How do I get my wife to be more sexually active?

I received this question through our anonymous Have A Question page this weekend:

My wife really wants to come out of her shell, but she doesn’t know how. Can you recommend any ‘tools’ which she can use to flourish in these things (eg. Dressing up, seducing, talking dirty, being vocal in bed, sexy texting, explore new positions etc)?

So, let’s see what I can come up with for resources.

The first I would recommend is our course Becoming more sexually engaged – for Christian wives.  I actually built this course for wives who have recognized that sex is an important part of marriage, but have no idea how to become more sexually engaged.  Throughout the course, we examine some of the bad teachings that wives might have grown up with regarding sex, what sex means to their husbands (it’s more than just a physical act to most husbands), and give some encouragement and tips on certain activities, like being more vocal, “talking dirty” and things like that.

Unfortunately, you can’t simply point to a resource and say “here’s a list of things you should be doing”.  It doesn’t work.  Because the reason she’s not doing these things is likely not because she doesn’t have a checklist.  As I say in the course, wives don’t want a checklist, they want a relationship.  In the course, we explore how activities relate to your marriage, build it, strengthen it, for both of you.

Now, I don’t suggest husbands buy this course for their wives and say “here, do this course so you can learn to want sex more”. In fact, that would probably be a disaster.  However, if there are any wives reading this who are interested, for the next week (until March 8), you can use the coupon code moreactive to get a 20% discount on the course.

Honestly, that’s the best resource I can offer, because the feedback I get from the wives who go through it is astounding.  You can read some of them in the reviews for the course, but there are more I haven’t gotten permission to post yet.  These wives have not just seen a revival in their marriage bed.  They’ve seen a revival in their marriage, and they’ve seen their husbands change as a result as well.  Their testimonies are, frankly, awesome.

If you’re looking for a resource for new positions, I’d check out two places.  The first is ChristianFriendlySexPositions.com which is fairly new, but has a lot of positions with explanations (and no pictures).

The second is the Christian Nymphos Position Page which, unfortunately, is no longer being updated, but still is a good reference.

Also, yesterday we launched a new product: printable sexy coupons that might help her explore some new things.  You could send her the link and let her know you’d love it as a Father’s Day present, or Birthday or Anniversary if those are sooner.

And, of course, you could both follow our weekly marriage challenges as they can be a method to change in your marriage as well.  I’ve gotten some good feedback on them, many couples are having a lot of fun exploring and learning about each other, and about sex in the process.

So, there are some resources you can look at.  I hope they help.