The other day, I had a thought: Why don’t I give my wife more massages? Seriously. This isn’t a rhetorical question. I mean, let’s think about it. In my marriage (and I’m guessing many more), massages:
- Help her relax
- Help her transition from “mother” or “teacher” or whatever-else to wife
- Help get her in the mood
- Help get her ready for more sexual touch
- Let me see her body
- Let me feel her body
- Let me give her pleasure
- Usually, lead to better-than-average sex (and our average is pretty amazing already).
And really, you don’t need to be a professional masseuse to do it. Now, I know, massage therapists put a lot of time and effort into learning their craft, and I am in no way suggesting that the back-rubs I give my wife in any way compare to a trip to a massage clinic, but we’re not discussing the medical pros and cons of massage therapy. All we’re talking about is taking the time to show your spouse you love them.
Rub their shoulders, neck, scalp, legs, feet (careful if they’re ticklish), arms, hands, legs, anything! Honestly, it doesn’t much matter what you do. But as a general guideline: start with non-sexual areas and SLOWLY move towards sexual ones. In fact, a decent plan is to start as far as possible and work towards your goal.
Fingertips, palms, arms, shoulders, then start again with the scalp, neck, shoulders, upper back, then start again with the feet, calves, legs, and finally (after spending as much time as you can stand on those areas without progressing) work your way to their more obvious erogenous zones.
I’ll admit, it’s a kind of torture having to go slow, particularly when your wife is naked and oiled up in front of you, and occasionally it may happen that they’re just too relaxed at the end and just want to sleep. I find that to be the rare occasion though (though I’ll admit, it’s a little frustrating when it happens, touching my wife gets me pretty worked up). But usually, my wife is just so happy and over-the-moon and relaxed that she will basically let me do anything I want to her afterwards.
So, why don’t I do it more often? I guess because I’m lazy and spoiled:
- I don’t NEED to do it to get good (even great) sex
- It does take some effort, which I’m naturally prone to avoid
- It does take a lot of patience, which I am not naturally inclined to be
So, basically I don’t have a good excuse, let alone a good reason. I guess there’s only one thing to do…give more massages and get even better sex.
Edited to Add – About a year later, we ended up taking couples massage classes in order to learn how to massage each other better, and it has changed our marriage.