Can Christians have threesomes?

Jay Dee

Can Christians have threesomes?

May 23, 2015

I wish this was a joke, but I received this question this week in from our Have A Question page: Are threesomes in marriage a sin I’ll be honest, I contemplated not answering it.  I really thought the answer was that obvious.  Then I did

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ICanChristiansHaveThreesomes wish this was a joke, but I received this question this week in from our Have A Question page:

Are threesomes in marriage a sin

I’ll be honest, I contemplated not answering it.  I really thought the answer was that obvious.  Then I did some searching, and found multiple sites with supposedly Christian sex advice saying that threesomes were okay.  So, I figured I should write about it, since it seems people are getting a lot of bad advice out there.

Alright, just in case someone who is reading doesn’t know what a threesome is: a threesome is having sex between three individuals at the same time.

In all cases this either breaks down into a cases of fornication, adultery, or a mix of the two (with the odd exception being polygamy, which we’re not going to discuss, because we already beat that topic to death).

So, if a husband and wife invite another married person into their bed, that falls under adultery, regardless of whether or not they are consenting, or their spouses is consenting.  It’s still adultery.

If a husband and wife invite a non-married person into their bed, then that falls under fornication…and adultery.  And as we’ve discussed previously, fornication (sex prior to marriage, or without marriage) is also sinful and damaging.

Every argument I’ve seen either tries to do away with these two fundamental points, or side steps them and obscures the real issues by getting into a debate about what the Bible explicitly says about threesomes (which is very little, and only indirectly).  But, the Bible is very clear on this simple fact: Sex is valid only for a man and a woman who are already married, to each other.  No one else.  No exceptions.  No extenuating circumstances.  In every other case it is damaging to your relationship with that other person, to your spouse (present or future) and to God.

Your Turn

That’s all I’m going to say on the topic.  Anyone else want to jump in?

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67 thoughts on “Can Christians have threesomes?”

  1. libl says:

    Even in polygamy in the Bible it indicates one on one sexual times. Jacob didn’t seem to have sex with Rachel and Leah at the same time.

    1. Chris Tian says:

      Great point!

    2. HopefullyHelpful says:

      I would say that would have been “unwise”, but not because of Jacob, though. I think Jacob’s case best outlines the Law that says a man could not have sisters as concurrent wives. I figure Solomon may have had to, or else most his harem would have been feeling neglected a bit.
      Jay Dee, I love those little magnet toys.

    3. Ericka says:

      Agree

    4. Joseph vincent says:

      Just to apologise I have dyslexia and I use voice activated software so sometimes some of my comments might not read well I often go on sites where people debate what’s right and wrong in relationships regarding homosexuality marriage etc I just find it so sad that people spend so much time I’m saying Bible says this is wrong the Bible says that is wrong I think at the end of the day when we meet god he’ll be so much more concerned whether we obeyed the commandment to love God and secondly to love each other and part of that is to be respectful of other people when they do do activities you don’t agree with I think God will be so much more concerned with how we treat each other how we love each other how we build each other up how we protect people who were victimized I’m not doubting that there are certain behaviours that’s wrong however I think God will care so little about what we physically do do under the sheets what gender they are his concern will be how we love each other how we protect the hurt the lonely the damaged the hungry the unloved how we truly love our neighbour and I think when people right on these forums I call people sinners and point out what’s wrong and what’s adulterous they just utterly missed the point that at the end of the day love protecting people far more important I used to work as a youth worker and some people would get very hot up if they found two young people we’re living together it would be so important to tell them it was wrong tell them that God found on it you don’t have have permission to do this I think unless you’re willing to build long lasting friendships with people and even then love covers a multitude of wrong I really think again when we meet god things that we thought was so important God will just have so much compassion with but I think God will treat very seriously when we have disrespected people not loved each other not cared for our neighbour not protected the week I know some people want to write straight back point to all the verses in the Bible which say I’m wrong just pause for one minute and think I’m not saying things aren’t wrong I’m just saying our priorities are so skewed when I told somebody some stuff that was going on in my life in one person cried with me and accept me or somebody else was just completely obsessed with quoting the Bible and telling me I have to forgive in the end I was able to forgive people not because bible verses were quoted at me but because those people who loved me walked in the mud with me loved and protect me does that mean I didn’t tell me when they thought I was wrong now but the most important thing they did was show me god’s love and that isn’t quoting bible verses that people and telling them their sinnners this is truly not out job so when you reply back to this pause for a second talk to each other like real human beings rather than just quoting bible verses thanks a lot

      1. Jay Dee says:

        I think we often confuse two very different circumstances: if the person hasn’t accepted Christ, or is a new convert, or in some other way isn’t willing to accept the accountability that comes with following Christ, then yes, it makes no sense to hold them accountable to standards they don’t agree with or have agreed to adhere to.

        However, if they do, which I’m going to assume the majority of my readers accept the Bible as it’s written as a guideline for our lives, and as such anything violating that is an act of sin, then it would be immoral for me to not to hold them accountable. So, when people ask questions about what the Bible says, I can’t give any answer but what I believe.

        Whether or not they want to be held accountable to the Bible or accept my interpretation of it is up to them. If they don’t, I have no right to hold them accountable to it.

        Does that makes sense?

        P.S. Most dictation software you can add punctuation. That would help the readability of your comment a lot.

    5. Anonymous says:

      Proverbs 5:15 Let water from your store and not that of others be your drink, and running water from your fountain.

      Proverbs 5:16 Let not your springs be flowing in the streets, or your streams of water in the open places.

      Proverbs 5:17 Let them be for yourself only, not for other men with you.

  2. Chris Tian says:

    I’ve seen those nonsense sites too, funny but they always seem to be advocating two women and one man and never two men with one woman which to me says it all. Not just adultery and fornication but there’s the issue of possible homosexuality as well.

  3. lollipop man says:

    You said it the bible speaks plainly about the subject and no matter how one tries to turn it to fit what they want to do God’s word is forever settled in heaven

  4. Jenny says:

    I can’t believe that’s issue either. Crazy what people can be convinced of.

  5. JG says:

    Can’t believe someone even asked this question. In order to ask it, in your heart you would have to be so detached from the true Biblical meaning of marriage. Surely, if you have the type of marriage God intended, you wouldn’t even need to entertain the idea of a third party. The question was clearly asked from a place of, ‘How much can I get away with as a Christian?’ as opposed to ‘how can I honour God in through my sexuality?’ Very disturbing.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Sadly I feel this is how the majority of Christians view the concept of sin. More a checklist than seeing the underlying relationship. This of course extends into marriage.

    2. Roger says:

      The problem JG is your response portrays the judgementalism we believers are known for. I am not talking about whether threesomes, foursomes, fivesomes, you get the idea are morally wrong by God’s standards but rather “can’t believe someone even asked this question.”

      Perhaps less judgementalism and more love/forgiveness would help people love the Jesus we love.

      1. Jay Dee says:

        This presumes that judgement and love/forgiveness are mutually exclusive.

      2. Chris Tian says:

        I don’t think JG’s point was judgemental at all, I think the point is he/she can’t believe the question was asked because even the unsaved regard that kind of thing as wrong or at the very least kinky or unusual. Even in our society we only advocate one to one relationships so the disbelief probably stems from wondering why someone would think that Christians would be okay with something when the unsaved are not when generally people understand that Christians are a bit more “straight-laced” than non-Christians. If anything it’s judgemental to say his/her comment was judgemental. #SplintPlank

      3. JG says:

        If this were an unbeliever who asked this question, I would not respond the way I did. I expect an unbeliever not to have the same understanding or boundaries that we have. However, I do not expect people who profess to be believers to have these questions. You don’t even have to be a Christian to know that a marital relationship is meant to be shared between those two spouses alone. So, I am astounded that Christians desire to have a third party in their marriage and think it might be okay. We are called to be light to the world, not to be LIKE the world. We are called to be different and I expect believers who profess Christ to know that. We live in a society that is preoccupied with ‘tolerance’ and ‘acceptance’. But Jesus had no qualms with calling a sin a sin – He repeatedly called people to repentance, which is to change, and to separate from sin. And He wasn’t afraid that people wouldn’t love Him if He told the truth. Paul the Apostle admonished people not to be conformed to this world but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. And when writing to the New Testament Church, Paul said firmly that certain ungodly behaviours should not even be named amongst the church. Am I judgemental for expecting the same standards that Jesus and Paul expected? I don’t think so. We get so caught up in this gospel of ‘mercy’ . But we forget that the Bible clearly states that God is also a God of judgement who COMMANDS us to be holy.

    3. HopefullyHelpful says:

      If they’re not in a sanctioned polygynist marriage. . .(look at a couple of posts back), maybe, but perhaps they’re:

      So desperate that they want to be in one. . .

      Or just starting with their studies and don’t really know much yet.

      Or are being thrown into a loop by Ecc 4:11-12.

      We don’t know the context of that brief, short blurb. So I would just mention about passages that prove the point and try to leave out judging motives.

      1. Jermel Edwards says:

        Reading anything out of context will confuse any one, amd you will be able to turn it into what ever you want. Good or bad.

    4. G.A says:

      To JG I do not feel that it is wrong to ask any question when the bible is involved. The fact that they asked the question shows that they are seeking advice. This forum may have helped someone or a couple from making a mistake.

  6. marriedheat says:

    I’m always amazed at what people justify as good and righteous. At the same time, it’s good people ask these questions and have intelligent people to respond. It’s better than to wonder or get “worldly” advice.

  7. LatterDay Marriage says:

    Sex is supposed to be a physical, emotional and spiritual bonding experience. I don’t see how that can happen between 3 people at the same time. At best it could be physical only.

    There will always be those who seek to justify their favorite sins and wolves in sheep’s clothing seeking to lead others astray. I shake my head in disbelieve over anybody who actually thinks a threesome is OK with God.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Yet I barely find a Christian site saying it’s wrong, and many saying it’s right. I think sometimes we think things are too obvious and so leave our community open to bad teaching.

      1. FarAboveRubies says:

        Perhaps the true issue is…everybody jumping on the “Christian” bandwagon regardless of their relationship with God. I tend to not even use the word “Christian” to describe myself anymore. It’s sad but true. The word “Christian” is used so loosely that it waters down the true meaning of the word. I say I am someone who sees the bible as historical facts inspired by God. I also add that I am a follower of Jesus and have the Holy Spirit dwell within me.

        Not all “Christian” sites are followers of Jesus. You will know them by their fruits.

        1. Jay Dee says:

          I think C.S. Lewis predicted that the word ‘Christian’ would be watered down in such a way. I fear it will get worse.

  8. J. Parker says:

    I was glad to see how to-the-point you were in this post. There really needn’t be a long exegesis of various scriptures, because it’s a pretty straightforward deal: no adultery. So thanks for that!

    And yeah, I think some people would be surprised what I’ve heard a few advocate in the sexual arena while still pronouncing themselves solid Christians. It can boggle the mind…

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Some topics require a bit more, but yeah, this seemed pretty black and white to me. And I agree, I’ve seen a lot of ‘Christian’ sites with some pretty strange sexual advice. Some of them are almost laughable…until you realize how many people they’ve potentially led astray…

  9. Alex says:

    Absolutely not–no threesomes in a healthy, Christian marriage. I had a threesome with a girl I dated in college (the other girl was a friend of hers) and it ruined our relationship. We broke up within a few weeks. It was devastating to what we had, how ever “hot” it may have seemed at the time. No threesomes in a healthy marriage–hell no.

    1. David Justin Bibby says:

      One of my friends tried this, (a suggestion from his wife).. Their marriage was already rocky from the start and their experiment put the final nail in the coffin. It’s a total mess right now. He’s living with the “other girl” now and his wife moved out of state. Is he happy? Not at all! The “other girl” is basically a platonic roommate with her own boyfriend now… while he pines and wonders why nobody wants to be with him. He’s depressed beyond measure, but refuses to allow God into his heart. All I can do now is pray for him.

    2. b says:

      In that regard, you were already fornicating. Are you sure that living a life of fornication is not what ruined your relationship. Perhaps the threesome was just icing on the cake.

  10. Annonymous says:

    In the past six months my husband has mentioned several times that he wants to watch me have sex with another guy. He also often teases me that I masturbte during the day thinking about another mans penis in me. This turns him on even though I tell I’m I don’t so either of those.
    Does this mean he fantasizes about other woman while we have sex? What makes him want me to have sex with someone else? I’m so hurt by this and having a really hard time wanting to have sex with my husband now. I usually have sex for his sake, and when I enjoy it too I cry myself to sleep after feeling like I was used. It makes me feel like he does not love me and he only wants me for sex and I alone am not even enough.

    1. HopefullyHelpful says:

      Have you asked him what gets him so excited about seeing some other man’s privates in you? Is he perhaps into the Japanese “assembly line” porn? And what if you preferred the other man to your husband?

      Unfortunately, what you described is not as uncommon as you might think. For both sexes. But it is abusive of him and you should confront him to stop and get in touch with your pastor or elders. This is not really healthy mentally nor spiritually.

  11. Anonymous says:

    I have a question I’m hoping men can help me with. My husband recently admitted he’s used porn our whole marriage(14 years). He’s started rethinking everything he was taught about God. Lately he’s brought up a lot of new stuff sexually. He thinks it’d be great to have group sex, to watch porn together, to watch me have sex with another man, to go to sexy massage parlor and watch each other get a going over by someone else, he wants to go skinny dipping as a group with others. He’s brought up each thing at least twice in the last few weeks. He cannot understand at all why this hurts me. I’ve cried myself to sleep so much and sometimes go sleep in another room. Of course he’s sorry later and after a few days I’m starting to believe him and we have sex. Now when I get hurt again, he’ll say things like “well you didn’t seem to hurt last night when we had sex”. He tells me he loves me and is not just using me as a sexual outlet. He often talks about regretting being brought up in the church and wished he’d had wilder teen years but he was to scared of going to hell if he did. Why does he bring up this stuff? It makes me feel so used, like I am not good enough for him, that he want to see more women and wants to share me. It really hurts.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Unfortunately sin that is left undealt with in our life often leads to more and “greater” sins (sins that have a deeper impact, not that they are more, or less, sinful). His porn use is leading to this. It is slowly rewiring his brain and causing him to drift further from God.

      What can you do? Pray for him, with him if possible. Talk to your pastor, or a trusted elder. And stand your ground on the moral issues.

      Check out 1 Peter 3. I think you’ll find some biblical advice there for your situation.

    2. HopefullyHelpful says:

      Whatever you do, do not lose hope yourself nor let your faith be diminished. As Jay Dee, do not isolate yourself. Soon as you can, bring this up with your pastor or elders, if only for your own good and spiritual reinforcement.

      Was there a sudden turning point in your marriage? New Job? New friends? That sort of things?

      A long-term porn problem can easily dominate someone, but I’d be more concerned about his recent spiritual crisis. Find the trigger or you won’t find the problem. Pray for insight and wisdom and strength. You are going to need all of them. If he does not want to meet with congregation members, you may have to address his spiritual issues yourself. And as Jay Dee also mentioned, firmly stand your moral ground. Be the anchor.
      Prayers go with you.

  12. Annoymous says:

    What does a wife do if her husband wants to get a dildo so that it can be used during sex along with dirty talk in a way to simulate a threesome. He expressed interest in threesomes and watching me with another man, but I won’t do it.
    I feel really hurt, I feel that I am not good enough. The anxiety is so great that I’m not sure I can stay married. I feel like I can’t trust him now. Most of which stems from the feeling of betrayal that he wanted to share me sexually, but simulating it in bed causes the same feelings in me, that sex isn’t about us anymore, but about how turned on he gets when fantasizing me with other men. I do not want to play along with that type of role play.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      So don’t. Set a boundary, and if he brings in other people (physically or just in role-play or fantasy), then stop, tell him you said you would not participate in it, and then leave the bedroom.

  13. IamKing says:

    I disagree,if a married couple are open to experience their sexual fantasies together,why will it be a sin?God gives us all free will and the desires of our hearts.He only reads the heart.Therefore, if a mans’ wife crave another woman to join them occasionally, or even then woman sole purpose is to satisfy them,and she’s single,why would it be a sin within the present of his wife and she partaking?

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Just because they think it’s okay, doesn’t mean it isn’t adultery.

      Sin is categorized as anything not in-line with God’s will, and the Bible is very clear that sex is between a husband and wife alone. Therefore, anything outside of that is sin, and since God only wants the best for us, anything that is sin will harm us, and our relationship with God. In this case, I’d also say it will harm your relationship with your spouse as well.

      We don’t get to choose what’s a sin and what isn’t by how we feel. Our feelings are not the standard (thank God).

      1. IamKing says:

        Have you meet anyone that has died and went to heaven, returned,and said threesomes in a marriage is a sin?We all relie on our Faith,and speaking from my 40+ years as a man of God,as Christ my Lord and Savior, everyone has they personal relationship with God individually.I love my wife,and I know she loves me,and if she wants to open that door, I’m going to be right there to support her.We are one,and if there’s a punishment from my God for participating with my wife in filling her all wants,that will be something I’ll have to be revealed from above,no man on this earth can persuade me to believe otherwise. People today read,research, and seek resources, me,I live my life,and allow God to guide me.The best wisdom is learned by experience. Not resources.

        1. Jay Dee says:

          No, that would be impossible. You don’t get to heaven until the resurrection, and that doesn’t happen until Jesus returns. Another one of those things in the resource I call the Bible. I’ll take that resource over experience any day.

          As for deciding to follow your wife instead of God…well, there’s a long line of people who made the same mistake: Adam, Abraham, Solomon, Samson (not married, but you get the point). Be careful with what your primary relationship is.

          Here’s hoping your wife is wiser and doesn’t lead you to sin.

          1. IamKing says:

            Everyone will be held accountable for their own actions,and just as the movie we watched yesterday called “St.Vincent”. There are individuals amongst us live a normal comfortable full life on earth….,not fellowshipping with many other Christians because we seek God selfishly,our lifestyle is consider Consecrated.The Law is written on our hearts, and we know what’s right and what’s not. Since my marriage, (3yrs),and prior,I’ve experience what St.Paul calls ” ineffable things”
            I understand your views my brother.

        2. Jermel Edwards says:

          You sound like a person speaking from the flesh and not the spirit…have you read any thing in the Bible that says and HE SLEPT WITH BOTH WIVES AT ONE, or anything close to it…you remind me of Adam. Doing whatever to please his wife instead of God. If you was a true follower of Christ then you would rebuke your wife for doing such a thing

  14. bill says:

    Years ago there were those that believed we were not supposed to have ‘HOT’ sex, but rather boring sex where both members were almost fully clothed. In fact at one time recreational sex between a husband and a wife was considered adultery because it was not for the purpose of procreation. I am not saying a threesome is right or that it is wrong. I am simply stating the fact that beliefs have obviously changed over the years and yet they were all supposedly inspired by Gods word. You say there should be no adultery period to which I agree. But I wonder what the word adultery truly means. I have heard it defined as the breaking of the marriage covenant and that if both members are willing and consent then the covenant is not broken. Yet your interpretation is any sort of sex outside of wedlock even if the couples both consent. It is confusing and frustrating so I look for answers and get met with the same judgmental attitude as I experienced all my young life in the church…at least from some of those commenting. Perhaps we lived the lifestyle for years and like it yet now we are told we can’t do it anymore and do not understand why. So we research and reach out for answers and are met with judgment from those who do not have the right to judge me. This is not the case, but what if it were? Did your attitude cause a brother or sister to stumble because you treated them like they were stupid? Or because you treated them with disgust and disdain? Your view of disgust is, I dare say, a selfish view and not holy anger. YOU view it as disgusting and it shows through your post resulting in a downgrading of anyone asking a real question. This is not God speaking through you, it is a revelation of how YOU feel toward the person asking such a disgusting question…and it shows. Check your own soul before you judge others.
    I am thankful to those on here who are not like this and take this question very seriously and treat it with respect. While I did not find anything I had not already read elsewhere, I thank you for addressing the issue

    1. Jay Dee says:

      It is sad that those beliefs existed, when Song of Solomon clearly showed otherwise. However, there are no verses in the bible saying that having threesomes are okay.
      But, we do have verses that say sex should be between 2 people: two shall become one (Genesis 2:24, 1 Corinthians 6:16, Mark 10:8). Not three shall become one.

      As for a definition, I think Duet 22:22 spells it out fairly simply: “If a man is found sleeping with another man’s wife, both the man who slept with her and the woman must die. You must purge the evil from Israel.”

      So, that rules out threesomes fairly easily.

      As for not having the right to judge you, assuming you are a Christian, then I am in fact called to judge you when I see sin in your life. All Christians are: “For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.”” – 1 Corinthians 5:12-13

      Or “Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.” – John 7:24

      Or “Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.” – 1 John 4:1

      Or “Preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching.” – 2 Timothy 4:2

      I could go on, but I think that’s enough.

    2. Will says:

      You want to sin against God. You want someone to tell you that adultery and fornication are just fine. Nope. Wrong. Sin is sin.

  15. DiddyO says:

    Not only are you cherry picking definitions from the scriptures but you seem to be misapplying them as well. For example, fornication is used quite differently in the OT than in the NT, and then again differently in Revelations. What we understand most from a comprehensive view of this topic is that betrayal and deception are what is abhorrent to the Lord. It is not any action but rather the heart that sins. Your narrow view here is tantamount to the ancient idea of a rape victim being guilty….soiled as it were. Perhaps references to specific scriptures and noyes towards the character of God would bolster your argument, but those are all but absent here…perhaps to make room for your adverts which serve to peddle your wares.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      I disagree, I think the Bible is consistent on the topic of married sexuality, and I think my views are representative of that. Yeah, it might be a narrow view, but, again, the Bible speaks of “narrow paths” being God’s views. Wide roads are generally not seen as kindly.

      And I disagree that this is akin to a rape victim being guilty (which I don’t agree with either).

      The reason I didn’t reference specific scriptures here is because I did in several posts I linked to. Oh…and it’s blog…there’s isn’t a limit on vertical space that I need to make room for links to things. You don’t have to read them, I won’t be offended.

  16. EmoWolf says:

    I see what your talking about but you have to realize, the bible was made by a human man. Not God himself.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Well, if you believe that, then you aren’t a Christian, and you have no requirement to follow God’s moral standards. However, I believe He set these standards for our protection, so while you may not have a religious reason to follow them, there is still yet a practical one, and if you don’t, you will learn why threesomes are a bad idea … even if you don’t credit God for warning us against them.

      1. Reneweddaily says:

        I agree that the scripture is clear on marriage (though there are instances in the Old Testament like King David, that can be confusing for a NEW Christian). The only requirement for salvation is John 3:16. I say this with love – you do not know this person, you do not know how long they may have been in the faith. We are on our own journey with God and only He knows our hearts. I’m not saying we can’t be stern but it should always be done with love

        The original question that was asked was most likely from a new Christian or from someone that is searching for God. At least they were looking for answers instead of just doing what they wanted. Sometimes we just need someone to help guide us that’s why we need to come together discuss our issues and pray with and for each other.

        A blog like this is good, so keep up the good work. May God bless you

        1. Jay Dee says:

          Hi there,

          Thanks for the kind words 🙂

          I would love to believe it’s only new Christians who think like this, however I know a man who sent to seminary and is now divorced because he insisted on having an open marriage, and when his wife refused to do so, he had an affair.

          This was not a new Christian, this was a man who at one point thought he was going to be a pastor, and is still a professing Christian, born and raised in the church.

  17. David says:

    Growing up i was raise as a Baptist and for different reasons i left the church as a teenager. One thing i was taught was that God original intented for there to be one man and one woman in marriage. The past year i had met a woman who had guided me back to God and made me a believer again with her herself recently becoming a believer. Well here is where it became confusing to me since the woman’s sister-in-law who herself is a “Christian”. The sister jn law at the time was part of a polygamy type “marriage” where it was her and other woman and a man. Far as i know there isn’t a legal marriage contract between any of them. But as far as they are concern they view themselves as married. They bonded through God as they phrase it. For reasons i won’t go into. The female friend who guilded me back to God had moved in with her sister-in-law cause her husband was a abuser. Her sister and her marriage group brought my friend back to Christ. In time the friend decided she wanted to be part of the marriage group where it now became one man and three women. Instead of each “wife” having their own bedroom and the “husband” is assign certain nights with esch one as usually done in some polygamous marriages.. They all share one bed. All 3 women involve are bisexual not only they consider themselves married to the man but the 3 women consider to be married to each other as well. As the sister-in-law told me once.. Yeah they have a “unusual” relationship. Since they bonded through God and not through man in a form of a marriage license. They see nothing wrong with what they are doing including engaging in group sex. My friend end up being very upset with me cause i didn’t approve of their living arrangements. Which end up leaving me confuse wondering if God approve of what they are doing even through my friend and her group put God and Jesus above them and everything they do.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Just because you invoke God’s name, doesn’t mean that you are following His will. The Bible is quite clear about one woman and one man, about sex being only “valid” as monogamous, and not a group activity. Just because they like it, doesn’t mean it’s okay.

  18. Petra Spahr says:

    Just like He made the other creatures, God did not make us humans sexually monogamous. The marriage vow is to love and support one another, and my husband and I have done so. We have, however, other relationships, me more so than my husband. It works this way because as a woman I have the capacity to fully satisfy more than one man and have always allowed my husband to take me whenever he wants.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Well, then God made a horrible mistake by telling us to be monogamous….

      No, I think this is a rationalization so that you can avoid the guilt of having multiple adulterous relationships.

    2. Will says:

      People do many things because they feel right. From shoplifting, to cruelty to animals to sleeping with multiple people. All are sins. Trust the Bible, not your “feelings.”

  19. Vincent says:

    I would automatically assume that threesomes are bad, wrong, totally against anything God would ever want in a marriage etc. But I do think it’s wrong to think this is a ludicrous question. This is certainly not cut and dry. As most people have already acknowledged God did sanction marriage to multiple wives in the past. You can argue the ins and outs of that but the fact remains – if God never changes then he obviously does not think it disgusting for one man to sleep with multiple women in a married relationship. Therefore, logically having sex with multiple women in the same week if married to them would not seem to have been an abomination to God in the past. It doesn’t seem too much of a step then that sleeping with them at the same time would be a huge leap. These are just facts – you can’t use the bible to back up arguments if you are then going to ignore the other inconvenient examples in the bible that seem wrong. I often think about things like this in the bible and wonder why no one talks about it. There are things in the bible that I don’t understand. For example, I would consider anyone who took a baby lamb and killed it as a sacrifice to be extremely cruel. I’m not saying God is. I’m saying I just don’t get it. Also asking someone to kill their son. I don’t get that either. I know people can explain why it happened etc but if you heard about it in another religion – would you not think it odd? I just think Christians like to think of God in their terms and according to what they think and sometimes ignore the inconvenient stuff like cutting off of hands etc – that’s in the bible too. I saw a video of it being done in Saudi Arabia and it was barbaric.. I don’t understand why God allowed that to go in the bible. That brings me to another point. Since the books of the bible were chosen by religious clerics with some discarded and some left in – isn’t it hard to say that it is a divine book when it’s a collection of books selected by mere mortals? We know what happens when mankind gets involved with divine matters. The people that selected the books might have been the same type that condoned the crusades etc which surely were barbaric acts committed in the name of God. I think the threesome question was a valid one – because it’s about time people answered the difficult questions according to the bible and not according to how they have been conditioned to think. According to the bible it seems God would not find someone sleeping with multiple women a completely disgusting thing. Am I wrong?

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Hi Vincent,

      Yeah, I think you have some things sort of mixed up here. Firstly, the books of the Bible were just chosen arbitrarily by “some clerics”. They were filtered for consistency, and as a result many books were found not to be inspired, as they did not have a consistent message of salvation. The Bible today is not a man-made book. It’s too perfect to be one. There are no logical inconsistencies in it (though sometimes we have trouble seeing the underlying construct). So, while they may appear to have been selected by “mere mortals”, I sincerely believe God’s hand was in it. Otherwise, there’s no way a collection of books from dozens of authors could manage to be so consistent spanning thousands of years of teachings.

      Secondly, I don’t believe God ever condoned multiple wives. See this post for my thoughts on that.

  20. Vincent says:

    Someone above mentioned this verse too; ‘“If a man is found sleeping with another man’s wife, both the man who slept with her and the woman must die. You must purge the evil from Israel.”

    That being said – again – at some point it was biblical to murder 2 people if they were caught committing adultery. That seems clear. So should we view people who commit honour killings these days as doing something that God would be horrified at? You could argue that it’s no longer biblical but you can’t argue that God has never condoned it.. I’m saying these things to ask people’s opinions – not to stir up trouble by the way..

    1. Jay Dee says:

      No, you can’t argue that it’s no longer biblical. It’s in the bible, so it’s biblical. However, you can argue that it’s not longer applicable.

      Israel was a unique situation: a nation, a family and a religion. We have no structures like that left in the world. Likewise the world was a very different place. Yearly wars, atrocious temple practices, very little morality. God was protecting His people in that sort of context. In our culture today it’s hard, if not impossible, for us to appropriately judge what it would have been like in that era, living in those circumstances.

  21. Wonder Worrying Warrior says:

    I read the commentary and I really felt that it answered a question for me that I already knew the answer to. I am saved, but my wife isn’t. Granted my walk isn’t the most perfect, there are some things (that seem obvious) in regards to what you should and should not do when it comes to a Christian marriage (a threesome being one of them). When I was running around, unsaved, I participated in this behavior. It is not something I desire in my marriage. I have had marriage end due to adultery (on the wife’s part) and when I remarried, I thought (based off of discussions with my new wife) that these types of thinking and such are not to be a part of our marriage. Regardless of that, she hasn’t fully suppressed those urges. Granted she said that she will “be okay if I don’t want to” but the fact she “wants to” is hard for me to grasp. In an argument recently she stated that the sex in our marriage was BORING (despite my ability to pleasure her) and when I asked her “what would make sex not boring” this subject resurfaced. I heard many of you question how could someone be so “idiotic” to think that something so seemingly obvious exist in a Christian marriage. I truly feel that I am prime example that it is. It shouldn’t be a matter of whether I want to please my wife, but whether am I not pleasing God because I chose to indulge, or will I not please God because I chose not to make my wife happy. Many scripture speak of men being subject to their wives and don’t provoke them, wives be subject to their husbands, and for husbands to love the wife as much as God loved the church, but now am I in danger of losing the love from my wife because I knowingly choose to not please her in this way? Should I love her less because she thinks this way and I don’t? I was truly angry, then I had to ask myself, “if she doesn’t honor the sanctity of marriage (she is willing to let me sleep with another woman) then why should I? Could it be one of these things where she learns the hard way that it isn’t all our fantasies that need fulfilling? I know many of you will question my Christianity, just as much as someone may have questioned yours, but remember not a one of us is righteous. We are all trying to get there. I am trying not to lose my wife if God indeed tended for her to be with me (God’s will). If this is HIS will (as I have had a very sexually infused past), does it mean that it is okay to travel down this road? I have told her that an action of this magnitude could “open Pandora’s Box;” return me back to a life of sin that will easily ruin the home life I have grown to love these short 3 years.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. – Matthew 10:35-36

      Ultimately, the question is: Who will you follow? God or your wife.
      The Bible has many stories of what happens when you choose your spouse over God. Adam & Eve, Abram and Sarah, Samson and Delilah (I know, not married, but still).

      If you choose your wife, then yes, it’s likely you will draw further from God and you may both be lost. But, if you choose God over your wife, yes, you might lose your wife. But, you might show her how convicted you are and that might convict her. The Bible says unbelieving spouses are sanctified by their believing spouse. In other words, your righteous living can inspire them to change. But, that’s contingent on you going through the process of sanctification as well. If you abandon God and put your wife in His place, then you seem to know: it will ruin not only your marriage but also damage your relationship with God.

  22. Heartbroken in New Marriage says:

    Wow I am so glad I found this site. My husband keeps bringing up having a threesome. I made the mistake of doing it once before in a previous relationship. It changed the relationship dynamic forever. All I want is our marriage to be a commitment emotionally and physically between me and him. My husband says because he has never had a threesome and I have I should not be upset because he will never care about another girl how he cares about me. I’m devastated. I pray everyday that God will help him understand why he should not fulfill his fantasy. Our sex life can easily be good or I can be in tears feeling totally worthless. I have tried to learn how to do everything he likes and I feel like he is just wanting to engage in his pleasures and forget about our marriage and especially my feelings. I no longer feel loved or wanted in the same way by the man who I am still so in love with and completely committed to. He says I am making a big deal. I just can’t believe he would want to actually fulfill sleeping with another woman in a degrading animalistic way where me and the other woman are nothing but his pleasure harem. I have tried to talk to him about this however he hears what he wants to hear and makes me feel incredibly guilty. I know 100% on my part I have been completely faithful to him in the way that God intended, I pray everyday for help. I love him I’m so scared I’m going to be pressured into doing the threesome it will ruin our marriage the worst part I really don’t feel like he even cares.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      That’s a difficult circumstance to be in. I’m sorry that you’d still dealing with the fallout from past indiscretions.
      Your husband knows that you had a threesome in the past, have you also shared that it ruined the relationship?

      I’m hoping that past experience will keep you strong. Knowing that if you follow through, it will likely destroy your marriage as well.
      In the end, though, it’s really deciding who you will follow: your husband and God. If you cave to your husband’s desires in this, you will be violating God’s counsel for us, and I’m afraid you’ll likely deal with the natural consequences of that sin. That’s what He’s trying to protect us from, as you’ve found out in your own life.

      Your husband cannot force you to go against God’s will, however uncomfortable he makes it. But, if he continues to push you towards it, I highly suggest bringing in a third party. Someone who can act as a rational outside opinion who can speak to your husband and offer biblical counsel. Pastor, elder, friend, whatever. There must be someone in your life you trust that is worth the discomfort of bridging the topic in order to hopefully save your marriage if it comes to that.

      Don’t be pressured into it. Find help before that point. Please.

    2. Don says:

      So you were willing to have group sex before your husband, but now refuse the same with him. Do you not love him as much as your prior partner? I could see that this would make your husband feel like much kess of a man.

      1. Jay Dee says:

        I think you missed the point… She loves him more, that’s why she doesn’t want to. She’s seen what it can do to a relationship and doesn’t want to inflict that on her marriage. If anything, her husband should feel like more of a man because she wants to keep him to herself as well as keep their relationship intact.

  23. Anonymous says:

    It’s not that people are easily convinced of these unfeasible things, but rather they are just wallowing in sin, lust, and desire, and thereby rationalize their way into something like this.

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