Want more sex? Go to bed naked!

Jay Dee

Want more sex? Go to bed naked!

Jan 22, 2014

One thing my wife started doing when we were trying to improve our sex life was to start to go to bed naked.  Now, she doesn’t actually like to sleep naked, she gets weird dreams, or is too cold, but between taking her clothes that

Go To Bed Naked For More SexOne thing my wife started doing when we were trying to improve our sex life was to start to go to bed naked.  Now, she doesn’t actually like to sleep naked, she gets weird dreams, or is too cold, but between taking her clothes that she wore during the day off and putting on pajamas, she crawls into bed naked and stays that way until we’ve prayed and are ready to go to sleep.  Of course, this assumes that you are already going to bed at the same time.

Just a note: Since my wife has started writing as well, I thought it might be fun to get her input on this one as well. So her thoughts will be in purple following mine.

Fewer barriers to sex when you go to bed naked

One reason this yields a higher frequency of sex, I believe, is that there are fewer barriers.  One thing they teach you in sales is to remove any obstacles from buying your product or service.  Well, clothes on is an obstacle.  You have to get them off, and generally getting clothes off isn’t a sexy experience.  Feet get stuck in pant legs, or underwear starts rolling instead of sliding, bra clasps won’t undo, and a host of other clothing malfunctions can occur.  But, if you start off already naked, well, that’s one less battle you have to fight.

The act of going to bed already naked also helps me stay on a more positive side of wanting sex, and not coming up with excuses as to why not. I’m already naked, a quickie really doesn’t take that long from this point on if you are tired, or it’s late, or having trouble actually focusing. Being naked helps me focus tremendously. On a more emotional level it helps keep those walls down that we women like to put up. When you are naked, you are vulnerable, and you are making yourself emotionally available to your husband, which are all very good things that we should be working on all the time. It definitely creates a more intimate environment right from the start.

Makes being naked less frightening

I think my wife used to be afraid of being naked in front of me.  Generally sex was with the lights off, I’d rarely see her naked, and she’d always be scrambling to get clothes back on.  These days things are different, and I think part of this is due to the fact that she spends a lot more time naked with me. Every night we’re naked together for a least 10 minutes.  It’s hard to be scared of something that happens ever night.  Another thing this does is remove the expectation that naked = sex.  We’re naked together more often than we have sex now.  She doesn’t have to worry that being naked automatically means I’m going to want sex…no, that’s not right…I still do.  But, she understands that I do now have the ability to see her naked and not immediately require sex.  I think this is freeing for her.  Also, the more comfortable your spouse is being naked in front of you, the fewer rejections based on body image issues.

Jay made some great points in there about it being less frightening. It is less frightening, but I still am uncomfortable in my own body. I don’t like the way I look, but I know he does, so I don’t worry about it. It is very freeing to know that he will objectively look at the day, how I’m feeling and what is happening the next day before deciding whether the need for sex or the need for sleep is greater. It’s always a struggle to find that balance, but being naked also helps me also get in a mindset that, if we have some fun, tomorrow might be an easier day overall as well.  (I’m generally a much happier person when I’ve had an orgasm the night before, 2 days I’m still OK, but 3 days I’m starting to get grumpy LOL)

It’s sexual without being sex

When we were going through my wife’s awakening and my porn recovery, one of the things my wife was surprised by was how often I wanted sexual contact.  When we tried out a high-frequency sex life (daily sex), one of the things that surprised me was that I didn’t need sex every night, but I did still want some sort of sexual contact.  This few minutes a night (whether or not we have sex) allows that to happen.  I have to chance to lie next to my naked wife, touching and feeling.  Sometimes this is all I need and then we can go to sleep.  Now, I think any time you can increase the frequency of sexual contact in your marriage, that’s one step closer to increasing the frequency of sex.  Because sexual contact will help the high drive spouse feel more accepted and loved, which, in turn, makes them want to act out their spouses love language(s) more, which will, in turn, increase the likelihood of more sex in the future.  It’s a wonderful cycle.

I love it when we snuggle up together, I’m laying on my side right beside him, his arm is my pillow and he’s rubbing my back as well. we talk about our day and we are being intimate but not necessarily having sex. A lot of times while we are talking, my hand will drift downward on Jay and that gets me going too. So if I wasn’t in the mood, but knew that he needed some attention, often this will get me there.

It shows me she’s available

I think this is the number one reason really.  My wife coming to bed naked is symbolic of her saying “I’m here” in a sexual manner.  When she decided she wasn’t going to say “no” anymore, she was very intentional.  She told me she wouldn’t say “no”, we even bought me a new wedding ring (to replace my lost one), and she stated when she put it on my finger that this was going to be like a new marriage.  This act shows me, every night, that she is ready and willing if I need her.  That sense of acceptance, of submission and love means more to me than I can adequately put to words.  She’s been doing this for probably over 2 years and still every night she slips into bed naked I still say a thank you to God for answering my prayers.  After years of rejection, this affirmation is what I need more than anything else.  We’re still healing the damage we’ve done to each other, but this helps tremendously.

When we decided to replace Jay’s wedding ring, I thought it was the perfect opportunity to reaffirm that I was serious in my promise to never say “no” again. It was really big moment for both of us. It was almost like a vow renewal, but it was just us and the kids in the van when we go the ring, and they were too young at the time to understand what was going on, except that mommy and daddy were talking a while in the front, and they were bored. When I look at his hand even now with the wedding band on it, I’m filled with such a feeling that I can’t even describe it, a sense of love and peace. It’s only been through God’s love that we’ve come this far. So I go to bed naked, and I am happy to be available for him.

Your Turn

Have you tried this, or do you go to bed together naked? Have you found it makes a difference in your marriage?  Let us know in the comments below, and please fill out this anonymous survey so we can get some real data.

Women, I know we all have body image issues, but want to encourage you, go to bed naked, your husband doesn’t see what you see. He loves you so much! I want to ask, how do you think he would feel about you coming to bed naked every night? What do you think would happen? How would it change how you look at each other throughout the day? Would it improve how you communicate? Do you think the level of intimacy would grow? If you don’t do this already, what’s stopping you from trying this?

[gform form=’https://docs.google.com/forms/d/11AxgTVwqh7K9upeH3RBluSTKT5wsToyHNW1VisEpPFM/viewform’ legal=’off’]

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