Glossary Term: erotica

Definition: Erotica refers to written, visual, or other forms of artistic expression intended to arouse sexual desire, often emphasizing love and mutual consent between married couples.

Related Posts

SWM 148 – 14 red flags your marriage is drifting towards divorce, affairs or lifelong unhappiness

Have you noticed how quickly disagreements turn into demonization these days? Whether it’s politics, religion, or even marriage, we’ve gotten stuck in a cycle of contempt—where the ‘other side’ isn’t just wrong, they’re evil. And it’s destroying relationships.

I see this in my marriage coaching practice all the time: spouses who’ve spent years labeling each other as selfish, cruel, or hopeless. They roll their eyes, assign malicious motives, and show up just to prove their partner is the problem. Once that mindset takes root, digging out takes months—sometimes years.

But there’s hope. When couples catch it early—before contempt hardens into habit—change can happen fast. Today, I’m sharing 14 warning signs that you’re heading down this dangerous path. Some might surprise you (like sarcasm or ‘harmless’ nicknames), but the last one? It’s the red flag you can’t ignore. Let’s dive in.

SWM 122 – How to make your spouse more attractive to you

If you look online, you can find tons of videos, articles, podcasts, products and more about how to make yourself more attractive to your spouse or potential partners. I mean, it’s everywhere. You can also find resources to help you make your spouse more attractive by changing them. What you don’t see much of, though, are resources to help you change your mindset to make them seem more attractive to you without changing them.
We all know the phrase “beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” but rarely, if ever, is it used to recognize that you, as the beholder, can change what you’re attracted to.

SWM 112 – Do men have it harder when it comes to sexual expectations?

Answering the question:

Hi Jay, I’ve noticed a dichotomy when it comes to expectations for male and female sex drives and what’s considered desirable sexual performance. As a man, I feel like there’s a lot of pressure to perform sexually. This means being able to become sexually aroused when seeing a naked woman (my wife in this case), being able to maintain the erection and having the sexual stamina to keep from climaxing for a sustained interval (not sure what the average woman considers desirable stamina but let’s say 10 minutes?) Not to mention the societal pressure that men face when it comes to the size of their penis. I myself feel insecure about not having a large enough penis. Who doesn’t want to add a couple of inches to their penis? I’ve become somewhat perplexed/frustrated because I feel like there are very few expectations placed on females. We live in an age when “all women are supposed to be seen as beautiful.” It seems that females are simply expected to be willing to participate in sex when the mood is right, and that’s it. There’s no expectation on the size or quality of female genitals, no expectation on their ability to get aroused or maintain arousal, and no expectations on the level of physical or mental effort they invest in sexual activity. It seems they are just supposed to be the recipient while the man does the thrusting. Even when it comes to the subject of natural lubrication, there’s a stigma around a man who can’t naturally achieve and maintain an erection, but for the woman, there doesn’t appear to be a stigma around the inability to produce sufficient arousal fluid (vaginal wetness). As it pertains to the topic of pornography, I’ve read many articles about the dangers of pornography for men, how it leads to sexual desensitization, and when paired with masturbation, decreased sexual stamina and even erectile dysfunction. I can’t say I’ve read many articles discussing how viewing pornography is detrimental for women. Is it just me, or is there a double standard when it comes to sexual expectations for men and women?

SWM 106 – Nude pictures, sex toys, asexual wife, wife not in love with me, wish my wife had a bigger butt

Answering Anonymous Questions about Married Sex

Topics:
Is it okay to take nude pictures and videos of each other?
Limon by Minna discount
Asexual wife?
Wife loves me, but isn’t in love with me
Wife isn’t interested in improving our sex life
Wish I married a bigger butt
Secretly feed her ejaculate
Husband says my vagina stinks and tastes bad
50-year-old wife refuses to have sex
Do we need a counselor?

SWM 060 – Aug 2020 Questions – Negative Self-Talk, Affairs, Manual Sex Troubles and more

Anonymous Questions from our readers

Topics include:
Negative Self-Talk
Sex and Midnight Prayer
Is it okay to ask God for a spouse who enjoys anal sex?
How to deal with jealousy
Sex isn’t special after the wife had an affair
Did Jesus ever get married?
Is it wrong to have sex in the same room as another couple?
Is it okay to leave my wife because she can’t have sex?
Should anything go in the bedroom?
Trouble with manual sex
How to keep intimacy alive without sex

SWM 058 – Anonymous Questions from May 2020

Anonymous Questions from our readers

Topics include:
Husband is in jail
Husband masturbates all the time
Husband won’t quit porn
Should Christians avoid Tantric Sex?
Premature Ejaculation
Bondage Resources
Jock Itch
Wife is not interested in sex
Husband not interested in sex with wife
Being “too loose” after children
When to disclose a masturbation & porn addiction when dating

SWM 053 – Anonymous Questions – December 2019 & January 2020

Anonymous Questions from our readers

Anonymous questions from December 2019 and January 2020

Topics Include:
Gang bang fantasy
How to make sex not feel like an obligation
How to get past sebacks during foreplay
Wife needs to feel “dirty” to orgasm
A warning about “Boundaries” and how to mitigate the damage it can cause
Long term effects of using a vibrator

SWM 044 – Anonymous Questions from February and March 2019

Anonymous Questions from our readers

Answering questions from our readers. Questions include:

Is doggy style demeaning?
Does anal sex always cause bleeding?
How to start talking about sex with a sensitive wife?
Can you have sex with an unsaved spouse?
How to handle a wife orgasming too quickly
Mutual Masturbation
Swallowing your own semen
Can you be married to the wrong person?
Is sexlessness being unfaithful?
Ethical porn

Is it okay to write erotica for my spouse?

Is it okay to write erotica for my spouse?

We hear all the time from Christian bloggers about the dangers of reading erotica.  A quick search found no less than a dozen posts on the topic.  However, I couldn’t find a single one (besides my own) on writing erotica from a Christian perspective. Going

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