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Going to bed naked survey results

Last week we wrote a post about going to bed naked, how it could improve your frequency of sex. I’ll be honest, it was a hypothesis. I had only a data-set of one marriage to go on (my own). So, I thought I’d add a

Oral Sex Survey Results

Here are the final results of the oral sex survey I eluded to in my post Is it okay NOT to swallow. If you don’t want to read through all the stats, you can jump to my summary at the bottom. Total Respondents 136 (52

Reasons Not To Have Sex Survey Results

This was a simple little survey that I created, originally to answer a simple question: do husbands and wife’s agree on whether or not the choice to not have sex on a given night is mutual. This question was raised due to a comment on

Are most marriages struggling with their sex life?

If you’ve spent any time on this site, you might start to wonder if anyone actually has a good sex life.

Problem after problem. Struggle after struggle. Mismatched drives, painful sex, dead bedrooms, porn addiction, resentment. It’s enough to make you wonder why you’d bother getting married at all.

But it’s not just people reading marriage blogs who feel this way. Many couples hits a version of this question at some point; either before marriage, or in the quiet after another disappointing night. “Is this normal? Is everyone else struggling like we are? Are we the only ones?”

Someone submitted this to our Anonymous Have A Question page a while back, and it captured that fear pretty well:

I (m, 32) am in my first (and new) relationship (f, 28), we are both committed to wait for intimacy until marriage. I have a past of premarital sex until about 28 or so. I freed myself from that behaviour (sex outside marriage, porn, masturbation, etc.) with external help and I am now ‘clean’. 4 years after I am now trying to find out whether this relationship could ultimately turn into marriage. As for most men – I suppose – sex is quite a key component for me in a relationship. Having read quite some articles on your page, I have come to wonder:

1. Are most marriages struggling with their sex life? I basically only stumble across articles describing how it is a problem and all the stuff that is going wrong in it. Doesn’t sound like a very motivating outlook to me tbh.

2. What advice would you give me today, helping to provide for the best foundation possible such that I can enjoy a fulfilling sex-life with my future wife (whoever that might be)?

Why Don’t We Ever Talk About What We Actually Want in Bed?

Survey data from over 1,000 married Christians reveals the same pattern across every sexual activity we measured: couples who talk openly about sex are dramatically more satisfied than those who don’t. If you’ve been sitting on something unsaid, the silence is almost certainly part of the problem.

Do All Husbands Want More Oral Sex

A couple holds hands while looking at two charts showing oral sex satisfaction data — husbands skewing dissatisfied on the left, wives skewing satisfied on the right. Text reads: Do All Husbands Want More Oral Sex? What 1,000+ Married Couples Revealed.

The short answer is no, however the numbers are striking enough that it’s worth digging into. Because if you’re a wife who feels like your husband is never quite satisfied with your sex life, or a husband who has never quite figured out how to say what he actually wants, this data is going to feel familiar.

We surveyed over 1,000 married Protestant Christians and asked them, among many other things, how satisfied they are with the role oral sex plays in their marriage. What we found was one of the starkest gender gaps in the entire dataset.

Does Masturbation Help or Hurt Your Marriage? Here’s What the Data Says

Illustration of a married couple holding hands while looking at two charts comparing solo behavior decreasing and shared intimacy increasing, with the headline “Does Masturbation Help or Hurt Your Marriage? Here’s What the Data Says.”

Nearly a year ago someone suggested I redo my 2014 survey on mutual masturbation. I did, and I expanded it considerably. What I got back from 1,043 married Christians was more interesting than I expected. Some of it confirmed what I thought going in. Some of it didn’t. And one pattern in particular showed up so consistently across so many different cuts of the data that I had a hard time writing around it.
That pattern is what this post is about.

SWM 158 – Solo Masturbation – When You Remove the Other Person From Sex

Today we’re continuing with our Sex as Worship series, and in this post, we’re going to be talking about masturbation, which is a highly contested argument in Christianity. Is it okay, is it sinful, it is helpful or harmful?

And before I say anything else, I want to share that I didn’t always believe the viewpoint I’m going to share. Also, I don’t really want to talk about it. It’s still an embarrassing topic, and I know I’m going to get a lot of flak for it. People will unsubscribe. Sometimes I get messages saying they hope to see me in hell.

But, I don’t think I can skip it. This is a topic I see damaging so many marriages, so how do I leave it alone?

SWM 152 – AQ – Unsexy nightclothes, husbands who won’t initiate, scent and partner selection and more

Answering Anonymous Questions about Married Sex

Topics include:

My wife’s nightclothes are killing my attraction
Is using a vibrator wrong?
How do I get my husband to initiate sex?
Need something to spice up our sex life
How does scent factor into spouse selection
Recovery after pregnancy
Is using classical conditioning on your spouse wrong?
How do I keep myself from becoming distant from my husband?
How can I talk to my husband about oral sex?

SWM 151 – AQ – Oral Sex Norms, Fantasy Guilt & Rekindling Passion

In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:
– Do men enjoy cunnilingus after ejaculation?
– Should I feel bad for refusing oral after anal?
– My spouse says I should accept substitutes for sex
– Feeling unloved due to lack of physical affection
– Guilt over sexual desires shaped by past porn use
– When one spouse wants BDSM and the other doesn’t
– Sex is loving but not exciting—can it be fixed?
– Why not have kids in your 40s?
– Survey requests on mutual masturbation and handjobs

SWM 148 – 14 red flags your marriage is drifting towards divorce, affairs or lifelong unhappiness

Have you noticed how quickly disagreements turn into demonization these days? Whether it’s politics, religion, or even marriage, we’ve gotten stuck in a cycle of contempt—where the ‘other side’ isn’t just wrong, they’re evil. And it’s destroying relationships.

I see this in my marriage coaching practice all the time: spouses who’ve spent years labeling each other as selfish, cruel, or hopeless. They roll their eyes, assign malicious motives, and show up just to prove their partner is the problem. Once that mindset takes root, digging out takes months—sometimes years.

But there’s hope. When couples catch it early—before contempt hardens into habit—change can happen fast. Today, I’m sharing 14 warning signs that you’re heading down this dangerous path. Some might surprise you (like sarcasm or ‘harmless’ nicknames), but the last one? It’s the red flag you can’t ignore. Let’s dive in.