I’ve been telling husbands for years that they should learn how to give a good sensual massage. It’s one of my go-to recommendations for helping couples when it comes to sexual intimacy. The couples who have tried it all agree – it can transform a marriage to gain the skill of giving good massages. Both husbands and wives benefit from taking couples massage classes, though the immediate draw might be different.
In this post, I’m going to tell you a bit about why you should take a massage course. I’ll also let you know my favourite set of classes out there.
Why you should learn how to give good massages
Let’s start with the reasons you and your spouse should learn how to massage each other. Why it’s beneficial for relationships.
1. Husbands – you get to touch and see your wife’s body
Most husbands I know love to get their hands, and eyes, on their wives‘ bodies. A survey I ran back in 2016 found that 96% of husbands were as attracted, or more, to their wives as when they got married. So, it’s no wonder that we’re happy to look and touch whenever possible. Women generally don’t enjoy being randomly groped. But when you add some oil and good technique, it’s a different story. Context is everything. Then they’re more than happy to have your hands roaming all over them. Likely for almost as long as you’re willing to do it. They’re happy to have those gentle, soothing sensations, again, in the right context.
2. Wives – imagine having a skilled masseuse for a husband
Imagine after a long day of work (whatever that work looks like for you), getting an amazing, relaxing massage from your husband. Letting all the tension and cares from the day melt away. Getting rid of all those aches and pains. Doesn’t that sound amazing? Of course, you should return the favour from time to time, but I’d bet most husbands would happily touch their wives more than their fair share of the time.
3. Husbands – offering a massage is much easier than initiating sex
Initiating sex is scary for a lot of husbands – myself included sometimes. But offering a massage doesn’t have the same risk factor to it. I mean, who is going to turn down a massage? Don’t misunderstand me here, saying yes to a massage doesn’t mean they’re saying yes to sex. But in my experience, you’re more likely to get a yes after a massage than by skipping the massage entirely. But, even when sex isn’t on the table, you still get to run your hands all over her, which is pretty awesome as well. Plus, it doesn’t hurt to have her appreciative the next day for the amazing back rub the night before.
4. Wives – getting massaged can help you want to have sex
Many wives wish they wanted sex more often than they do. The fact is, most women experience responsive desire. If you’ve ever said after sex “why don’t we do this more often?” that’s probably you. People with responsive desire usually aren’t interested in sex until they’re already in a sexual context. Massages can help a lot with that. By getting naked, having your spouse rub their hands all over you, starts to pull your mind into a sexual context. Studies also show that massage can increase libido, so it can have both a short-term and long-term impact on your desire.
5. Husbands – giving a massage can help you slow down
Many men rush towards sex. But everything we know about sex tells us that it’s generally better for both spouses when foreplay is extended. Choosing to start with a sensual massage that slowly evolves into an erotic massage is an excellent way to extend foreplay. It lets you easily turn it into a drawn-out experience letting you savouring those sensations.
6. Wives – getting a massage releases endorphins, which makes sensations feel better
Getting a massage increases your serotonin levels, which makes you feel happier. It also decreases stress and cortisol levels by 30% on average. That’s a huge amount and it is important. Dopamine, one of the chemicals responsible for arousal, gets converted into cortisol when you are stressed. So, when you’re stressed, your body robs from your pleasure chemicals to deal with the stress. So, the less you experience stress, the lower your cortisol levels. Your dopamine levels stay high, and you’ll enjoy anything that might follow afterwards even more.
7. Husbands – Giving a massage can boost your wife’s body confidence
Men can also suffer from negative body image, but statistically, women are more likely to. Many of us husbands get a bit frustrated because our wives can’t see just how sexy we think they are. Sadly, our constant verbal encouragement often isn’t enough to override the internal dialogue telling them they’re not good enough. Massage adds another voice to the discussion. It shows with your actions, which often speak louder than words, that you relish her body. That you love how it looks, feels, everything about it.
8. Wives – Massage can help you feel more connected
Another chemical that gets released during massage is oxytocin. Oxytocin is sometimes called the love hormone, but I think it’s more aptly named the bonding hormone. Oxytocin is most notably released when women give birth and breastfeed their babies. It forces a neuro-chemical bond between the mother and the infant. Oxytocin makes you feel connected, bonded, and emotionally safe and secure. Men get their largest oxytocin spikes right after orgasm. I suspect that’s part of what’s behind men’s strong sex drives. They’re desperate to feel that connection that they generally don’t feel. Women, on the other hand, tend to need to feel that emotional safety first, before investing in sex. Massage can help give your system that oxytocin boost you need to feel like connecting physically.
9. Husbands – Massages can show you enjoy giving your wife pleasure, even if it doesn’t lead to sex
Most men I talk to absolutely love to give their wives pleasure. They live for it. For them, it’s a way of showing affection. Most of us feel a strong duty towards providing for our wife, and that extends into pleasure, be it sexual or otherwise. Unfortunately, sometimes that desire to give pleasure can be suspect during sex. Sometimes it’s believed that the only reason you’re giving pleasure is to get some yourself. Giving a massage to your wife can show her that you enjoy seeing her get pleasure, even when it doesn’t result in sex.
10. Wives – massage can help your husband learn to receive pleasure
Many men don’t learn how to receive pleasure – we learn to get, produce it, but not receive it without any work. Even during sex, men tend to be the more active participant. Men often have to generate their own pleasure while simultaneously trying to pleasure their wives. This need to be “in control”, out of the necessity of the situation, mutes our enjoyment of the activity. Don’t get me wrong, we still enjoy it, a lot. But I can’t tell you how many men see their wives enjoying almost any type of physical pleasure and think “I wish I could I could feel that like she does”. To relax and just enjoy it as it comes. The fact is that many of us don’t know how to. But, I think we can learn. Giving your husband a massage can help him learn to experience pleasure while being relaxed. It lets him simply enjoy it, which is something he may never have experienced before.
Taking couples massage classes changed our routine
There are a lot of benefits, for both of you! For these reasons, and more, my wife and I spend at least half of our nights giving or receiving massages, in a variety of ways. To say it’s a regular occurrence is an understatement.
1. When we watch TV
We broke one of the big rules out there – we have a TV in our bedroom. We picked one up for free at a garage sale that was closing down. We added a Chromecast we grabbed on sale for cheap. Most nights, after our kids go to bed at 9 pm, we’re off to our bedroom to strip naked and watch a TV show. (Right now we’re watching Star Wars: Rebels – if you like Star Wars and never watched the cartoon series, I highly recommend it). While we watch TV, we also spend time rubbing each other’s backs, necks, and whatever else is in reach.
Usually, this means we’re lying on our sides across our bed (the TV is on the wall at the foot of the bed) with one of us behind the other. While Melt (the couples massage classes I’ll talk about in a bit) doesn’t exactly show a technique to do this, the same principles can be applied – you just have to adapt the motions. And you can switch sides on each episode to even things out.
2. While reading a book
We keep Sabbath, and in our house, we have a rule that we don’t watch TV after sundown on Friday until sundown on Saturday. It’s an opportunity for us to unplug, focus on each other, on God, and His creation – reminding us that He is the Creator.
So, Friday nights, we’re usually reading a book that will help improve our relationship. Right now, we’re reading ADHD After Dark, which is all about how ADHD affects your sex life. Because Christina is the one with ADHD, she reads aloud while I massage her head, neck, shoulders and upper back. This keeps her from daydreaming, which would happen if I was the one reading. Usually, by the time she’s finished reading a chapter, my hands have started to wander lower and she’s content happy to let them.
3. While listening to podcasts
Listening to podcasts presents more opportunities. When we’re watching TV, we’re on our sides, so you can only massage one side at a time. While reading a book, we’re sitting up, so you can only do the torso and up. But if you’re listening to a podcast, there’s nothing to look at or watch, so your spouse can lie prone and give you access to everything. This can lead to an awesome experience. Slowly starting at the head, working your way down to the shoulders. Then restart at the arms, and working your way up to the shoulders, and down their back. Then restart again at their feet, slowly teasing your way up towards more sensitive areas. That part’s not covered by the couples massage class. But you can probably improvise from that point on.
4. Sometimes massages are simply foreplay, without pretext
And of course, you don’t have to listen, read, or watch anything. You can spend the time listening to music or talking. If you want a really intense experience – tell your spouse an erotic story about the two of you while you massage them. That way you can arouse the body, and the mind, at the same time. I still recommend starting at the extremities and tantalizingly working your way towards the more sensitive parts of the body. Time it so that as the story slowly works its way towards more erotic elements, you also reach more exciting parts of your massage. Massaging the butt, in particular, pulls blood into that area, which can either lead to or increase, physical arousal.
5. We give massages just because we want our spouse to feel good
As mentioned, massages don’t always have to lead to sex. There’s something special about simply offering pleasure to your spouse without any expectation of return, or mutual pleasure. Just because you care for them. Now, for me, getting to touch and look at my spouse naked for an hour is a pretty good reward, so I can’t say it’s 100% altruistic, but, it’s still appreciated.
The point is, don’t make massages about sex every time, if you do, then offering a massage might be seen as just another way to pressure them for sex. That’s not a good position to be in.
6. We also give massages when we’re sore and achy
A couples massage class isn’t going to teach you how to be a professional massage therapist. However, you can learn some new massage skills to help with a pulled muscle, knots, neck pain, and getting rid of aches. Even non-therapeutic massage can help reduce inflammation. We’ve found this invaluable in our lives as we focus more and more on physical fitness as we grow older. Getting a massage after a workout class, run, or obstacle course race feels amazing and it helps speed up the recovery process. You know, so you can put yourself back in pain the next day…
The couples massage classes we took to learn how to give massages to each other
Looking back at my old posts, I wrote one called Why don’t I give my wife more massages? during which I think about why I don’t give more massages, given the benefits of them. The answer I gave was that I was lazy, and it was hard to do, and the benefits weren’t large enough. But, still, I intended to get better and massage more often. I looked around a bit, found some in-person classes, but to be honest, I much prefer to learn at my own pace. I like to be able to learn when I have the time, rather than trying to fit something else into my schedule like a workshop. So, I was looking for something online, rather than in-person. Something I could do at home.
A year later, I got an online couples massage class, which made massaging even easier and more effective. In short, all my reasons not to do it went away while the benefits magnified.
This is where I introduce you to Denis and Melt. Melt is a MasterClass for teaching couples how to give each other sensual massages that I took and still benefit from years later.
Who is this Denis guy?
Denis, a friendly born and raised Australian (yes, accent and all), is a seasoned health practitioner. He’s devoted his life to helping people feel good. Starting with a bachelor’s degree in Health Science, he then studied acupuncture, massage therapy and kinesiology. Then he spent 15 years in the field as a massage therapist. In short, he knows what he’s doing.
In 2006, he decided to create a system to teach couples how to massage each other. Since then, over 45,000 couples, from all over the world, have studied using Melt’s MasterClass from the comfort of their own homes.
Frankly, it’s no wonder that he’s had so much success. These couples massage classes are amazing.
What’s in the couples massage classes?
He has a simple 5-minute massage, a more involved 15-minute set and a deep tissue 30-minute routine that you can learn at your own pace. You can even start tonight because the 5-minute routine only takes about half an hour to learn, and you can practice while learning. I was amazed at how easy he makes it.
First, you watch some videos on the basic concepts and skills. Then, you follow along while massaging your spouse while Denis, the massage therapist, does the same on his model and narrates each move, step by step. When you feel confident that you understand the massage techniques, you can watch the same video, but with music instead of the commentary. This helps give you a visual of what to do next, without having the commentary break the ambiance.
After that, you can move on to the 15-minute routine which follows a similar progression. Then there’s a 30-minute deep-tissue routine. Each level has progressively more powerful concepts and techniques. Because they’re building on the previous lessons it only takes a couple of hours to learn all the massage techniques needed.
Now, the routines are amazing, you’ll be in heaven if your spouse is using them on you, but the best part is that you start to understand the principles of giving a good massage. After a while, you don’t need to follow the routines – you can start to make your own, extending it from 30 minutes to hours if you choose. The videos themselves focus on the neck, shoulders, arms and upper back, but the same concepts can be applied to the legs and lower back as well. There’s also a head, hands and feet class as well. These lessons are great for those times when just want your spouse to feel good in the spur of the moment, without going into full massage mode. I’ll mention that again later.
What are the videos like in the couples massage classes?
I get a lot of questions about this. Both people in the video are clothed the entire time. The model wears a sleeveless shirt that keeps her shoulders bare, and the massage therapist, is fully clothed as well.
The entire session is sensual, but not sexual. It’s instructive and intimate, but without being creepy. Frankly, watching the videos just makes you want to be in the same situation. You imagine feeling those sensations, and then you get to!
Now, I suggest getting naked to do the massaging, contrary to the recommendation of being dressed in lightweight, loose-fitting clothing that you’ll see in the videos. We keep a heater in our room from fall through until spring, just so we can be comfortable being naked while massaging each other.
How much do the couples massage classes cost?
Melt comes in a few different packages. If you just want to try it out, but aren’t sure, or have a tight budget, you can get in for just $35. This gives you access for 3 months – honestly, enough time to learn all the skills you need.
If you feel you’ll need more time, you can buy a year-long subscription for $99, which also lets you download the videos.
Lastly, there’s the lifetime package for $299 – this is the one that includes the head, hands and feet massage. It lets you access and download everything with a membership that doesn’t expire. Frankly, it’s perhaps the best $300 you’ll ever spend on your marriage.
It’s a fair bit of money to decide to invest, especially if you have young kids and little disposable income in your budget. We got Melt back in 2014, 7 years ago. We had 4 kids ages 1, 3, 5, and 7 at the time, and Melt gave us a way to connect and be spouses, not just parents. For us, the price was well worth it. It was cheaper than a vacation and lasted much longer.
These days, we probably give backrubs and such about 300 times a year, conservatively. We have been using the massage techniques we learned in Melt for years. They were especially beneficial during pregnancies. Now, as we both are trying to improve our fitness levels and often end up with sore muscles, they’re still incredibly helpful. As such, an initial investment of $300 has ended up being spread out over nearly a decade, and we have no intention of stopping.
Now, compare that to a typical date night, you know, if you can go on them. You have dinner, babysitting, gas, maybe a movie. You’re going to pay, what? $50-$100, depending on where you live and what sort of dinner you have? So, for the price of 3-6 dates, you get something that will benefit your relationship for the rest of your life.
Now, the one ongoing cost is massage oil. Thankfully, just in the last couple of years, Melt released their own, which is honestly, the best I’ve found. It also works as a pretty decent “personal lubricant” (not condom safe though). We have a “subscribe and save” for it on our Amazon account. Every other month, a new bottle shows up, which is usually just when we’re running low. As I said, we do a lot of massaging. It’s well worth the cost of the oil.
Take some couples massage classes
In summary, if you have kids, and need some way to carve time out for just you, I think couples massage is a perfect reason to lock the door, turn the lights down and enjoy each other. Or if you’re looking to reconnect, this is a great way to improve intimacy that’s not necessarily sexual. And if you’re getting older (like all of us are), it’s amazing to have someone who will exchange rubdowns with you to relieve the aches and pains that start to show up more frequently.
It also makes a fantastic gift for birthdays, Valentine’s Day, Christmas, Anniversaries, or just because. Especially these days when many of us are stuck at home. It sends the message that this year, I’m investing in us. If you’re interested in learning how to give a really good massage, check out Melt’s website over at couplesmassagecourses.com. Not ready yet? Just start massaging with what knowledge you have and see if it improves your marriage. Then, when you want to step your game up, maybe take another look at Melt.