I’ve seen a bunch of comments lately on the topic of being clean for sex. Here’s a few I’d noticed just in the last couple of days:
i would like to hear about shower / bath before sex. is it common? is it done in anticipation of it ( before or after desire has been expressed ). anybody said yes to sex… keep this thought for after shower? anybody ever started sex and said?.. go have a shower?
Do men and women shower or bathe before oral sex?
I have recently read the results of the survey, very interesting. I am very surprised, however, that none of the women mentioned the smell issue. My husband recently asked me why it seems that whenever I am giving him a blowjob I try to make him finish us quickly as possible. I really wanted to say because I do not want to have my nose right up against your pungent pair of sweat-drenched balls for any longer than absolutely necessary. But, I did not. So now, I am forced to pretend like I am trying to make it last in order to avoid any more awkward questions. Honestly, I dread every second of it because of the smell and do not really know what to do about it. – Jenny (Oral Sex Survey Results comment)
I wasn’t sure if I could create a survey to answer the questions from the first comment, but I thought I could at least put together a post and let people comment and discuss. So, here are my thoughts on being clean for sex, and then you can add your own in the comments section, or on Facebook, or talk about it with your spouse.
Do you need to have a shower/bath right before sex?
I don’t know if there is a universal answer to this. Many people take daily showers, some people take multiple showers a day, others take showers every other day, or every few days. Really, the only two people it matters to is you and your spouse. So, talk it over with them and make a decision.
Now, depending on what type of sex you’re having, it may be wise to be fresher. If you’re having a quickie bent over the sofa…probably doesn’t matter too much. If you’re having some gourmet sex that involves some oral fun…well, then yeah, it’s probably not a bad idea to start with a shower. Why? For the two reasons I hinted at earlier.
Being freshly showered/bathed is good for you
Firstly, you feel more confident when you are fresh, don’t you? I mean, you don’t have to worry about smelling, or if you’re skin tastes too salty. You can just relax and enjoy the experience with all that extra fear of body odor. Plus, a shower or bath right before sex can be a time to switch gears, to start thinking about being sexual with your spouse, and preparing for that experience (for example, shaving).
As well, showers are just relaxing in and of themselves, aren’t they? It’s a chance to metaphorically and literally wash the grime off your body, to let it all go down the drain so you can focus on relaxation and recreation with your spouse.
Being freshly showered/bathed is good for your spouse
I love it when my wife comes out of the shower, for a few reasons:
- Her skin just feels nice all freshly washed
- I know she’s already more relaxed, because she loves being able to take a shower (a luxury some weeks with 5 kids)
- She’s generally only wearing a towel, so that makes initiating a lot easier.
For her, I know she likes it when I shower because, well, guys tend to get a bit sweaty in the genital area, and it can start to smell. So, if I’m freshly showered, well, that means she’s more willing, and it’s more enjoyable for her, to be “up close and personal” with that area.
It’s okay to ask your spouse to shower first
I don’t think there’s anything wrong about wanting your spouse to be fresh for sex. It doesn’t have to be done in a cruel “Eww, no not until you shower” way. Rather, it can be done in an enticing way something like
Why don’t you go take a shower, and then I can enjoy exploring all your freshly washed places.
I mean, who would say no to that? Or, you can invite them to shower with you and get started there, then move to the bedroom. Eventually you can get to a point where conversations like these are second nature. No one is hurt by them, it’s just part of the logistics. I’m not wounded by my wife asking “When did you shower last?”, or by her saying “Do you mind if I take a shower first?” She’s just looking to have the best possible experience, for both of us. Also, I know her mental cut-off period is about 24 hours since the last shower when it comes to oral sex, adjusting for weather, humidity, and exercise activity (in other words: things that contribute to sweat). So, I do my best to plan ahead, and when that fails, and time doesn’t allow, well, there’s no rule that says oral sex needs to be a part of every sex session.
The point is, it’s far easier to have a short conversation about taking a shower than trying to suffer through it, as the commenter, Jenny, has been doing. At least, that’s my thought. What do you think?
16 thoughts on “Being clean for sex”
Once when we where very first married an older gentlemen told my husband to make sure he always showered before we where intmate. It was to avoid giving me an infection. I dont how true that is. We do sometimes, sometimes we dont. Depends on what we have been doing all day and what we want do “tonight.” Sometimes it helps to relax and know your all fresh and clean and mentally prepared. Others times we just want to get straight to the fun stuff no worries.
When we first married, I had to be showered, shaved, and made up before I would get in bed. I thought I had to be perfect or he would be turned off of me and turned on to perfect women in magazines and porn. After all, his sex life before we married was predominantly him masturbating to the old Playboys between his mattresses….and those girls were all shaved up and made up and perfect.
Now, whatever. Nothing like wrapping stubbly legs around him. He doesn’t notice my stubble when I am shrieking with delight, anyway.
Once in a while, his not bathing before sex has caused problems with me. Sometimes as minimal as the semen leaking from me being stinky and one time as bad as a yeast infection from Hades. Sometimes we have sex and laugh at our BO. Nothing vile, because we do bathe frequently, but sometimes ya just smell a little. Hubby says it us sexy because he can smell the pheromones. Drives him nuts when I am menstruating because he can smell the pheremones in my blood.
People!! Who bathes less than once a day??! What kind of question is this?? Common sense and common courtesy dictate the need for clean bodies before any sex activity!! I am appalled!!
I don’t think your “common sense” is either common, nor necessarily sense.
A busy and tired mom?!
Recent studies have shown that showering daily can be bad for your skin…do a Google search.
Whenever we make love my wife wants me to shave. So, I shower and shave before I get into bed. If my wife makes moves toward me, I get up and shower and shave immediately. (My wife like to give me oral). If I forget to shower, sometimes my wife will say my beard feels like sandpaper, so I immediately get up and shower, shave and brush my teeth before I get back in bed and make love. (We always make love in bed, too old for the adventurous stuff any more). I will shower for my wife any time anywhere. It is not such a big deal especially for guys, and the sex is worth it. Women have to take more time because of . . . . But, I don’t need my wife to shower before sex, its nice but not necessary.
I have a bit of a different take on this question. Bc of having fibromyalgia, showering/bathing can be actually painful. Some days the thought of a shower pelting me is just too much so I don’t. And my knees are bad so I can’t get out of a bathtub were I to bathe.
As for the sex part, y’all should just be glad your spouse still WANTS it. Mine hasn’t in Years…at least 6-7!! I’d take him sparkling clean to pretty darn grimy!
I think the best thing is for this to be couple’s decision. For my wife and I, as far as basic sex showers not a big deal. I mean if I’ve just come back from the gym, I need a shower. Now when it comes to giving oral sex, my wife is more specific (had to chose my word carefully) than I am. If I want oral sex I’d better be clean, and my wife is more comfortable receiving oral sex if she has recently showered. However, that us. If your spouse wants you showered before sex I’d take a shower. This isn’t a major request. A shower isn’t a major hoop. I mean when you have sex you are trying to please your spouse. On the other hand if showers are painful for your spouse as our sister above is struggling with, I wouldn’t put major demands on your spouse. Our spouses deserve sex, and the better that sex is the better. If a shower make sex better for your spouse jump in the shower.
We don’t typically clean up before our average sexual encounters because they don’t involve a ton of oral sex. My hubby puts a fresh application of deodorant beforehand and we brush our teeth but that’s about it. If there is going to be oral play, we don’t typically shower but we clean up using soap, a wash cloth, and a little coconut oil. My hubby says he wouldn’t even care if I didn’t clean up first, but I am only semi-recently okay with receiving oral after I had a lot of hang-ups over it specifically because of the gross factor, so I have to be clean for MY SAKE, not even for his. Lol. Otherwise I’m too self-conscious to get anywhere. Sometimes after a long day he starts to smell a little down there, but I’m usually only there briefly for foreplay so I don’t mind. If oral is going to be the main event, I won’t until he has washed. Like you say, Jay, it doesn’t have to be rude. It can be a super sexy request. Like whispering in his ear and saying I am going to get ready for bed and that I think it would be a good idea to freshen up before you come to bed. He knows that means he is in for a good time and he is more than happy to do so. I feel like if you phrase it positively (“I’d like to enjoy oral sex more and I find it super hot when you wash with this special soap that I love”) it doesn’t have to be hurtful. No?
Excellent example, thanks!
My wife want suck me off if I smell. So either I take a shower or she brings a cloth to wipe off. It is a small thing to make my feel comfortable. Chances are I need the shower. Pertaining to my wife I care and but I don’t. Call me a savage type of guy during sex play.
For my wife and I it varies. Sometimes we won’t soft sensual making love where everything is clean. While other times we want raw sex right after working out or as we call it “Sweaty Sex.” However I will say that I think grooming for myself (Shaving the balls and trimming everything else) and for my wife (Trimming and shaving the lips) really diminishes the objects that funky smelling bacteria can attach themselves to.
Definitely one of the best things ever. Enjoy it while you got it.
I find that a shaved scrotum and some chlorhexidine-based wash (like Hibiclens) really obliterates my funky man-smell.
How clean is clean enough? If your spouse won’t have sex unless you take a shower first, that’s a bit obsessive. For that matter, you should probably brush your teeth, also. Clean shaven and manicured won’t hurt, either. Thanks, Jay Dee, for raising this question. Some things are just better left alone.