Christians, Anal Sex and Anal Play

Jay Dee

Christians, Anal Sex and Anal Play

Jun 12, 2014

I’ve been getting questions about anal sex and Christian marriage almost since we launched the blog.  Every week, we get unfulfilled searches on our blog, emails from readers, and survey respondent comments asking about this topic.  I’ll be honest, I’ve shied away from

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Christians Anal Sex Anal PlayI’ve been getting questions about anal sex and Christian marriage almost since we launched the blog.  Every week, we get unfulfilled searches on our blog, emails from readers, and survey respondent comments asking about this topic.  I’ll be honest, I’ve shied away from it a bit, because, well, it’s still considered a fairly taboo thing to discuss.  I finally decided to build a survey around the question of anal sex and Christianity last week.  Note: if you missed it, you can still fill it out here, we’ll continue to use the data when we post on similar topics.  Imagine my surprise when we got over 200 respondents in the first 24 hours!  A week later, we had 260 respondents on a topic I thought almost no one would touch!  I said that if you wanted a post, you’d have to answer the questions, and so you did.  Time for me to live up to my end of the bargain.  For this post, we’ll just go through the survey results.  I have had a few readers ask me to write a post on what the Bible says about anal sex, and I will write that post (I did, it’s here), but I think it would be too long to handle both in a sitting (both for me to write, and for you to read).

Anal Sex/Play survey results

Single Question Answers

Age

  • 20-24 – 4.4%
  • 25-29 – 8.4%
  • 30-34 – 13.2%
  • 35-39 – 19.6%
  • 40-44 – 16.8%
  • 45-49 – 13.2%
  • 50-54 – 14.0%
  • 55-59 – 6.0%
  • 60-64 – 2.4%
  • 65-69 – 1.6%
  • 75-79 – 0.4%

Spouse’s Age

  • 20-24 – 2.4%
  • 25-29 – 7.3%
  • 30-34 – 15.4%
  • 35-39 – 18.2%
  • 40-44 – 19.0%
  • 45-49 – 13.0%
  • 50-54 – 13.4%
  • 55-59 – 5.7%
  • 60-64 – 4.5%
  • 65-69 – 0.8%
  • 70-74 – 0.4%

Length of Marriage (so far)

  • 0-4 – 13.1%
  • 5-9 – 16.4%
  • 10-14 – 20.1%
  • 15-19 – 14.3%
  • 20-24 – 12.3%
  • 25-29 – 8.2%
  • 30-34 – 9.8%
  • 35-39 – 3.3%
  • 40-44 – 1.2%
  • 45-49 – 0.4%
  • 50-54 – 0.4%
  • 65-69 – 0.4%

Gender

  • Female – 38.4%
  • Male – 61.6%

Not quite our normal split, but given the topic, I understand why.

What church are you a part of?

To be honest, this question was a disaster.  There are so many factions, splits, sects, sub-denominations, acronyms and ways of saying you are non-denominational, that the data was useless.  I will try to find a better way of asking this in the future.

What is the structure within your marriage?

  • Egalitarian – 39.4%
  • Husband Leads – 57.1%
  • Wife Leads – 3.5%

I think I should have clarified this.  Some people answered in regards to their marriage in totality, some in regards to their bedroom.  We’ve asked these separately before in a previous survey, if you are interested in knowing more.

How often do you have sex?

  • We don’t have sex anymore – 1.9%
  • Less than once a year – 0.8%
  • Twice a year – 0.8%
  • Once a quarter / Once every 3 months- 2%
  • Once every two months – 0.4%
  • Once a month – 5.1%
  • Once every three weeks – 0.8%
  • Once every two weeks – 5.4%
  • Once a week – 18.7%
  • Twice a week – 28.4%
  • Three times a week – 17.5%
  • Four times a week – 9.7%
  • Five times a week – 4.7%
  • Six times a week – 1.9%
  • Once a day – 0.8%
  • Twice a day – 0.8%
  • More than twice a day – 0.4%

For those spouses who say “well everyone else does it more/less often!”  There is no consensus in “everyone else”, it’s all over the map.  But, if you are curious, the “average” is between 2 and 3 times per week.

I consider myself to be the _______ spouse in the bedroom

  • Dominant – 39.2%
  • Submissive – 17.7%
  • We switch – 26.2%
  • None of the above – 16.9%

What is your history of porn use?

  • I have never watched porn – 13.5%
  • I have watched porn in the past a handful of times or less – 40%
  • I have watched porn regularly in the past – 25.4%
  • I have been addicted to porn in the past – 11.9%
  • I currently watch porn regularly – 6.5%
  • I am currently addicted to porn – 0.8%
  • I am currently struggling to free myself from porn use – 9.6%

Note: People could select multiple options, so it won’t add up to 100%

Do you practice anal play in your marriage?

  • Yes – 47.7%
  • No – 52.3%

I really wasn’t expecting so close to a 50/50 split.

Note: The following questions were only answered by those who answered “No” to the above question.

Whose decision is it not to have this activity in the bedroom?

  • Mutual decision – 49.6%
  • My choice – 9.8%
  • Spouses’ choice – 40.6%

Have you ever tried anal play or anal sex?

  • I haven’t tried either – 49.6%
  • I’ve tried anal play – 23.0%
  • I’ve tried anal sex – 27.4%

If you have tried anal play or anal sex before, did you enjoy the experience?

  • No – 42.1%
  • Yes – 57.9%

The following questions are for those marriage who do employ anal play or anal sex

Which activities do you receive (are done to you) in your marriage?

  • Analingus (oral-anal sex) – 13.7%
  • Rubbing, but no penetration – 55.6%
  • Penetration with a finger – 50.8%
  • Penetration with a toy – 24.2%
  • Anal sex (with penis or strap-on) – 24.2%

Which activities does your spouse receive (are done to them) in your marriage?

  • Analingus (oral-anal sex) – 25.8%
  • Rubbing, but no penetration – 52.4%
  • Penetration with a finger – 52.4%
  • Penetration with a toy – 17.7%
  • Anal sex (with penis or strap-on) -17.7 %

How often is anal penetration a part of your love-making?

  • 0/10 – 13%
  • 1/10 – 27.6%
  • 2/10 – 23.6%
  • 3/10 – 13.8%
  • 4/10 – 6.5%
  • 5/10 – 7.3%
  • 6/10 – 1.6%
  • 7/10 – 4.1%
  • 8/10 – 0.8%
  • 9/10 – 1.6%

How often is anal sex a part of your love-making?

  • 0/10 – 32.2%
  • 1/10 – 30.6%
  • 2/10 – 16.5%
  • 3/10 – 7.3%
  • 4/10 – 9.1%
  • 5/10 – 2.5%
  • 6/10 – 0.0%
  • 7/10 – 1.7%
  • 8/10 – 0.0%
  • 9/10 – 0.0%

If you participate in giving anal play or anal sex, do you enjoy it?

  • Yes – 57.6%
  • No – 11.9%
  • I like seeing my spouse enjoy it – 30.5%

If you participate in receiving anal play or anal sex, do you enjoy it?

  • Yes – 85.7%
  • No – 14.3%

If you participate in anal sex, do you orgasm from this activity?

  • 0/10 – 43.0%
  • 1/10 – 8.4%
  • 2/10 – 3.7%
  • 3/10 – 3.7%
  • 4/10 – 0.9%
  • 5/10 – 7.5%
  • 6/10 – 1.9%
  • 7/10 – 5.6%
  • 8/10 – 2.8%
  • 9/10 – 6.5%
  • 10/10 – 15.9%

Separated by Gender

I’m going to choose a few that I find are interesting and do the split based on gender.  If I miss a comparison or stat that you want to see, let me know and I’ll add it.

What is the structure within your marriage?

  • 31.3% of wives say they are in a egalitarian marriage, and 64.6% say they are led by their husband.
  • 44.3% of husbands say they are in an egalitarian marriage, and 52.5% say that they lead their household.

This 13% difference is intriguing.  Here’s my guess:  I think marriages, in our culture, are by default controlled by the wife, and in most cases, the husband can only lead if the wife decides to submit.  It also shows that a larger percentage of my readers fall on the side of husband-led marriages in their philosophy/theology.  So, if my reader is a wife, and she agrees that the husband should lead, then it is more likely the husband will in fact lead (though not a given, some never pick up the role), whereas if my reader is a husband, and he agrees that the husband should lead…well, the wife still has to agree, going against our culture.

Sexual Frequency

  • Husbands – 2.1 times per week
  • Wives – 2.6 times per week

Not a large difference, but I think a similar rationale as the previous question occurs with this one.  Wives are generally the defacto gatekeeper of sex.

The mentality is just so different between men and women, it’s hard for women not to be the gatekeeper since (generally) men seem to always be ready for it anytime or anywhere. (At least in our case).  Exhaustion, headaches, babies crying in the night, doesn’t seem to stop them.  It takes A LOT for them not to be able.

I consider myself to be the _________ spouse in the bedroom

  • 56.0% of husbands say they are the dominant one in the bedroom with only 4.4% saying they are the submissive one, and about 20.1% and 19.5% respectively for “none of the above” and “we switch”.
  • 13.1% of wives say they are the dominant one in the bedroom with 39.4% saying they are submissive.  Another 35.3% say they switch and 12% say no one is.

These are fairly large differences.  I wonder how much of this can be attributed to my readers tending to be more pro-sex (and thus more likely to be the initiator or aggressor in the bedroom), and how much is attributed to differences in perceiving reality.

What is your history with porn use?

Husbands:

  • 4% have never watched porn
  • 30% have only watched porn a handful of times
  • 35% have watched porn regularly in the past
  • 19% have been addicted to porn in the past
  • 9% currently watch porn regularly
  • 14% are currently struggling to free themselves from porn use
  • and 1% admit to being addicted to porn

I find it amazing that 14% are struggling to free themselves, but only 1% admit they are addicted.  Can you still struggle if you aren’t addicted?  All told, 65% of men in this survey either have watched porn regularly, or do so now.  That is a sad statistic.  I say that as one who has struggled with this in the past as well.

The internet is such a blessing and a curse. Porn use is at an all time high, and more and more people are becoming OK with the fact that their spouse is using it.

Wives:

  • 29% have never watched porn
  • 56% have only watched porn a handful of times
  • 11% have watched porn regularly in the past
  • 0% have been addicted to porn in the past
  • 3% currently watch porn regularly
  • 3% are currently struggling to free themselves from porn use
  • and 0% admit to being addicted to porn

I’ll be honest, I don’t trust these ones.  I think the numbers are much higher.  This means only 15% currently watch porn, or have in the past, but I know statistically that number is higher.  I also know that, statistically, women are more likely to lie to themselves about this as well… 0% addiction, past or present, in a survey with around 100 wives…that would be a statistically anomaly.

I think we can safely say that the 3% currently watching regularly and are struggling to free themselves are addicted. 

MEN: Get yourselves a book called, “Every Man’s Battle“.

Women: I’m sure there is a book for you too, but I can’t think of it at the moment, I will find out the title though. I would suggest Pulling Back the Shades, which I hope to be reviewing soon, having just read it a couple of weeks ago.

Whose decision is it not to have this activity (anal sex or anal play) in the bedroom?

  • 41.5% of husbands say it is a mutual decision which 71.0% of wives say it is.
  • 3.2% of husbands say it is their decision and 26% of wives say it is their decision.
  • 55.3% of husbands say it is their wife’s decision, while 2.6% of wives say it is their husband’s decision not to.

We’ve seen this phenomenon before, where women tend to think decisions are mutual far more often than the men do.  And again, as with many things, the wives seem to generally be the gatekeepers of sex.  If they don’t want it, it’s not happening.  This isn’t a judgment, just a reality.

Plus men don’t want to force things on their wife, so if they have a discussion about it, and the women is hesitant to continue, men are going to say that it was her choice, but women are going to say it was mutual, cause in her mind they talked about it and they both agreed not to continue even though he wants to.

Have you tried anal play or anal sex?

  • 47.9% of husbands haven’t tried either, 55% of wives
  • 23.4% of husbands have tried anal play, 20% of wives
  • 28.7% of husbands have tried anal sex, 25% of wives

It seems the husbands are more experienced in this field somehow…

I’m confused if by tried, do they mean doing it their spouse or receiving it from their spouse?  Good point, I didn’t differentiate.

If you have tried anal play or anal sex before, did you enjoy the experience?

  • 71.7% of husbands say yes while 77.3% of wives say no.

Wow.  I can see why it’s not happening in these marriages.  What I am curious about is the 22.7% of wives who enjoyed the experience, but it is not a part of their bedroom activities.  9.5% of these women said it was their choice not to have this in their marriage, and another 9.5% said it was a mutual decision.  That means that 19% said they enjoyed the experience and then opted out.  For those who were curious as I was, their stated reasons were pain, discomfort, or health/cleanliness issues.  Question answered.

Which activities are spouses receiving in their marriages??

Note: this is a composite of what husbands and wives reported about themselves receiving, and what they provide to their spouses.

Husbands:

  • 21% rubbing, but no penetration
  • 33% penetration with a finger
  • 8% penetration with a toy
  • 8% anal sex
  • 4% analingus (oral-anal sex)

Wives:

  • 31% rubbing, but no penetration
  • 17% penetration with a finger
  • 12% penetration with a toy
  • 12% anal sex
  • 15% analingus (oral-anal sex)

You know, there’s an old sort of joke in of wives saying “you first” when it comes to anal sex/anal play.  Looks like a lot of husbands have taken that to heart, they aren’t lagging far behind, and when it comes to fingers, they’re way ahead.

What’s also interesting is that wives report much higher “anal play” involvement on their spouses”.  Is this a case of our female readers being more pro-sex again, or that the men are shy?  Turns it it’s the former, because the wives are reporting higher frequencies for the activities they receive as well.

How often is anal penetration a part of your love-making?

  • Husbands say 19.4% of the time, wives say 28.8% of the time.

I wish I had split this into two questions, one for giving and one for receiving, but oh well.

How often is anal sex a part of your love-making.

  • Husbands say 11.1% of the time, wives say 18.4% of the time.

I’ve got to admit, that’s higher than I thought.

If you participate in giving anal play or anal sex, do you enjoy it?

  • 20% of husbands say they enjoy seeing their wife enjoy it, while 42% of wives say the same about their husbands.
  • 1.5% of husbands say no, while 25% of wives say no.
  • 78.5% of husbands and 32.7% of wives say they enjoy doing this to their spouse.

If you participate in receiving anal play or anal sex, do you enjoy it?

  • 14.9% of husbands and 14% of wives say no.
  • 85% of husbands and 86% of wives say they enjoy receiving anal play/anal sex.

So, seems like people like receiving more than giving…I know this defies some theories out there…

If you participate in anal sex, do you orgasm from this activity?

  • 33.4% of husbands say yes
  • 38.1% of wives say yes

Again, I wish I had split this into two questions…or maybe four…

The anal sex – porn correlation

Okay, I have to admit, one of the big reasons I did this survey was to test this one out.  One of the largest arguments against anal sex is that “it’s only because of porn!”, which as a rule, I hate that argument, whether it’s about anal sex, oral sex, doggy style, bondage, or whatever.  So, we’ve got a fair bit of data here, let’s see what comes out.

Let’s check those who have watched or currently do watch porn regularly against those who practice anal sex or anal play in their marriage.  What do we get?

  • Of those who have a history of regular porn use, 54.2% don’t participate in any anal play in their marriage.
  • Of those who have no or little exposure to porn, 49.3% do participate in anal play in their marriage bed
  • 90.3% of wives who have anal sex have had zero exposure to porn
  • Those who have little to no exposure to porn tend to have anal sex more often

I think this theory might be busted. Especially for those 90% of women who have it and never been exposed to porn, wow, that is shocking!

Frequency of sex vs. anal play

I’m always curious what the correlation between different activities and sexual frequency.  There seems to be a rule that the more activities you participate in, the more sex you have (on average, statistically, of course there are couples who live outside of the statistic norm).  This one is no different.

  • Couples who practice anal play or anal sex in their marriage on average have sex 0.6 times more per week (2.6 compared to 2.0)
  • Couples (even if they don’t practice anal play or anal sex in their marriage) who have tried it in the past see a 0.2 times per week increase over those who haven’t

In fact, there is an interesting escalation of sexual frequency according to what activities couples partake of:

  • Oral-anal sex on wife – 2.4 times per week
  • Finger penetration on husband – 2.6 times per week
  • Rubbing wife (no penetration) – 2.6 times per week
  • Rubbing husband (no penetration) – 3.2 times per week
  • Finger penetration on wife – 2.8 times per week
  • Oral-anal sex on husband – 2.8 times per week
  • Toy penetration on wife – 3.4 times per week
  • Toy penetration on husband – 3.4 times per week
  • Wife receiving anal sex – 3.4 times per week
  • Husband receiving anal sex – 3.4 times per week

It seems as soon as you move to something larger than a finger penetrating either spouse, the sex starts to ramp up.  A jump of 2.8 times per week up to 3.4 times per week.  Oh, and the more of these activities a couple incorporates, the more sex they seem to have (2 times per week for no activities, up to 3.7 times for 9 activities, no one is doing all 10 it seems).  Note: I’m not saying this is causative, I’m just sharing what the data says.

Your Turn

So, that’s the data and what I saw in it.  If I missed a comparison you’d like to see, let me know in the comments below, or you can email us if you prefer.  What did you think?  Did anything in the data surprise you?

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35 thoughts on “Christians, Anal Sex and Anal Play”

  1. Dan says:

    It is possible (likely?) those engaging in penetration with something larger than a finger are more adventurous and more sensual in nature and thus are more inclined to more frequent sex and more experimentation as they look for a more stimulating experience. Sensualist always looking for more. I couldn’t put to together from the over-whelming stats, but did you find more “bigger than a finger” penetration to the men in that population and more orgasmic response in both sexes in the same. Nothing quite as stimulating as feeling “naughty” and breaking a taboo for a lot of people.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Could you clarify what stat you are looking for? I’m not exactly sure what you want pulled.

      1. Dan says:

        To tell you the truth Jay Dee, after reading that comment, even I’m not sure what “population” I am talking about.

        I think what I was looking to postulate and find proof for was that those who enjoy being penetrated my something bigger than a finger are more inclined to orgasm during anal play or sex because they may be more sensualistic in their nature. I.E. If you are actively seeking a heightened sexual experience beyond the “norm” (penetration by a dildo or penis) you are likely more inclined to be open to and and actively seeking an orgasm during anal play.

        Below are the stats and comments that led me to that postulation:

        It seems as soon as you move to something larger than a finger penetrating either spouse, the sex starts to ramp up. A jump of 2.8 times per week up to 3.4 times per week. Oh, and the more of these activities a couple incorporates, the more sex they seem to have…[This is the sensualist (my term and description) population I believe I was talking about.

        Note: this is a composite of what husbands and wives reported about themselves receiving, and what they provide to their spouses.

        Husbands:

        21% rubbing, but no penetration
        33% penetration with a finger
        8% penetration with a toy
        8% anal sex
        4% analingus (oral-anal sex)

        If you participate in anal sex, do you orgasm from this activity?

        33.4% of husbands say yes
        38.1% of wives say yes

  2. Chand says:

    Interesting. Thanks

    1. Jay Dee says:

      You’re welcome

  3. Chad says:

    I let my wife know that I was curious about trying anal sex, she said no. I feel that it is ok between a husband and wife and my wife seems to be warming up to the idea over time. I told her that being willing to try it for me is not enough, she would have to be interested or courious too. I have done a lot of research on the topic, to much to be honest. Stats and what other people are doing really do not matter. What is ok by God and what YOUR spouse is comfortable with is what is important. This is really somthing the the *wife* has to want to do. If she does not you have to let it go. I don’t believe that it is what God intended and we have to be especially carefull with this practice. Just my thoughts on the subject…

    1. Jay Dee says:

      No argument there.

  4. Robyn Gibson says:

    “It seems as soon as you move to something larger than a finger penetrating either spouse, the sex starts to ramp up. A jump of 2.8 times per week up to 3.4 times per week. Oh, and the more of these activities a couple incorporates, the more sex they seem to have …”

    Could it be that by breaking through a barrier of inhibition, desire is truly realized and experimentation is more freely welcomed? — thus leading to more sex. Not that is about anal sex; but rather that it’s the catalyst?

    1. Jay Dee says:

      I think that’s very plausible.

    2. Dan says:

      I agree Robyn. That and my feeling that those who go beyond intercourse have a less inhibited, more sensual nature and are willing to experiment in the quest to feed their desire for a more intense experience, particularly an intense, prolonged and global orgasm—stronger contractions, more and longer contractions, and involving as many body parts as possible. I also feel, the further they will deviate from the “norm”, the greater their degree of sensuality and reduced inhibitions. (I hate using “normal” when referring to sexuality. I’m with Marty Klein to a point when it comes to “normal” sex.

  5. Papa says:

    Jay I respect your posts alot because you’re usually bible based. But I must say in this your survey it is a flop. The frequency or the statistically values DOES NOT make it acceptable before God. Does the high statistics of porn users make pron acceptable to God. There will ALWAYS be a foolish majority. I think the statistics of SINNERS in the world told far out numbers those living in obedience to the Holy Spirit. What other animal created by God practices anal play or sex? Isn’t nature a good enough teacher? So your statistics and survey does NOT hold water. Anal sex and play is and still REMAINS sinful.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Hi Papa,

      I agree that statistics do not equate to validity of the act. But, you’re going to have to back up your statement with scripture if you intend for it to “hold water”.
      And, I wouldn’t generally use the animal kingdom’s practices as validity for sex, marriage, or any other human behaviour, but that said…giraffes have been known to engage in anal sex.

  6. FarAboveRubies says:

    It’s interesting that the entire pelvic floor responds with contractions during orgasm. This includes the anal area. It’s hard to department out one part of the body when it’s the whole body that responds. It’s kind of hard to get away from that. My understanding is that the bible tells us what is NOT allowed (sex outside of marriage, sex with animals, same sex). It says very little about what IS allowed. I’m looking forward to seeing what you find in scriptures about this stuff. The proof is in His word. Perhaps Part 2, Jay?

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Oh, definitely. I see now that I probably should have done that post first…

  7. Bonnie @ Love, Marriage and Sex says:

    These results don’t really surprise me but I am glad that people were so honest (at least amount most items, I think). I think this subject is becoming less and less taboo but there are still those who want to hang on to the whole “it’s a sin” thing. But then again people really like to decide themselves that everything they don’t like or that makes them uncomfortable to think about is a “sin”. But I agree with Robyn and Dan that willingness to participate in and enjoy anal sex is a good indicator that a couple is seeking a higher and greater sexual experience, and that is what is important to sustained and satisfying sexual intimacy in marriage. I am excited to read part 2!

  8. Anon says:

    I think you should have totally differentiated between anal play and anal sex throughout the survey. Play is much different from full sex/penetration (or whatever you want to call it). Penetration was excruciatingly painful for me however play and rubbing can be enjoyable. It made the survey very difficult to answer. You also didn’t mention anything about porn being a factor when a spouse has had or has an addiction and that’s the reason the other doesn’t t want to participate – it’s not their own use that’s a factor it’s their spouses!

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Thanks for the feedback, I will try to address these issues in the future.

  9. [email protected] says:

    I’m in the middle of reading this post but thought I could share some experience. As one who struggles with pornography I’m finding slowly recovery through sexaholics anonymous and working the 12 steps. Just passing it along to those that may not realize there are 12 step programs for those who struggle with lust because SA eals with lust not sex actions only.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Thanks for sharing that there is help out there.

  10. Adam C says:

    I know this is almost a year after the last post but I wonder something. If anal sex is wrong why can we men be so attracted to our wife’s butts. I know it may sound like a stupid question but i wonder. I love my wife’s butt. I love her whole body but her butt is so amazing. And I want to have anal sex but I doubt when I see that many says it is a sin but I wonder why then. Why is the butt attractive to me. Is it wrong to be attracted to my wife’s butt. Is that a feeling that came with the fall? I really hate that I don’t know. Maybe i should kill my desire and my longing for my wife’s butt. Maybe I shouldn’t think it’s beautiful.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Personally I think that it’s been considered taboo because you can’t procreate as a result of anal sex, and according to The Church, for centuries, sex without the ability to procreate was considered sin. I think that’s the underlying cause. Now, many people will give many reasons and rationalizations otherwise, but as so often happens, the root cause gets buried in antiquity, and then we build theologies to justify tradition.

  11. David says:

    This was very interesting. My only problem was this comment: “The mentality is just so different between men and women, it’s hard for women not to be the gatekeeper since (generally) men seem to always be ready for it anytime or anywhere. (At least in our case).” This person has experience with ONE man. How can this person post such a generalized comment? I can’t keep up with my wife’s sexual appetite.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Well, she said “generally”…and “in our case”, and I linked to a post that talks about higher-drive wives. I’m not sure how much more of a disclaimer you want…

  12. Math teacher says:

    Very interesting. Just want to point out from a statistical perspective that these statistics are very likely to be screwed from true averages. This is because it was a volutary survey about a particular topic. Thus, the people who would voluntarily take the time to take this survey about anal sex do not necessarily truly represent the full population of even the readership of this blog much less the entire Christian community. Its impossible to say, for example, that half of couples actually do participate in anal play. It’s still very interesting and helpful but we don’t want to assume too much from the numbers.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Well yeah. It’s also not enough people to count a true statistical average. Plus, we’re also only surveying those who have computers and access to internet as well as my readers are generally more sex-positive than the average Christian. No volunteer survey done over the internet is ever going to be perfect. Someone makes a comment about that in every one I run and often I mention it in the survey results myself. Still, I think it’s enough to note plausible correlations and trends.

      So, yes, we can’t say half of Christian do, only that half of those who filled out the survey do. But we can assume some things:
      Porn is not always the cause.
      You’re not abnormal if you engage in this type of play.
      Nothing is wrong with you because you enjoy these sensations.

      I think that has some value.

  13. John says:

    That is an interesting article, but in the process I find two issues. One, I find it interesting that in the quest to be more sensual and uninhibited sexually, it seems like it becomes easier to push the envelope as to what is acceptable or not in the sight of God. Being led by what is sensual and what we desire sensually can be very dangerous spiritually speaking. The second issue I find is the apparent oversight of a Scripture passage that would seem to address the issue of anal sex, Romans 1:27-29. It would seem obvious to me that this passage indirectly refers to anal sex, and if that is true then we have our answer as to what is or is not acceptable to God. In the current state of our culture and societal attitudes I can understand why that passage would be avoided, which then opens the door to accept conclusions based on what we find sensually appealing apart from what God actually tells us in His Word. So, I would like to give a word of caution as to the trap of pushing the envelope of what is and is not acceptable in the sight of God, and to discount or disregard passages that may speak to the issues and subject matter being addressed.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Hi John,

      Looks like you’re entire argument hinges on that passage:

      and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.

      And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips,
      – Romans 1:27-29 (ESV)

      And I think you’ve thrown a lot of pre-interpretation into it. This passage as no direct mention of anal sex, or heterosexual sex (except to say they gave it up). While you may say that this passage indirectly refers to anal sex, then you also have to assume that it might indirectly refer to kissing, oral sex, manual sex, all of which homosexual couples do. This passage is very clear that the “unnatural relations” are that it was with someone of the same sex. In fact, just a version above this, it has the same warning against female-female relationship, during which (without some extra apparatus), anal sex can’t be indicated, nor would it be immediately considered.

      Personally, I don’t possibly see how this passage could be talking about anal sex, anal play or anything else anal without going through some hoops or making some prejudgments. But, I’d love to know your thoughts, since you didn’t really explain your thoughts there, you just took it as fact that that passage is about anal sex.

      That said, I do agree that we have to be careful about what boundaries we push and explore. That’s why I write a lot of these posts, because in the heat of the moment, it’s easy to just ignore good, healthy, moral boundaries. But, in this case, I can’t see one given in scripture, and I’ve yet to hear anyone give a scriptural argument for it that’s stood basic scrutiny.

      1. John says:

        Hi, Jay.

        While you may disagree, I don’t think I’ve thrown any pre-interpretation into that passage, but I also think that some pretty logical conclusions within that passage are being overlooked. You said, ” While you may say that this passage indirectly refers to anal sex, then you also have to assume that it might indirectly refer to kissing, oral sex, manual sex, all of which homosexual couples do.”, and I do not agree with that assumption. I do not take the “all or nothing” mindset you are suggesting, and to do so would clearly conflict with other passages.

        You also mentioned that the previous verse relates to female-female relationships, but I believe the stronger argument is that it is referring to bestiality, something that was practiced in Paul’s day, especially since it does not mention women with women, but instead that women exchanged natural relations for those that were contrary to or opposite to nature. To infer that passage as referring to female-female relationships is an assumption, a pre-interpretation as you would say, and is in my opinion an inconsistent interpretation of Scripture, especially when you discount my assertion that anal sex is indirectly mentioned in verse 27 simply because it does not specifically mention anal.

        I believe the context of these passages pertains directly to intercourse, whether it is between male and female, female and animal (or male with animal), or male with male. Whether or not you choose to agree with that position, I believe that is the most logical conclusion based on what is being said. Furthermore, the passage does not infer that what was being done between two men was wrong because it was between two men, but rather that the act was wrong to begin with, and that they had no shame or sense of remorse, in other words their conscience was seared, to engage in such behavior between themselves. So, what could that one thing be that was so wrong and shameful that two men could engage in? We know that Scripture speaks in the positive to intercourse between a man and a woman, kissing, and even oral sex, so where does that leave us? We also know that the Apostle Paul is not referring to male with animal relations since he clearly indicates men with men. So, the logical conclusion would be, since they gave up the natural use of a vagina for which only a female can provide, that they were then engaging in anal sex, the primary activity for which homosexual men are commonly known to participate in.

        It is on that basis that I believe Scripture is clearly referring to anal sex in these passages, as well as other passages relating to sexual relations between two men. After all, I believe that approach more closely resembles the approach you use to support oral sex, of which I do agree with, but which you discount when looking at the above passage. One can say the passages in Song of Solomon refer to something other than oral sex, and many do say that, but while those passages don’t specifically say or indicate oral sex does not negate that they could as you suggest, and as I believe it does.

        Just some things to consider, and I hope that gives you a better understanding of where I’m coming from on this subject.

        1. John says:

          Any thoughts regarding what I shared, Jay?

          1. Jay Dee says:

            Sorry, I’ve been off sick the last few days with a fever.

            But, I don’t see your viewpoint here. If we look again at the passage it says “the women exchange natural intercourse for unnatural, and in the same way, also the men, giving up natural intercourse with women were consumed with passion for one another.”

            Now, if the women and men were sinning “in the same way”, and the men were having sex with men then, to me, the simplest explanation would be that the women were having sex with women. Seems cut and dry.

            1. John says:

              Okay. I disagree, but that’s okay. I just find it interesting that while Paul makes a point of specifically mentioning men with men, he doesn’t do that when speaking about women, some of whom at that time were also experiencing a form of intercourse with animals, among other sexual activity. I would suggest that anal sex is just as unnatural as bestiality. Oh, well.

              1. Jay Dee says:

                Do you have a credible source that says that the Romans engaged in bestiality? I know they had a reputation for play-acting bestiality (ex: a women would dress up as a leopard), and writing stories about it, but not engaging in the actual acts themselves.

                1. John says:

                  Besides the Bible that mentions bestiality directly, which means it was a practicing activity among the gentiles outside of theatre? How about a book called “Bestiality and Zoophilia”? In it the history of such activity is given, including the Egyptians, Romans, and the Greeks during the first century. It does mention the theatrical as you indicated, but it also refers to the actual acts being performed and some of the specific individuals who were involved.

                  1. Jay Dee says:

                    Thanks, I’ll check it out.

                    1. John says:

                      No problem. Curious what you’ll think after checking it out, too.

                      BTW, glad you’re feeling better, too.

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