I found this question in my list of drafts that I hadn’t tackled yet, so here we go:
My question is this, when circumstances are exceptional (impossible), is sex outside of marriage ok?
In short, my situation is this – firstly, my boyfriend and I are both carers of ill and physically dependent relatives, which means we are not able to marry and live with each other like normal couples, at least not until my elderly mother dies. Secondly, my mother strongly objects to our relationship, mostly because I am 10 years older than my boyfriend (I’m 43), and she will never accept our marrying. Frankly, we both need sex. We need to have that closeness, and for me, I think I’ve waited long enough (I have never been married before). We are both Christians and want to do what is right by God, but are struggling and have pretty much crossed the line already without actually having intercourse. Its all very unfair. I believe the Bible to be God’s perfect word, but not sure it covers all circumstances. Your prayerful consideration and advice would be appreciated.
So, when is sex outside of marriage permitted?
In short, it’s not. There are no exceptions, no loop holes, no grey areas on this one that I see in the Bible. Adultery is wrong, and so is fornication. That’s it.
What you have are difficult situations, not excuses, though it seems you are trying to turn them into excuses. Let’s go through some of them:
- You both care for ill and physically dependent relatives. Alright. Would it not be easier to care for them together? After all, if you really want to get married, then why not sell all the houses involved and buy one large enough for all? That way you could live as husband and wife, and take care of your relatives.
- Your mother strongly objects to your relationship. That’s okay. She does not need to consent, you’re well past the age of majority. You need to respect your mother’s wishes…but that doesn’t mean you always need for follow them. So, tell your mother that you’re getting married, if that’s what you want.
- You don’t NEED sex. You want sex. You won’t die.
- It’s all very unfair. Yeah, it’s unfair of God to try to protect you by saying that the only safe relationship in which to have sex is one where you are committed for life (in other words, a marriage). Shame on Him for trying to tell you what’s best for you. You want to do right by God? Well, then let Him do right by you and listen to what He says.
My advice? Get married if that’s what you want. Stop blaming circumstances on why you can’t. And don’t use them as an excuse to go sleep with each other without a commitment. Excuses won’t save you from the ramifications.