I made a post on social media some time ago saying, “Marriage is hard, divorce is hard, choose your hard,” and someone asked me if I then disagreed with some other bloggers and podcasters who say that marriage is and should be easy. This post expands on what I wrote in response to that question.
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A few years ago, I was talking to a client during a coaching call, and we got off on a bit of a tangent about condom use. I explained a few ways that people tend to lower the protection of condoms when they use them. He was, well, shocked because he’d done many of them and had no idea that every time he did that, he was increasing the chance of conception.
And so, I’ve had this post idea on the back burner for quite a while until last week, when I mentioned in response to an anonymous question that if you don’t want kids, you shouldn’t have sex because even condoms and birth control are not perfectly effective when used correctly – and most people don’t know they’re not using them correctly.
When I posted that, one of our supporters asked if I could write that post, so here we go, because, well, my supporters do so much for me, I’m happy to help them out.
In this post, I’m only talking about the birth control effects, not the effect this could have on STDs/STIs. I’m also not going to address every birth control method, just the three I hear about the most. I’m also not going to be discussing natural family planning, but that is, at best, a delay method, not a method of birth control.
So, here are things you may be doing to mess up your birth control plans.
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The traditional wedding vows go something like “I take you to be my wife/husband, and I do promise and covenant, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful husband/wife in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.”
Unfortunately, I don’t remember my wedding vows. I remember picking some. I remember memorizing them. I remember reciting them, from memory, during the wedding, despite having the flu and a fever. But nearly 23 years later, I don’t remember what they were.
I’m sure they contained something like “in sickness and in health,” though.
This past month, we got to test those vows.
Well, it’s winter here, which means cold and flu season. So, of course, the last couple of weeks, it’s been rolling through our family of 7. Christina and I were the last to get it, and it seemed I got it worse than her. She complained about being sick but still working out multiple times daily (playing Supernatural on the VR – in case any others are fans). For me, I was barely making it through my desk job and not making it some days.
But at night, we’d crawl into bed, and I was still interested in sex, I think more than usual even – her, not at all. That made me wonder – what is it about being sick that makes me want sex more?
Unfortunately, my head was too fuzzy to research or write an article; here we are, a week later, and I’m ready to tackle it. So, let’s dig into being sick and sex and why some may want sex when they’re sick, and even more so when they’re sick.
Lately, I’ve noticed a trend on social media where famous creator couples make videos of the wife telling the husband that visitors are coming over and they need to prepare. In response, the husband goes and starts cleaning out the attic and crawlspace, going through keepsakes, and performing other tasks that do little to achieve the intended goal of getting ready for guests.
Of course, they’re doing it as a light-hearted joke, but it points to a common conflict in marriages – women often feel they have to ask for the same help repeatedly. Even in the non-hyperbole versions of these videos, the husband typically mows the lawn, cleans the driveway, and fixes issues in the front of the house, such as rewiring a light. In contrast, the wife worries about cleaning the house’s interior and preparing food. Invariably, the wife gets upset that he’s not helping with what she sees as important tasks.
And in media, be it TV, movies, or social media, they all generally side with the wife. The joking videos mentioned above always point and laugh at the men. Why is this? Is it just that men are inept? Are they blind? Inconsiderate?
So, here are my ideas of why this happens – which you are welcome to disagree with in the comments.
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I had a wife ask, “Sex should be a gift given freely, and if I don’t have veto power, am I really giving freely?” This is my response in light of 1 Corinthians 7:4-5 and the role model Jesus was for us dying on the cross.
A bit ago, I ran a survey to answer the question – does having sex before marriage impact sex within the marriage? Because, let’s face it, many people got fed the line that “if you wait until marriage, God is going to give you an
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