Glossary Term: submissive

Definition: In the context of BDSM, it refers to the partner who willingly consents to yield to the control and direction of the other in a sexual or erotic context, within agreed-upon boundaries and limits.

Related Posts

BDSM Survey Results

During July and a bit of August, we ran a survey about people’s BDSM experiences. Depending on who you ask, it was either extensive or just dipping our toes into the topic. In the end, we received over 1,000 complete responses from a wide range of couples, some for whom BDSM is part of their daily life, others who were engaging in BDSM activities didn’t think what they were doing qualified, others who wished they were doing such things but didn’t know how to start, and those who thought it was disgusting that I even considered asking questions about such a topic.

or the last three weeks, I’ve spent evenings and weekends digging through the data, coding it, doing pivot tables, building charts, running correlation formulas, and more, trying to get what I can out of it. It’s aptly called data mining because often it feels like sifting through a lot of rocks and dirt just to try and find a nugget of something valuable contained.

Today, I’m going to share what I found.

SWM 118 – In sickness and in health

The traditional wedding vows go something like “I take you to be my wife/husband, and I do promise and covenant, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful husband/wife in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.”

Unfortunately, I don’t remember my wedding vows. I remember picking some. I remember memorizing them. I remember reciting them, from memory, during the wedding, despite having the flu and a fever. But nearly 23 years later, I don’t remember what they were.

I’m sure they contained something like “in sickness and in health,” though.

This past month, we got to test those vows.

SWM 096 – Why men being submissive is problematic

A post in response to this question:

Hi. I wanted to know if there is any reason that the man can’t be the submissive part sometimes during sex. Because I feel like I want to be submissive from time to time, but I don’t want to ask my wife because it’s an awkward topic.

SWM 093 – Crossdressing, counseling not working, should I share fantasies, facial hair, Viagra for women and many more

Answering Anonymous Questions about Married Sex

Topics include:
Crossdressing
Counseling not fixing her sex drive
Should I keep fantasies to myself?
Husband addicted to porn
Wife has no sex drive
FaceTime sex
Spouse’s facial and body hair
Does Viagra work for women?
How do I stop her from seeing me as submissive?
No sex due to pregnancy complications
Wife struggles with overeating
How do I stop masturbating?
Anal fisting

SWM 052 – Are Dominance/Submission Games in the Bedroom OK?

Are Dominance_Submission Games in the bedroom OK_

A reader asks:
I enjoy calling my husband “Sir” in bed, as we enjoy our submissive/dominant roles in marriage to be played out in sex as well. He felt weird about it at first, but now loves it. I read your post a while ago where you mentioned that humiliation isn’t good for your partner in the long term. Would you consider this to be humiliation? What about the trend to call men “daddy” in bed?

SWM 050 – Anonymous Questions from September 2019 – Deployed Spouses, Passive Sex Partners, Sleep Apnea and How to Boost Attraction for your Spouse

Anonymous Questions from our readers

In this episode, we’re tackling the subjects:

  • How do you deal with deployment and sex drives
  • How do we improve sexual intimacy
  • How to improve our sex life
  • Satisfaction and adventurousness
  • How do you get your wife to be more dominant in bed
  • Asking doesn’t work, not asking doesn’t work
  • Husband has sleep apnea
  • What should teenagers do instead of masturbate?

Anonymous Questions – Oct 10, 2018

Anonymous Questions from our readers

It’s been almost two months since I answered anonymous questions, so I thought I’d catch up. For those who are new to the site, these questions are all gathered from our anonymous Have A Question page.  If you have a question that you’d like answered,

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