arousal Archives - Uncovering Intimacy

SWM 083 – What is “feeling naughty”?

Hi Jay,
Just a general question, what is the feeling of “feeling naughty”? And I guess there are other questions attached, is it sin? Are we describing something that’s simply “different” as “naughty” as maybe we don’t have another reference point in our vocabulary? There’s no great issue in our marriage or anything around the topic, just curious for your thoughts. But as a little context that got me thinking – my wife and I had a night in a hotel recently to celebrate our anniversary (which was actually 6 months ago, better late than never). As a treat and for fun, I bought her some lingerie that had a hole in the crotch area. It was very sexy and she loved them and we made love while she wore them. To which she exclaimed “It feels so naughty!”…which I had to agree with, but I’d probably describe more like lots of “fun” whether naughtiness was an element or not. Thanks for your good work!

Why is sex better when my spouse is drunk?

Here’s a question I know quite a few people struggle with. I know I have in the past. To be honest, the idea is still a bit tempting even though we don’t drink anymore. I often like to get my wife drunk so we can

What can you do if your wife is too ticklish for oral sex?

You know what I love about being a Christian marriage educator? Helping people by answering questions they don’t feel they can ask anywhere else. Giving them a safe place to ask it and doing my best to make them feel like they’re not weird for

5 ways to stop stress from killing your sex life

Stress has a huge impact on our sex lives. It changes everything from the initial desire to have sex, through to arousal and ultimately the ability to orgasm. For most people, sex negatively impacts all these things. So, one of my readers wants to know,

Why doesn’t my wife get wet?

I get a lot of husbands asking me the question “Why doesn’t my wife get wet?” I similarly get questions from wives asking why their husband doesn’t believe them when they say they’re enjoying themselves during sex despite not being lubricated. So, here we go.

How do I deal with same-sex attraction as a Christian?

There are a lot of Christians dealing with same-sex attraction. I think most of them don’t really know how to handle it. It’s no wonder they don’t either. We send a lot of confusing messages around in the Christian community about sexuality, especially when it’s

Your spouse may need time to want sex

Something that’s often hard for those of us who are interested in sex more often to understand why our spouses don’t want sex as often. While working through my questions backlog, I saw this one, and wanted to answer it: What does it mean for

Is it okay to fantasize about your spouse?

Last week I wrote a post about how fantasizing can be detrimental. In the comments, MaBeck asked this question: Ok, so what about if I fantasize about me and my husband, is that ok? For some reason, if I fantasize about us having sex in public, I

Your definition of gross changes when you’re aroused

Often people are confused about how their reactions to things change when their aroused vs not aroused. Here’s an example from our anonymous questions page: My wife loves anal stimulation with a finger or two during oral. But when I go anywhere near otherwise, I

Stress is bad for sex

Stress isn’t a bad thing. It’s not. It is designed for a purpose: to give us the best survival chance in a dangerous situation. Evolutionists would say this is a holdover from evolutionary ancestors. I believe that God created humans to be able to survive

Initiation only counts if your spouse recognizes it

My wife and I were talking about people’s responses to yesterday’s post. Our conversation let to what initiation was. We had just had sex, and I mentioned that I had initiated that encounter. Initially she disagreed saying “I came to bed naked”. I countered saying