Glossary Term: conflict resolution

Definition: It is the process of identifying, addressing, and resolving disagreements or disputes within a marital relationship in a manner that fosters mutual understanding, respect, and harmony.

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The Mirror Game – A Simple 4-Step Communication Skill That Can Transform Your Marriage

You know the cycle. Something happens, a tone of voice, a forgotten commitment, a moment that stings, and suddenly you’re both defending your corners instead of actually connecting. You talk at each other. You wait for your turn to explain yourself – maybe you don’t do very well at waiting.  Maybe you interrupt and talk over each other a lot. As a result, after the “conversation” ends, you both feel more alone than before.

What if there was a simple framework that could break that cycle? Not a magic fix, but a real, learnable skill that draws you toward each other instead of apart?

It’s called the Mirror Game.  It’s easy to explain and simple to implement – the hard part is remembering to do it.

Are you actually upset about what happened, or just hungry, angry, lonely or tired?

Often the fights we have as couples aren’t about what we think they are.  Because while we think we’re fighting about respect, sex, tone, in-laws, money, kids or anything else under the sun, often the real issue is far less dramatic.

Sometimes it’s just physiology.  Before a disagreement turns into an argument (or whenever you “wake up” enough to think “how did this become a fight?!”), there’s a simple checklist worth running first:

HALT.

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

SWM 131 – Tips to fight more effectively

Last week, I shared a list of ideas our Couple’s Night group had that helped build a resilient marriage. At the end of the call, we still had some time and started discussing fighting more effectively. Again, the group came up with some excellent ideas I want to share today.

Because fights will happen, I might even say they should happen.  When I come across a couple that doesn’t fight in any way – that’s a red flag.  It means one or both don’t feel safe in the marriage.  They aren’t able to express their views and opinions. 

Because if you put two people together for long enough, they will eventually find something to disagree about.

Ideally, a fight won’t involve yelling, screaming, hitting, throwing, or anything else like that, but it’s okay to quarrel.

So, today, we will discuss how to fight more effectively in your marriage so that your arguments can be a source of growth instead of damage.

How to use conflict to create intimacy

Does a disagreement always mean an argument?  Does resolving it always mean compromise or someone changing their opinion?  I’ve had this question come up a few times this week from multiple sources. Many people believe that a difference in opinion must result in an argument,

How to stop feeling hurt so often

My spouse is in a unique position to hurt me more deeply and more often than anyone else, simply by being in an intimate (not just physically) relationship with me.  She knows how to push my buttons better and harder than anyone else, and I

Anonymous Questions – March 29, 2018

Anonymous Questions from our readers

As with last week, I’m posting my responses to this week’s anonymous questions here on the blog so that those not on the weekly newsletter can read them, but also so people can start a discussion in the comments section below, if they feel so

Why do we keep having the same argument?

Why do we keep having the same argument?

Do you ever feel like you just keep having the same argument, discussion or conflict over and over again? Perhaps it comes up every week, every month, or every year.  It might just be something small and seemingly insignificant, or it might be something larger

Never use absolute accusations

Never use absolute accusations

Most, if not all of you, have been in a conversation where you or your spouse start a sentence with either “You never … ” or You always …”.  These absolute accusations should never be used in conflict and here’s why: 1. It’s not fair fighting