Definition: Erotica refers to written, visual, or other forms of artistic expression intended to arouse sexual desire, often emphasizing love and mutual consent between married couples.
We trade God’s design for real, vulnerable intimacy for safe, synthetic illusions. Porn, erotica, and AI companions offer connection without cost but train us in selfishness, not love. They promise intimacy without risk, but only real, covenantal relationship can deliver meaning.
If you look online, you can find tons of videos, articles, podcasts, products and more about how to make yourself more attractive to your spouse or potential partners. I mean, it’s everywhere. You can also find resources to help you make your spouse more attractive by changing them. What you don’t see much of, though, are resources to help you change your mindset to make them seem more attractive to you without changing them.
We all know the phrase “beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” but rarely, if ever, is it used to recognize that you, as the beholder, can change what you’re attracted to.
Answering the question:
Hi Jay, I’ve noticed a dichotomy when it comes to expectations for male and female sex drives and what’s considered desirable sexual performance. As a man, I feel like there’s a lot of pressure to perform sexually. This means being able to become sexually aroused when seeing a naked woman (my wife in this case), being able to maintain the erection and having the sexual stamina to keep from climaxing for a sustained interval (not sure what the average woman considers desirable stamina but let’s say 10 minutes?) Not to mention the societal pressure that men face when it comes to the size of their penis. I myself feel insecure about not having a large enough penis. Who doesn’t want to add a couple of inches to their penis? I’ve become somewhat perplexed/frustrated because I feel like there are very few expectations placed on females. We live in an age when “all women are supposed to be seen as beautiful.” It seems that females are simply expected to be willing to participate in sex when the mood is right, and that’s it. There’s no expectation on the size or quality of female genitals, no expectation on their ability to get aroused or maintain arousal, and no expectations on the level of physical or mental effort they invest in sexual activity. It seems they are just supposed to be the recipient while the man does the thrusting. Even when it comes to the subject of natural lubrication, there’s a stigma around a man who can’t naturally achieve and maintain an erection, but for the woman, there doesn’t appear to be a stigma around the inability to produce sufficient arousal fluid (vaginal wetness). As it pertains to the topic of pornography, I’ve read many articles about the dangers of pornography for men, how it leads to sexual desensitization, and when paired with masturbation, decreased sexual stamina and even erectile dysfunction. I can’t say I’ve read many articles discussing how viewing pornography is detrimental for women. Is it just me, or is there a double standard when it comes to sexual expectations for men and women?
Topics include:
Husband is in jail
Husband masturbates all the time
Husband won’t quit porn
Should Christians avoid Tantric Sex?
Premature Ejaculation
Bondage Resources
Jock Itch
Wife is not interested in sex
Husband not interested in sex with wife
Being “too loose” after children
When to disclose a masturbation & porn addiction when dating
Answering questions from our readers. Questions include:
Is doggy style demeaning?
Does anal sex always cause bleeding?
How to start talking about sex with a sensitive wife?
Can you have sex with an unsaved spouse?
How to handle a wife orgasming too quickly
Mutual Masturbation
Swallowing your own semen
Can you be married to the wrong person?
Is sexlessness being unfaithful?
Ethical porn
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