I received this anonymous question through our Have A Question page, and I’m writing the entire post on my phone, a first for me, so excuse any typos or bad auto corrects.
So my husband is away on business for the next month (this is the first time we’ll be apart) and I wanted to know if playing with my vibrator without him is wrong?
This is a question that’s splits the Christian marriage community. Is masturbation wrong or okay?
And, unfortunately, we have no clear authority to settle the matter, so you’ll have to decide for yourself. But I’ll explain my views, as I’m guessing you want then, based on your question.
I believe it would be wrong, because I believe the bible teaches that sex is an activity to be shared with your spouse, and I believe masturbation is a form of sex.
Further, I read in the bible that we are called to persevere, to endure, and to build character through this practice. That is how I believe we should deal with separations.
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. – Romans 5:3-5
Luckily for us, with all our technology, there is a third option: phone/skype sex. Just because you are separated, does not mean you still can’t have a shared sexual experience. It might be odd, or awkward at first, but in a month you’ll get enough practice that next time it should be easier to pick back up.
In this way you can manage to keep you sexual connection, despite the distance, rather than learning to be sexually independent. I’ve heard too many spouses lamenting the fact that their spouse prefers masturbation to sex to know that investing time in masturbation is risky, at best. Because solo masturbation is inherently a selfish activity, it serves no real purpose except gratifying your desires without having to consider anyone else. Now, many will rationalize it as a means of escaping temptation, but the bible teaches us how to do that: have sex with your spouse, and if you can’t, there is that character building stuff.
Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time,so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. – 1 Corinthians 7:5
Nowhere in the Bible does it suggest giving into a lesser temptation to avoid a larger one. And it can’t, because that would be inconsistent with the message that all sins are equal.
For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become accountable for all of it. – James 2:10
So, my advice: invite your husband to a phone or Skype sex date. Learn to be intimate in a new way. Plus, to dopamine rush from trying something new should make for some spectacular orgasms, so win-win.
Those are my thoughts. What do you think? Let us know below in the comments.
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