Christians, Anal Sex and Anal Play

Jay Dee

Christians, Anal Sex and Anal Play

Jun 12, 2014

I’ve been getting questions about anal sex and Christian marriage almost since we launched the blog.  Every week, we get unfulfilled searches on our blog, emails from readers, and survey respondent comments asking about this topic.  I’ll be honest, I’ve shied away from it a

Christians Anal Sex Anal PlayI’ve been getting questions about anal sex and Christian marriage almost since we launched the blog.  Every week, we get unfulfilled searches on our blog, emails from readers, and survey respondent comments asking about this topic.  I’ll be honest, I’ve shied away from it a bit, because, well, it’s still considered a fairly taboo thing to discuss.  I finally decided to build a survey around the question of anal sex and Christianity last week.  Note: if you missed it, you can still fill it out here, we’ll continue to use the data when we post on similar topics.  Imagine my surprise when we got over 200 respondents in the first 24 hours!  A week later, we had 260 respondents on a topic I thought almost no one would touch!  I said that if you wanted a post, you’d have to answer the questions, and so you did.  Time for me to live up to my end of the bargain.  For this post, we’ll just go through the survey results.  I have had a few readers ask me to write a post on what the Bible says about anal sex, and I will write that post (I did, it’s here), but I think it would be too long to handle both in a sitting (both for me to write, and for you to read).

Anal Sex/Play survey results

Single Question Answers

Age

  • 20-24 – 4.4%
  • 25-29 – 8.4%
  • 30-34 – 13.2%
  • 35-39 – 19.6%
  • 40-44 – 16.8%
  • 45-49 – 13.2%
  • 50-54 – 14.0%
  • 55-59 – 6.0%
  • 60-64 – 2.4%
  • 65-69 – 1.6%
  • 75-79 – 0.4%

Spouse’s Age

  • 20-24 – 2.4%
  • 25-29 – 7.3%
  • 30-34 – 15.4%
  • 35-39 – 18.2%
  • 40-44 – 19.0%
  • 45-49 – 13.0%
  • 50-54 – 13.4%
  • 55-59 – 5.7%
  • 60-64 – 4.5%
  • 65-69 – 0.8%
  • 70-74 – 0.4%

Length of Marriage (so far)

  • 0-4 – 13.1%
  • 5-9 – 16.4%
  • 10-14 – 20.1%
  • 15-19 – 14.3%
  • 20-24 – 12.3%
  • 25-29 – 8.2%
  • 30-34 – 9.8%
  • 35-39 – 3.3%
  • 40-44 – 1.2%
  • 45-49 – 0.4%
  • 50-54 – 0.4%
  • 65-69 – 0.4%

Gender

  • Female – 38.4%
  • Male – 61.6%

Not quite our normal split, but given the topic, I understand why.

What church are you a part of?

To be honest, this question was a disaster.  There are so many factions, splits, sects, sub-denominations, acronyms and ways of saying you are non-denominational, that the data was useless.  I will try to find a better way of asking this in the future.

What is the structure within your marriage?

  • Egalitarian – 39.4%
  • Husband Leads – 57.1%
  • Wife Leads – 3.5%

I think I should have clarified this.  Some people answered in regards to their marriage in totality, some in regards to their bedroom.  We’ve asked these separately before in a previous survey, if you are interested in knowing more.

How often do you have sex?

  • We don’t have sex anymore – 1.9%
  • Less than once a year – 0.8%
  • Twice a year – 0.8%
  • Once a quarter / Once every 3 months- 2%
  • Once every two months – 0.4%
  • Once a month – 5.1%
  • Once every three weeks – 0.8%
  • Once every two weeks – 5.4%
  • Once a week – 18.7%
  • Twice a week – 28.4%
  • Three times a week – 17.5%
  • Four times a week – 9.7%
  • Five times a week – 4.7%
  • Six times a week – 1.9%
  • Once a day – 0.8%
  • Twice a day – 0.8%
  • More than twice a day – 0.4%

For those spouses who say “well everyone else does it more/less often!”  There is no consensus in “everyone else”, it’s all over the map.  But, if you are curious, the “average” is between 2 and 3 times per week.

I consider myself to be the _______ spouse in the bedroom

  • Dominant – 39.2%
  • Submissive – 17.7%
  • We switch – 26.2%
  • None of the above – 16.9%

What is your history of porn use?

  • I have never watched porn – 13.5%
  • I have watched porn in the past a handful of times or less – 40%
  • I have watched porn regularly in the past – 25.4%
  • I have been addicted to porn in the past – 11.9%
  • I currently watch porn regularly – 6.5%
  • I am currently addicted to porn – 0.8%
  • I am currently struggling to free myself from porn use – 9.6%

Note: People could select multiple options, so it won’t add up to 100%

Do you practice anal play in your marriage?

  • Yes – 47.7%
  • No – 52.3%

I really wasn’t expecting so close to a 50/50 split.

Note: The following questions were only answered by those who answered “No” to the above question.

Whose decision is it not to have this activity in the bedroom?

  • Mutual decision – 49.6%
  • My choice – 9.8%
  • Spouses’ choice – 40.6%

Have you ever tried anal play or anal sex?

  • I haven’t tried either – 49.6%
  • I’ve tried anal play – 23.0%
  • I’ve tried anal sex – 27.4%

If you have tried anal play or anal sex before, did you enjoy the experience?

  • No – 42.1%
  • Yes – 57.9%

The following questions are for those marriage who do employ anal play or anal sex

Which activities do you receive (are done to you) in your marriage?

  • Analingus (oral-anal sex) – 13.7%
  • Rubbing, but no penetration – 55.6%
  • Penetration with a finger – 50.8%
  • Penetration with a toy – 24.2%
  • Anal sex (with penis or strap-on) – 24.2%

Which activities does your spouse receive (are done to them) in your marriage?

  • Analingus (oral-anal sex) – 25.8%
  • Rubbing, but no penetration – 52.4%
  • Penetration with a finger – 52.4%
  • Penetration with a toy – 17.7%
  • Anal sex (with penis or strap-on) -17.7 %

How often is anal penetration a part of your love-making?

  • 0/10 – 13%
  • 1/10 – 27.6%
  • 2/10 – 23.6%
  • 3/10 – 13.8%
  • 4/10 – 6.5%
  • 5/10 – 7.3%
  • 6/10 – 1.6%
  • 7/10 – 4.1%
  • 8/10 – 0.8%
  • 9/10 – 1.6%

How often is anal sex a part of your love-making?

  • 0/10 – 32.2%
  • 1/10 – 30.6%
  • 2/10 – 16.5%
  • 3/10 – 7.3%
  • 4/10 – 9.1%
  • 5/10 – 2.5%
  • 6/10 – 0.0%
  • 7/10 – 1.7%
  • 8/10 – 0.0%
  • 9/10 – 0.0%

If you participate in giving anal play or anal sex, do you enjoy it?

  • Yes – 57.6%
  • No – 11.9%
  • I like seeing my spouse enjoy it – 30.5%

If you participate in receiving anal play or anal sex, do you enjoy it?

  • Yes – 85.7%
  • No – 14.3%

If you participate in anal sex, do you orgasm from this activity?

  • 0/10 – 43.0%
  • 1/10 – 8.4%
  • 2/10 – 3.7%
  • 3/10 – 3.7%
  • 4/10 – 0.9%
  • 5/10 – 7.5%
  • 6/10 – 1.9%
  • 7/10 – 5.6%
  • 8/10 – 2.8%
  • 9/10 – 6.5%
  • 10/10 – 15.9%

Separated by Gender

I’m going to choose a few that I find are interesting and do the split based on gender.  If I miss a comparison or stat that you want to see, let me know and I’ll add it.

What is the structure within your marriage?

  • 31.3% of wives say they are in a egalitarian marriage, and 64.6% say they are led by their husband.
  • 44.3% of husbands say they are in an egalitarian marriage, and 52.5% say that they lead their household.

This 13% difference is intriguing.  Here’s my guess:  I think marriages, in our culture, are by default controlled by the wife, and in most cases, the husband can only lead if the wife decides to submit.  It also shows that a larger percentage of my readers fall on the side of husband-led marriages in their philosophy/theology.  So, if my reader is a wife, and she agrees that the husband should lead, then it is more likely the husband will in fact lead (though not a given, some never pick up the role), whereas if my reader is a husband, and he agrees that the husband should lead…well, the wife still has to agree, going against our culture.

Sexual Frequency

  • Husbands – 2.1 times per week
  • Wives – 2.6 times per week

Not a large difference, but I think a similar rationale as the previous question occurs with this one.  Wives are generally the defacto gatekeeper of sex.

The mentality is just so different between men and women, it’s hard for women not to be the gatekeeper since (generally) men seem to always be ready for it anytime or anywhere. (At least in our case).  Exhaustion, headaches, babies crying in the night, doesn’t seem to stop them.  It takes A LOT for them not to be able.

I consider myself to be the _________ spouse in the bedroom

  • 56.0% of husbands say they are the dominant one in the bedroom with only 4.4% saying they are the submissive one, and about 20.1% and 19.5% respectively for “none of the above” and “we switch”.
  • 13.1% of wives say they are the dominant one in the bedroom with 39.4% saying they are submissive.  Another 35.3% say they switch and 12% say no one is.

These are fairly large differences.  I wonder how much of this can be attributed to my readers tending to be more pro-sex (and thus more likely to be the initiator or aggressor in the bedroom), and how much is attributed to differences in perceiving reality.

What is your history with porn use?

Husbands:

  • 4% have never watched porn
  • 30% have only watched porn a handful of times
  • 35% have watched porn regularly in the past
  • 19% have been addicted to porn in the past
  • 9% currently watch porn regularly
  • 14% are currently struggling to free themselves from porn use
  • and 1% admit to being addicted to porn

I find it amazing that 14% are struggling to free themselves, but only 1% admit they are addicted.  Can you still struggle if you aren’t addicted?  All told, 65% of men in this survey either have watched porn regularly, or do so now.  That is a sad statistic.  I say that as one who has struggled with this in the past as well.

The internet is such a blessing and a curse. Porn use is at an all time high, and more and more people are becoming OK with the fact that their spouse is using it.

Wives:

  • 29% have never watched porn
  • 56% have only watched porn a handful of times
  • 11% have watched porn regularly in the past
  • 0% have been addicted to porn in the past
  • 3% currently watch porn regularly
  • 3% are currently struggling to free themselves from porn use
  • and 0% admit to being addicted to porn

I’ll be honest, I don’t trust these ones.  I think the numbers are much higher.  This means only 15% currently watch porn, or have in the past, but I know statistically that number is higher.  I also know that, statistically, women are more likely to lie to themselves about this as well… 0% addiction, past or present, in a survey with around 100 wives…that would be a statistically anomaly.

I think we can safely say that the 3% currently watching regularly and are struggling to free themselves are addicted. 

MEN: Get yourselves a book called, “Every Man’s Battle“.

Women: I’m sure there is a book for you too, but I can’t think of it at the moment, I will find out the title though. I would suggest Pulling Back the Shades, which I hope to be reviewing soon, having just read it a couple of weeks ago.

Whose decision is it not to have this activity (anal sex or anal play) in the bedroom?

  • 41.5% of husbands say it is a mutual decision which 71.0% of wives say it is.
  • 3.2% of husbands say it is their decision and 26% of wives say it is their decision.
  • 55.3% of husbands say it is their wife’s decision, while 2.6% of wives say it is their husband’s decision not to.

We’ve seen this phenomenon before, where women tend to think decisions are mutual far more often than the men do.  And again, as with many things, the wives seem to generally be the gatekeepers of sex.  If they don’t want it, it’s not happening.  This isn’t a judgment, just a reality.

Plus men don’t want to force things on their wife, so if they have a discussion about it, and the women is hesitant to continue, men are going to say that it was her choice, but women are going to say it was mutual, cause in her mind they talked about it and they both agreed not to continue even though he wants to.

Have you tried anal play or anal sex?

  • 47.9% of husbands haven’t tried either, 55% of wives
  • 23.4% of husbands have tried anal play, 20% of wives
  • 28.7% of husbands have tried anal sex, 25% of wives

It seems the husbands are more experienced in this field somehow…

I’m confused if by tried, do they mean doing it their spouse or receiving it from their spouse?  Good point, I didn’t differentiate.

If you have tried anal play or anal sex before, did you enjoy the experience?

  • 71.7% of husbands say yes while 77.3% of wives say no.

Wow.  I can see why it’s not happening in these marriages.  What I am curious about is the 22.7% of wives who enjoyed the experience, but it is not a part of their bedroom activities.  9.5% of these women said it was their choice not to have this in their marriage, and another 9.5% said it was a mutual decision.  That means that 19% said they enjoyed the experience and then opted out.  For those who were curious as I was, their stated reasons were pain, discomfort, or health/cleanliness issues.  Question answered.

Which activities are spouses receiving in their marriages??

Note: this is a composite of what husbands and wives reported about themselves receiving, and what they provide to their spouses.

Husbands:

  • 21% rubbing, but no penetration
  • 33% penetration with a finger
  • 8% penetration with a toy
  • 8% anal sex
  • 4% analingus (oral-anal sex)

Wives:

  • 31% rubbing, but no penetration
  • 17% penetration with a finger
  • 12% penetration with a toy
  • 12% anal sex
  • 15% analingus (oral-anal sex)

You know, there’s an old sort of joke in of wives saying “you first” when it comes to anal sex/anal play.  Looks like a lot of husbands have taken that to heart, they aren’t lagging far behind, and when it comes to fingers, they’re way ahead.

What’s also interesting is that wives report much higher “anal play” involvement on their spouses”.  Is this a case of our female readers being more pro-sex again, or that the men are shy?  Turns it it’s the former, because the wives are reporting higher frequencies for the activities they receive as well.

How often is anal penetration a part of your love-making?

  • Husbands say 19.4% of the time, wives say 28.8% of the time.

I wish I had split this into two questions, one for giving and one for receiving, but oh well.

How often is anal sex a part of your love-making.

  • Husbands say 11.1% of the time, wives say 18.4% of the time.

I’ve got to admit, that’s higher than I thought.

If you participate in giving anal play or anal sex, do you enjoy it?

  • 20% of husbands say they enjoy seeing their wife enjoy it, while 42% of wives say the same about their husbands.
  • 1.5% of husbands say no, while 25% of wives say no.
  • 78.5% of husbands and 32.7% of wives say they enjoy doing this to their spouse.

If you participate in receiving anal play or anal sex, do you enjoy it?

  • 14.9% of husbands and 14% of wives say no.
  • 85% of husbands and 86% of wives say they enjoy receiving anal play/anal sex.

So, seems like people like receiving more than giving…I know this defies some theories out there…

If you participate in anal sex, do you orgasm from this activity?

  • 33.4% of husbands say yes
  • 38.1% of wives say yes

Again, I wish I had split this into two questions…or maybe four…

The anal sex – porn correlation

Okay, I have to admit, one of the big reasons I did this survey was to test this one out.  One of the largest arguments against anal sex is that “it’s only because of porn!”, which as a rule, I hate that argument, whether it’s about anal sex, oral sex, doggy style, bondage, or whatever.  So, we’ve got a fair bit of data here, let’s see what comes out.

Let’s check those who have watched or currently do watch porn regularly against those who practice anal sex or anal play in their marriage.  What do we get?

  • Of those who have a history of regular porn use, 54.2% don’t participate in any anal play in their marriage.
  • Of those who have no or little exposure to porn, 49.3% do participate in anal play in their marriage bed
  • 90.3% of wives who have anal sex have had zero exposure to porn
  • Those who have little to no exposure to porn tend to have anal sex more often

I think this theory might be busted. Especially for those 90% of women who have it and never been exposed to porn, wow, that is shocking!

Frequency of sex vs. anal play

I’m always curious what the correlation between different activities and sexual frequency.  There seems to be a rule that the more activities you participate in, the more sex you have (on average, statistically, of course there are couples who live outside of the statistic norm).  This one is no different.

  • Couples who practice anal play or anal sex in their marriage on average have sex 0.6 times more per week (2.6 compared to 2.0)
  • Couples (even if they don’t practice anal play or anal sex in their marriage) who have tried it in the past see a 0.2 times per week increase over those who haven’t

In fact, there is an interesting escalation of sexual frequency according to what activities couples partake of:

  • Oral-anal sex on wife – 2.4 times per week
  • Finger penetration on husband – 2.6 times per week
  • Rubbing wife (no penetration) – 2.6 times per week
  • Rubbing husband (no penetration) – 3.2 times per week
  • Finger penetration on wife – 2.8 times per week
  • Oral-anal sex on husband – 2.8 times per week
  • Toy penetration on wife – 3.4 times per week
  • Toy penetration on husband – 3.4 times per week
  • Wife receiving anal sex – 3.4 times per week
  • Husband receiving anal sex – 3.4 times per week

It seems as soon as you move to something larger than a finger penetrating either spouse, the sex starts to ramp up.  A jump of 2.8 times per week up to 3.4 times per week.  Oh, and the more of these activities a couple incorporates, the more sex they seem to have (2 times per week for no activities, up to 3.7 times for 9 activities, no one is doing all 10 it seems).  Note: I’m not saying this is causative, I’m just sharing what the data says.

Your Turn

So, that’s the data and what I saw in it.  If I missed a comparison you’d like to see, let me know in the comments below, or you can email us if you prefer.  What did you think?  Did anything in the data surprise you?

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