Clitoral Slapping

Jay Dee

Clitoral Slapping

Nov 18, 2014

Alright, here’s a technique for those who are a bit more adventurous in the bedroom.  Just as a warning to the husbands: DO NOT TRY THIS WITHOUT DISCUSSING IT WITH YOUR WIFE FIRST.  I’ll admit, I was a bit hesitant to bring it up with

ClitoralSlappingAlright, here’s a technique for those who are a bit more adventurous in the bedroom.  Just as a warning to the husbands: DO NOT TRY THIS WITHOUT DISCUSSING IT WITH YOUR WIFE FIRST.  I’ll admit, I was a bit hesitant to bring it up with my wife, but I was curious.  I had gotten some comments from emails and surveys about this activity and I wanted to see what the fuss was about.  My wife Christina joins me on this post, as usual, her comments are in purple.

Now, the clitoris is an interesting part of a woman’s anatomy, and if you have no idea what I’m talking about, I highly suggest you go read up on it.  In very brief terms, it is a very sensitive nerve cluster that can cause a lot of pleasure…or a lot of pain.  So you need to be very careful about how you approach it.  It is also my understanding (though I have no personal experience beyond my wife) that every woman’s response and sensitivity level is different, so you will need to judge for yourself if this is for you or not.  For the record, I believe my wife tends to be of the “more sensitive” variety…which made me even more surprised by her response. Although he doesn’t have any real experience on what other women feel in comparison to me. I will agree that if I were to rank it, I would say that I was on the more sensitive side, especially since having kids.

So, clitoral slapping is…well, slapping the clitoris.  I’m sure it can be done in a variety of ways and during different times in a session, but, at the risk of this being too much information, I’m going to explain the one method that I can personally say has worked for us.

How to do it

Have the wife lie on her back.  The husband lies on his non-dominant side facing his wife.  In this position, the husband can reach over his wife’s leg and cup her between the legs, covering her clitoris and labia majora (lips) at the same time.  His left hand if free, if they wish, to grab her butt or get involved in some anal play, if they enjoy that activity.  From there, you simply start by gently “slapping”.

Some tips:

  1. Start soft, molding the husbands hand to the wife’s contours and evenly distribute the pressure of the slap as much as you can.  The first taps should be barely felt, perhaps one a second.  Wait for the wife to signal, by whatever means, that she is ready for more.  Then very slowly start increasing speed and pressure.  The change should be imperceptible.  We’ve found that the longer you take to progress, the better the result.
  2. It won’t start to feel good until the wife is “warmed up” a bit.  While that doesn’t mean she needs to be “warmed up” to start, it does mean that if she’s starting from “cold”, it’s going to just feel a bit weird until the blood starts flowing.
  3. It’s better wet.  I suggest coconut oil, but you can use your own favorite lube, or warm the wife up by some other means until she self-lubricates.
  4. If you are into light bondage the wife can find it helpful to have her limbs restricted.  Because of the sensitivity nature of the area, a common response may be to flinch or cover, even with light taps.  So it can be beneficial to stop this from occurring.  Note: ONLY DO THIS WITH CONSENT.  I found it to be very arousing to be tied up. That was the first way we tried this, and I was shocked at how my body responded. The first time was the best, not sure why, but every time since then it hasn’t felt the same and I wish I could get that same feeling again.

Basically you continue until you are ready to move onto something else, either because the husband’s arm is tired (believe me, it can take some endurance to keep it up), or because it’s not progressing to orgasm (but give it a decent try), or because the wife orgasms and is too sensitive to continue (and yes, women can orgasm from this. I did the first few times).

Why it works

I know, a lot of you are probably thinking “Are you insane?!”  But, there is a reason to why this works.

  • The clitoris is extremely sensitive, but because the husband is molding his hand to his wife’s contours, this causes a “cupping” of the hand a bit.  So, what is generally struck is not the clitoris directly, but the “arms” of the clitoris that extend down beside the labia majora.  These get indirectly stimulated, along with direct stimulation of the labia majora.  That said, some women can handle more direct clitoral stimulation immediately, or later on after they’ve “warmed up” a bit.
  • Striking an area is a proven method to increase blood flow to that area temporarily.  That’s why you slap a vein in order to get it to pop out to take blood samples.  That’s why a slap on the face causes your face to go red.  Increased blood flow causes increased nerve response, including pleasurable sensations.  That’s why sex right after cardiovascular exercise can increase orgasm potential.
  • There is a relationship between pain and pleasure that is not really understood.  Some believe they are on opposite ends of a spectrum.  Others believe that pain and pleasure go together, that one can even trigger the other.  The neurological evidence seems to be confusing, so I don’t think anyone has it quite sorted out yet.  None-the-less, some wives definitely will experienced heightened pleasure when it is accompanied by small doses of pain (like hair pulling or rough sex)
  • I believe there may also be a submissive predisposition here. There is definitely an air of dominance in the act of clitoral slapping, and this may contribute to enhancing the sexual experience in the same way that bondage does. I think that is one of the biggest factors for us.  You have to have complete trust in your spouse to allow him to handle you this way. To know that he can watch your signals of what is too much or what means take it to the next level. It’s very invigorating. 

Your Turn

Now’s your chance to call me crazy, but if you are feeling adventurous and want to expand your boundaries, maybe give it a shot. I only learned about this being an actual thing recently (me too), you call me naive it’s okay, but I never would have thought I would like something like this. It added a whole new thing for us to do in the bedroom. So if you are feeling like you need to spice things up or want to add something new, this might just be for you! Would love to hear if you are thinking about trying it.

Looking for help?

39 thoughts on “Clitoral Slapping”

  1. Chris says:

    You definitely choose interesting subjects to write about. It’s almost like you enjoy pushing people’s buttons . . .


    1. Jay Dee says:

      Well, the reactions are just so interesting…

      1. Dan says:

        I’d have to agree. All the comments are interesting AND seem to be favorable, especially from the women, which is affirming for this post topic.

        It can also be a useful technique to reinvigorate the nerve endings after prolonged foreplay, intercourse or oral. It seems to reawaken them when they become used to the ongoing stimulus. We have never tried it as a soul route to orgasm. Glad to see Christine participating again. She does provide a perspective you can’t give and seems happy to do so. Thanks, Christine.

  2. ron says:

    We try this occasionally. My bride, on occasion really gets into this. Especially when she is very VERY aroused (usually by oral stimulation), slapping her tender bits will cause her to explode. In her words, ‘oooh it hurts sooooo good!’ But she has to be ready for it.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Thanks for letting us know we’re not alone!

  3. Julie says:

    My husband better not EVER pull my hair! It’s hard to keep it thick and voluminous as it is! I’m up for just about anything else but the hair? NO.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Well…you don’t pull it OUT…you shouldn’t lose hair in the process

  4. Anonymous says:

    Thank you for this article. We love this. My husband also will use his penis to lightly slap/tap my clitoris before intercourse. I fing this even more enjoyable. I agree that there has to be a high level of trust to be relaxed and enjoy it.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      You are very welcome. We haven’t tried that yet.

    2. RS says:

      Same thing goes with Men. Most of you women are “fond” of your man’s balls/testicles. Just like your clitoris are your “sensitive” parts, balls/testicles are “sensitive” parts for your man. remember that you need to be “very gentle and careful” when fondling with his balls. Do not take this GRANTED and DO NOT TRY THIS WITHOUT DISCUSSING IT WITH YOUR HUSBAND FIRST.

      Everything same/damn thing applies to Men, just as you Women:

      There is a relationship between pain and pleasure that is not really understood.

      You have to have complete trust in your spouse to allow “Her” to handle you this way.

      To know that “She” can watch your signals of what is too much or what means take it to the next level. It’s very invigorating.

      So next time, NEVER take it for sure/granted and start playing with your Mans balls !!!.

      Wake up Men !!!.

  5. JimBo says:

    My WW’n I just started our 49th year of marriage. In many ways, this is the best one ever. (I just told her my new nickname for us is the “49rs” – her favorite team.)

    ThkQ for the reminder, Jay. I remember doing this a l..o..n..g time ago. We used it as foreplay. I’m wondering why we stopped, and what else we forgot.

    Hmmm, sounds like an interesting conversation for our next FRIDAY Date Day!

    1. Jay Dee says:

      That’s the neat thing about having a variety repertoire of activities: you can re-discover things again. 49 years! And still talking about sex on date night, that’s awesome, good job!

  6. Lisa Headley says:

    Christina, I’m definitely thinking of trying this…! I need to talk to my husband… *giggling* I love hearing from you and knowing your side of things!

    1. Christina says:

      Oh I hope that conversation goes well! I’m excited for you! Let us know how things went. 🙂

  7. FarAboveRubies says:

    Great article. As always, I love the science behind it all. Thank you both for more ideas to expand our boundaries. BTW, hair pulling, in my mind, should be gentle, using as much volume of hair as possible, and only awakening the scalp.

  8. LatterDay Marriage says:

    I’m not clear on the concept. To actually make contact with her clitoris to slap it I would have to limit the ‘slap’ to using one finger, with something keeping the labia major and minor out of the way. Or are you just slapping the pubic area without exposing the clitoris to direct contact?

    1. Dan says:

      It’s really about cupping the vulva. When the clitoris swells with increased arousal, it is likely there will be increased direct contact. Yes, you could change to very-mild to mild slapping with the pads of three or four fingers, but you had better be in concert with her desires when you do. Try slapping/bouncing the glans of your penis with the palm of your hand and then use the same force striking with you bonier, thinner fingers. The same force delivered using a smaller, more rigid surface area will result in a more force at the point of impact. It could be more intensely pleasurable, or painful if too much. Like Jay Dee said, there is a close cross-over between pain and pleasure.

    2. Jay Dee says:

      I’m sorry I was unclear. To add to Dan’s response: there are three things to consider:
      1) You don’t need to make direct contact with the clitoris, indirect contact works fine.
      2) The clitoris extends far beyond just the little protruding nub that is generally called the clitoris, it also has “limbs” that reach under the labia, so striking them will indirectly stimulate the clitoris as well.
      3) Once a wife is very aroused, what may happen is that the labia engorge, swell and separate, so that it may be possible to strike the clitoris directly with multiple fingers.

      I hope that clarifies.

      1. LatterDay Marriage says:

        Thanks, we’ve done it where I’ve cupped her vulva with my hand but rather than strike it I just applied gentle pressure with a little massaging, that worked really well for DW. She’s a ginger so definitely on the more sensitive side everywhere on her body.

  9. Teresa R says:

    My husband has tried this a few times and I do enjoy it. I also like it when he pinches the clitoris. If I am wet, his fingers will slide off giving a pleasurable sensation.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Thanks for the idea. I’ve tried it and it has never gone over very well, but, I’ve never tried it while she was hyper-stimulated from the slapping activity. Might be worth the risk.. Thanks for contributing!

      1. winston says:

        One thing me and my wife have done along those lines is to (when she is HIGHLY aroused) take the clitoris between two fingers (through the hood – no direct contact) and stroke (almost like manual stimulation of the penis). This produces a different set of sensations and will (at least in my wife) produce a very intense orgasm.

  10. El Fury says:

    Wow, ok, something we haven’t tried. I’m going to send this link to Sexy Corte and see what she thinks.

    1. El Fury says:

      Looks like we’re on. I’ll report back.

  11. Keelie Reason says:

    Wow, I’ve never hear of this before. I’m definitely going to have to give it a try. Thanks. 🙂

  12. left behind says:

    Awesome! I’ll add this to yet another activity I will never get to experience with my wife.

  13. left behind says:

    Wow! Great idea. But sadly will just be one more thing I will never get to try with my wife. Have fun everyone. I really need to stop following your blog.

    1. Anonymous says:

      Sorry to hear, explore with her, give to her and expand her imagination! Remember her first and give as the husband who couldn’t get enough of here that she knew when ya’ll met!

    2. davegalt999 says:

      L B- is your wife on anti-depressants? Mine is, no sex for 6 years! 😱 She just got on Welbutrin. Now SHE initiates, even goes down on me, never before in 49 years.

  14. newbie says:

    Jay, I’m continually blown away by your daring to talk about the un-talkables.
    I’m wondering how effective this would be on …ungroomed… privates. My w refuses to put a razor to her girl parts so I suspect this technique wouldn’t work because the hair would reduce sensitivity. Any thoughts or experience with this? Should I work on getting her to shave first before trying this?

    1. Jay Dee says:

      It shouldn’t be an issue. Shaved would, I’d assume cause more of a “slap”, whereas “ungroomed” would be more of a “blow” (more dispersed pressure). Either way, there’s still pressure. I would think the same end result could be achieved. Then again, I don’t have any experience with the variation of the density of pubic hair of different women…so you may have to do your own research.

      I think trying to get her to shave (something outside of her comfort zone, or perhaps her boundaries at the moment), in order to introduce something else outside of her comfort zone…may be too large of a step. You’d be a better judge of that than I (particularly with your own wife).

  15. greville constantine says:

    My wife & I usually make love clitoral slapping because l’ll admit, like u Jay I too have no experience outside of her. I use my penis to rub on her clit numerous times & she orgasms 2 to 3 times! It is very exciting & it drives her wild & makes me go crazy! I will also admit here that it is one way we are keeping sexual pleasure alive since I have some difficulty staying firm & unable to penetrate her vagina for a long period. We want to go beyond clitoral slapping, but it may take awhile. Next time I will present this as a question. But from personal experience, yes it is real sexually satisfying!

  16. HG says:

    I read these posts alone because my wife would flip out if she knew I wanted to learn how to have better sex. But she definatly benefits from this one. After reading this post I tried giving her a little slapping motion instead of the usual circular rub that she prefers. She wouldn’t let me do it very hard but really enjoyed it and even requested it the next time we started having foreplay. This has definatly been added to our standard list now. Thank you.

    P.S. She also found that she enjoyed this while she laid on her stomach with her butt up in the air and I slapped it from behind while helping her. Big thumbs up!

    1. Jay Dee says:

      I wonder if she’s curious where you learned that trick 🙂 Congratulations on finding a new trick for your marriage bed!

  17. Anonymous says:

    You’re doing it wrong. ?

  18. Anonymous says:

    Absolutely delicious!!!

  19. Rachel says:

    I’ve enjoyed this a lot in my sex life almost mandatory. I think when clitoridis stimulation gets to much or painful or even kinda numb slapping it brings back to normal sensations no pain and you most time can’t hurt it that way and it not feel good

  20. Anonymous says:

    We have been doing this for a few months now,my wife loves it,she has actually started squirting

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