SWM006: The problem with breastfeeding

Sex Within Marriage Podcast Image for PostsThis week I’m going to be discussing a problem common to many husbands with new babies: the fact that their wife’s breasts have been re-purposed.

Show Notes


A loving doe, a graceful deer– may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love. – Proverbs 5:19

The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. – 1 Corinthians 7:4

  • My wife’s breasts used to be mine, all mine.  No one else’s.  Then when we started having kids, that all changed.  Now I have to share them, at best, and usually not even that.
  • Any stimulation causes let down and leaking milk
  • Nipples are too sensitive to touch
  • She’s all “touched out”
  • Sometimes even hugging is too much, because of swelling or engorgement

To make matters worse

  • Breastfeeding tends to enlarge breasts, so they’re more noticeable
  • When your wife is breastfeeding, you see them more often
  • Wife might wear looser tops to make breastfeeding easier
  • So, while they’re larger than usual, you see them more often, and they’re more accessible than ever, you’re not allowed to touch them
  • It’s more than a little bit of a tease, which wouldn’t be so bad, if that was the intent

Breastfeeding also tends to lower sex drive

  • Between pregnancy, birthing, recovery, postpartum depression, and just the normal breastfeeding hormones, sex drive tends to go down
  • Also, she’s getting a huge oxytocin fix from breastfeeding, so doesn’t need me to help with that as much.  She feels emotionally connected all on her own.
  • So, husband’s with young, nursing kids are teased to death, and and their wife often doesn’t even notice or think about it, let alone want sex

It gets better

  • It’s just a short time, really (2 years or less?)
  • You get better at dealing with it and understanding with consecutive births (this is #5 for us, and I’m a pro)
  • Eventually things will settle down again


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What should we run a survey about next?

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