I received this question a couple of days ago through our anonymous Have A Question page and wanted to tackle it quickly as it seemed time sensitive.
In the case of medical necessary, is masturbation and pornography okay?
Backstory: We’re struggling with infertility. I am a recovering porn/masturbation addict. I’m not perfect but I’m trying. When I told my husband about looking at porn he was upset (as he should be). He’s the low drive spouse but he hasn’t looked at porn since we’ve been married.
Now, he’s having to go for a semen analysis. We know that this will include masturbating and probably looking at porn in order to get it done.
Is this an okay use of porn and masturbation or is there something else that should be done? We’ve talked about it and I’m okay with it because I know it needs to be done (and would be a hypocrite if I was upset about it) but my husband isn’t the biggest fan of the idea.
So, firstly, I’m sorry to hear you are struggling with infertility. I have a close friend who has the same struggle, and I see only in part how hard it is on him and his wife.
The TV stereotype of semen analysis is to go into a room and they have magazines or porn going, and then a short time later, the man comes out with a cup full of semen. However, it doesn’t need to happen that way. Yes “there is something else that should be done”, at least in my opinion.
You can get a semen sample together, at home
I’ve had to have semen analysis done (or a count rather) after my vasectomy to ensure that it was successful. There was no small room. There were no porn magazines. When I went to the clinic, they handed me a bag with a cup in it and said to bring it back with some pretty specific instructions. Now, I can’t recall exactly what they were, but something along the lines of:
- You can’t orgasm within a certain period of time (a day or three I think) before giving a sample
- You should not contaminate the sample should with either saliva or vaginal lubrication
- You have to bring the sample within a few hours of ejaculation
Now, you can still follow those rules and involve your spouse. In our case, my wife managed to sneak upstairs for a mutual masturbation quickie and we managed to get a sample while all the kids were watching TV downstairs. This fit all their requirements. Plus, we managed to make what could have a been a sterile, disconnected activity and turn getting a semen sample into something that was intimate. It also helped give the feeling that this wasn’t a task I had to accomplish, but rather something we were doing together.
So, no, it doesn’t need to involve porn and solo masturbation. Let’s not take something as beautiful as you wanting to start a family and go through something dark and shameful like using porn and solo masturbation to get there. If you can’t conceive a child through a natural conception, at least you can be together at this stage as you work towards your goal.
Those are my thoughts. Anyone else?Have a Question? Ask it here!
24 thoughts on “Is masturbation for medical reasons okay?”
I have never been asked by my doctor to give a semen sample, but your procedure would be excellent. I have always feared having to give a semen sample. It is bad enough giving a urine sample in the doctors office with the nurses and patients all looking on as I exit the rest room. It would be even more embarrassing to exit with a jar of white fluid in my hand,
Not even a question for me, if either party needs relief and that’s the option? No problem.
But that’s my opinion.
Totally agree with Jay. The other option is, if they insist it be done on site, there is nothing wrong with you going and giving your husband “a hand” metaphorically, and literally if necessary. 😉
I am not against masturbation but I do feel that the wife should be the one to help and not pictures and tv….
She could be giving him a hand Literally and or by teasing him with her body
If the semen is needed for viable sperm to inseminate eggs, then doing it at home and bringing the vial in later might not be an option. If it MUST be done at the clinic, go ahead and ask about having the porn removed from the room and allowing the wife in there. If the wife is uncomfortable with that or it isn’t allowed, perhaps she could provide some pictures or videos of herself for him. (Benefits of smart phones these days).
In this case she said analysis, but yeah, collection would be a bit more restrictive on the timeline most likely. Good alternative!
I am the original questioner. It is just a sperm analysis but it is done the same was as an iui prep at the place we are having it done. It has to be done there and I am having other tests at the same time so I can not “give him a hand”. Thanks for the suggestions of recording things
Don’t be ridiculous, you don’t need porn to give a semen specimen. As long as you’re not looking at porn or fantasizing about another women when you don’t, it’s no big deal. Stop making a sin out of something that the Bible doesn’t speak against!
“Jesus, you never said I couldn’t have sex with an android!”
My doctor wanted to see if something happened to my testicles thinking that they had been damaged during a virus. My wife and I have had 11 children together and have been together for so long, I wasn’t sure I could easily masturbate without my her present at the hospital. So, the hour before I went into the hospital to give the sample, we had great sex, intercourse without ejaculating. And also being that I never used pornography, all I needed was a build up with my wife that enabled me to give plenty of sample.
I had to give a couple different samples after my vasectomy, after a certain number of weeks, and then a couple weeks after that. They gave me a couple sample cups to collect at home. Mike (Aug 23) says he would be embarrassed with a cup with white fluid in it? The second time I turned in my sample, the girl at the counter took it and said “oh, it’s still warm”. Not much I could say at that point. Luckily the last time I needed to give the sample. It is good to keep a sense of humor at times. Even though at home, it was a solo collection effort. My wife laughed at the story, so that was good.
That’s too bad. My wife offered to help get the sample.
You are giving advise on sexual matters in reference to what you think a Godly wife or man should do yet you had a vasectomy?
I’m sharing my opinions, views and options because people ask. I’m curious why you think a vasectomy invalidates my personal opinions.
Because most Christians feel that sex without the potential of procreation is very wrong so having a vasectomy is evil.
On another subject … you say that the Bible doesn’t say anything directly that anal sex is wrong so you feel it is OK … you ignore the fact that anal sex is un-natural, not healthy (ask a MD), the whole principal in the Bible is that anal sex is wrong (most women, even unbelievers don’t want) but altho masturbation is also never mentioned and most do not see as an issue or a very minor one you have ruled it a no. Talk about being hypocritical.
I really don’t care what most Christians think. The book of Revelation tells us that the vast majority of Christians will be deceived – so why would I follow them?
As for anal sex, sorry, I missed what verse you were quoting, could you point it out? Or are you adding to the Bible?
Years ago after having our 9 kids and my wife was in perimenopause, I had an issue that required me to give a semen sample at the hospital in town. Since our farm was far from town, it meant I would have to masturbate at the hospital. My wife and I prayed about it that morning and I just went and did it. It felt good enough to get the job done, but nothing like being with my wife. No one offered me magazines either and neither did I need or want them. So, since I masturbated by faith, God was certainly good with it and the doctor got what he wanted.
This is part of life I guess you could say. Giving a urine sample in the doctor office is a common thing. What would the big deal be if the wife “drew” the semen sample their in the exam room ? A part of nature. I mean some nurses have to do prostate exams and prostate massages in the office. I for one would not be embarrassed about it !
So my husband is supposed to ejaculate several times a week because of his prostate. I feel like I had a botched procedure done on my vagina that was supposed to fix prolapse from having 4 babies. Too much sex hurts, no matter how much lube we use or what we try. I do help him out at least once a week plus we have to do a prostate massage at least once every two weeks, plus sex at least once a week. He is a firefighter so he’s gone a few days put off the week as well.
The urologist told him that he has to masturbate along with everything else we do for his prostate. He even said “look at it this way at least you’ll get to ejaculate even more”. My husband was not overjoyed at all about this. He then had to have a prostate massage by a female nurse and that was humiliating for him. So I say all of this to say, if he starts hurting and for some reason we aren’t able to take care of it together he has videos of me and of us that he watches to get off. It’s not like this is a choice of his anymore. In fact as a young man he used to masturbate a lot but now he sees little point to it as it’s nothing like the real thing and it’s not fulfilling to him at all. We communicate with each other very openly about sex so I have no reason to believe he’s just saying that to say that. So anyways, just thought I’d share that tip in case someone is going through something similar. Thankfully, I’m able to help him out in one way or another most of the time.
This issue needs to be addressed by a counselor who can sort out some of the physical limitations. I am 70 years old and DO know some things about internal strengthening. There should be TRUSTED counselors who can talk about the pelvic floor.
I know a 32 year old husband who goes to a “pelvic floor counselor” with his wife. This will DEFINITELY improve the pleasure. By doing that the couple can meet a divinely ordained. The wife discovered this counselor in regards to the natural birth community.
A book, out of print, is “Any Man Can,” but I have other Christian marital books that recommend these physical strengthening exercises. They say every married couple should gain knowledge in this area. I can dig up the titles, if that helps anyone.
I am divorced 10 years and am facing prostate issues but Dee Jay would much rather that we die. I am glad that most Christians are not so legal and more Christ like.
By your own words, you’ve been masturbating 1-20 times per day your entire adult life – and you’re still having prostate issues. It clearly isn’t helping you, and you’ve failed to learn self-control, so why are you pushing for others to do the same?
But, you know what those studies that say you should ejaculate frequently also say – celibacy gives the same protection. And you get to learn self-control and patience.
And no, I’d not rather you die, let alone “much rather”. I do wish you’d stop lying. It’s unbecoming for those claiming to be Christians. I wish you’d experience life to its fullest – which clearly you aren’t, because you’re very angry at someone and clearly trying to take it out on me. Maybe that lack of self-control and patience are hindering your ability to be content in all circumstances.
now you are projecting, JD
See, now another empty accusation with no reasoning, rationale or anything to back it up. I think we’re done here.