Category Archives: Reader’s Questions

SWM 112 – Do men have it harder when it comes to sexual expectations?

Answering the question:

Hi Jay, I’ve noticed a dichotomy when it comes to expectations for male and female sex drives and what’s considered desirable sexual performance. As a man, I feel like there’s a lot of pressure to perform sexually. This means being able to become sexually aroused when seeing a naked woman (my wife in this case), being able to maintain the erection and having the sexual stamina to keep from climaxing for a sustained interval (not sure what the average woman considers desirable stamina but let’s say 10 minutes?) Not to mention the societal pressure that men face when it comes to the size of their penis. I myself feel insecure about not having a large enough penis. Who doesn’t want to add a couple of inches to their penis? I’ve become somewhat perplexed/frustrated because I feel like there are very few expectations placed on females. We live in an age when “all women are supposed to be seen as beautiful.” It seems that females are simply expected to be willing to participate in sex when the mood is right, and that’s it. There’s no expectation on the size or quality of female genitals, no expectation on their ability to get aroused or maintain arousal, and no expectations on the level of physical or mental effort they invest in sexual activity. It seems they are just supposed to be the recipient while the man does the thrusting. Even when it comes to the subject of natural lubrication, there’s a stigma around a man who can’t naturally achieve and maintain an erection, but for the woman, there doesn’t appear to be a stigma around the inability to produce sufficient arousal fluid (vaginal wetness). As it pertains to the topic of pornography, I’ve read many articles about the dangers of pornography for men, how it leads to sexual desensitization, and when paired with masturbation, decreased sexual stamina and even erectile dysfunction. I can’t say I’ve read many articles discussing how viewing pornography is detrimental for women. Is it just me, or is there a double standard when it comes to sexual expectations for men and women?

SWM 110 – July 2023 Anonymous Questions

Answering Anonymous Questions about Married Sex

Topics include:
My wife feels disrespected because I notice other women
Wife is hurt but not healing after years
Wife disconnects during foreplay
What can we do during fertile days
Oral sex questions
Husband doesn’t know our anniversary date
Should I be worried if I’m late?
In-laws over-share about sex
Fantasies for couples
Low-drive husband
Period sex

SWM 106 – April 2023 Anonymous Questions

Answering Anonymous Questions about Married Sex

Is it okay to take nude pictures and videos of each other?
Limon by Minna discount
Asexual wife?
Wife loves me, but isn’t in love with me
Wife isn’t interested in improving our sex life
Wish I married a bigger butt
Secretly feed her ejaculate
Husband says my vagina stinks and tastes bad
50-year-old wife refuses to have sex
Do we need a counselor?

SWM 104 – February 2023 Anonymous Questions

Answering Anonymous Questions about Married Sex

Women use sex to control men, so men should be allowed to masturbate
Appreciating beauty vs lusting
Playlist for sex
Squeamish about handjobs
Another question about masturbation
How do I get my wife to masturbate for me?
Is oral sex okay?
Are men polygamous by nature?

SWM 103 – January 2023 Anonymous Questions

Answering Anonymous Questions about Married Sex

Topics include:
Phone sex
Oral sex to completion
Forgiveness and trust after betrayal
Are pictures and videos a problem?
Increasing female libido naturally
What is our duty?
Toxic wife
Abusive employer

SWM 102 – December 2022 Anonymous Questions

Answering Anonymous Questions about Married Sex

Topics include:
Does my wife know what I’m doing to her?
I want to share orgasms with my husband
What are your thoughts on BDSM?
Is bondage a problem for me?
Wife doesn’t like direct clitoral stimulation
How do I hold my wife accountable?

SWM 101 – Why does my spouse always push for more during sex?

Answering this question:

Jay, I enjoyed the book (Introduction to Talking Dirty) that my hubby put on my iPad. The thing is, no matter what I do in my comfort zone, it isn’t enough. I do many, I mean many, of the examples you use, even the F WORD. How do I get him to be grateful for what I do instead of needing more? I always feel inadequate.

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