Communication Archives - Uncovering Intimacy

SWM 131 – Tips to fight more effectively

Last week, I shared a list of ideas our Couple’s Night group had that helped build a resilient marriage. At the end of the call, we still had some time and started discussing fighting more effectively. Again, the group came up with some excellent ideas I want to share today.

Because fights will happen, I might even say they should happen. When I come across a couple that doesn’t fight in any way – that’s a red flag. It means one or both don’t feel safe in the marriage. They aren’t able to express their views and opinions.

Because if you put two people together for long enough, they will eventually find something to disagree about.

Ideally, a fight won’t involve yelling, screaming, hitting, throwing, or anything else like that, but it’s okay to quarrel.

So, today, we will discuss how to fight more effectively in your marriage so that your arguments can be a source of growth instead of damage.

Should spouses avoid speaking about divorce?

There are differing views within Christianity regarding divorce. Some don’t really see a problem with it at all, that if you are unhappy, you should leave. Others believe the very word should be stricken from our vocabulary. They believe that divorce shouldn’t only not be

Drop “should” from your vocabulary this year

“Should” is a dangerous word that gets used far too often. Now, I’m sure there are some appropriate times where it can be used, but often we don’t use it appropriately. Often we use “should” where it’s actually harmful to what our goals are. And,

The best way to discuss sexual fantasies

Sharing a sexual fantasy with your spouse can be daunting. I’ve received many emails from husbands and wives who have opened up to their spouse about something they want and get so completely shut down and rejected that they never want to open up again.

Sometimes you need to stop talking

I’m always going to be in favor of communication, but there are times when you need to stop talking and just start actually doing something, even in marriage where communication is a vital skill. Today we’re going to look at some of these things. 1.

8 ways to respond to your spouse sharing how they’re feeling (only one is good)

A little while ago, I wrote a post on how to have a conversation, because, well, we don’t get taught that in school, or growing up any longer. At least, not if most people’s behaviour is any indication. Today I thought I’d write a post

Why it’s important to talk about sex

Every once in a while, someone contacts me saying their spouse won’t talk to them about sex. Sometimes it’s part of a larger issue of not wanting to talk at all, but often every other topic is acceptable, it’s just sex that isn’t. So, I

Are you initiating conversations for the wrong reasons?

Why do you initiate conversations in your marriage? Chances are they’re for the wrong reasons. I know mine were for years. Still are half the time to be honest. I’m not talking about the “Who is going to pick up the kids” conversations. This isn’t

Talking about sex survey results

Probably the number one piece of advice I hand out to people is “talk to your spouse about it”. It’s amazing how often that simple answer makes huge changes in marriage. But, I wanted to know how much of a difference talking about sex makes.

Why do we keep having the same argument?

Do you ever feel like you just keep having the same argument, discussion or conflict over and over again? Perhaps it comes up every week, every month, or every year. It might just be something small and seemingly insignificant, or it might be something larger

Never use absolute accusations

Most, if not all of you, have been in a conversation where you or your spouse start a sentence with either “You never … ” or You always …”. These absolute accusations should never be used in conflict and here’s why: 1. It’s not fair fighting