Here are the final results of the oral sex survey I eluded to in my post Is it okay NOT to swallow.
If you don’t want to read through all the stats, you can jump to my summary at the bottom.
136 (52 women, 84 men)
Data for marriages that don’t practice oral sex (12% of respondents)
Why isn’t oral sex practiced in your marriage?
- I’m not interested: 13%
- My spouse isn’t interested: 75%
- Neither of us is interested: 13%
Interesting note: We’re only dealing with 14 respondents in the oral sex survey who said that oral sex is not part of their marriage. Never-the-less, the women either said they weren’t interested, or it was mutual, whereas the men all said it was their spouse who wasn’t interested. This is a dynamic we’ve seen before, where the wives say something is mutual and the husbands say it is not.
What is the number one reason for not practicing oral sex in your marriage?
- Most cited some sort of cleanliness/health issue.
- The rest cited that the wife was unwilling/unable to make herself/had a hangup about it
Data for marriages that practice oral sex (88% of respondents)
Who performs oral sex more often?
- I do (40%)
- He does (27%)
- Same (33%)
- I do (47%)
- She does (26%)
- Same (26%)
I’m not sure what to do with this. Do we attribute the “I do more often” to flawed memory (we always think we do the bulk of the work), or to a sex-positive pool of respondents? Perhaps both.
Do you enjoy receiving oral sex?
All of men, but one said “yes”. The one said take it or leave it.
- 4% of women said they don’t enjoy it
- 15% said they could take it or leave it
- 81% said they enjoy it
Do you enjoy giving oral sex?
Nearly all of the men said “yes”. One said take it or leave it , and two said “no”, but none of the three said why.
The women were a bit more diverse. Two thirds enjoy giving oral sex, with one third being split evenly between “take it or leave it” and “no”. Not too many comments on this one. Some cited sore necks, some past sexual history, and one just said “I hate it” to both giving and receiving. Oh, and one was just sad she couldn’t bring her husband to orgasm through oral sex. You’re not alone.
Are you able to orgasm from oral sex?
There is a stereotype that all men like blow jobs, and they all can orgasm from them really quickly. No so! 7% of the husbands said they cannot. The women a bit higher with 19%.
Oral sex survey questions for wives
Do you allow your husband to ejaculate in your mouth?
- No (46%)
- Yes (54%)
This one kind of surprised me. Perhaps because of my own situation, but I didn’t think this would be so close.
So, let’s start with why not. I talked about this a bit in the last post, but here are some of the comments:
- I don’t like the texture, feel, taste..
- Gag reflex and texture issues.
- Only once or twice ever.
- I don’t like it.
- I have in the past but after finding out just this year of my husbands porn addiction I cannot bring myself to have him do it. I never really liked it in the past anyway. Ftr. He has repented of this sin and has not fallen since I confronted him but I still deal with some trust issues and that act is just something I can no longer do
- I have in the past and probably would in the future but I didn’t like it that much. My husband prefers to ejaculate inside me and the oral sex is more part of our foreplay.
- I am sorry but its just gross. I allowed it one time…
- It just hasn’t really happened for us.
- Everytime we’ve tried that I’ve thrown up
- I just can’t handle that. I have a major gag reflex and that is just….nasty to me.
- It’s all I can do to not vomit if he does.
- We use it as foreplay usually so we don’t want it to “end” there.
- I find it disgusting. I can’t stand the taste – if he ejaculates, then I run to spit it out. I wish he wouldn’t.
- I did in the beginning of the relationship. It was bitter and nasty and the thought of it makes me want to gag.
- Actually I don’t “not allow” it. He just doesn’t consider it necessary. If it was really important to him I would definitely allow it. It has happened on some occasions.
- gag reflex, taste, texture, smell, husband doesn’t care
- Neither of us are comfortable with it. We have talked about it but never gone forward with it.
- strongly associated with childhood sexual abuse
As you can see, the number one reason seems to be taste/texture/gag reflex/’gross”, which are pretty much all the same reason.
Here are some of the comments from the wives who do:
- Less of a mess. makes it whole and complete in my mind…sharing something beautiful with my husband
- Rarely, but sometimes because I know he likes it.
- If he wants too! It’s not bad and it makes him happy.
- It took me a long time to get to this point. Probably 10+ years of performing before I dared to let him ejaculate in my mouth. I didn’t enjoy the taste, and I guess the whole thought of it seemed a bit gross to me. He always gives me a warning that the ejaculation is coming, and now I can usually let the first squirt come in my mouth and then I pull away and finish him with my hand. (I tried to word this tactfully, but probably didn’t succeed very well. sorry)
- He really enjoys being able to come in my mouth. The sensations that I can give him while he’s ejaculating are intense and unique.
- He has only once. I have no objections.
- I love giving him pleasure. And I think I would feel rejected if he did not like giving me oral sex because he did not like my taste. I don’t want him to feel that way.
- It is not an everytime thing just if it’s something he wants
- Occasionally. He enjoys either
- Because he likes it so much. Its not my favorite because I prefer to end with piv and things are obviously done for the session if he ejaculates in my mouth.
- I love it! And I know he loves it more!
- It has taken yrs. For me to. I just hated the taste & I use to spit it out! Now I love how it pleases him!
- While oral for my dh is given nearly 100% of time, it is almost always just foreplay. It is only given to completion once a month or so. (Sex is usually 4-6/week here) That’s mostly his choice though. I would do it more often if he wanted it. Actually he ejaculates on my face- aka: facial- following a bj more than in my mouth. That happens 2-3/month. It’s just the way our style evolved.
- It is exciting for both of us and makes me feel closer to him.
- Because it works for us
- I know he enjoys it so its something I can do to please him.
- It’s all inclusive. It’s a part of him. Why should I deny any one cell of his body when God has intended us to be one in flesh? Additionally, he doesn’t get grossed out when I get wet during oral sex, he embraces it.
- Because it is a turn on for him, he likes it.
- I really struggle with the thrusting, which tends to gag me. However, if I can manage that, I love, love, love knowing that I’ve been able to do that for him. He has said that it is the most intimate sexual experience for him and makes him feel loved like nothing else does.
Now, from the group that allows it, 58% of them swallow (leaving 42% who opt not to). Most didn’t give a reason either way, but the one that came up the most was that it was easier/more convenience/less of a mess to swallow than spit.
Oral sex survey questions for the husbands
Does it matter to you if your wife lets you ejaculate in her mouth?
- No (53%)
- Yes (47%)
When asked “Why?”, those who said yes commented:
- Because it feels great and it is intimacy at its best.
- It makes things feel more intimate.
- I matters because I prefer it!
- It helps with prolonging the climax.. and frankly I like the taste when she kisses me afterward. usually she would spit it out and not swallow..
- Yes, but like you this has only happened a couple times. I think her response is similar to your wife’s
- I like the feeling of her mouth enveloping me as I orgasm. However, she usually has reservations about letting me cum in her mouth so she usually withdraws just as I’m about to ejaculate and finishes stroking me with her hand.
- feels great
- Sexy. Feels good. Feels like she is taking all of me.
- The physical sensation is incredible. I also feel emotionally closer to her when she does it. For me, it is the most intimate sex act.
- It happened once and she was not cool with it.
- No so much that it goes there, as that I am in her mouth and not removed at climax.
- I want to experience the sensation but never have with her.
While those who said no answered:
- No, but I wish she would. I understand why she doesn’t and don’t fault her for it. She has learned my signs, and keeps me in her mouth so close to the end that it doesn’t seem to bother me. More important than taking it in the mouth is that she not treat my semen as yucky. She is OK if it gets on her hand or chest. That makes me feel excepted.
- It is FUUUUUUNNNNN when it happens but most of the time we both like PIV when I ejaculate.
- I know she doesn’t like it and the last 5 seconds shouldn’t matter as much as the previous minutes of intimacy.
- I’d rather not.
- It would be nice, but oral sex is usually part of foreplay.
- I prefer not to
- I actually prefer her not doing it sometimes because of the way she uses her hands on me as I am ejaculating. Makes the feeling last longer.
- She does allow me and enjoys it. She actually wanted me to do it.
- I would perhaps prefer it, but if she is willing to just give me oral sex then I am happy.
- Just the fact that she goes down on me is amazing. Where I ejaculate is irrelevant. Would I like to in her mouth sometimes? Sure I would, but that’s not a must have.
- It’s not a requirement just for pleasure if she doesn’t I’m fine
- Because getting it at all is rare so being picky about all of the details isn’t helpful.
- She doesn’t like it and I accept that.
- She isn’t comfortable with the idea of it, so I have to respect her wishes in this case.
- Yes, No.. better then nothing..
- Does feel better when I do but would rather have oral sex without orgasm from oral than none at all.
- At this point, no. I’m just hoping to finally have oral sex be a major part of our foreplay. That said, I’m used to her swallowing, but she has confided that she doesn’t like to do it, so I’ve told her she doesn’t have to.
- Well, I love it when she does,which is most of the time, but if for some reason she pulled me out just in time, I’d be ok with that.
- My wife does not like it. Has only done it once.
Does it matter to you if your wife swallows?
- No (71%)
- Yes (29%)
Reasons for caring:
- Never been an issue for us, but I might feel a little…rejected?
- It’s an acceptance thing
- Again, It matters to me, but not enough to make an issue of it and perhaps offend her or make her feel less than adequate for not doing it. If taste and texture are a problem, go deep enough at the critical moment and bypass the mouth and tongue being deposited in or on. Take it straight past the tongue and down the throat. I intake a lot of “matter” when I do oral, especially when she ejaculates. The act is very strong in symbolism for men. When done, we feel TOTALLY accepted and desired. It is not a deal breaker, but it sure is greatly appreciated by most men. For some women, it is a sacrificial or submissive act, but there seem to be many in the blogosphere who seem to both desire and enjoy doing it. Some women say it gives them a feeling of control and power during sex. Okay by me.
- For some reason, the bond I feel with her after a complete OS experience ending with swallowing feels so palpable. It’s an amazing feeling of acceptance and closeness… That she will only do this for me, bring me to the edge of extreme pleasure and then take me completely in. It’s a surreal experience for me–I didn’t think that at first it would be a big deal, but after I experienced it, it triggered something deep and significant in my feelings and bond with here that I had never experienced before. It feels odd to say that, because it seems like it’s such a trivial act (swallowing fluid)–but my experience and my feelings afterward tell me it’s NOT trivial!
- Feels much more respectful, than spitting out
- I prefer it! It’s always the best when she swallows. And no mess to clean up either.
- well, yes and no.. It used to matter more for me, because i felt it as a matter of her not loving me, her not enjoying my taste like I enjoyed her taste.. felt like what was wrong with me that she would spit me out.. but this feeling has subsided…
- Yes, I think there is something that would be a real turn on and a feeling of total acceptance.
- That’s about the most intimate sexual act. It would make me feel she completely accepts me and my body.
- Says to me that she fully accepts me.
- It is part of accepting me. It is a turn on. But she spits. It has taken us 20 years to get to where if I ejaculate in her mouth is acceptable to her. I don’t know if she will ever be comfortable with swallowing or not, but I strongly desire her to.
- Really not sure, but I think it would make me feel more wanted.
Reasons for not caring:
- I just don’t care
- It’s up to her. I like when she does but she doesn’t have to do it.
- I used to think that it would be great if my wife would swallow, but that was when she would seldom give oral. Now that it is a very regular part of our love making when I do ejaculate in her mouth my eyes are rolled so far back in my head and I’m so relaxed that I couldn’t care less what she does with it.
- I’d rather not.
- I think it is gross
- Just doesn’t! I don’t really care either way.
- It’d be hot, but it wouldn’t add enough to the experience to matter.
- She probably would if I asked but she prefers not to swallow.
- She rarely lets it go into her mouth, but if she spits it out I wouldn’t care at all.
- I prefer it but it is not a deal breaker.
- If she lets me ejaculate in her mouth she can do as she pleases with it & she’ll get zero objections from me.
- I’m fine either way
- I know it isn’t always her preference.
- She has never not done it, but it wouldn’t matter to me if she didn’t.
- Nope, we just have a mess to clean up.
- It is totally up to her.
- I’m hoping she’ll let me ejaculate in her mouth, but then will spit it out, swallowing or not is not important. The fantastic orgasm I have from her finishing me with her mouth is.
- We’ve done it both ways. She used to hold it in her mouth, then go spit it out. Then she started swallowing, and she does that almost routinely. A few times she held it,then spit it out into MY mouth (I was aware she was going to do this, except maybe not the first time). While the taste of semen to me is a turn-on before ejaculation, afterwards, not so much, but I still can and do enjoy it.
- I see it as a prove your love kind of thing, which is wrong.
- The intimacy of oral sex for me is not that I have to ejaculate in her mouth. It’s the face she is willing to please me as she is comfortable.
Summary of oral sex survey results
Did you notice a trend in those last two questions? I did. It sort of answered the question I was asking last week. Is it okay for a wife not to allow her husband to ejaculate in her mouth? Is it okay NOT to swallow?
The answer seems to be (for the majority): Yes, it’s okay. Does it matter? … Yes … it still matters. Even those who said it doesn’t matter, in their comments, a large portion of them, in one way or another, said it does matter…but their wife’s feelings and comfort matters more. But still, there seems to be something inside a lot of us men that craves this act: something deeper than a lust or a selfish desire, something that is an innate need.
I see a lot of talk about acceptance in these comments about this topic, and I think acceptance is ultimately what we crave. We
want need, to know we are accepted, fully, without reserve by our wives. But, I think, we mistake this need (to be accepted) for a desire for our wives to “complete” oral sex and accept something that feels like the “core” of us. Perhaps it is just symbolic, a proxy for what we really want. I know for me, I can do without it. I feel accepted enough.
So, what did you think of the oral sex survey? Learn anything new? Any interesting pieces for you, anything you were surprised by? Let us know in the comments below.