SWM030 – Credentials, sex and sickness, falling out of love, self control and how to start leading

Today I’m answering some more questions from our Have A Question page that have come in over the last month or so.  This episode I talk about my credentials, dealing with sex drive and long-term illness, falling out of love, self-control and how to start leading when you haven’t been.

Question 1

213 – What are your credentials? That is the first question my wife will ask when I offer some information from your blog.

Question 2

212 – Hello my wife is sick and can barely have sex. As a man, I have strong urges but I feel bad always asking her when she’s been sick for months. Sometimes I feel like I’m being abusive never have I thought of cheating with another woman.  I love her with all of my heart and I love God I want to obey him with everything. When I’m alone I think of her and masturbate .. is this wrong? It helps me not bother her and I pray for her recovery.

Question 3

210 – Hi Jay Dee, I’ve communicated to my husband about trying new things and not holding back after 13 years of marriage. He is recently making changes for spiritual growth which I’m all for. It seems to me that he doesn’t really give our sex life a thought. I’ve tried lingerie and listening when he tells me about the stress he feels. I’m to the point now where sex isn’t even a thought for me and I feel differently when we do have sex like that part of me has no more spirit for sex. What can I do? Is this a stage of falling out of love with my husband? What is this?

Question 4 & 5

199 – My question is I’ve been married for 5 years now and the past 2 years my wife lost all sexual desires we have sex like 3 times a month now and now I’m catching myself masturbating a lot and I don’t want to go out and cheat per say.. please need advice

193 – My wife doesn’t seem to want to have sex with me.  She will about once every 10 days to 21 days. But as she says she doesn’t want to. How does a man just turn it off and still bond to her? I find myself pulling away and feel like I could be tempted to look somewhere else.

Question 6

195 – I’m naturally a bit submissive, or maybe I’ve just been lazy as a Husband and haven’t taken the reigns of my family as God has designed. I’ve failed in the leadership of our family (married 13 yrs, 4 boys). I feel like I’ve let my wife down and placed burdens on her that I as head of our household should have carried or be carrying. Any advice, or how might I go about taking those reigns back, communicating with my wife about this, and leading my family properly and in a Godly fashion? How might I communicate my desire, and God’s desire for her, and general discussion of roles in marriage? Great blog by the way, and maybe you’ve already touched on this topic. Sincerely, Stepping Up

Links to resources I mentioned

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3 thoughts on “SWM030 – Credentials, sex and sickness, falling out of love, self control and how to start leading”

  1. A says:

    So there were 3 questions about sexual refusal (one wife not having sex because of sickness and two other wives because of low desire/low drive).

    In all instances, you recommended the husbands talk to the wives which is likely the only way I see a solution happening. However, the undertone to all three questions was: I would like more sex but I feel selfish for asking or wanting more sex.
    Also, the two men that wanted more sex you mentioned that they are having some sex and shouldn’t be quite so upset but should work towards more sex while appreciating that they aren’t in sexless marriages. I agree – except I think both of these guys are absolutely miserable and emotionally hurting.

    It just makes me reflect on how such an easy solution (couple has more sex and is happier) can become so complicated by everything that gets in the way of the couple having sex – it’s kind of wild. It’s like being thirsty and not being able to walk or move to get water when is only a few feet away.

    Best of luck to them

    1. Jay Dee says:

      I may have missed in my answers then. I didn’t mean to express that they shouldn’t want more. Just that it wasn’t an excuse to cheat or masturbate alone. I still think they should talk to their wives to raise the physical intimacy in their marriage because it is a God-given desire.

  2. Anonymous says:

    I know this is an old episode/post but just came across this. Regarding questions 4&5, I’m curious if the wives were on hormonal birth control. The great irony is that they do effectively prevent pregnancy, but they are also known to ruin sex drive in some.

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