Alright, here’s a technique for those who are a bit more adventurous in the bedroom. Just as a warning to the husbands: DO NOT TRY THIS WITHOUT DISCUSSING IT WITH YOUR WIFE FIRST. I’ll admit, I was a bit hesitant to bring it up with my wife, but I was curious. I had gotten some comments from emails and surveys about this activity and I wanted to see what the fuss was about. My wife Christina joins me on this post, as usual, her comments are in purple.
Now, the clitoris is an interesting part of a woman’s anatomy, and if you have no idea what I’m talking about, I highly suggest you go read up on it. In very brief terms, it is a very sensitive nerve cluster that can cause a lot of pleasure…or a lot of pain. So you need to be very careful about how you approach it. It is also my understanding (though I have no personal experience beyond my wife) that every woman’s response and sensitivity level is different, so you will need to judge for yourself if this is for you or not. For the record, I believe my wife tends to be of the “more sensitive” variety…which made me even more surprised by her response. Although he doesn’t have any real experience on what other women feel in comparison to me. I will agree that if I were to rank it, I would say that I was on the more sensitive side, especially since having kids.
So, clitoral slapping is…well, slapping the clitoris. I’m sure it can be done in a variety of ways and during different times in a session, but, at the risk of this being too much information, I’m going to explain the one method that I can personally say has worked for us.
How to do it
Have the wife lie on her back. The husband lies on his non-dominant side facing his wife. In this position, the husband can reach over his wife’s leg and cup her between the legs, covering her clitoris and labia majora (lips) at the same time. His left hand if free, if they wish, to grab her butt or get involved in some anal play, if they enjoy that activity. From there, you simply start by gently “slapping”.
- Start soft, molding the husbands hand to the wife’s contours and evenly distribute the pressure of the slap as much as you can. The first taps should be barely felt, perhaps one a second. Wait for the wife to signal, by whatever means, that she is ready for more. Then very slowly start increasing speed and pressure. The change should be imperceptible. We’ve found that the longer you take to progress, the better the result.
- It won’t start to feel good until the wife is “warmed up” a bit. While that doesn’t mean she needs to be “warmed up” to start, it does mean that if she’s starting from “cold”, it’s going to just feel a bit weird until the blood starts flowing.
- It’s better wet. I suggest coconut oil, but you can use your own favorite lube, or warm the wife up by some other means until she self-lubricates.
- If you are into light bondage the wife can find it helpful to have her limbs restricted. Because of the sensitivity nature of the area, a common response may be to flinch or cover, even with light taps. So it can be beneficial to stop this from occurring. Note: ONLY DO THIS WITH CONSENT. I found it to be very arousing to be tied up. That was the first way we tried this, and I was shocked at how my body responded. The first time was the best, not sure why, but every time since then it hasn’t felt the same and I wish I could get that same feeling again.
Basically you continue until you are ready to move onto something else, either because the husband’s arm is tired (believe me, it can take some endurance to keep it up), or because it’s not progressing to orgasm (but give it a decent try), or because the wife orgasms and is too sensitive to continue (and yes, women can orgasm from this. I did the first few times).
Why it works
I know, a lot of you are probably thinking “Are you insane?!” But, there is a reason to why this works.
- The clitoris is extremely sensitive, but because the husband is molding his hand to his wife’s contours, this causes a “cupping” of the hand a bit. So, what is generally struck is not the clitoris directly, but the “arms” of the clitoris that extend down beside the labia majora. These get indirectly stimulated, along with direct stimulation of the labia majora. That said, some women can handle more direct clitoral stimulation immediately, or later on after they’ve “warmed up” a bit.
- Striking an area is a proven method to increase blood flow to that area temporarily. That’s why you slap a vein in order to get it to pop out to take blood samples. That’s why a slap on the face causes your face to go red. Increased blood flow causes increased nerve response, including pleasurable sensations. That’s why sex right after cardiovascular exercise can increase orgasm potential.
- There is a relationship between pain and pleasure that is not really understood. Some believe they are on opposite ends of a spectrum. Others believe that pain and pleasure go together, that one can even trigger the other. The neurological evidence seems to be confusing, so I don’t think anyone has it quite sorted out yet. None-the-less, some wives definitely will experienced heightened pleasure when it is accompanied by small doses of pain (like hair pulling or rough sex)
- I believe there may also be a submissive predisposition here. There is definitely an air of dominance in the act of clitoral slapping, and this may contribute to enhancing the sexual experience in the same way that bondage does. I think that is one of the biggest factors for us. You have to have complete trust in your spouse to allow him to handle you this way. To know that he can watch your signals of what is too much or what means take it to the next level. It’s very invigorating.
Now’s your chance to call me crazy, but if you are feeling adventurous and want to expand your boundaries, maybe give it a shot. I only learned about this being an actual thing recently (me too), you call me naive it’s okay, but I never would have thought I would like something like this. It added a whole new thing for us to do in the bedroom. So if you are feeling like you need to spice things up or want to add something new, this might just be for you! Would love to hear if you are thinking about trying it.
37 Questions for spouses to ask each other about sex
Subscribe to get the 2 page PDF full of questions to help you and your spouse start to talk about your sex life.