Category Archives: Conflict Resolution


The Mirror Game – A Simple 4-Step Communication Skill That Can Transform Your Marriage

You know the cycle. Something happens, a tone of voice, a forgotten commitment, a moment that stings, and suddenly you’re both defending your corners instead of actually connecting. You talk at each other. You wait for your turn to explain yourself – maybe you don’t do very well at waiting.  Maybe you interrupt and talk over each other a lot. As a result, after the “conversation” ends, you both feel more alone than before.

What if there was a simple framework that could break that cycle? Not a magic fix, but a real, learnable skill that draws you toward each other instead of apart?

It’s called the Mirror Game.  It’s easy to explain and simple to implement – the hard part is remembering to do it.

Are you actually upset about what happened, or just hungry, angry, lonely or tired?

Often the fights we have as couples aren’t about what we think they are.  Because while we think we’re fighting about respect, sex, tone, in-laws, money, kids or anything else under the sun, often the real issue is far less dramatic.

Sometimes it’s just physiology.  Before a disagreement turns into an argument (or whenever you “wake up” enough to think “how did this become a fight?!”), there’s a simple checklist worth running first:

HALT.

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

What do couples do when one wants sex and the other doesn’t?

The difference in sexual desire between a husband and a wife is one of those universal conflicts.  I think just about every marriage deals with it at some point.  If yours hasn’t yet – well congratulations newlyweds! Just because it’s a conflict though doesn’t mean

How to use conflict to create intimacy

Does a disagreement always mean an argument?  Does resolving it always mean compromise or someone changing their opinion?  I’ve had this question come up a few times this week from multiple sources. Many people believe that a difference in opinion must result in an argument,

How to stop feeling hurt so often

My spouse is in a unique position to hurt me more deeply and more often than anyone else, simply by being in an intimate (not just physically) relationship with me.  She knows how to push my buttons better and harder than anyone else, and I

Sex drive differences aren’t the problem

Sex drive differences aren't the problem

Most couples face a conflict in terms of mismatched sex drives. The majority in fact, my marriage included.  This leads some people to believe that their sex drive, or the sex drive of their spouse, is the issue.  But it’s not.  It’s just a conflict,

Why do we keep having the same argument?

Why do we keep having the same argument?

Do you ever feel like you just keep having the same argument, discussion or conflict over and over again? Perhaps it comes up every week, every month, or every year.  It might just be something small and seemingly insignificant, or it might be something larger

Never use absolute accusations

Never use absolute accusations

Most, if not all of you, have been in a conversation where you or your spouse start a sentence with either “You never … ” or You always …”.  These absolute accusations should never be used in conflict and here’s why: 1. It’s not fair fighting

How to respond to an apology

I wrote a few posts about apologizing lately and realized it didn’t yet write one about how to respond to an apology.  So, how do you answer someone who said they’re sorry?

I’m sorry isn’t good enough

If you have a healthy marriage, then you’ll end up saying “I’m sorry” many times.  The problem is that saying “I’m sorry” doesn’t cut it.  If you want to see extra growth in your marriage, you’re going to have to take it to the next level.