marital satisfaction Archives - Uncovering Intimacy

Does Masturbation Help or Hurt Your Marriage? Here’s What the Data Says

Illustration of a married couple holding hands while looking at two charts comparing solo behavior decreasing and shared intimacy increasing, with the headline “Does Masturbation Help or Hurt Your Marriage? Here’s What the Data Says.”

Nearly a year ago someone suggested I redo my 2014 survey on mutual masturbation. I did, and I expanded it considerably. What I got back from 1,043 married Christians was more interesting than I expected. Some of it confirmed what I thought going in. Some of it didn’t. And one pattern in particular showed up so consistently across so many different cuts of the data that I had a hard time writing around it.
That pattern is what this post is about.

The Mirror Game – A Simple 4-Step Communication Skill That Can Transform Your Marriage

You know the cycle. Something happens, a tone of voice, a forgotten commitment, a moment that stings, and suddenly you’re both defending your corners instead of actually connecting. You talk at each other. You wait for your turn to explain yourself – maybe you don’t do very well at waiting. Maybe you interrupt and talk over each other a lot. As a result, after the “conversation” ends, you both feel more alone than before.

What if there was a simple framework that could break that cycle? Not a magic fix, but a real, learnable skill that draws you toward each other instead of apart?

It’s called the Mirror Game. It’s easy to explain and simple to implement – the hard part is remembering to do it.

SWM 147 – How do you know if you’re sexually compatible

The most common argument I hear for premarital sex is, “You need to know if you’re sexually compatible before getting married. Otherwise, you might end up stuck in a sexless, unfulfilling relationship.”

And it sounds like sound reasoning. We test-drive cars before buying them. We have probation periods for people we hire at work. We sample foods before purchasing them. Shouldn’t sex, which is one of the most intimate parts of marriage, be tested beforehand to make sure you’re a good match?

It’s a compelling argument that convinces many people to abandon their principles. It makes you question your morality. It promises both immediate and long-term gratification.

However, it’s based on a flawed premise.

SWM 136 – AQ – Wife is mean to kids, another can’t decide if she loves him, and careful who you let teach

Answering Anonymous Questions about Married Sex

Topics Include:
Wife thinks she has to be mean to our children
Golden showers (again)
Wife can’t decide if she loves me or not
Just because you’re experienced, doesn’t mean you’re qualified

SWM 097 – Location, bruises, God’s role vs my role, how to stop faking orgasms, where do I get my “garbage theology”

Topics include:
Where are you?
How to hide bruises
What role do I have in God changing my heart?
Mother of 3 young kids isn’t as interested in sex as husband
How to recover from faking orgasms?
Husband wants to be pursued
Where do you get your garbage theology?

Are you giving to get?

One of the biggest problems with relationships are covert contracts. Covert contracts are basically an agreement you have in your mind that if you do something, you’ll get something back in return. Typically you fool yourself into believing everyone understands the contract, but no one

Are you willing to risk sex to gain intimacy?

Friday night is typically sex night for us. It’s not guaranteed, but it’s something we look forward to. You know, kick off Sabbath with some rest from the world and enjoy each other’s safeness, if that makes sense. Last night it didn’t happen though. It

5 reasons your marriage isn’t growing

Over the years, I’ve noticed a trend. Those marriages that are healthy can handle growing even more, but there are many marriages, especially Christian ones, where they remain locked in the status quo. They know it could be better, but they lack the skills, characteristics