Can I write erotica for my husband and I?

Jay Dee

Can I write erotica for my husband and I?

Aug 21, 2015

This question came in on our Have A Question page yesterday: I am a fanfiction writer, and I wrote a couple of erotica chapters, mostly between monogamous couples. I think prayer made me realized it was not the best idea, so I took them back from

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Anonymous QuestionThis question came in on our Have A Question page yesterday:

I am a fanfiction writer, and I wrote a couple of erotica chapters, mostly between monogamous couples. I think prayer made me realized it was not the best idea, so I took them back from the site, except for a blog, because I am not able to take them back (it is not my blog).
I decided to continue to write those chapters for myself… and my husband…  The main characters are mostly variations of him and me, with their rights and wrongs… they are not perfect, and I mostly write things that we do together, our feelings as much as our mutual attraction. It is like a medieval-fantastic version of him and me (except that we have different name in the story). Should I stop to write, even if it is for him and me?
Thank you very much, because my soul is struggling…

Now, I’ve tackled questions like this before, but it’s been a while, so I thought I could write a (very) quick post answering this reader’s question.

First, off, I applaud your decision to write only for you and your husband, because I don’t think it’s appropriate to write erotica to arouse someone other than your spouse, and I’m sorry you were unable to get back some of them.  That’s the problem with the internet.  Once it’s out there, it’s pretty hard to take it back.

But, do you need to stop writing for yourself and your husband?  That depends.  If, at some point, the fantasy becomes more appealing than reality, if you start daydreaming about “fanfiction husband” instead of flesh-and-blood husband, if you start comparing one against the other, then I think you have a problem and should stop.  Because then it has become something that is driving you apart, instead of causing you to grow together.

Other than that, writing erotica for your spouse can be a way to explore aspects of sexuality that are still a little to scary to explore in person.  They can be a way to test boundaries (those that are there because of fear or discomfort, not morality) without actually having to stretch too far yet, or it can be a softer way to community to your spouse something you are interested in trying that hasn’t been brought up yet.

Those are my thoughts on the subject.  Any one else want to chime in?

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8 thoughts on “Can I write erotica for my husband and I?”

  1. DM says:

    The last line of the question said “my soul is struggling” may be an indication that it may not be good for their marriage. If it is that much of a moral dilemma then it may be her conscience telling her STOP

  2. chaak says:

    In my humble opinion, I see:

    the positive thing is a nice testimonial of creativity in marriage…..many times needed to spark it up, sending the message: no need to go somewhere else if everything is at home. So why not make it public? if you emphazise marriage, conection, love, etc
    The negative one, it can be taken wrong as mentioned above, if the fantasy is more appealing than reality and is driving you apart, instead of causing you to grow together.

  3. Pinkheart says:

    I wonder what she is actually stuggling with just sharing them or writing them? I don’t agree with sharing at all. Now just the two them is ok if she is really writing for the two of them. Is she really fantasizing about her husband or someone else while she writes. That maybe we’re the struggles are. IMHO

  4. mh says:

    I agree. If her “soul is struggling” she should stop. Let the Spirit guide.

    For anyone else writing in the context of your own marriage, I would also suggest to use pseudo names. Even if you write by hand or typewriter and keep everything in a safe, your writings could still get out “in the wild”. Writing with pseudo names will help protect your identity.

  5. Dan says:

    As in is it okay to write your own version of the Song of Solomon to share with your mate? Think about it from that perspective if you are struggling with is it permissible. Whether it’s beneficial or not as defined by 1 Corinthians 6:12 or 1 Corinthians 10:23 is really the question as I see it and only you can determine that within your relationship with God and your spouse.

  6. Keelie Reason says:

    Wow…something to think about when it comes to putting stuff on the internet, huh? Hopefully she will find her peace with God over this one.

  7. Rebecca McManus says:

    My Husband and I have written “stories” for each other recently in order to help with our sexual communication. He wrote first sent it to me then I added from there and sent it back to him, he added and so on. This helped us open some doors we had closed close to 8 yrs ago. So I for one, think, in the right context (meaning between a husband and wife) this can, not only be fun but also be one step of many to a stronger more open marriage. On the other hand, in my humble opinion, sharing these stories outside the marriage would be nothing but trouble.

  8. Tony Conrad says:

    I agree. I have written about three stories for my wife which were erotic. I think it says more about me than anything, how I really feel inside about the things we do. I think it shows your sexual dna which isn’t really always apparent in talking and doing.

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