simple. Move on. You don’t really need to talk about it.

If you both want to try something you don’t already do, then discuss how you might do that and add it to the Things we both want to try list. This way you will have a consolidated bucket list of things to try instead of having to go through all the responses again to remember.

Again, it might be helpful to have the PDF open nearby so you can click on any links where the activity might require a purchase to fulfill.

Likewise, if you find something that you are either willing to try, or one spouse wants and the other responds that they are willing to try it, you can add it to the Things we’re both willing to try list.

That way you have a list of things to grow into for when you are feeling adventurous.

Then there’s the Things I can bless my spouse with list. You’ll each have one where you can list activities that you perhaps aren’t terribly excited to try, but you might be willing to once just because they want it. Or perhaps things you might be willing to try one day, but not yet. This way you can keep a list handy of things for sexy sexual gifts for special occasions like birthdays, Christmas, or any other time you might want to give a sexual gift that they’d otherwise not get.

Handling conflicts in desires for sexual activities

When you have a conflict, when one spouse wants an activity the other isn’t interested in, I suggest you discuss it. Often the interested spouse will concede and just say “that’s okay, it’s not important”, but I don’t suggest you let them do that. While reading your spouse’s answers, if you come across something that causes a negative reaction in you, stop and take a breath. Don’t let your reaction be your response. About the worst thing you can do with this list is recoil in fear, disgust or anger at your spouse being vulnerable about their desires and needs. You will damage your relationship in ways that might last decades. You will make it extremely difficult to be vulnerable with you again. When you can’t be vulnerable, the intimacy in a relationship is severely limited, which means you can’t grow. Relationships that can’t grow stagnate and eventually die. I cannot impress the seriousness of this enough. Be very careful about how you respond.

That doesn’t mean you have to agree to do something you aren’t comfortable with. But it does mean accepting that it’s something they desire, talking through it and understanding their perspective. This is an opportunity to learn something about your spouse that likely no one else knows. This is what deep intimacy is built on.

For the other spouse, the same holds true. Ask questions, find out why they aren’t interested, what bothers them about it. Understand the other’s perspective. In that way, you both can mitigate, or avoid feeling hurt by the other’s response. You might also find another way to meet a felt need that doesn’t involve pushing past hard boundaries. Or, you might decide your boundary isn’t as solid as you thought once you understand what they are looking for.

The point is, honest, authentic communication focused on understanding and compassion is the way to handle these conflicts.

Likewise, when you find out you are doing something that your spouse is not comfortable with, you need to discuss it. Otherwise, each time you engage in this activity, you are damaging your relationship because your spouse is feeling they are being forced, coerced or otherwise imposed into doing something they don’t want to do. In this way, this list might uncover wounds in your marriage that you aren’t even aware are happening. These need to be addressed immediately using the same attitude mentioned above. Focus on compassion, learning to understand and finding a solution.

A note and a warning

Creating a list like this for Christian couples is difficult at best. There are a lot of sexual activities that mankind has come up with. Some are wonderful. Some are not. I’ve done my best to stick to those wonderful activities; however, even then, our world has popularized names for some of these things that carry negative connotations, or the slang name is the most well-known. In some cases, I decided to stick with the well-known, but vulgar, names for activities, simply because the centuries-old scientific (often Latin) name is unheard of in most lifetimes and no one will recognize it.

Please excuse those times when I have opted for vulgar language. It’s not my intent to offend, but rather to be clear. Thank you for your forbearance.

Ready to purchase?

With that out of the way, if that sounds like something you want to do, then I invite you to get your copy of Our Sexploration List!

This is an opportunity to learn about each other, and frankly, can be some pretty amazing foreplay as vulnerability increases intimacy, which increases attraction and trust, both needed for a healthy sexual relationship.

Enjoy!

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11 reviews for Our Sexploration List

  1. Tony La Torre (verified owner)

    Here’s the bottom line. This resource is not to be entered into, lightly. It takes time to get through it. It takes Christian maturity and transparency with your spouse to get through it. If you understand that, if you’re ready to be honest with yourself, and if you’re both willing to challenge yourselves to deal with personal insecurities or biases, then definitely purchase this resource. As others have mentioned, it can be fun if you approach this with a sense of adventure and open-mindedness. More importantly, if you’re both committed to making each other happy, you’ll emerge from this project with new and exciting ideas to pursue together. This goes a long way in keeping husband and wife committed to seeking their deepest desire exclusively in each other!

  2. Ali (verified owner)

    My husband and I had a great time filling out and then talking through the list! We spent a few hours the next few nights just talking, giggling and exploring ideas! It was so fun, helpful and eye opening for our marriage. Definitely suggest this resource to any couple looking to come together more in their sex life.

  3. Chris (verified owner)

    I’ve been married to my wife for over 15 years. I feel as though she has received the life she has always wanted. I suggested this as a way to connect and potentially spice up our marriage. We followed the instructions very carefully. I feel as though this resource is ruining my marriage. It really highlights so many problems with Christianity in America and really reinforces what a fool I have been. Kinda goes along with the old saying that ignorance really is bliss. And I paid $15 for this privilege. Nothing wrong with the content here. The author has done a fine job. Just buyer beware that it isn’t always all fun and games.

  4. Joee (verified owner)

    Super cool resource for getting to know more about your spouse for those who find these conversations a little hard to get started!

  5. Chad

    I had been feeling for a while like my wife and my bedroom time was becoming less fun for both of us as we found ourselves doing the same things over and over again because we knew that we could both “finish” by doing certain things. I had previously tried to have a discussion with my wife about this and handled it way too abruptly and insensitively. She was blindsided and felt like I was unhappy with our sex life. This wasn’t the case, but I now know that’s how I came across. Move forward a few months and I came across the sex within marriage podcast. In a few of the episodes I heard about this resource. I decided to make the purchase and try to be more sensitive and respectful in how I presented it to her. My intention was not to just express and fulfill my own desires, but to find out hers. Going through this list was eye opening for both of us. We found out things that we both interested in but felt too uncomfortable to bring up as to not offend one another and others that one of us wanted and the other was willing to try or even intrigued by. There were some things we found we could bless one another with, others that were off the table for now, and some neither of us had any interest in. It was an eye opening time for both of us to go through. Follow the suggestion of going through the list separately then coming together to discuss. It helped us be more honest and then when coming together where we were on the opposite side of the spectrum to give the reasons why we liked or didn’t like that potential activity. Be respectful, understanding and don’t force your personal agenda! This is not a “you now know I want this so we’re gonna do it now” situation. My wife and I took a while to go through the list separately, then shared our lists with each other so we knew the other’s responses, then had a very open and honest conversation. We had this conversation about a week ago and things have changed dramatically in bed. We are both more engaged, excited, playful and willing to explore the other’s desires. We already feel more connected and more comfortable to talk about our sex life without the concern of what the other may think of us.

    Thank you so much for creating resource!! It is a blessing to have someone with a biblical Christian mindset put this out there for others to benefit from!!

  6. Karissa (verified owner)

    Wow!!! This was sooooooo thorough and so incredibly helpful for us. We learned so much about one another going through the questionnaire and it sparked great conversations. There were many things that we needed to look up because we had no idea what they even were. Who knew there was so much FREEDOM and FUN to be had in the bedroom of two Christ Followers. I encourage EVERY married couple to get this! You will NOT be disappointed!

  7. Sarah (verified owner)

    This was a fun evening activity for my husband and I. We’ve been married for 6 months so we’re still trying to figure out what works for us and what doesn’t. I don’t think there was anything extremely surprising, as we’ve done something similar to this before, but I liked this because 1. It’s a lot of suggestions in one place 2. It’s on paper, so you can compare/reprint/make notes. And 3. It’s not just sexual activities – there are names, terminology, and sounds which is cool. I also like how it gives you a relationship checkup, where you and your spouse can see what areas are maybe weaker. I found out things I didn’t realize my husband was feeling or wanted, and I think he also learned more about me. I would recommend this to learn about your spouse’s needs, even if you think you know what you like to do in the bedroom.

  8. Norah

    What to do when you know you need a change to spice it up and don’t know where to go. This? is? the? the? list!! The instructions are very thrurough. It gives how it is supposed to be done for both spouses. What is ok what is not. I like that this is for Christians a lot of list or suggestions you get add in things that goes against God’s word. Not this list you can feel confident that nothing goes against God’s word. Now personal conviction is another story which is great for this Exploration list gives you something you and your spouse can use to talk about your personal convictions, feelings, and desires. It starts off with telling all the sections it covers and a coupon code, and a link for help with all the wonderful ideas. Then it takes you through process. It suggest for you to do it alone. That is ideal however, some spouses may not be that interested or if you ADHD that maybe hard as you can get distracted it is over 23 pages. So hubby and I did it together (call us rebels).Howevever, we are comfortable in our marriage to be able to do that (it would have been hard for him to sit and do 23 pages of this). It is a rating scale with you “I want more, to I want to stop doing this and everything in between.” We sat in our bedroom with door closed. You need to be away from the kiddies to do this it is pretty explicit. We went through every section and talked about what we were comfortable. The surprising thing was how much we didn’t know. I thought I knew a lot about sex. Boy was I wrong. Some of the acts I didn’t know about i.e butt cheek sex? Some of the exotic words I had never heard i,e turgid? Going through the list I was surprised at how many things I wanted to try. Some of the things he was willing to try. I was really surprised at how many things I wasn’t comfortable with. I am pretty open but some activities brought about a uncomfortable feeling. A scared feeling I guess you could say. We talked through those. We tried to keep our words of what we were feeling safe for on another. That is key. This list is going to open up a lot of talk, feelings, and “Wow I can’t believe that is in there.” That is ok every couple is at a different place. So what is normal to us might be very much out of a comfort zone to others. We we feel is out of our comfort zone maybe right at home with others. I do guarantee you will find something that maybe you haven’t done or said yet.

  9. Kaye

    This was so great for us! Clearly, this was well researched and well thought out! Very nicely done! As a couple, we sometimes have difficulties talking about our sex lives. We found a few things in common that we were interested in, but never had the courage to discuss without the “List”. This really was a game changer. I can see us going back to the list from time to time in the future. Thanks, Jay Dee!

  10. MZ (verified owner)

    Great conversation starter. It seemed to help remove some awkwardness in discussing bedroom preferences which would have not likely been discussed or asked without the sexploration list. It also gave ideas on what we could try next. To the contrary, some of the questions were a bit repetitive, and the rows were hard to follow and match up with the questions hence the rating. In the future, Man related questions separate from Women related questions would be helpful. Most questions were too generic .

  11. Kay Potter (verified owner)

    The “Sexploration List” gives couples lots of options and ideas for a better sex life — way more than we will every try! As “Better Marriages” leaders, we have done considerable research in preparation for our upcoming “Intimacy” workshop at our Marriage Enrichment weekend event in Chattanooga (Feb. 2018). We have seen similar lists in various books that were more concise. My husband would not be receptive to completing a questionnaire this extensive. The important thing to remember is that you should not do something unless BOTH of you are comfortable with it. For example, we don’t think God created the “anus” to be used for sex, but that’s just our opinion.

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