The rest of the world is watching

Jay Dee

The rest of the world is watching

May 02, 2015

I’ve reading some of the comments from our making home videos and taking home pictures survey (please fill it out if you haven’t already), and I noticed a lot of spouses saying they’ve be afraid of someone seeing the pictures or video.  Completely understandable. But this

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TheRestOfTheWorldIsWatchingI’ve reading some of the comments from our making home videos and taking home pictures survey (please fill it out if you haven’t already), and I noticed a lot of spouses saying they’ve be afraid of someone seeing the pictures or video.  Completely understandable.

But this sparked a thought in my mind, it’s a bit of a tangent, but here it is.  The rest of the world is watching, in a sense.  I think often we think that the non-Christian world just ignores us, and let’s us live out our lives.  But, that’s not the case, is it?  They may watch silently, it may even be passive, they may not even realize they’re watching, but our marriages show something.  Ideally they should model a biblical marriage, including a healthy, intimate, sex life with our spouse.

And you know what, people notice when you do.

I thought I’d share a couple placed that noticed what we’re doing here at Sex Within Marriage, and what some of our fellow bloggers are doing.  I should warn you, I’m linking to non-Christian sites, so guard yourself.  If you have problems with that, don’t click on the links.

AlterNet.org

First we have AlterNet.org.  In March of this year, Carrie Weisman  posted an article titled Holy Anal Beads! Christian Sex Industry Is Kinkier Than You’d Think in which she discussed the Christian sex toy industry and her surprise at how sex positive it is, and not just about the missionary position.  Now, I don’t sell toys, but I’m quoted as someone who has written on the subject in my post Are sex toys allowed in a Christian marriage:

The site Sex Within Marriage offers an explanation even the most strident atheists could accept. In response to the Bible’s silence on sex toys, they say, “Logically, there is one basic guideline I think we should use: Any toy should be used to enhance the relationship with your spouse.  If it detracts from it, or becomes the focus, or your relationship becomes dependent on it, then it’s harming you, not helping.  Get rid of it.” Fair enough.

So, while the post is sort of poking fun at the crazy Christians, they are at least acknowledging that we make some good points, and educating the world that Christians have sex too … good sex even.  And, I think, in part, this can help people be a bit more open minded about Christianity.  I mean, who would want to look into a religion when your opinion of them is that they have boring sex lives?

Nerve.com

About a year ago Nerve.com posted an article titled 10 Tips from Christian Sex Blogs that Are Shockingly Good.  I’m quoted twice in this article:

3. HOW TO INITIATE SEX WHEN YOU’RE NOT HAVING ENOUGH

“Basically, initiate more, initiate fearlessly, and be content regardless of the outcome. This is incredibly hard to do, especially when you aren’t having much sex, or when you are getting rejected left and right, because it requires switching your mindset instantaneously depending on the response. It requires that you initiate with full confidence, fully expecting sex to occur, and then, if it doesn’t, to immediately change to be content with the fact that it didn’t, but if it does, you need to be fully engaged as if you always expected it to happen.” —  Sex Within Marriage

5. HOW TO SAFELY GET INTO BDSM

“If you are playing role-playing games, or playing with make believe non-consent, or she likes to play “I don’t want it, but I do,” you need to be 100% clear ahead of time that No doesn’t mean No and Stop doesn’t mean Stop, and you need to pick a safe word that means stop!  Something simple, like red or banana.  You decide, but decide on something.  If she says “red“, then you immediately stop what you’re doing and get her out of the restraints as fast as you can, something is wrong, assess the situation, and if there is no emergency (if there is, get to a hospital), discuss what happened.” — Sex Within Marriage

I should point out that they created the titles.  I never suggested anyone get into BDSM.  I was talking about bondage.

The first quote is from my post called Scared of Initiating Sex? and the second is from Beginner Bondage Questions.  This article at Nerve, which being titled a little backhandedly actually brings out some research that shows that Christians tend to be more sexually satisfied with their partners and that religious women tend to orgasm more consistently than those who are not, particularly Protestants and Catholics.  I’d call that a win.

Salon.com

Lastly, back in February of last year, Alex Henderson posted an article titled “Hipster” Christian: 9 hilarious attempts by the religious right to be cool subtitled “They want so badly to be hip – and yet they fail so spectacularly”.  Now, I didn’t know I was trying to be hip, and no one has called me a hipster prior or since.  This article was clearly just a shot at Christianity.  But, people take shots at things they take notice of, and often are a bit afraid of.

Although SexWithinMarriage.com doesn’t address quite as wide a variety of sexual topics as ChristianNyphos.org, it has a similar focus:  candid sexual talk for married Christian evangelicals. The website bills itself as “hot and monogamous, just as God intended,” and the site is full of headlines like, “Is It OK Not to Swallow?,” “Want More Sex? Go to Bed Naked,” “Is Mutual Masturbation OK for Married Christians?,” “Why Do Some Wives Like Their Hair Pulled?” and “Should Christians Mix Alcohol and Sex?” The site even has an article on introductory BDSM for Christians. Unfortunately, SexWithinMarriage.com excludes singles from all the fun the site describes, unless, of course, they quit being single.

Note: I added a lot of the links for your convenience, in case you find something you are interested in.  Also, they changed bondage into BDSM as well…

Now, this author raises the supposition that the only reason I and others are writing about sex in such a manner is to expand the reach of Christianity, to make it “cool”.  Of course, he missed the point, but hey, if that makes Christianity more attractive, why not.

All told, these articles have led hundreds to this blog, so I guess “even bad press is good press” or whatever the quote is.

What does this have to do with you?

Now, not all my readers have a blog, I know some do, but certainly not the majority.  Nor am I pressuring you to.  My point is that when you live the Christian lifestyle, people take notice.  I know when I worked in an office everyone know I was “the Christian”.  They would apologize when they swore around me, they would be more respectful and polite to me than others, than even to clients.  But, I never went out of my way to preach, to tell people I was Christian.  I just lived my life, doing my best to follow Biblical principles.  But people start asking questions.  Questions like “What is different about you?”, “Why don’t you drink?”, “Why don’t you eat pork?”, “Why are you vegan?”, and those are my personal convictions that get noticed, but I’m sure you all have your own.

And the same thing happens when people see how I interact with Christina, my wife.  Or even just how I talk about her.  They see the love and respect, they see something is different, and some ask questions. “Are you really that happy?”, “How do you do that?”.  Even in church I get asked these questions, which is sad, because they’ve been hearing the answers for years, some of them for decades.  They’ve read the Bible, they just failed to apply it.

So, what’s my point?  My point is that the world is watching you, and when you start living out a biblical model for marriage, people take notice.  You might not get articles written about you, but someone might say something to someone else.  It might spark a question, or a discussion, an opportunity to teach.

I think that’s why in Titus 2 we’re taught to teach younger adults how to have good marriages…so that God will not be reviled, blasphemed, mocked, or whatever your translation says.  Because, the opportunities abound when we follow biblical teachings.

Your Turn

Is your marriage one that causes people to ask “What’s different about you?”

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6 thoughts on “The rest of the world is watching”

  1. MarriedDance says:

    The AlterNet.org article linked to my site (MarriedDance.com) and we received a ton of traffic and several sales. That goes to show you that their readers are very interested in what we do.

  2. la Toya says:

    My boss just told me this week I inspire her. She said she loved the way I treat and respect my husband. And that’s how all marriages should be putting the spouse first and having intamacy.

  3. Jerry Stumpf says:

    My wife works in a bridal shop. So the employees and owners are women. They take notice of how I treat her. Recently I sent her a “love card” to her work, to say how much I love her and appreciate what she does for our home.

    They were all very complimentary and said they wished their husband would do that for them! I did it to show my wife daily romance, which we teach at our site and in our seminars. It was not an attempt at anything overt to get attention.

    I agree with your premise, people are watching and often envious of how God’s will in our marriage teaches the world to love and respect each other.

  4. HopefullyHelpful says:

    Yes. The whole world watches. My business partner is (from what I know) Buddhist. He noticed the switch after I got baptized, sort of wistfully: “You used to work so much longer, now you just seem to spend all your time with your family.”

    But now he is also putting in less hours, spending more time with *his* family. Maybe one day. . .

  5. LatterDay Marriage says:

    My oldest daughter is a fantastic artist, and she and others in her art program had a gallery show a couple of weeks ago. Of course my wife and I came and saw her works there and went around talking with her friends and looking at their creations too. After the exhibit all the artists had a little party and our daughter came back to us the next day and told us that everyone was telling her that her parents were adorable. We had no idea what we did to get noticed like that but it was nice to know we must be doing something right. And it was a big reminder that people are watching and they do notice.

  6. Kate says:

    I’d hope the rest of the world would realize that Christians have diverse opinions, and that any one Christian doesn’t speak for all when it comes to matters of sexuality.
    It seems like a lot of Christian blogs lately seem to be taking a prescriptive tone lately in matters relating to bondage and other activities relating to the marriage bed, making the readers feel these things should be normative.
    I personally feel uncomfortable with a business that sells things like spanking benches, leg spreaders, nipple clamps and a strap that is made to restrict the motion of a woman’s head during oral sex, marketing themselves as “Christian friendly”.

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