I know, I’m answering the same question over and over again, but people keep asking from slightly different angles, so I guess I should keep tackling it. Here’s one I received this weekend:
Hi. Is it okay for a Christian couple to ‘expand’ their sexual circle? For the past several years, I have been wanting to see my wife ‘taken’ by another man or men. I told her about this, and bless her, she listened and didn’t condemn me or storm out of our bedroom. Now, it seems that my wife is liking this idea. She is finally opening up to her sexuality and we would love to take our ‘desire’ to the next level. What are your thoughts?
I have a few thoughts:
- Adultery is adultery is adultery. Doesn’t matter on the circumstance (see When did God stop allowing multiple wives), if permission is given (see Is it still adultery if you have permission?) , if you are present (see Can Christians have threesomes), or what. It’s still wrong. And ultimately it’s wrong, because it will hurt you, your wife, your relationship together and your relationship with God.
- I think there is a valid desire here that is being expressing in an invalid way. We’ve talked a bit about things like this is our recent post on rape fantasies.
I’m guessing from your question that sex has been a bit of a difficult road for your marriage. You say your wife is finally opening up to her sexuality. That’s a good thing. And I think you’re just acting like a kid in a candy story grabbing everything in sight that you can eat, because it’s all new and suddenly you have access to it.
But, there are some things that are not wise to partake of. I understand the desire to see your wife taken, but I wonder if it’s more a desire to sort of be an observer so you can just sit back and enjoy watching your wife being sexual.
If that’s the case, this can be accomplished without bringing in additional people. You can use mirrors, or video tape yourself. Or, you can use mutual masturbation (you can even take turns).
In short, figure out what’s driving this desire, and then find a way to meet it while still keeping the marriage bed pure.