This question came in on our Have A Question page yesterday:
I am a fanfiction writer, and I wrote a couple of erotica chapters, mostly between monogamous couples. I think prayer made me realized it was not the best idea, so I took them back from the site, except for a blog, because I am not able to take them back (it is not my blog).
I decided to continue to write those chapters for myself… and my husband… The main characters are mostly variations of him and me, with their rights and wrongs… they are not perfect, and I mostly write things that we do together, our feelings as much as our mutual attraction. It is like a medieval-fantastic version of him and me (except that we have different name in the story). Should I stop to write, even if it is for him and me?
Thank you very much, because my soul is struggling…
Now, I’ve tackled questions like this before, but it’s been a while, so I thought I could write a (very) quick post answering this reader’s question.
First, off, I applaud your decision to write only for you and your husband, because I don’t think it’s appropriate to write erotica to arouse someone other than your spouse, and I’m sorry you were unable to get back some of them. That’s the problem with the internet. Once it’s out there, it’s pretty hard to take it back.
But, do you need to stop writing for yourself and your husband? That depends. If, at some point, the fantasy becomes more appealing than reality, if you start daydreaming about “fanfiction husband” instead of flesh-and-blood husband, if you start comparing one against the other, then I think you have a problem and should stop. Because then it has become something that is driving you apart, instead of causing you to grow together.
Other than that, writing erotica for your spouse can be a way to explore aspects of sexuality that are still a little to scary to explore in person. They can be a way to test boundaries (those that are there because of fear or discomfort, not morality) without actually having to stretch too far yet, or it can be a softer way to community to your spouse something you are interested in trying that hasn’t been brought up yet.
Those are my thoughts on the subject. Any one else want to chime in?