Here’s another question I received from our Have A Question page:
My wife isn’t very adventurous. What can I do to respect her wishes to be less adventurous? What can I do to help her become more adventurous?
It’s really two questions, isn’t it, but I think the underlying question is: what do you do with a sexually unadventurous spouse?
Don’t start off with something crazy like clitoral slapping, instead, start with something simple. For men, put a pillow under your wife’s hips, or raise up a bit to include more clitoral stimulation. Work on small changes that might improve her pleasure. Perhaps she’ll see that trying new things is good. For women, you can try something like honor bondage, where you act as if you are tied. Your husband doesn’t have to do anything, but he might realize that it adds an interesting twist to your sex life and might be willing to try something else.
In short, try things where you are doing the work, taking the risk, or the one in the vulnerable position. It’s less scary for them and requires them to step out of their comfort zone less.
If your spouse does anything even remotely in the direction of what you want, praise and encourage them. Wives, if you can manage to orgasm on cue (without faking it), that would be quite an encouragement for most husbands. Husbands, you’re going to have to use your words and tell her how much you appreciated her willingness to try something new, tell her how sexy you think she is, compliment her in some way.
If it’s not perfect, don’t correct them, pout of sulk, especially if it’s the first time you’re trying something. If you do, you will ensure it never happens again, and you will have no one to blame but yourself.
Have Open Communication
Lastly, but probably most effective might be to try and communicate about it. Share what sex means to you, share why you want to try new things, share what things you want to try and what it means to you when your spouse isn’t interested. To often, especially for men, we don’t even know ourselves why we feel something. So, it make take you some time of reflection to be able to put what you’re feeling into words.
Lastly, you might need to be patient. Some spouses come out of their sexual shell very slowly. Over years, or decades. Some never do, and you also have to learn to be content with that. After all, you aren’t promised specific sexual acts when you marry, just that you’ll have sex. What I can guarantee is that if you push too hard, the walls are likely to get even stronger.
37 Questions for spouses to ask each other about sex
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