I received this question through our Have A Question page:
Is oral sex before marriage bad?
I’m assuming they are asking if it’s wrong, not whether it feels good.
For me, that answer to whether something is right or wrong has to ultimately come from the Bible, either directly, or indirectly, based on principles I see in the Bible. As with many questions regarding sex, there is no verse that explicitly states “Thou shalt not have oral sex before marriage!” But, that doesn’t mean we don’t have an idea of God’s opinion on the subject.
Basically any time in the New Testament you see the word “sexual immorality”, it is generally the Greek word “porneia” which includes, among other things, fornication.
Many people have assumed that if it’s not intercourse (penis in vagina sex), then it’s not fornication, and thus it’s okay. But, the flaw in the logic here is that “porneia” doesn’t just mean fornication. It covers the entire gamut of sexual sins. It’s a blanket term for things outside of God’s plan for our sexuality. So, I argue that oral sex (as well as manual sex, anal sex, phone sex, aural sex, sexting, and any other type of sex) is still included in porneia if it involves someone other than your spouse (and if you aren’t married, then that means anyone).
And my simple argument for this (which is far more complex and far reaching if you unpack it), is that there is virtually no difference between these types of sex and intercourse, except for a decreased chance (not no chance) of pregnancy and/or sexually transmitted infections/diseases. The same hormones are at play that still make the same bonds that should not exists outside of marriage. It is dangerous, in the extreme. Even if it’s with your future spouse.
So, in my opinion, is oral sex before marriage wrong? Yeah, definitely! Wait until you’re married. Then have all the oral sex you want!
But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love.
2 Peter 1:5-7
What would you say to this reader?
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