Over the years, I’ve heard many people, men and women, say that they wish God would take away their sex drive. In our darkest days of marriage, I did the same myself. These days, I’m glad God didn’t grant me that wish. More recently, this topic has come up on my post about what to do with a sexually unadventurous spouse where some of the comments from frustrated readers have been suggesting this as a course of action. So, why do I think this is a bad idea? Two reasons.
It’s bad theology
I cannot think of a single instance in the Bible where God has answered a request from His people to break creation intentionally. He’s a Healer, not a doctor. He doesn’t remove infected pieces, parts that are causing us pain, or take things out of our life because they’re difficult. If He’s going to fix something, it will to be heal the brokenness, not to make the brokenness easier to deal with.
He doesn’t change us to be more accepting of sin, but rather, changes us to be able to withstand sin better. To be able to stand firmer, to be more compassionate, to have more self-control, to be more loving, while at the same time stronger against sin.
Most of the time I see spouses wanting to ask God to take away their sex drive because their spouse isn’t interested in having a sexual relationship, or at least, only on their own terms. But, asking God to take away your desire is asking God to take away your desire for a healthy relationship. It’s asking God to be okay with a broken relationship. It’s asking God to accept sin in our life and not to deal with it. In fact, it’s a plea to make it easier to accept our spouse’s sin.
How could God grant such a request?
It hinders God’s ability to heal the relationship
I’ve unfortunately been in contact with spouses who had been refusers in the past. In their marriages, they had taken veto power over sex and had either severely curtailed it, or shunned it completed. After years, or even decades, they realize their mistake. They repent, and ask for forgiveness from God and their spouse. But, by then, their spouse has managed to lower their own sex drive, usually by working diligently to stop being attracted to their spouse, because it hurt too much. The repentant spouse now finds the tables have turned. Now they want to have a fulfilling sexual relationship…and their husband or wife doesn’t.
This is what awaits some of those who wish for a lower sex drive. God won’t grant their request, and so they take it upon themselves, and in so doing, destroy any hope for the marriage.
Now, some may think “well, serves them right” for being refuses or gatekeepers so long, but I don’t believe that’s God’s reaction. I think He laments the loss of an opportunity for reconciliation.
So, I saw, don’t pray for God to take way your sex drive. Don’t ask God to be an accomplice in this sin. Don’t ask God to give up hope for your marriage. Instead, pray for reconciliation. Pray for healing. Pray for those things that are in keeping with God’s character, not against it.
37 Questions for spouses to ask each other about sex
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