relationship expectations Archives

SWM 150 – Control, sex and marriage

Last month, I watched a great video by Gary Thomas and his wife Lisa on how a controlling spirit can harm a marriage. It got me thinking: In Christian circles, we often struggle to define the difference between healthy leadership and damaging control—both in marriage and in our relationship with God.

Why is it that surrendering to God is seen as good, but demanding control from a spouse is harmful? The key, I believe, is consent and love. When surrender is freely given and motivated by love, it can bring freedom and joy. But when control is forced, it leads to resentment and broken trust.

In this post, I’m sharing some personal stories and lessons we’ve learned about navigating these tricky dynamics in marriage.

Anonymous Questions – May 3, 2018

In the last couple of weeks, we’ve received a few anonymous questions, and as I mentioned on our weekly update to the newsletter (subscribe here if you haven’t already), I’ll be answering them here for those who want to read and comment below. If you’d

The worst time to spice up your sex life

I’ve written a lot about different ways to spice up your sex life. Those of you who have been reading a while know I tend to prefer conversations that spark understanding and long-term growth over short-term gimmicks. However, I have been known to write posts

Drop “should” from your vocabulary this year

“Should” is a dangerous word that gets used far too often. Now, I’m sure there are some appropriate times where it can be used, but often we don’t use it appropriately. Often we use “should” where it’s actually harmful to what our goals are. And,

Sex drive differences aren’t the problem

Most couples face a conflict in terms of mismatched sex drives. The majority in fact, my marriage included. This leads some people to believe that their sex drive, or the sex drive of their spouse, is the issue. But it’s not. It’s just a conflict,

Are you willing to risk sex to gain intimacy?

Friday night is typically sex night for us. It’s not guaranteed, but it’s something we look forward to. You know, kick off Sabbath with some rest from the world and enjoy each other’s safeness, if that makes sense. Last night it didn’t happen though. It

Divorce is contagious

I heard something the other day while listening to a talk by Jenna McCarthy. Divorce is contagious! And the first thing I thought was “What? That’s ridiculous!” But it turns out that having close friends who get divorced increases your own chance of divorce by

6 ways to ensure you have a terrible sex life

If you haven’t heard yet, I’m planning to run a webinar in the near future. If you have a preference on the topic, you should fill out this form to vote. Currently, the topic people want to hear about most is how to have a

A plan is not a plan unless it is confirmed

Ever had what you thought was the plan fall apart because your spouse didn’t know that was the plan? Or vice-versa? I have! And I don’t think I’m alone, especially after reading this comment yesterday: My wife and I are on different planets as far

Is your marriage prepared to survive the holidays?

Do you have a plan to survive the holidays? Between Christmas and New Year’s, there is this perfect storm for couples that many stumble into every year. It only comes up once a year, so often we’re caught unprepared and then blindsided by it. Then,

I don’t think my spouse is attracted to me

I received this question through our Have A Question page yesterday: Why do I feel that my wife doesn’t find me attractive or desirable? For the past couple of years, I have been feeling like my wife doesn’t find me attractive anymore. She hardly ever