Received another anonymous question through our Have A Question page. This one will be short, because I’ve already addressed it in Should Christians read erotic literature, but, I think people might search for this question, so I’m willing to make a short new post for it.
Is it wrong to watch a movie like fifty shades of gray with your husband with the intentions of spicing up your sex life together? I have no intentions to see it with other women or to lust after Christian Gray, my husband is far better. But he and I have contemplated seeing it together, most likely DVD in our own home, to add another element of spice to our relationship.
This is an argument I saw come up a lot when I posted Should Christians read erotic literature? What if you are both okay with it, and you are only doing it to “spice up” your relationship? It’s the same argument I’ve heard from people in open marriages, and I wrote about that in Is it still adultery if my spouse if you have permission? There is this idea that it’s okay if both spouses are okay with it, and if you are doing it to spice up your relationship.
Unfortunately, you can’t be protected by sin just because you are both okay with it, or because you have an “ends justify the means” attitude. You’re still going to be exposed to it, you are still inviting others into your marriage bed and using something besides your spouse to arouse you. But there are a number of Christians who will claim that 50 Shades of Grey is a good thing, that porn is beneficial to your marriage, then swinging can really bring life to your Christian marriage bed. Someone posted this verse yesterday:
For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.
2 Timothy 4:3
The Bible predicts that Christians will set aside it’s precepts in order to suit our own fancies, to satisfy our lusts. I think this is what is happening. Christianity is being watered down, and deceived, often from the inside, about this topic. I’m curious if the Christians that belief that watching 50 Shades of Grey is okay, “to spice up the relationship”, also believe that watching porn is okay. What about watching other people have sex in front of you? Where is the line, and why?
I know, it’s hard to fight, particularly when your low-drive spouse is suddenly interested in sex again, or when sex suddenly becomes more interesting, as a low-drive spouse. But think about where this new found sexuality is coming from. What’s the cause? It’s a temporary fix that you’re going to need to reach for again to reach the same feeling. Wouldn’t you rather deal with the real issues in your marriage and have an everlasting cause? Work towards a passionate marriage, not just a passionate movie night.
Your Turn
For me, my line is never involving others in my sex life, because that’s what I believe the Bible teaches: focusing all your sexual energy on your spouse. What’s your boundary, and why?