Should Christians have sex while fasting?

Jay Dee

Should Christians have sex while fasting?

Mar 07, 2015

Should Christians have sex during Lent?

Since it’s Lent right now, I thought it would be appropriate to answer this question in a blog post, as I’m sure some others are wondering the same thing.  Likewise, there are probably a bunch of Christians who don’t know what lent is or why anyone would give sex up for it.  So, I’ll address it, assuming you’ve never heard of Lent.

Should Christians have sex during lent?

Today I received this question in my email:

Should Christians have sex during Lent?

Since it’s lent right now, I thought it would be appropriate to answer in a blog post, as I’m sure some others are wondering the same thing.  Likewise, there are probably a bunch of Christians who don’t know what lent is or why anyone would give sex up for it.  So, I’ll address it, assuming you’ve never heard of Lent.

What is Lent?

Alright, this gets a bit complicated, so hold on.  Let’s start with when Lent is.

Lent is the period between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday.  So, to figure out when it is, you have to do some math and know when the spring equinox is.  Easter Sunday occurs on the first Sunday after the first full moon after the spring equinox.  The spring equinox occurs when our planet’s yearly progression places the sun directly over the equator and we have equal amounts of day and night (or near enough).  Odd day to pick for Easter isn’t it?  Well, not if you understand it’s source.  While the majority of Christianity has been taught that this has to do with Jesus’ resurrection day, but unfortunately, that’s a rationalization after the fact.  If that were the case, then Easter Sunday would also be the same number of days after Passover (which is how one would calculate when Jesus died).  Instead, we see that most years Easter comes after Passover  (though it shifts around as to how far afterwards), but on some years, like 2008, it actually precedes Passover.

Rather, Easter Sunday, being the first Sunday after the first full moon, after the spring equinox happens to land on a very powerful pagan holiday: Akitu, the Festival of Ishtar (which is where we get the name).  Ishtar (also known as the “Queen of Heaven”, which is referenced in Jeremiah 7:18) was the goddess of fertility in Assyrian culture (which is why we have eggs and rabbits as “Easter” symbols).  This was the 12-day Festival where the Assyrians worshipped Ishtar and celebrated the pregnancy/birth of her son, Tammuz who was the “incarnated son of God” in Assyrian mythology.  It’s quite a fascinating study actually, this Ishtar was originally a Queen called Shamuramat, who was married to the King, Nimrod (of Genesis 10:8-10).  They were both so mighty that they were eventually considered gods that reincarnated, and thus Ishtar was born.  The connections between a lot of non-Biblical Christian symbolism, feasts and traditions and Assyrian mythology is quite extensive actually.  But, I digress.  My point is, that’s the story of how you find out when the “Christian” Easter is.

So, from there, we count back 40 feast days to get to Ash Wednesday.  Actually, you have to skip Sundays, which are somehow improper to have a feast on, I’m not sure exactly why, and you get 46 days total.

Now, Ash Wednesday is the day that you see some Christians with ash marks on their foreheads.  Traditionally, the ash is made from last year’s palm branches (from Palm Sunday), is draw in the shape of a cross on the forehead and is somehow symbolic of the fact that you were created from dust, and to dust, you will return.  But, women do this too, even though they weren’t created from dust.

Well, that covers when.  Why do people fast during this stretch?

During the height of Christian persecution in Rome, it became a fairly lengthy process to become a Christian.  After all, they wanted to make sure you weren’t going to turn them in, and that you were really sincere.  So, prior to baptism, there was a 40 day fast (again, not including Sundays), which were to mirror the 40 days Jesus spent fasting in the desert, though I don’t think He skipped Sundays.  By tradition, the rest of the Christians would fast with them, once a year, to show solidarity and support.  Thus, the forty-ish days of fasting were born.

Should Christians have sex during lent?  And what is Lent really about anyways?  What does the Bible say about fasting and sex?

Now, if you are a Christian, and you had no idea about any of this, don’t feel bad.  The only denominations I know who follow this tradition are Roman Catholics, Lutherans, Methodists, Anglicans and Presbyterians (if there are other denominations that do, let me know, and I’m sorry for leaving you out of the list).

Should Christians have sex during Lent?

So, we have this period called Lent, which is not mandated by scripture, which is not tied to any real holy day, and which the Bible doesn’t speak on.  My personal stance is that you don’t NEED to follow it at all, and so there are is no “should” or “should not” involved.  I’m not saying you can’t follow it, there is absolutely nothing wrong with picking a time to devote yourself to prayer and fasting.  However, neither can you say that others should during this time.

But, I think we can extrapolate this into a larger question:

Should Christians have sex while fasting?

Alright, now this one we can actually find a verse to help us with:

Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

1 Corinthians 7:5

Every Christian marriage blogger knows this verse.  We use it to show that sex should be frequent, according to the Bible, and that it helps guard us against falling into sexual temptation.  However, I think we often fail to focus on the one time it is permissible to mutually decide not to have sex:  When you have decided to devote yourself to prayer and fasting, for a time, you MAY decide, mutually, to also refrain from sex.  To deprive each other, again, mutually.  This doesn’t mean you can say to your spouse “well, I’m praying and fasting, so no sex”.

So, if you cannot unilaterally decide that you cannot deprive your spouse of sex, but you may unilaterally decide that you, yourself, are going to pray and fast, then by simple logic, it must be that a couple can pray and fast, and still have sex.  So, should Christians have sex while fasting?  It’s up to you, together.  No one gets veto rights.  You have to both agree to not have sex, or else it’s back to business as God intended: frequent and awesome.

But, I want to bring up another point:  I think there is a reason why this is the only acceptable time to decide, together, not to have sex.  I’ve done some fasting in the past.  I once did a 16-day water fast (nothing but water).  The most startling thing I noticed:  I had absolutely no sex drive half way through it.  Seriously, it was gone.  I was shocked.  I’ve never not had a strong sex drive, for as long as I could remember.  In fact, I wrote about it in this post.  I think Paul must have known about this.  Why else say that every other time that you deprive each other, you are leaving them open to temptation, but during prayer AND fasting, it’s okay?  From my perspective, it’s obvious: you’re not as tempted when fasting because your body goes into survival mode.  It’s not interested in sex, it’s more interested in surviving until the next day.

So, in the end, I think you have to decide as a couple. If you are praying AND fasting, have the conversation about what to do with sex.

Your Turn

What do you think about sex during fasting?

Looking for help?

110 thoughts on “Should Christians have sex while fasting?”

  1. Jerry Stumpf says:

    Jay Dee,

    I appreciate your perspective on this. I am a non-catholic and was wondering how you might approach this topic.

    The passage you cite I Corinthians 7:5 seems to stem from a couple’s commitment to a season of prayer and fasting.

    I wonder if one partner decides to abstain from sex if the other “must” give in?

    Your background and verbal touch were well done.

    Good thoughts!

    1. Jay Dee says:

      I would say that forcing the other spouse to abstain would be a violation of scripture.

      1. Dan says:

        It does say by agreement. As with so much in marriage it comes down to working out an agreement and compromise in inherent in agreements. Otherwise you have a decree.

        1. Okoloba Emara says:

          But what about in a situation where you are having a 3 days fast,and u decide to do it from 6 am to 6pm each day and after the 6 pm you break the fast each day,can one have sex after 6pm after each day of the fast?

          1. Jay Dee says:

            The Biblical rules for fasting center around attitude, not activities. You’re to fast humbly and without complaining.

            Biblically there’s no such thing as a 6pm to 6pm fast. It’s entirely man-made. So, make whatever rules you like.

    2. Anonymous says:

      I think is rong for Christian’s to fast during sex course fasting is a time u surrender ur soul to God one on one you don’t need any distraction so to my own thinking if you sex during fast it can destroy ur focuc

      1. Jay Dee says:

        I think that’s individual. For me, not having sex would be a massive distraction.

    3. Marlene says:

      It is true that when u fast and pray there is no sex drive.alternatively if the spouse is more sexually active what does the other say.Do you please your partner or simply say sex is wrong during fasting and prayer.From my perspective I feel there shud be a sacrifice for food and sex.

      1. Jay Dee says:

        The only time I experienced a drop in sex drive from fasting is when I did a 2 week water-only fast, and it wasn’t until at least 7 days into it that my drive decreased.

      2. Ronald says:

        No sex during fasting it distracts devine-human meeting.

        1. Jay Dee says:

          You believe that sex, something created by God before the fall and called good, which is considered a blessing in the Bible, and that we are commanded to do, can come between us and God, when nothing else can separate us from the love of God (Romans 8:38-39)?

          I don’t see that as being consistent with scripture.

        2. Noma says:

          Is it not making each other happy in a Holy Way of God? Isn’t the word says so….ok as for me I have a sex drive during fasting 🙈

  2. LatterDay Marriage says:

    I see nothing wrong with a couple having sex while fasting if they want to. 1Cor 7:5 doesn’t forbid sex while fasting, it goes the other way around, if you agree to abstain for a time, you should fast. That doesn’t mean you can’t fast without abstaining.

    Also, fasting is practiced in different ways by different Christians. Once a month I go a day without food or drink other than water. We’ve had sex while fasting, but I’ve noticed that toward the end the low blood sugar levels have a negative effect on my performance, so toward the end of the fast we’ll just wait until we are done fasting.

    1. Doris ola says:

      What about if my husband does not make love with me regularly and during my time to fast he need to make love, in that area what will I do?

    2. Ian says:

      I also think there is absolutely nothing wrong by having sex with your partner during fasting.

      If you think it’s wrong then it means whenever you have sex even without fasting ,the holy spirit distances himself from us?
      Which makes sex a sin because it separates us from God.

  3. Dan says:

    The scripture does say by agreement and for a limited time so as is often the case people will interpret this in differing way. What “time” are we limiting and for how long? I would have to agree with it being permissible.

  4. James says:

    I agree – it should be mutually decided to abstain or else its fair game. I will also say, in my experience, that when on a longer fast (specifically when fasting from food) that it is…um…more difficult to perform sexually. I appreciate that you’re talking about this because it really is how the body works. But hey…nothing says you can’t go for it even if you’re fasting for a long time 😉

  5. James says:

    I think sometimes it Becomes difficult to restraining from it when fasting,but its difficult in that your sugar levels are tested when making love. Fasting is wonderful thing,it helps you get close to God,it humbles you because you are in constant contact with the holy spirit,your spiritual eyes and ears are opened,you begin to experience God, but when you have sex you disturb that contact;).God bless

    1. Jay Dee says:

      I’ve never noticed that sex disturbs contact with God…actually, I find the opposite, that a lack of sex disturbs my contact with God, and my wife. I guess each has their own experiences.

    2. milton says:

      ….so if it is a decision both have to make Because its not FORBIDDEN how does that disturb the contact with HOLY SPIRIT?

    3. Lloyd says:

      Its true James. it can really disturb. Can’t have sex while fasting.

      1. Jay Dee says:

        How does something created by, blessed by and commanded by God disrupt your connection to Him?

  6. Olalekan says:

    I love this topic. I told my wife i want to fast for seven days and she agreed with me, the following day after breaking the fasting i had sex with her, she was like are you not fasting. we started arguing……… Bible says two shall come together and become one. The words of God advice us to marry instead of fornicating. Sex between couple is legal……. Sex after breaking the fasting is ok for me if both cant abstain from it with the short period.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      I’m confused. If you’ve broken your fast…then you’re not fasting anymore…

      1. Olalekan says:

        Smiles! I can’t do it during the fasting. i was after fasting. Hope my fasting for that day will count before God.

    2. Anonymous says:

      For me it’s an esay go if both couples are true devote but now the challenge comes when one partner is born again and the other is not it’s so hard to handle a man who does not believe in God denying him his right because you are fasting this is so challenging.i

  7. Maureen says:

    Thank you so much. This was a problem for me and my husband but now we understand it so much better.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      I’m glad to hear it Maureen. Have fun 🙂

  8. Debbie says:

    I had a serious argument with my husband a day before starting the 21 days fast proclaimed by my church we both feel so hurt by words used to a point of not talking to each other I later tried to forgive and start a conversation but he wouldn’t talk to me still today is day 6 of not talking to ourselves, what becomes of my fast? I have also moved to my son’s room where I sleep and wake up to pray at night. Please what do I do?

    1. Debbie says:

      I had a serious argument with my husband a day before starting the 21 days fast we both feel so hurt by words used to a point of not talking to each other I later tried to forgive and start a conversation but he wouldn’t what becomes of my fast? I have also moved to my son’s room.

    2. Jay Dee says:

      Two things pop out at me first.

      Firstly: You say you are trying to reconcile, but you moved out of your shared bedroom. Your actions don’t seem to match your words. I think a good first step is to move back in!

      Secondly: Matthew 5 comes to mind.

      Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. Assuredly, I say to you, you will by no means get out of there till you have paid the last penny. – Matthew 5:23-24

      A time of fasting an prayer is, essentially, a time of sacrifice and approaching God. If it, if you will, approaching the altar with a gift. I would apply this to say that your fasting should be a secondary concern at the moment. How can you approach a God of love and try to communicate with Him while you have such animosity in your head towards your husband, and he towards you? Forget the church’s proclamation, your marriage is more important. I think I would show my spouse this passage and say that I’m resolved not to start my fast until we resolve our conflict.

      If he won’t talk to you, send him a letter or write him an email. Be humble, assume responsibility for your actions, apologize and ask for forgiveness for your part (I’m not saying it’s all your fault, but you can’t tell him what to do). We teach our kids to use the formula “I’m sorry for [offense]. Will you forgive me?” It’s simple, but effective. If he won’t listen to that, then I think you need to check out Matthew 19:15-20 and get someone else involved to wake him up.

      If he does listen, be sure to use “I” statements, not “you” statements. A really good formula for that is “When you did [behavior], I felt [feeling], and I needed to feel [feeling]”. I don’t know what the fight is about, so I can’t offer any specific examples to help, but if you like you can email me ( and I can try to help you through this.

      Conflict is inevitable in marriage, it can even be good, if handled appropriately. But, it sounds like this wasn’t handled well from the start, and that generally takes two people.

      So, I say break your fast, reconcile with your husband, then start again, together, as a united family again. I believe that would be a much sweeter aroma to God.

      1. Anonymous says:

        Great advice shared! A marriage is a holy union within itself and should be a top priority in honoring God. Leave your gift at the alter and make amends with your brother, so much more your spouse.

      2. Anonymous says:

        Waoow,, so interesting

        1. Tunrayo says:

          What do you do when your spouse insisted on having sex during fasting? Probably because he is not fasting.

          1. Jay Dee says:

            According to the Bible, you should have sex. Biblically, you cannot deny your spouse sex simply because you decided not to have sex while fasting. That has to be a choice made together. Plus, it never says in the Bible that you have to abstain from sex while fasting. Only that it’s one of the few times you MAY abstain, if your spouse agrees.

    3. Anonymous says:

      Stop deceiving yourselves pls reconcile with your spouse or else you might end up wasting ur times.

    4. Marlene says:

      The Devil is a liar
      He will whisper bad thoughts to u.If Christ was tempted who are take heart Go and make right with your husband.and give God the Glory.I am doing the 21 day fast and today is the 5th day and we had a family argument.For the past 4 days we were praising and worshipping God and today I am sitting and reading about fasting and prayer.In all of this God deserves the Glory and honour.stay blessed

  9. Emmanuel says:

    Am confused about the whole thing because bible did not tell us whether we should have sex while during fasting.For instance am fasting and my wife is not fasting at the proses of fasting she demand for sex what do i do.What am saying is this in the morning around 10 am

    1. Jay Dee says:

      I disagree, I think it states it quite clearly. You may not deprive your spouse of a sexual relationship unless you both, mutually agree.
      If you wife is asking, then she didn’t agree. What do you do? Have sex! Stop depriving your wife!

      1. milton says:

        thats it dear …..

        1. Paul says:


      2. Romeo Funnebo says:

        Which part of the scripture that mentioned to have sex with your spouse when fasting, although she’s not fasting with you but hope as long you are fasting she will understand and this is not depriving her from her rights.

        1. Jay Dee says:

          There is no such verse I know of. Rather the opposite. 1 Corinthians 7:5 says you must both be in agreement to abstain from sex, and even then, only for fasting and prayer, and only for a short time.

      3. phiona says:

        Hahahaha!! are hilarious.

  10. PAC says:

    Great post! 🙂 🙂 My church started a 21 day fast and we are on day 13. Every fast our pastors states that every married couple should abstain and my husband and I never agree with them. We have told them this on several occasions and she uses the same scripture and we then tell her that “unless they agree, and we don’t agree.” My husband and I have come thru some very difficult situations in our marriage that kept us from being intimate so we fought for our marriage and embarked on a journey to love each other again and we succeeded. I am starting to get to the point where corporate fasts make me mad and I have never been one to shy away from fasting but to feel guilty about having sex with my own husband makes no sense. My husband honored my wish to abstain for about ten days then we agreed to be intimate and it was awesome and now I feel bad for not feeling guilty LOL. I want to talk to my pastor because other couples are irritated with this practice but I want to approach it correctly since we are elders in the church as well.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Yeah, I would sit my pastor down and correct him. But I’d be aware that it might cost me my position in the church. Still, I don’t think I could let my pastor preach that and stay silent. Good luck!

  11. Ernest says:

    Someone told me that abstaining from sex during fasting is because sex is dirty
    How true is this?

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Not true at all. Sex was created by God, and then God said that is was “good”. So, who do you want to believe? This “someone”, or God?

    2. Anonymous says:

      Jesus Christ nooo sex is not dirty in the sight of the Lord if it is done by the married people this thing was blessed God even says it is a Holy activity for making each other happy we say that nje when we Vow on a wedding day

  12. Aisha says:

    i was about to start fasting 2 days ago when my husband wanted sex… so since i didn’t tell him that i wanted to start fasting the following day we had sex in the morning on the day i was to start fasting … but when i woke up i couldn’t fast coz i thought i can’t fast if i had sex. thanx a lot for this. no more feeling guilty.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      You’re quite welcome!

  13. Charlotte says:

    Thank u very much for this article me n my husband had the same problem now we know what to do with sex n fasting . Thank you

    1. Jay Dee says:

      You’re quite welcome

      1. Mona Williams says:

        Fasting is an amazing way for us to draw closer to God. It really is an opportunity to put our flesh under subjection. This is a very interesting topic as it is something I have also struggled with through the years. As mentioned in the scripture there needs to be a mutual agreement between both spouses to abstain. With this in mind however if your goal through fasting is to have a more spiritually enlightening experience with God breaking some of our regular practices that satisfy our flesh should be something we give great consideration too. As we all know how pleasurable it is to engage in this type of activity it really is geared towards satisfying our fleshly desires. I am sure it’s safe to say that each individual will know his own personal need to get closer to God and the things they are willing to give up to experience a more intimate relationship with Him.
        Isn’t it a reasonable request for us to be willing to go without this type of pleasure for a short period when we serve an Eternal Savior who was willing to give His life for us. When going into a fast again discuss with your spouse the spiritual rewards that you can gain through this experience instead of focusing on whether it is right or wrong, let that be the thing that influences your decision to abstain or not . Remember we can fail to accomplish our goals for fasting if we go into it with the wrong approach especially if we feel we are forced to do something that we are not in agreement with. Let this be a time to experience a different level of intimacy with your spouse by using that time to connect spiritually pray for each other and use it to study what the bible says about having a good marriage etc.Hope this helps to broaden our views on this topic.

        1. Jay Dee says:

          As we all know how pleasurable it is to engage in this type of activity it really is geared towards satisfying our fleshly desires.

          I don’t think you can discount the spiritual intimacy that can be experienced through physical intimacy. Too often we fall back to Greco-Roman philosophy which says that everything physical is evil and cannot be spiritual. We forget that God created these bodies and that it is a part of our soul. We will always have physical bodies so long as we are alive (either temporally or eternally). That’s not to say one can’t decide to set sex aside for a time, I just want to make sure people don’t think they are being more holy by doing so.

          1. susan says:

            My husband and I don’t share the same faith. I believe in fasting and at his church they don’t. We don’t go to the same church as I don’t believe in their traditional practice. so when I fast and he wants sex. what do I do. I am on a 14 days fasting now wont I be punishing him if I deny him sex and wont I be compromising my fast if I give in to sex?

            1. Jay Dee says:

              There is nothing in the Bible to say you cannot have sex while fasting. What it does say is that you cannot deny sex without consent from both spouses. So, I would think you’d be compromising your fast by not having sex. I mean, how can one fast while denying a spouse? That seems similar to bringing an offering to God while in conflict with your brother (Matthew 5 I think).

              1. Cletus says:

                If I may ask according to Catholic doctrine Catholic didn’t fast on Sunday if my wife demand sex can I ask her to wait till Sunday before having sex with her?.

                1. Jay Dee says:

                  According to the Bible, you may not refuse except by mutual consent.
                  As for Catholic doctrine – no idea as it’s not based on the Bible.

          2. Anonymous says:

            So true Fasting and prayer is mostly for Spiritual Focus as I have mentioned it’s a satisfaction of the body that is containing the Spirit of God that God even mantiom that he wants our body to be healthy you know as for women’s they can tell you that this activity makes us feel more than good even healthy in mind(soul) body while humbing your Spirit(heart) to God indeed people must decided but it’s not a sin if it happen it’s good if you have agreed not that’s not a problem no one must be seen bad about this it’s our right that can not keep us away from eternal life

  14. Bright says:

    Having sex during fasting all depends for the reason for which you are fasting for. If you are fasting because the Church asked the members to fast for some certain days., is quite different when you are fasting for certain situation in life that only God can settled. But no matter the fasting, it must be done with the consent of your spouse to avoid temptation and regret.

  15. Anonymous says:

    The purpose and spirit of the teaching about martial fasting should be considered.

    Two who are married, often, although on the same walk, aren’t on the same spiritual level. Therefore the agreement is necessary.

    However understanding the purpose of fasting is important. It is to crucify the flesh regardless of time or reason for a particular fast i.e mournIng, seeking, routinew.

    If Totally Fasting, it includes crucifixion of sexual drive as sex is a lust of the flesh.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      If Totally Fasting, it includes crucifixion of sexual drive as sex is a lust of the flesh.

      This promotes the idea that sex is sinful. But, the Bible is clear that it is not. God created us to be sexual beings, pre-fall.

      Plus, it brings into question what you consider “Totally Fasting”. How do you decide what falls under that? Food? Sex? Water? Air? Where do you draw the limit? Are you not just picking an arbitrary line and calling that “holy”?
      Fasting instead should be more a spiritual letting go than a physical one. You can fast from TV, your cell phone, food, or even sex, should you desire. But to say someone isn’t “Totally Fasting” if their criteria doesn’t meet yours is quite self-righteous.

      1. Yunana says:

        Agreed to that sir, there is nothing like a “totally fasting” or “partially fasting” is either you fast or not….

    2. Yunana says:

      Totally disagree, how can sex be lust of the flesh?
      Is that biblical?

  16. Albert Ntuli says:

    Thanks a lot for this. I now understand the scripture. My wife and I are not on the same spiritual level. I fast more and longer on water fast and I always abstained from sex but without consent. The first day of my fast my wife wanted to have sex and she told me, but she said she was feeling guilty for making me brake my fast. I then felt guilty for denying her sex and making her feel guilty fir wanting sex because I was fasting. But now I understand that fasting should not make us commit sin by depriving our spouse of their marital rights. Thanks a lot.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Just because you fast more and longer doesn’t mean you’re on a different spiritual level. It may only mean that you have different behaviours. Be careful with that mindset. It’s less about what we do and more about the condition of the heart. Even then, you can’t compare one person to another. You can only compare one person to their prior selves.

      1. Flo says:

        I totally agree with you

  17. Dan says:

    I’m back here over a year-and-a-half later because my comment here came up as a referrer on my blog. In reading over the comments and replies, which seem to continue to trickle in, I noticed something. I may be mistaken, but it seems we have all missed the possibility of a couple mutually choosing to fast sex. We have all tied the denial of sex in this post to being another aspect of a food fast. Perhaps they are still eating, but choose fasting the pleasures of the flesh by agreement which for some may feel a more significant sacrifice than that of food at a given time. Abstaining from sexual pleasure may have more to do with their “condition of the heart” than gustatory pleasure and we’re putting our cart before their horse.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Welcome back!

      When you have decided to devote yourself to prayer and fasting, for a time, you MAY decide, mutually, to also refrain from sex.

      I don’t think we missed it.

  18. Anonymous says:

    Truely i have found all the comments shared helpful. While most daily spritual fasting periods are from sunrise to sunset being intimate or having sex with ones spouse although done physically tends to connect the couples souls, their individual spirits becomes lifted up and i believe connects better to the spirit of God and everything becomes perfect, God is glorified and the couples are blessed and fulfilled. Thus if Gods name is glorified during the couple quiet time, if they so choose to present themselves to him in their moments of intimacy during fasting let all praise be to Him. If they so choose to cry or weep before Him over issues disturbing them He is equally watching over them.

  19. projectmaterialsblog says:

    My spouse confess to me December 2016 about how she had sex on three occasions with her manager in the office. Since the confession, my emotion have being troubled. I made up my mind to forgive her and continue with our wedding plans. But the problem is she can’t forgive herself and on my own side I get emotionally hurt if the thought come to my mind. Please what should I do?

    1. Jay Dee says:

      I can’t tell you what to do, but personally, I would probably put the wedding on hold until after your feelings about this have been resolved on both ends. That’s a difficult way to start a marriage.

  20. Rafiu Iddrisu says:

    Thanks so much for how everyone has shared his/her thought on this topic
    We are in a 14days fasting at church and My wife this morning ask me to give her a kiss on the cheek and I thought it was not good since it is part of the fleshly desires
    Now am feeling guilty

  21. Jenneh says:

    This topic has really help me. Thanks so much

  22. Shawn Faison says:

    Hi Jay Dee:
    Your “blog” or “post” was /is very enlightening for me. I understand the scripture and as some of the other Christian replies, our church is on a 14 Day fast and it can be difficult. We are on day 6 and I’ve been wanting to make love to my husband, (for reasons explained in the reply)but I’m not sure if he does. He’s made it very difficult before the fast, with the extramarital affair he had two years ago this month and other issues within our home, so I look to God and post like these to encourage me. But reading a devotional and reading your post today has given me the yearning to reunite completely with him. The theme of our wedding was “And the two became one”. It’s been almost 6 years, and when I got married, my vows were taken to heart. I’m in this ; for better or worse , in sickness and in health, till death us do part.
    Toward the end of 2016, I have been unable to really enjoy our love making. Something triggered that made me go back to what I thought I forgave him for and I have been depressed for quite sometime. Honestly I was only making love to honor and respect Gods word by not denying my husband, and it was/is hard. Truth be told I have not really laid out in prayer since the fast started, but I have prayed and asked God to restore my faith and restore my trust in my husband.
    I’m rambling….. thank you for the post and all others with the encouraging comments. My question is should I engage with my husband or wait until the fast is over? We never had the verbal agreement, just going off the Pastor’s say so. And I’m almost like another comment posted, I don’t like the fact that the church is putting married couples on restrictions and withholding from one another. The devil has had my marriage long enough and I want it back.


    1. Jay Dee says:

      I’m getting a lot of questions about fasting lately. One of my most popular posts the last few weeks has been Should Christians have sex while fasting? You might want to read it.

      Short answer though for me is that you shouldn’t have stopped sex without explicit agreement from both spouses. The pastor can’t force a fast, and certainly should not be stopping couples from their sex life, in my opinion.

  23. Black Man says:

    Unless you gave up sexual activity for Lent, in the words of Marvin Gaye Let’s Get It.

  24. Anonymous says:

    I’m fasting for 40 days lent & my partner doesn’t mind but doesn’t agree to abstain from intimacy. Does that make it ok to not abstain?

    1. Jay Dee says:

      There are no rules in the Bible saying you have to abstain from sex during a fast. However, there is a command not to abstain without your spouse’s consent.

      1. Annie says:

        Sorry Jaydee but….i still believe one shouldn’t have sex during a fast. Husbands and wives share same problems so if one of them deems it Important to seek the face of God, they should both agree on this because it’s important sex,fun meals and drinks are kept aside, fasting is serious, very serious in fact I see no reason why anyone will feel like having sex when fasting,your spirit gets broken, u see yourself in another realm, like you’re close to heaven.. If your spouse doesn’t agree then leave the fast and just pray. God will still hear you. That’s why paul said it was better not to marry cause in marriage you live to please your spouse! Not easy yeah cause u can’t just do what u wanna like a single Christian! Please don’t confuse people here!

        1. Jay Dee says:

          Well, you are entitled to believe whatever you like. However, there’s nothing in the Bible to suggest you should stop sexual activity during a fast, only that it’s the only time you are permitted to. And if you’re fasting and denying your spouse sex, then I’d argue that Matthew 5:24 has applications here.

          You cannot fast and give worship to God while you deny and are breaking the relationship with your husband.

  25. Thaz says:

    Thank you so much this was very helpful to me,all my questions has been answered. God bless you

  26. Winfred says:

    I loved visiting this forum. I am set to begin my 21 days of fasting and prayer ( water only) and my husband is very supportive but worried about the length. I have never fasted before. I thank you all the information and JD, you are awesome.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      The first few days are the hardest. Once you switch over into ketosis, it’s not that bad.

      But, if you start feeling sick, start eating again (starting with juice). 21 days is a long fast especially if you haven’t done a long one before. Would love to know how it goes.

  27. M says:

    Thanks for the insight. I’ve read 1 Cor. 7 but wanted to be sure I was doing the right thing and my fast is acceptable to God.

  28. Gbameno says:

    I really enjoyed your piece. Well my fasting is a bit different from what is described here. I normally fast from 6am to 6pm daily for as long as I want to fast. I break by 6pm. I’m not comfortable having sex between the hours 6am and 6pm when I’m fasting. After this time I can make love to my wife. The fast continues by 6am the next day. Is anything wrong with this?

    1. Vicky says:

      I strongly believed that your fasting was 100% acceptable to God. Nothing went wrong!!

    2. Paul says:

      @Gbameno this is exactly why I am here, I keep trying to figure out if it’s ok to have sex with my wife after breaking my fast for the day say after 6pm. Cos our fasting no matter for how many days is always between 6am and 6pm, we eat after 6pm and resume for the next day from 6am. So it keeps bothering me if it’s ok to meet with her between the daily break time. I’ve also seen here that it’s ok to meet even during the day time fasting period. We don’t normally have issues with that as we both feel we should abstain within the period, only problem is the daily period of break.

  29. Collins says:

    Quick question;
    If the church has corporate fasting for workers assume 21 days and in between the days you have sex(during the fasting days and in the morning hours) .. would you say because I had sex today, I can not fast today and continue the fast tomorrow? OR start the fast from day one…. how does it work please

    1. Jay Dee says:

      It works however you want it to work. There are no biblical rules about how fasting should work. In fact, God (including Jesus) never commands us to fast. One was required to fast during the festival of atonement, which Christ did away with, so there is no biblical requirement to fast any longer.

      I’m not saying it’s not a good practice, I’m just saying it’s a man-made construct, so there’s no “proper” or biblical way to do it. We have neither the command nor the instructions for how to fast.

      So, I would say do what you wish. Some abstain from sex due to prayer and fasting (which 1 Cor 7 allows), and others do not. Fasting is about depriving yourself of food, whether or not you had sex doesn’t enter into the equation.

      1. Vicky says:

        Did you have sex with your wife or another lady? If you had sex with your legally wedded wife then there’s nothing wrong with that. Thank you.

        1. Jay Dee says:

          No argument here.

    2. Vicky says:

      Please continue, sir. You have not fallen into temptation, she is your wife. God’s grace is sufficient for us on this race, amen.

    3. Jay Dee says:

      Though I will say, I find the idea of enforced fasting for employees to be both unethical and counter productive. You cannot force people to worship…

  30. Nephtar says:

    I want to know whats a good time to start fasting and what’s a the good time to break your fasting. Which one is normal to fast form 24 hrs midnight and break at 18 hrs or from 6hrs to 18 hrs

    1. Jay Dee says:

      There is no protocol given for fasting in the Bible, and thus there is no “proper” way. You may fast however you choose so far as I can see.

  31. Anonymous says:

    Really enlightened…….I discovered my intuition about this topic wasn’t perfect. I used to feel guilty anytime I lured my wife into sex while fasting and would always condemn and trash my fast.Thanks for sharing ur knowledge with me.

  32. Douglas Dorka Koyiri says:

    This topic is not for the canal mind but what the Holy spirit will reveal to the individual. SeX is what everybody like and no question about that.But when it comes to fasting,it would depend on the purpose for then fasting.If out of twelve months I have been having sex and to set aside one month out of the twelve months to abstain from food,water and others,to crucify the flesh for Christ and I cannot do that,then it is questionable.If I can abstain from food and water and others,it means I should be able to abstain from everything depending on the duration and agreement with my spouse in prayer.I was brought up knowing that dry fasting is the way forward and I have been constantly doing 40 days.I am the aggressor when it comes to mating but I always give all to Christ and when I want to fail,my spouse encourages me to keep it up and finish the course.I must say that fasting is a sacrifice and a Holy thing to do and during the period if we can abstain,whatever we want from God,He will do it for us.

  33. Kp says:

    I am here thinking that when you do fast, you fast from food and anything that pleasures the body.
    Your present your body as a living sacrifice to God.

    I have never had sex while praying, surely my partner can wait for two weeks or a month or just assume I have traveled to another land. ???
    Thanks God for an understanding patner

    1. Jay Dee says:

      I think if you’re denying your spouse for a month without consent, then you’re not fasting from pleasure. You’re forcing them to.

  34. Tess says:

    There are many MANY things ‘blessed’ by God that can ‘disrupt your connection’ to him: food? money? your job? to name a few. All things in moderation, for man shall not LIVE by “bread” ALONE but every word of God. All things indeed are lawful, but I will not be brought under the power of any.

  35. Oribo Einstein says:

    Sex does different important things in human life aside mere reproduction, sex is psychological, sex is spiritual, sex is emotional, and sex is physical. The RIGHT sex is never a sin by all standard. It’s rather sinful to deprive a spouse of sex. The Bible doesn’t glorify or respect any sinful act. If sex during PRAYING AND FASTING is sinful, the Bible would have stated it in clear terms and with every emphasis. Sex during PRAYING AND FASTING is DISCRETIONAL, MUTUAL AND OPTIONAL. There’s nothing sinful and evil in it. I think, Paul was only mindful of our focus and maximization of the strength needed for the draining exercise.

  36. revbarbs says:

    As a pastor, I strongly believe that fasting of all types is between a believer and God, and it is best if a spouse is in agreement. (for practical reasons, if not spiritual ones–it is important for a spouse to know about fasting from food if they are the one cooking). Spouses might agree to to sexual fast mutually, or a fast could be limited to food, or food and water. As you have pointed out, the details of a fast are between the believer and God.

    Traditionally one does not fast on Sunday, because each Sunday is a mini-celebration of Easter, so even during Lent, one celebrates Resurrection on Sundays.

    No one is ever required to fast, however it can be a beneficial spiritual practice.

  37. Raymond says:

    Wow thank you Jay Dee and thank you all for for questions and contributions I’m so blessed may God bless us all and continue to grant us access into his truth by the spirit in Jesus name Amen.

  38. Justin C says:

    I believe in scripture and I tell my wife that and she agrees that we must consent. We’ve had fast were we didnt have sex and We’ve fasted and had sex. Recently on a fast i thought it would be good to draw us closer together while on a fast and have sex during. We also decided days not to as well.We were ready praying but we incorporated a time of intimacy as well.we pray together before or after.In the end our main goal is to draw closer to God and each other so we can move as one in the spirit as well as individual.

  39. ALEXANDER says:

    Are there any spiritual benefits to not having sex while fasting? Like could the sacrifice move God and show him that you love him more then sex? And this would in turn cause him to move more deeply in your life and marriage?

    1. Jay Dee says:

      I don’t believe there is anything magical about Christianity. There are no secret powers attached to things.
      One’s walk with God is a relationship. So, if you decide to focus on your relationship with God, then you’ll see that relationship improve. Begrudgingly fasting to try and improve your relationship is ineffective. Likewise, choosing to fast in order to improve your relationship with a God that is love, while simultaneously depriving your spouse of love because they aren’t on the same page, is counter-productive.

      God doesn’t move more or less deeply in our lives depending on what we do – we just pay more or less attention to it. It can seem like He moves more, but it’s because we’re listening to His guidance more. But you can’t claim to listen to a God of love while sacrificing loving your spouse.

      So – if you both agree, yes, I could see that as being productive. If you don’t both agree, and you decide to fast from sex, then I think you’re fooling yourself that you’re following a God of love.

  40. Asaph says:

    Thanks a lot

  41. Okoh bobby says:

    It’s personal but the most important thing is to remain focus in ur prayer and forget about the sexy drive for the moment

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