Here’s a question I received a while back. I’ll be honest, I don’t even know what channel it came through, either one of our surveys or our Have A Question page I’d imagine. In either case, our reader asks:
Is it okay for me to use a toy as foreplay with my husband to ensure we both orgasm and enjoy sex?
And I thought I’d tackle it today because I have a cold and can’t handle anything to deep philosophically or theologically at the moment. Plus, I’ve already written about my position on sex toys, so I can refer to that article for those deeper levels. In case you don’t want to read the other article, the short answer is: I see nothing wrong with sex toys so long as the focus doesn’t become the toy and/or you don’t become dependent on it.
So, is it okay to use a toy as foreplay with your husband? Yeah, why not? In fact, since it generally takes longer for women to orgasm than men, this is a great way to close that “gap”, but, if I may make a suggestion or two:
Try not to become dependent on it. If you are using a toy every time as part of foreplay and without it sex doesn’t “work”, then, I think there’s cause to take a second look, figure out what’s going on.
Make sure you are involving your husband somehow. I am not suggesting, and I hope you’re not asking, if you can go off and masturbate alone so that when you start sex, you’re all worked up. This should still be a shared intimate time together. Some ways to do this are:
- Let him have the toy and use it to get you all worked up
- Let him watch and/or touch you in other ways
- Depending on the toy, for example, something like a We-Vibe that will stay in place, you can have it going while he gives you a back massage. He gets to run his hands all over your naked body, and you get a massage with an “extra”, sounds like a win win.
What would you say to this reader, any ideas, tips or tricks?