SWM 153 – Sex as an Act of Worship

Sep 24, 2025 by Jay Dee in Faith

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The other night, after my wife and I had sex, we were lying there in that sweaty, happy pile you end up in when the oxytocin kicks in. As I often do, I asked her what she was thinking about. She’ll tell you I probably ask that too often, because I’m endlessly curious about what’s going on in her head.

Her answer surprised me. She said, “Sex is an act of worship.”

I asked her to explain, and she said, “Well, everything we do should be for God. And since you’re the head of the household, just as Christ is the head of the church, then giving myself to you, serving you in this way, is like serving Christ.”

That surprised me. I mean, I’ve taught before that sex is about more than physical release – that it’s for procreation, for bonding, for comfort, for recreation, even for warding off temptation. But I don’t think I’ve ever described it quite this way: as an act of worship.

So let’s unpack that. What does it mean that sex – sweaty, messy, joyful sex – could actually be worship of the God who created it?

Sex was created while the world was still perfect

Let’s rewind all the way to the beginning. Sex was God’s idea from the start. In the very first chapter of the Bible, the very first command God gives humanity is this:

“Then God blessed them, and God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it.’” (Genesis 1:28a)

Sex wasn’t an afterthought. It wasn’t a concession for sin. It was part of the perfect design of Eden. God created man and woman, brought them together, and blessed their sexual union.

Then in Genesis 2:24 we read:

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Again – this is before the Fall. Before shame. Before sin. Sex was God’s idea, God’s command, and God’s blessing.

That phrase “one flesh” is about more than biology. It’s about unity, intimacy, and a spiritual mystery that reflects God’s own nature. Paul even quotes this verse in Ephesians and adds:

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.” (Ephesians 5:31–32)

So Paul links a husband and wife becoming one through sex with the church becoming one with Christ. How exactly that works, he admits, is a mystery. But what’s clear is that marital sex is somehow a living metaphor of Christ and His bride.

Just a few verses earlier he says,

For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. – Ephesians 5:23

Husbands are called to love as Christ loved – sacrificially, tenderly, completely. Wives are called to respect and serve as the church submits to Christ.

The writer of Hebrews adds:

Marriage is honourable among all, and the bed undefiled. – Hebrews 13:4a

The sexual relationship in marriage is not shameful, dirty, or secular. It is honorable. It is sacred. And it belongs in the realm of worship, not outside of it.

Worship is more than music and prayer

Now, many Christians limit worship to music or prayer. But Paul says in Romans:

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. – Romans 12:1

Present your bodies. That’s not just about raising your hands in church. It’s about everything you do physically. Worship includes how you eat, how you work, how you treat your spouse – and yes, how you have sex.

In fact, sex may be one of the most profound acts of embodied worship, because in it, you are giving yourself – heart, mind, soul, body, and strength – to your spouse as God intended.

As Jesus quoted Deuteronomy, saying:

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. – Mark 12:30

Sex is a metaphor for Christ’s relationship with the church

And here’s where my wife’s insight hit me hardest. Without quoting Scripture, without giving chapter and verse, she basically summed up the biblical teaching on sex as worship. Since I am the head of our household, her giving herself to me sexually is not just about me – it’s about her relationship with Christ.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. – Ephesians 5:22

That doesn’t make me God. But it does mean that her service to me, her husband, is ultimately service to Christ. When she meets my need for intimacy, she’s not only loving me – she’s worshiping Jesus.

And the same is true in reverse. Husbands, Paul commands us:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her. – Ephesians 5:25

Christ gave Himself up completely, even when it cost Him everything. That means when a husband sets aside his own fatigue, indifference, or low desire to meet his wife’s needs – sexual or otherwise – he too is worshiping Christ. He is laying down his life for her.

Mutual love as worship

Paul reminds us in 1 Corinthians that sex in marriage isn’t a one-way street. It’s not just about a husband’s needs or a wife’s needs – it’s about both giving to one another. He writes:

Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. – 1 Corinthians 7:3-4

Mutuality is at the heart of God’s design. Neither spouse is free to live as if their body belongs only to them. Each has a holy responsibility to love and serve the other. Sometimes that means a wife with responsive desire offering herself out of love before she’s in the mood. Sometimes it’s a husband setting aside his fatigue to give his wife the connection she longs for. Either way, it’s worship.

Don’t reject sacrificial love

And here’s something I’ve noticed lately. More and more, I hear spouses complain that their husband or wife is willing to have sex “just for them.” The assumption is that willingness without desire is some kind of failure. But it’s not. It’s actually love.

Saying yes when you’re not in the mood is self-sacrifice. It’s putting your spouse’s needs above your own. That is Christlike. That is worship.

On the receiving side, it takes humility to accept that gift. To say, “Thank you – you didn’t have to, but you chose to.” That’s not rejection, that’s love.

And practically, many people have what’s called a responsive sex drive. They don’t start out feeling desire, but once they begin, arousal follows. Which means that what began as a gift often ends up as mutual enjoyment.

The alternative is ugly. When both spouses sit back waiting – “I’ll only ask if I want it, and if they don’t ask, then I don’t have to give” – nobody’s giving, everyone’s just waiting to take. Or when one offers, not because they’re burning with desire but because they see their spouse is hurting, and that offer is turned down because it wasn’t born of spontaneous desire, both walk away wounded. One feels like their love was refused. The other still feels unwanted. Instead of drawing closer, they both feel rejected and unloved.

Love flips the script. Love says, “I’ll give first.” That’s how the bedroom becomes a place of connection and worship.

Worshipful sex is the antidote for sexual immorality

This is why Paul warns:

Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. – 1 Corinthians 7:5

Sex isn’t just worship. It’s also warfare. The enemy hates godly sex because it reflects covenant love, unity, and joy. When you come together regularly, you are not only deepening intimacy, you are protecting your marriage from temptation.

Paul even says earlier:

Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. – 1 Corinthians 7:2

In other words, God gave us sex in marriage as His antidote to sexual immorality. Not prayer alone, not fasting alone, but embodied, faithful intimacy.

Don’t let your past keep you from experiencing what God designed

Of course, not every couple finds this easy. Maybe you carry shame from your past. Maybe you’ve struggled with mismatched desires. Maybe you’ve experienced pain, betrayal, or trauma.

If that’s you, know this: God delights in redeeming brokenness. He can heal your heart, restore your intimacy, and make sex a place of worship again. Sometimes that healing requires patience, prayer, or some coaching.

Sometimes it helps to have a guide – someone outside the fog of frustration who can walk with you, ask the right questions, and give you practical tools to rebuild intimacy. That’s part of why I coach couples. I’ve seen God take marriages that felt stuck or disconnected and breathe new life into them when they got the right support.

So if that’s where you find yourself, don’t give up. Healing is possible. Your bedroom really can become what God intended.

What if Christians actually believed sex was an act of worship?

Imagine if Christian couples everywhere embraced this view. Husbands and wives would serve one another in love instead of negotiating or withholding. Marriages would be strengthened, temptations weakened, and homes filled with joy. We would talk about sex in churches instead of avoiding it as if it were dirty. We’d celebrate it as something holy, something beautiful, something God gave us for our good and His glory.

This is God’s design. Not shame. Not selfishness. Not mere duty.

Sex is not just physical. It is spiritual. It is sacred. It is worship.

When wives serve their husbands sexually, they are serving Christ. When husbands serve their wives sexually – especially when it costs them something – they are loving as Christ loved. When both give themselves to each other in mutuality, they glorify God together.

The marriage bed becomes holy ground. Every kiss, every embrace, every act of love can be an offering to the Lord who designed intimacy as a reflection of His own love.

And I’m not saying that any sex between two people is automatically worship.

Christina also shared that sometimes she worries about whether the sex we’re having is truly honoring God – perhaps a hold over from an upbringing where sex isn’t discussed, and so sometimes it can feel like maybe some of these things aren’t okay. Maybe they are dirty. Many Christians wonder whether what they’re doing in the bedroom is worshipful in the way He designed it to be. And so she prays. She asks God to protect us from any demonic influence, to guard our bedroom, and to keep our intimacy pure and pleasing to Him.

It’s easy to assume sex in marriage is automatically safe, but the truth is, our enemy would love nothing more than to twist or cheapen what God created to be holy. Inviting God into our intimacy – even through a simple prayer like my wife’s – is a way of saying, “Lord, this is Yours. Keep it undefiled. Let it bring You glory.”

So the next time you have sex, pause and remember: it’s not just for you, and it’s not just for your spouse. It’s for God. It’s worship.

And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him. – Colossians 3:17

If you agree with this stance, then go and have some amazing sex tonight. If you struggle to have amazing sex, reach out – I want you to experience that with your spouse.

If you disagree – comment below. Tell me what you believe about sex. I would love to start a dialogue about this.