Why Does My Husband Want Sex In The Morning?

Jay Dee

Why Does My Husband Want Sex In The Morning?

Oct 21, 2012

I’ve seen this question floating around.  Why is it that men like sex in the morning?  It drives a lot of women absolutely crazy, because they wake up in the morning feeling groggy, haven’t done their makeup, they have bed-head, etc., etc.,  basically, not feeling

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I’ve seen this question floating around.  Why is it that men like sex in the morning?  It drives a lot of women absolutely crazy, because they wake up in the morning feeling groggy, haven’t done their makeup, they have bed-head, etc., etc.,  basically, not feeling fully confident in themselves as a sexual being.

So, why is it that men are ready to go first thing in the morning.

I think there are two reasons.

Hormones

The first is that many men wake with an erection in the morning.  And frankly, nothing puts you in the mood for sex like an erection.  It’s pretty difficult to think about anything else really.  So, that leads to the question, why do many men wake with an erection most mornings (if not all)?

For that, we have to blame testosterone.

Testosterone is a hormone found in both women and men, but it is far more ubiquitous in men.  It is know as the “male hormone” or the “sex drive hormone” or the “cave man hormone” or a bunch of other names.  Testosterone is what makes men more prone to aggression, it fuels our sex drive, it shapes our bodies during puberty (and afterwards), it basically makes us do all the things that are stereo-typically male.  Yes, it even makes us able to sit in front of the TV and absolutely tune out the world.

But, for the purpose of this discussion, we’re going to boil it down to higher testosterone levels = higher sex drive.

Now, we get little testosterone bursts from a lot of things:

If men watch a sexually explicit movie (which I don’t suggest), there is a 35% increase in testosterone 60-90 minutes afterwards.

If a man talks to a woman there is a slight increase.

If we smell an ovulating women, there is an increase (I didn’t realize we had such refined noses).

If we work out at a gym, or exert ourselves physically, there is a testosterone increase.

 

There are a bunch of little things that can increase testosterone production during the day.  However, the bulk of production is done at night, and it is mostly done right before the REM part of a sleep cycle.  In fact, low testosterone levels can often be linked to a lack of sleep.   Males who sleep less than 8 hours a day have markedly decreased testosterone levels, and it keeps decreasing the less sleep you get.

So, this all leads to the fact that by morning, a man has about as much testosterone as he’s going to get during the day.  This can often cause an erection, it causes us to think about sex (as well as the erection being a constant reminder), and it has a tendency to make us more aggressive in pursuing sex.

On to reason #2:

Sex Makes The Day Better

Any day that starts with sex is almost guaranteed to be a good day, regardless of what happens.  Sex decreases stress levels, it increases testosterone production, it produced natural anti-depressants, it’s good exercise, it makes us feel connected to our wife, and about a million other benefits come from sex.  So, it’s no wonder men want sex in the morning, think of all the positive reinforcement we get:

Decreased stress – you just feel more relaxed and able to tackle the day, so you can be more productive

Increased testosterone – this makes us more aggressive and assertive, we feel more confident

Natural anti-depressants – you feel happier and happier people are more productive

Good exersise – just about everyone feels better with exercise, this is a known fact

Oxytocin burst – we feel more connected to our spouse, so we’re more loving, more romantic (or try to be anyways), and in turn this can lead to more sex later

Basically this is a winning combination, we will have one of the best days of our lives, happier and more productive, and the next day, we want to have that experience again, and our wives are the only ones that can legitimately help us achieve this state.

 

So,

Men: Do you agree with this? Does it match your experience?

Wives: Does this help clear up some questions about why your husband is attacking you in the morning?

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63 thoughts on “Why Does My Husband Want Sex In The Morning?”

  1. Jenny says:

    It’s kind of the opposite for us….I would love sex in the morning, and generally initiate to some extent every morning, but my husband is more of an afternoon or night sex person. He says that just because he has normal “morning wood” doesn’t necessarily mean that he wants sex. But then, he’s not like most guys when it comes to sex. Which gives my worrywart mind more security!

    1. Jenny says:

      Actually, yeh, I just asked my husband about it, and he told me a different story than this article….he had already researched it awhile back, and tonight we looked it up again.

      A 2005 article in the Journal of Sexual Medicine states: “It has been speculated that the main function of nocturnal erections is to provide adequate engorgement of the corpora cavernosa, which then leads to increased tissue oxygenation. This is in turn [prevents] cavernous fibrosis, the histopathological basis for corporeal veno-occlusive dysfunction, which probably is the most common cause of organic erectile dysfunction.”

      “In other words, men’s brains are giving their penises a little nighttime workout, strictly for maintenance, to make sure they stay tuned up.”

      “Many people are not aware of the fact that erections do not just serve sexual purposes; they also are a source of increased blood supply to the penis. The male body will have several erections at night, just to keep the penis healthy.”

      So that’s why men can wake up in the morning with erections and not be interested in sex. Actually, male babies and very young boys have erections throughout the night and in the morning, and it’s obviously nothing sexual.

      So….different take, there.

  2. livinginblurredlines says:

    Morning erections do have me asking him, “is it up to keep you from rolling out of bed, or are you looking for *pet word for my anatomy.* I like morning sex, but I don’t like when he waits until just before the kids start waking up because we are inevitably interrupted. It is kinda hard to focus when I’m shouting over my shoulder, “we’ll be out soon, go watch a movie! I’ll change the diaper in a minute!”. For me, bedtime sex is when I am more likely to climax.

    1. Rajeev says:

      Most healthy men often wake up in the morning with an erection. “Morning wood” and “Morning tent” are slang terms for this. Men have several erections a night as part of their sleep cycle. Many times they wake up and find they are still erect.

      A man’s penis becomes erect in response to sexual arousal and excitement, but it can also become erect as a result of deep relaxation, such as that experienced in deep sleep called REM (rapid eye movement) — a period of sleep during which you dream.

      An erection is caused by a rush of blood to the penis. A man’s penis — especially that of a young man — can also become erect without any kind of arousing stimulation; this is known as “spontaneous erection.”

      The male testosterone level is at its highest in the early morning during restful sleep, usually built up during the night and at its highest around 4-6 a.m. from my understanding.

      Many times it has to do with what you are dreaming about — males can be aroused in their sleep and have a nocturnal emission (wet dream).

      No, you do not get an erection because you need to pee. The erection and the need to pee are coincidental. Think about it, do you get a hard-on every time you need to pee?
      Morning erections are technically nighttime erections which happen during Rapid Eye Movement (REM) sleep (when most dreaming occurs), although men older than sixty years may have them during even non-REM sleep. Generally, males experience four intervals of REM sleep per night. These spontaneous erections in the wee hours are caused by specific neuroreflexes that are stimulated during REM sleep. Morning erections are the tail end of a series of night time erections, as many as five per night that can last for 20-30 minutes each.
      Many people are not aware of the fact that erections do not just serve sexual purposes; they also are a source of increased blood supply to the penis, so the male body will have several erections at night, just to keep the penis healthy.
      Waking usually occurs after a session of Rapid Eye Movement (REM) sleep. Just about everyone gets an erection during REM sleep, while you’re dreaming. That’s why you often wake up from a dream, with a hardon. Also, there is the phenomenon of the “Pee Horn”, where you wake up desperate for a pee, with a hardon, and then hit yourself in the eye when you go to the bathroom. Everyone gets it.

      1. Jay Dee says:

        …just for the record, I’ve never hit myself in the eye…so…not everyone…

  3. livinginblurredlines says:

    Oh, I should add #3: many husbands find their wives quite attractive in the morning. For my husband, me just sleeping in the same bed with him makes him feel very close and bonded to me. For him, there is nothing like waking up in the morning to me by his side. Messy hair and all, and that turns him on.

  4. livinginblurredlines says:

    Interesting, Jenny….and yes, having very young sons, I do notice that they have nighttime and morning erections, but increased blood flow and the convenience of a ready made erection can most certainly put a man in the mood. Some men, like your husband and mine, seem to be more likely to need their head in the game, too and an emotional connection. Not right or wrong, just different.

    1. Jenny says:

      My guy definitely has to have his head in the game. I think in the morning, he’s thinking about work (he has to leave for work super early), and he always has a lot of stuff to tackle first thing in the morning, so his mind isn’t in sex mode. And he doesn’t want to have to get up and moving even a moment sooner than necessary! 🙂 He says that it’s hard to get out of bed in the morning because he likes snuggling me so much. (Unlike typical guys, he doesn’t view snuggling as strictly sexual – sometimes it is, but sometimes he just likes to hold me and talk.) On weekends, he’s more likely to engage in morning sex.

  5. Brian says:

    I read somewhere that “morning sex is the glue that holds a relationship together.” I know it can’t happen all the time, but it is awesome when it does, and as you say – a day can’t be very bad with that sort of a kickoff.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Yeah, I don’t buy that one. If morning sex was the glue that holds a relationship together, then mine would have fallen apart years ago. 4 kids 6 years old and under who all wake before 7 am: there’s no option to just let them play on their own. They aren’t self-sufficient enough.

  6. Judy says:

    Oh Myyyyyyyyyyy………I can’t believe there are not more wives out there that want sex first off in the morning! I can’t go without it ! I am sooo horny in the morning,even after having sex the night before,.and yes, sometimes morning is a trying time,with so much going on,but my husband never leaves home without it. even if things get to involved first off ,..I have had him take me over the kitchen table just before leaving for work ,..many times ,and i love it !

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Well Judy, I think you are probably a little atypical, and that’s OK, better than OK for your husband!

    2. tt says:

      I hate morning sex, I work at night I don’t need to wake up early for that. He climaxes and I’m squishy and gross, if I shower and get ready at 6am then I look and feel like garbage by the time I go to work and I’m so tired, I need sleep not sex.

      1. Jay Dee says:

        Have you talked to your husband about this? Perhaps there are times (days you are off work) when you can let him know you are more open to the idea?

        1. tt says:

          Yeah I have lots if times now its gone from talking to yelling, every aspect of our marriage is good except that.

    3. p k says:

      I’m with you, Judy…best time for me too. difficulty is getting him up a little earlier to not be rushed. he wants his sleep, I want him

  7. Judy says:

    I hope you don’t think I’m too atypical..lol ! Actually JD,I don’t consider myself to be as such,..I’m just a very submissive wife and I consider it my duty as a Chrisian wife to satisfy my husband sexually whenever and wherever,he so desires for that need to be fulfilled !

    1. Jay Dee says:

      That’s a great attitude to have towards any spouse! Thank you for sharing.

    2. Anonymous says:

      As a Christian woman I’m in total agreement with you about giving your husband when he desires to have it. Miles Monroe taught that men do just want sex BUT they need sex because God instilled the desire within him, men carry the sperms (seeds) of nations.

  8. imnotgoingtotell says:

    I love your attitude Judy 🙂
    My wife says women like yourself only exist in my “porn-influenced fantasies” … I hope your husband truly appreciates the blessing he has in you.

  9. imnotgoingtotell says:

    Oddly enough, a quickie in the morning is pretty much the only kind of sex I get anymore. My wife cannot entertain the idea of sex unless both her mind and body are fully rested, and she is not currently involved in a project of some kind. That being the case, first thing in the morning is the only time that works for her.

    For what its worth, I cannot remember the last time I did NOT wake up with a “kickstand.” However, seeing it or feeling it pressed up against her is more of a turn-off than a turn-on for my wife, so I keep it to myself and say nothing.

  10. this suck says:

    I HATEE HATE HATE HATE morning sex. I am tired and groggy in the morning and sex does not energize me…it just makes me more tired and groggy and depressed because of the hormonal come down. I’m never going to get married 🙁

    1. Jay Dee says:

      I’m really not sure why this stops you from getting married, so long as you are upfront about not wanting morning sex. I mean, morning sex is not a requirement for marriage (though it may be wise to try and work on that a bit when you do get married).

  11. stephen says:

    is a good things to have sex in morning because any time i wake i used to have erection @ list 2-3minute.

  12. Jean says:

    Women do not want or need sex inthe morning. We hate it. That is why I am not getting married. I hear how my sisters and my friends talk about their husbands rubbing himself in the back of her and thrusting a few times without even giving their women satisfaction.
    Why do men do this. Also, why do men want sex when the children are wide awake in their room. Why are men so doofus ? My sisters say they like sex at n

    1. Jay Dee says:

      I agree, I think if you can’t get over that attitude, then it’s probably wise you don’t marry.
      But, I don’t think you quite understand that many women find sex pleasurable, and many of our readers would absolutely love to be in the situation you described because they want sex more than their husbands.

      Frankly, it sounds like your sister has a difficult marriage and she’s venting to you, which is unfortunate, because it’s giving you a false view of marriage. She’s supposed to be teaching other women how to love their husbands (Titus 2:4), not teaching them that sex is so bad you shouldn’t get married.

    2. Anonymous says:

      You may NOT desire sex in the morning; but there are MANY women who do. As for the children being up, they aren’t caring about what’s going on in their parents rooms unless they want something, besides your FIRST priority is your husband.

  13. Jean says:

    You might want to go back and read my comment again. I need to correct you in a few areas. I did not write that I have one sisters. I wrote sisters. I have several. All of them are not wrong. My sisters ARE NOT bad women. It is not their job to teach me anything. i have a mother to teach me. They don’t need to teach me, anymore than older men need to teach men to not base everything on sex and stop making man- made doctrines that tell women that they have to want sex early in the morning when they should be getting their full 7 or 8 hours of sleep. There are scripture for men too, and men should not tell a woman to get over not wanting sex in the morning.

    Every woman DOES not like sex and some hate morning sex. You as a man will of course try to help women to lean towards that idea so that other men can get what they want. I have spoken with quite a few women about this. You would be surprised how much wives hate and dread you husbands waking them up in the morning, especially after she cooked all night and washed dishes, got the children ready for bed, and took care of other household responsibilities, while you wonder why she is so tried. All of the women of the world are not wrong. Sex is not pleasurable to all women. Do the research. Men cannot get their egos hurt over this fact.

    As far as my sisters, you don’t know them and that move is kind of forward of you and disrespectful. Just make your comments as related to what I wrote. Be professional if you are able to be that way. That would be similar to me saying such things about one of your relatives. This action is so typical of men, whenever a woman speaks her mind about how she sees men. You tread dangerous waters, when you imply that a woman has a bad marriage because her thoughts and desires about sex do not match what the average man feels. Do some research about women’s thoughts and feelings about sex. You may be quite surprised. But know that some women will not be truthful as they feel they may be jeopardizing their relationships. I really don’t care how men see me. I don’t have a husband.

    Further, I do not have an “attitude” that I need to get over, Mr. Jay. You seem to be confused. You cannot tell a woman to get over her feelings about anything. If a woman does not like morning sex, so what? She totally has that right. What’s the problem. You do not make laws for women. and why does she need to change her way of thinking? Just because she does not have thoughts like a man. It is not good for men to throw Scripture at any woman, unless men are going to allow women to give it back to them. I don’t know what patriarchal, ancient rules you follow, but please be aware that women are human too and if you as a man, want women to know how much you need morning sex, then it might be to your advantage to take a more respectful approach. A man’s way is not necessarily the right way. Women are human TOO!

    1. Debbie says:

      jean, you seem defensive. as a non-bride you can’t actually understand a marriage from the outside looking in. I love sex. Any time. Because it makes me feel good and makes my husband feel good. It’s an honor to bless him and bring him joy. Many marriages are upside down. Don’t let those marriages be your go-to.

      1. Jean says:

        Yes, I did get defensive, my right, when I continue to read low comments against women and also when jay decided to throw Scripture at me and tell me as a woman what I ought to be doing and feeling about sex, and telling me what women are supposed to do. And if no woman on this forum can see with their eyes how men scold and criticize women, or took offense to the way Jay attacked women, then I cant and won’t continue to hold dialogue with any of you.
        The personal insults about my sisters, was a bit too much. Call me sensitive or whatever, but I as a woman am sick and tired of forums that criticize those women who love themselves and choose not to have an interest in sex.
        This forum tells me a lot about how brainwashed women and egotistical men really feel about women who have their wn opinion. it saddens me that you all really believe in the man made doctrine that subjugate women. Thank you all for confirming my fears, that there are women who enjoy worshipping and exalting en.

        1. Jay Dee says:

          You read no low comments against women. You created them in your mind because your framework for marriage is incorrect. I have an extremely high opinion of women, as I do of men. After all, “You made them a little lower than the angels; you crowned them with glory and honor” (Hebrews 2:7). I like throwing scripture around, because I’m Christian and “The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.” (Isaiah 58:11) And frankly, it’s a create tool for discernment. If someone gets upset at Scripture, well, then I know they aren’t mad at me, but at God. And then, while I’m willing to help, their next step is really to fix their relationship with Him.

        2. p k says:

          I hope love will find you someday, and soften your heart, Jean. good loving is amazing, whenever it happens dear

    2. Lindsay Harold says:

      Jean,

      I love morning sex with my husband. It happens more often at night for us, but there’s something special about morning sex. It’s more spontaneous and not as tiring as a marathon night session. And we have to be quick or the kids will interrupt us, so there’s a little bit of “being bad” involved in sneaking around and being extra quiet.

      As for women getting over their emotions, that is a worthy goal. Not everything should revolve around a woman’s emotions – especially her marriage. Learning to do things in spite of what you feel like and not making everyone around you miserable when you’re not happy are just basic emotional maturity issues that every woman should learn.

      Also, in a marriage, neither spouse should be setting the timing and frequency for the other unilaterally. Men shouldn’t be telling their wives that they are going to have sex right now all the time, but neither should women be saying that their husbands are not going to have sex right now all the time. In a marriage, you have to give up some of what you feel like for the good of the other person and the marriage. If a person isn’t willing to do that, they shouldn’t get married.

    3. Jay Dee says:

      My apologies, please extend my comments to include all of them.
      And I didn’t say they were bad women. Misguided, deceived, hurting, wrong, but not bad….well, no more evil than the rest of us, as you say.

      How can they all be wrong? Well, the most likely reason is that your mother taught all of you. If she does not have a godly view of marriage and healthy sexuality within marriage, then it’s quite likely you all were taught from a young age to hate sex because you have no framework to know what healthy sexuality is like. From your comments it seems you were also taught to hate men in general, though you seem to be able to be rude to either gender equally.

      As for throwing scripture around, “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.” (Timothy 3:16-17) I throw scripture around, because it’s right, and it guides me. And it’s my hope that being confronted by God, you will hear Him. If you want to back up your argument with Scripture, please do. I’d love to know what verses you use to support this rant of yours.

      And yes, I am implying your entire family has bad marriages, because it seems there is a systemic distrust, almost hatred, of men, and of sex. You can’t have a healthy marriage with that as a foundation. It’s not much of a leap, though if they’ve never experienced anything else, and your parents marriage was the same, then it’s quite likely neither they, nor you, realize how bad it is.

      And I think you might be arguing so strongly because you’re upset that the possibility for a good marriage is not possible with the framework you’ve been given. I think you’ve visited here because you want to learn a better way. But, I don’t think your ready for it yet. I think you have some growing to do. So, I’m going to block you for now, since you don’t seem to be adding anything of value to the conversation. If you ever want to come back and have a healthy discussion, let me know and I’ll lift the block. I bear you no ill will, and I hope you find healing so that you can one day model to your children a healthy marriage.

      1. Venus says:

        Wth? You ban someone for speaking their mind about not wanting sex all the time, and about her sisters not liking sex in the morning! It is you that need to grow up. She may not have all the answers, or know how all women feel, but she does have a right to her own feelings and perceptions of sex. It is a shame she’s associating marriage with agreement or disagreement about sexual desire, but it’s also a shame that you are associate not having a desire for sex in the morning with a bad marriage. Not everyone has the same feeling about this, and it’s not just because they weren’t taught about healthy relationships, it’s because different people sometimes have different desires, different feelings, different perceptions, and different dislikes. I don’t care for morning sex, not out of anger or hatred, but because it doesn’t feel that good to me, my body is not awake, my brain is not awake and ready to process having sex, we are both tired, many of my parts are just not feeling it even if I’m trying to get into it. Many times he starts trying before I’m awake at all, like in in the middle of sleeping, so forgive me if I’m not ready to enjoy sex at that moment, and forgive every other person in a similar position. We don’t all have to enjoy sex the same way or the same time, even in a healthy relationship. I prefer sex later in the day, when I’m fully awake and we both can fully enjoy it. I like to have sex when I’m not partially incapacitated, and honestly I’d at least like to have a say in starting sex rather than having him try to start while I’m asleep. That is not unreasonable, nor unhealthy. We do both have sex sometimes when we both enjoy it, we do both talk about what we each enjoy and what we each dislike, we do each try to please each other, but we also understand that we are not always going to enjoy every sexual experience even if the other does. So, I don’t like sex in the morning, and hubby does, we try to compromise on this, but I don’t blame someone else if that is not something they are willing to compromise on. Sex should be about both partners, about enjoyment of the sexual experience (at least a good majority of the time), and should have healthy compromise, not just for one partner but all partners. You tossing her honest opinion out like it does not matter is not healthy discourse, and it’s not healthy compromise. Is that what you do when your wife doesn’t agree with you, or is she unwilling to let you know she disagrees because she’s been conditioned to believe the man is always right?

        1. Jay Dee says:

          I’m afraid you misunderstood the situation. She wrote a large number of comments in various places, each one more derogatory and inflammatory than the other. I ended up removing quite a few, because they added nothing of value. Also there were emails that were … unkind to say the least. I have never banned anyone for having an opinion. But, she was unapologetically insulting to me, and worse, to other readers. That, I won’t abide.

          Now, add to that that she was hanging around a blog, about sex, proclaiming she’d never get married, because of sex, and continuing to rant about something she did not know about. It wasn’t helping anyone, including her. So, yeah, I banned her for everyone’s benefit. I also let her know that if she wanted to return and could speak politely, then I would lift the ban.

    4. Tara says:

      Jean, I pray for sexual healing for you. Sexual healing from the emotional anger you hold and misconceptions you have about sex.

  14. Christina says:

    Hi Jean, unfortunately I must disagree with you on the generalizations you have made about both women and men. It’s in my experience that not every woman “likes” sex, but there are many women who absolutely love it – Not just for the physical connection but also the emotional. Men are also emotional beings, and even though it may seem that sex is purely physical to them, once with a woman they love, it also becomes emotional. I enjoy sex with my husband and personally love morning sex. We have been married for over 10 years and have 3 children, I stay home with them and so of course there are times I am tired but I make sex a priority, not only because I enjoy it but because I understand that it is important to him as well. In a family, the marriage should always be a priority over the children, because the marriage is what holds it all together. I honestly believe all women would love sex if they were able to experience it in the way God intended – mutually pleasurable with a loving spouse. Sex can be a way for a man to show his wife that he loves her and finds her attractive. It’s a huge hit to their own self esteem when they are turned down repeatedly.

    You are correct when you say women have the right to not have to change their way of thinking; however, that attitude does not contribute to a good marriage on either side. (Men included!) The only one we have control over is ourselves. So many times marriages crumble because neither the wife or husband is willing to make the first step in changing. It’s a pride issue. If I hadn’t stepped out and made changes in my own actions in our marriage, regardless of what my husband was doing, then I honestly don’t know if we would still be together.

    1. Anonymous says:

      I agree. Also if Jean doesn’t like sex for the physical part (which maybe she will learn to work on), she should like it for the emotional part. The whole sexual experience is for love and bonding and togetherness , intimacy and closeness with your husband.

  15. Mrs.B says:

    First. Married sex and single sex are completely different. I’ve been with my DH for 23 years. And the sex we are havering right now is out of this world.
    Second. We have 7 children…. So I know what it’s like to be tired at night, so sex in the morning when everyone is asleep is great. I can really relax.
    Third. When I hear a woman complain about sex or say she doesn’t enjoy it. I wonder if her husband might not know ‘how’ to please her. It takes a lot of communication and work to get things just right sometimes. That’s why being married helps. You know you will be together forever and can trust each other.
    Fourth. I used to hate sex. But that’s because we didn’t communicate. He ‘thought’ I was enjoying it… And I didn’t correct him.
    Now… I’m 46 and I honestly can’t get enough of my DH.

    1. Jean says:

      I said it once and I say it again. I am not married, dont want to marry and please do not try to convince me that I should like sex.
      Do you have the right to like or dislike what you do?

      1. Keelie Reason says:

        I’m confused, if you aren’t planning to get married or like sex, why did you visit a website that is called Sex Within Marriage? Furthermore, why did you click a link for a post that is addressing why husbands want sex in the morning? Just curious.

        1. Jean says:

          I don’t get it why the hell do you need to question which sites I visit? I am not concerned about what you do. If you visited a site about how men shave their faces, who the hell am I to confront you. You need to step your butt back a bit. J

          1. Jay Dee says:

            And now you’re just being rude. You entered a public form begging for someone to disagree with you, and now a group of godly women try to teach you a better way and you get mad.
            “Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you; rebuke the wise and they will love you.” (Proverbs 9:8)

  16. Kitt says:

    I see the commotion. What is the problem here? I see where jean is upset, but what I am not sure about is the reason most of the readers on this page, are not liking her view about what she likes for her and a little mutual respect is all each can give while it goes a long way,

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Well, you’re probably having trouble seeing it, because you’re either Jean, or someone close to her. (Your IP matches, you’re browsing from the same house).

      So, to Jean I say, I think everyone here has shown you a great deal of grace, and you have repaid it with malice.

  17. Lauren says:

    Ladies, take it as a compliment your man is iniatiting in the morning. Don’t you feel desired and sexy that he wants you? Mine doesn’t initiate in the morning ha I can see if the wife is not a morning person it could get annoying but try it one day or try to get used to it and make that compromise. Once in a while. If that’s his best time or favorite time, try to meet half way and meet his needs. Maybe have him meet your needs too like a compromise if he will load the dishes or vacuum. Talk it out like that. Say that your going out of your comfort Zobe with the morning sex and maybe if he go out of his comfort zone and try to meet your needs whether it’s sexual needs or emotional needs or just getting him to compliment you more expressing his feelings verbally, communicating more or helping around the house. But the more you try the morning sex maybe you will like it. Maybe you will both go to bed earlier some nights to have the morning sex some mornings

  18. Kitt says:

    Yes I’m Jean’s sister, the oldest of 5 girls, whom he has been defending. Please refrain from making judgements about our faith and character. That is not good. You now are going against God’s word.

    So, J, came to me to tell me how rude your site is to her, how and attacked she felt. I stood over her shoulder as she wrote and I am thankful for her backbone, her boldness, to stand by something that she feels strongly about. But, just so you know, jean is highly sensitive and long winded like me. My baby sisters are much more easy to let things go, but they are good women to God their families, friends. You had no right to say what you did, but as a Christian woman who abides by God’s word, I am disappointed in you and the other commenters trying to convince her that she is wrong to not like intimacy. She owes no man intimacy and if she dislikes being intimate. How is she wrong for her on body?
    Do you accept the word of God, as no man should judge another, even though you and your readers here are judging her. She does have the right to dislike sex. Men have the right to not like to sit on the couch with their wives and caress their bodies, legs, arms, etc, while watching tv. That may be a strong need of many women. But I wouldn’t tell the men who dislike caressing that there is something wrong with each of them, or that their dad taught them the wrong things. Can we agree that you dad taught you wrong and that there is something wrong with your brothers the way they behave in their marriages? No, I do not know them.

    If you call yourself professional and Christian, you would not have rushed to be emotional and block her. Also, you would not have condoned the other commenters ganging up on her comment. There was a better way. As far as her telling you that you were throwing Scripture ather, she is correct in saying that. We were brought up with Christian parents who taught us the word of God, but we learned that because Paul and others wrote so pretty heavy rules for women that men get excited and use the words, the wrong way
    We don’t need for you to judge us. You do not know us, so we would appreciate if you would not say the disheartening things about my family that way. You would not appreciate J or me, saying ugly things about your dad not teaching you how to be a man and instead teaching you to be sexist. She was respectful to you all, until you all compounded the attack from every angle.
    Go ahead and block Jean, me, and anyone else with our own point of view. We are grateful that we found out what kind of site you are and how you and your other commenters feel about a woman having her own point of view about sex as it relates to HER. Please do not answer me backhand do not discuss us anymore here.
    Thank you, Kitt

    1. Jay Dee says:

      I think you have a failed understanding of the Bible’s teaching on judgement. It is true, the Bible repeatedly counsels us not to judge unbelievers, for God will judge them. However, it also repeately counsels us to correct, to judge, to teach, to hold accountable our brothers and sisters in Christ. There is a very different relationship between fellow Christians. We have all promised to uphold the commandments of God, His teachings and guidance in the Bible, and so we are called to help keep each other on that path. If we do not, the Bible says we are as accomplices in their sin. So, I, with all love, am trying to correct your sister’s false teachings so that she might have a more fulfilling life and hopefully a happy marriage one day, should she choose to get married.

      You are correct, she owes no man intimacy. Until she gets married, then yes, she certainly does owe him. That’s what being married means. And that’s the context we are talking about.
      But, I disagree that men have the right to withhold affection from their spouse, just as women don’t have the right to withhold affection from their spouse. Marriage is about serving your spouse, not being selfish about “what I want”.

      And my decision to block her was not emotional at all. If you read more here, you’ll see, I don’t make a lot of emotional decisions. But, I will share my thought process with you so that you can understand:

      1. She was rude and belittling to my other readers, which I won’t tolerate
      2. Her arguments were going in circles, adding nothing of value to the conversation, just making noise
      3. She’s not married, doesn’t want to ever have sex, and yet she’s posting, maliciously, on a site called “Sex Within Marriage”. Frankly, she fit the description of a troll (one who posts maliciously merely to insight argument)
      4. She got upset when we used scripture to teach

      In short, she was doing no good, only harm, and she wasn’t really interacting, just continuing to spew out the same rants and railed against Biblical references. It wasn’t productive, thus the decision to block her. As I said, if she wants to come back and have a healthy discussion, I’m more than willing to unblock her. I wish she would, for her own sake.

      I’m sorry your parents taught you to reject Paul’s writings. Sadly, Peter writes about this in 2 Peter 3:16

      He (Paul) writes the same way in all his letters, speaking in them of these matters. His letters contain some things that are hard to understand, which ignorant and unstable people distort, as they do the other Scriptures, to their own destruction.

      I urge you to reconsider this teaching. Paul’s writings have merit, particularly in the context of marriage.

      As for your claim that your sister was respectful. Well, that’s just plain false. She was rude from the beginning. Her very first comment was disparaging against the male gender as a whole. And it went downhill from there, raising straw man attacks, calling my female readers “brainwashed” and continuing to insult them. My community tried to reach out to her, to offer their perspective, and she just got more belligerent. The last straw being that she rejected Biblical references. At that point, we have no common ground. I cannot help someone who rejects God’s Word. We have no common ground.

      I hope that explains things more fully.

    2. Someguy says:

      I would say that she is allowed to dislike sex, however in marriage sex is a given usually mutural in marriage, so don’t get married with that attitude it will just cause heartache or fighting. Also you shouldn’t tell married women they don’t like sex.

      On a second note, if you need caressing on the couch by your husband if you asked him he would probably be happy to, or should be as I would as a husband. I like to please my wife.

  19. Jessica says:

    For the first time ever I actually read the comments before reading the article. It really saddens me that so many couples struggle with sex so much. I honestly believe that the struggle or more rightly said the difference in desire levels is part of how God teaches us to work together as a couple. For couples that are struggling with sexual problems (be it erectile dysfunction or vaginal dryness), morning sex can be fantastic. Men with erectile dysfunction can have firmer erections in the morning and women naturally lubricate at night (just like men get erections at night). Morning sex can be deeply satisfying for both partners. But, certainly (as a commenter described) men should not just thrust themselves into their wives in the morning. Like sex anytime, it will be more fun if both are wanting to be a part of the experience. Truthfully, God made sex to be fun. He really did not have to give us orgasm. Even needing ejaculation for pregnancy didn’t mean that he had to give us the enjoyment that comes from orgasm. The absolutely only function of the clitoris is for sexual fulfillment for the woman. So, both men and women have the ability to enjoy sex and God gave us that ability. Sex should be fun whether it happens in the morning, evening, or afternoon.

  20. Jayden says:

    My wife and I have agreed to not do this even though it is my natural inclination, so we have our agreed on time, which we both make adjustments for. I should add that my work schedule requires that I be at work at 5 am. My wife works part time and does not get home until about 11 pm on her work nights. This means a little give and take on both our part.

    Our kids are junior high and high school age so this takes some arranging. But we set aside a certain time when the kids are out of the house, and our schedules coincide. We also have a strict policy that our bedroom is never for the kids, it is our private space only. When we refurbished the house, I put an exterior grade door on the bedroom with a lock and a peephole, and our room is well soundproofed. Not that we are particularly noisy, but our private space is private.

    Some couples value spontanaiety, which we have little of, but I find it exciting to know that there is a certain time and place for us alone. I look forward to that time a great deal as I go through the week, and I savor the anticipation. We prepare ourselves for it and during that time can concentrate only and absolutely on the moment. It has made the physical element so much more intense and rewarding. We try to use every minute to have the most intense and pleasurable moments, and we have a certain allotted time. There have been a couple of occasions when things were not shall we say completely concluded, but we stopped and cleaned up. The next time, the experience was even more intense and satisfying.

    Of course, the kids eventually figure out our basic arrangement, but they know that if the door is locked, if they ring the bell or knock there had better be an awful good reason for it. Of course, the plan is the kids are in school, or at some other activity at that time. We do adjust the schedule as needed, and we have our ‘code words’, but even then we don’t discuss it with anyone else, ever, for any reason.

    Maintaining the sanctity of the bedroom in this way is not only for our own safety and pleasure, but is to convey to our children and others the sanctity of marriage and married love.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      You have a door bell on your bedroom door?

      1. Jayden says:

        Yes, we have an exterior grade door and frame. We have an engraved brass door knocker with viewer and a doorbell button as well. The front and back doors and the bedroom door bells sound distinctive chimes. I’m kind of a tinkerer and electronic person and I spent more than a little time on it.

        Our master bedroom is our safe room and is thoroughly reinforced. It is ours and ours alone. In the years of our marriage the only people who have been in it were the plumber and his assistant when we had a plumbing malfunction and wound up rebuilding the shower. Since we moved in, the kids have never been in it at all, neither any of our friends or relatives.

        The house has a second “master bedroom” with complete bathroom which is where visitors stay. We were truly blessed in the circumstances that led us to be able to buy this house, which has several castle-like elements. It was built by a (soon to be former) NFL player for family members and he went broke shortly thereafter. It was in poor shape when we bought it, and because of some design eccentricities was a drag on the market for some time. We bought it for little more than the value of the land and although it was pretty sad looking, we realized it was structurally very sound. We probably overspent on it, we put in several amenities such as a cement floored laundry room with a bolted-down Wascomat commercial washer, a diesel standby generator, and some other things. It probably would have been bulldozed had we not “adopted” it. It tells a story of redemption and grace, in a way.

  21. Ali says:

    I am so lucky as I understand that my spouse likes it at night and I love it in the morning so he gladly obliges he also asks me to make sure I don’t tire myself to much in house chores So that I won’t deny him his love and fun at night he would rather see clothes not finished than for me to turn my back to him at night he is always compassionate and makes sure I have everything I need and want a lot f women don’t give enough sex they blame it on the kids or to tired but you can’t deprive the man of his right as a bread winning husband ladies give him the one thing you don’t want him to go looking for on his own

  22. Mrs Saturday love says:

    I read the article then read every single comment. Nowhere did I see anything addressing a husband who ONLY wants morning sex, NEVER at any other time of day. I am the higher drive spouse. I would be satisfied with sex about 3 times a week. My husband is happy with once a week or less so that’s what we have. He works a physical job. He has untreated sleep apnea. He’s always tired. I know these things play a part in the frequency. Are they also the reason for the time of day? I understand the testosterone levels are higher then and he’s the most rested he’s going to be all day. I guess I just answered by own question.
    It’s not that I hate morning sex, it’s just that I would like a variety. He wakes me up most Saturdays by spooning me and reaching around to touch me in a sexual way. It’s always the same. I wake up feeling the need to urinate (as most people do) so I have to stop him and get up. I feel dehydrated and know I have dragon breath so I want to take time to brush my teeth & drink a glass of water. If I do, by the time I get back to bed, he’s fallen back to sleep. He also has morning breath but doesn’t care to do anything about it. He has also fallen back to sleep during foreplay.
    Lately, he has been ok with both of us reaching orgasm with just manual stimulation, no penetration. That isn’t making love to me, that’s not how God intended two to become one flesh. We have talked about it, he agrees to work on changing. He does for a week, maybe two but then we’re right back to Saturday morning foreplay only. I feel like he’s just lazy. Outside of the bedroom he’s very affectionate and loving, supportive and helpful. He professes his love for me frequently and tells me that I’m beautiful and sexy but his actions don’t make me feel sexy. He doesn’t really want to discuss it but I try and keep trying.
    Yes, I can initiate. I have, and have been shot down every time it isn’t a Saturday morning. Yes, I could be the more active participant (female superior positions) but he doesn’t want me to. He wants to be the man and says ‘the man takes care of his wife’……except that he doesn’t. I’m at a loss. Am I resigned to, for lack if a better term, a “handjob” once a week? I’ve tried to explain that my orgasm feels much better when he’s inside me, when I have something for my love muscles to grip around. I don’t want to withhold to get his attention but I’m at a loss, nothing else seems to work.
    I know I got a little off topic but it started with my curiosity about the morning sex thing. Regardless, I’m open to suggestions. TIA

    1. Jay Dee says:

      I think the next time he said ‘the man takes care of his wife’, I’d respond with a loving, but firm ‘But honey, you aren’t taking care of me. You’re only taking care of yourself. You are a selfish lover.’
      Don’t be mean about it, but don’t hide it either. You can lovingly correct and encourage.

  23. Venus says:

    Btw, it was pointed out that one of the posters must be a troll because she started out speaking against sex when the name of the web site is “sex within marriage” and got rude with other readers (after feeling attacked). However, I would like to point out that the title of this article is “why does my husband want sex in the morning”. That is actually the reason I came to this page, because I was actually trying to find real information about why most of the men I have been with, including my husband, seem to want morning sex very frequently, even though I have never really cared for morning sex all that much, and I dislike it even more after having children. There are reasons others that don’t share your views are coming here. Doing a simple search on any of these topics could bring up this specific article. We aren’t all going to agree, or be like minded. Also, the bible passage concerning not judging, was not directed just at dealing with non believers, the woman was considered a prostitute, and sinful, so she was being stoned (most likely for her sin, not for being a non believer), and Jesus said to let the man without sin cast the first stone. The moral being that none of us are without sin (believers or not), so none of us have the right or reason to cast stones. The passage goes on farther, but that is the gist.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      This was neither the first, nor the only post she commented on. Also, she used a variety of names and email addresses (a common troll technique) to try and evade notice that it was a singular person. The issue was not that she disagreed. It was how she communicated, which was extremely offensive, even after being warned. In fact, it only got worse.

  24. p k says:

    I was so intrigued by the title, but quite frankly, I’m exhausted – after reading all of this, it has somewhat “killed” the mood. Maybe I’ll try another page after I recuperate from this one. I’m here looking for ideas to make good sex even better with my DH

  25. Kevin Grant says:

    I’m overweight and not very fit. I’m simply not up to the job late at night – in the morning I have more energy and so feel that sex is possible.

  26. Jean-Francois Trahan says:

    For me I found that when ever we had sex in the morning my days turn out really bad for some reasons. It took me sometime to figure it out. I always thought right after that boys the days started perfectly but at the end of the days when I look back it was the kind of days that I wish I stay in bed.

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