I’m guessing that this is the most controversial survey we have done to date. What makes me say that? Well, first off, we had the lowest number of respondents in a long time. Secondly…people told us that it was. In fact, one of the comments we received in the survey was this:
My gut reaction to this is … really? Is such a discussion/survey helpful? I mean what is the benefit to the body of Christ in talking about this? Sure, as Christians we need to address the sex. But every single intimate descriptive lurid detail?? Are we just becoming online virtual Christian voyeurs? My guess is the only reason you see such “on the edge” topics like this is the porn men watch.
It’s a valid question, and I’m glad it was asked, and I’m glad I have the opportunity to answer it.
Why have a survey on female ejaculation?
First off, we’d been asked to do it, by some (a few actually) of our readers, independently of each other. So, apparently it’s a question on the minds of some in the Christian community. Secondly, there is a misconception out there that female ejaculation is a myth. I knew this misconception existed, but it was also explicitly stated in one of our comments:
In my Human Sexuality course in college it was suggested that female ejaculation was only myth. I’m curious to see the results of this study!
So, colleges can’t seem to agree on whether or not this is a real phenomenon among women. So, is this a myth, or isn’t it? Think about it. Let’s say we continue teaching that it’s a myth, it doesn’t happen, it can’t happen, and anyone who says they’ve experienced it is lying to you (I don’t believe that, but let’s say it for a moment). What about all the women who DO experience it? What are they to think? Well, I can tell you what some of them think. This is another one of the comments from the survey:
Thank you for addressing this topic. For many years I’ve thought I was a strange duck and have not heard many people discuss this rather than to say they believe it is a myth (at which point I chose to sit quietly and listen)…..
And so, I think topics like this are just as valid, just as important than any other we’ve run, because there are Christian women experiencing this, and they need to know that it’s not weird, it’s not wrong, and they’re perfectly okay to continue enjoying it, assuming they enjoy it, or avoiding it, if they don’t enjoy it.
So, what is female ejaculation?
This could be a whole post in and of itself, but I’m going to try to be very brief so we can get on to the data. In short, female ejaculation (aka ‘squirting’, aka ‘gushing’) is a release of fluid through the para-urethral ducts. It can happen during orgasm, prior to orgasm, or not in combination to orgasm. It’s not urine (there have been many tests to confirm this), but research debates on where the fluid comes from. The best answer I can find is the Skene’s glands (not the bladder), which is analogous to the prostate in males (from my understanding), and both prostate fluid and this fluid from this Skene’s glad share the same markers.
No one really knows it’s purpose either. One hypothesis is to reduce urinary tract infections.
How do you get a female to ejaculate?
Quite a few actually asked this, and it’s a good question, and where can a Christian go to get the answer? Not too many places, so I’m going to do my best to give one.
Going through all the comments, I can tell you, everyone seems to have their own method. Some wives seem to have this happen at every sexual encounter, others have had it happen once and never again. Some only through sex, some through oral sex, some through manual sex.
Here’s what I know based on the physiology. In short, the urethral sponge, which is a layer of sponge like tissue surrounding the urethra, needs to be engorged. It seems the best way to do this is to stimulate the g-spot (which some women may or may not have, verdict is still not out on that one), however some women reach this level of engorgement (arousal) with little stimulation, and some never reach that level, regardless of what stimulation is happening.
So, if you were going to try, and haven’t been successful yet, this would be my best guess (written from the husband’s perspective):
- Get your wife VERY aroused
- If she’s a “more than one orgasm in a session” woman, then ensure she’s already had one orgasm
- Have lie on her stomach, sit in between her legs
- Insert two fingers (palm down) find her G-spot (should be a 2-3 inches in and have a slightly different texture), and…rub isn’t the right word…anchor and pull towards you is more like it. Some say “come hither” motion, but that’s easier to visualize your wife on her back. Your wife will need to tell you what pressure/speed/how long of a “pull” is good for her.
- Keep your wife aroused using your other hand (or a vibrator) on her clitoris
- Basically keep this up until she’s going insane with pleasure. You need time for that sponge to become engorged. I can’t tell you how long that will take. It could be 20 minutes or more (how strong are your forearm muscles?). It could be seconds.
I hope those directions are clear enough. Keep in mind, it may not work, for a vast variety of reasons. It may not work the first time, or the second. It may never work. Who knows. This is only my best guess based on research, personal experience, a basic understanding of the involved anatomy and the survey comments. But, I hope it helps someone.
So, with that out of the way, let’s get on to the survey results.
Single Question Answers
I’m not going to bother with the age, marriage length, etc. questions, because it’s the same distribution as the other surveys, though I may use them for correlations later.
Have you (for women) or your wife (for men) ever experienced female ejaculation?
- I don’t know – 13%%
- No – 51%
- Yes – 37%
37%! Granted, this is probably high for the general population. Usual population skewing in play (those who have experienced female ejaculation are more likely to fill out a survey about female ejaculation)
How often would you say this happens in your sexual encounters?
- Never – 7%
- 10% of the time – 15%
- 20% of the time – 18%
- 30% of the time – 18%
- 40% of the time – 4%
- 50% of the time – 9%
- 60% of the time – 3%
- 70% of the time – 6%
- 80% of the time – 4%
- 90% of the time – 9%
- Every time – 6%
So, it’s far more likely for this to be a “once in a while” thing than an “every night” event.
How does it affect the sexual experience?
- Less enjoyable – 4%
- More enjoyable – 78%
- Neither – 18%
So, for the most part, people think this makes sex better.
For those that have never experienced female ejaculation (themselves or their wife), their feelings on “missing out” are:
- I’m jealous of those that can – 30%
- I’m worried I’m not doing something right – 13%
- It doesn’t bother me – 39%
It doesn’t add up to 100%, because people could pick multiple answers.
So, let’s take a look at some answers in comparison. First off, it’s usually interesting to see how different genders report these answers separately.
Have you, or your wife, ever experienced female ejaculation?
12% of men said “I don’t know”, 61% of men said “No”, and 27% of men said “Yes” while
13% of women said “I don’t know”, 38% of women said “No”, and 49% of women said “Yes”.
…wait…so…are women experiencing this and their husbands aren’t aware? I mean, nearly half of female respondents said they’ve experienced this but less than a third of the men claim their wife has.
How does it affect the sexual experience?
Turns out men really like this. 88% said that it makes it more enjoyable. Only 12% said it doesn’t make a different. None said it makes the experience less enjoyable.
Women, on the other hand, are a little less enthusiastic, but only a little. 7% said that it makes sex less enjoyable (one comment said she goes from 10 to zero, that she hates it and will avoid it if at all possible). 12% of wives said it made no difference. But the majority (71%) said it make sex more enjoyable still.
What about those who haven’t experienced female ejaculation. How does it make them feel?
Well, the men seem to be the jealous ones. 44% said that they feel jealous of others who can, while only 12% of wives felt the same way.
And 15% of the men and 10% of the women are worried they are doing something wrong.
Half the women (48%) don’t care that they can’t, but only a third (34%) of them men say they don’t care.
Let’s check out some random correlations.
- Submissive (in the bedroom) females have sex, on average, 2.7 times per week, compared to dominant (in the bedroom) wives having sex, on average, 1.7 times per week.
- Dominant men have sex 2.1 times per week, while submissive men have sex 0.7 times per week.
Keep in mind the skew in our readership. The women who are interested in reading blogs about sex tend to be more sex positive, and thus have more sex, being as women are the default gatekeepers of sex in our society.
- That said, 80% of the dominant females seem to experience female ejaculation, while only 40% of submissive wives do. This could be an anomaly due to too small of a data set though as there are only 4 women who responded as being dominant and having experienced female ejaculation.
- No marriages where the wife leads the household report experiencing female ejaculation. I’m sure this is just a coincidence…on the other hand, they are having sex less that half as often as husband led marriages, and less than egalitarian marriages as well, so that might play into it.
- There is a slight negative correlation between frequency of sex and frequency of female ejaculation within those sexual encounters. This correlates with some of our comments. It seems that the more often you have sex, the less likely you are to experience female ejaculation.
Happens more often after periods without sex.
Is there a correlation between frequency of sex and ability for the wife to ejaculate? Perhaps a small one. Those wives who can ejaculate, report (or their husbands do) a sexual frequency of 2.6 times per week. Those who can’t, or haven’t yet, say 2.2 times per week. Not a vast difference. But here’s the interesting part. Those who said they didn’t know are only reporting sex 1.6 times per week. It seems more sex may lead to more awareness of what goes on during sex.
Thank you to all 184 of you who contributed bravely to the survey responses. Your data is invaluable when answering questions like this. While I’m hugely in favor of monogamy (good idea God!), one drawback is that we have a limited base of experience when helping others with questions about sex. Surveys like this help to expand our knowledge base so we can serve better. Do you have any further questions? Any comparisons you’d like to see that we didn’t make? You can ask in the comments below (you can be anonymous if you’d like), or you can email us at [email protected] or you can ask a question on our Have A Question page.
37 Questions for spouses to ask each other about sex
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