On the topic of edging

Jay Dee

On the topic of edging

Apr 29, 2016

I received this question last night from our Have A Question page: My wife is curious about “edging”, what is it? Is there a benefit for this? Edging is the practice of getting your spouse right up to the “edge” of having an orgasm, without

Anonymous QuestionI received this question last night from our Have A Question page:

My wife is curious about “edging”, what is it? Is there a benefit for this?

Edging is the practice of getting your spouse right up to the “edge” of having an orgasm, without letting them “fall into it” as it were.  Typically it’s used with the hope of building up a larger orgasm later in the session (or if you’re really a tease, later in the day).

But, there are a couple reasons why you might want to do edging, so let’s go through them.

Edging to tease

Some spouses like to edge their husband or wife, simply because they like to tease.  Constantly bringing them to the edge of orgasm just to pull them back again is a little bit of pleasurable torture, as it were.  They’re constantly getting pleasure, getting closer and closer, just to stop, or slow down, or switch tactics, enough that they’ll calm down so you can start again.

Now, if you’re doing this, you better be sure to give them an orgasm by the end of the session (unless you’re both okay with delaying until a later time).  To do this to someone and then not let them have an orgasm when they’re so pent up is just plain torture.  It’s not pleasurable anymore.  In fact, for many it will cause them physical pain for some time later after their arousal wears off, but that pent up sexual energy is still there.  I’m not sure of physiological cause of that pain, but I know it can happen in both women and men.

But, it can be a fun game to have spouses sort of compete, with one trying to get the other as close to the edge as possible without letting them go over, and the other trying to fall over that edge before their spouse can pull them back.   Eventually everyone wins.

Edging to give your spouse a larger orgasm

Another reason to edge is that a longer sexual session tends to yield a larger, stronger, more powerful orgasm.  It’s not always the case, but generally it’s true.  So, one reason you might want to use edging on your spouse (or do it yourself) is to get a bigger orgasm out of the sexual session.

So, in short, you let it build until just before they orgasm, then you pull back a bit, let it build again, and pull back, repeating as often as you think you can get away with.  If you can keep it up, by the end they’ll (hopefully) have a huge orgasm.

Edging to learn more about your spouse

When edging, you need to really study your spouse.  You need to watch their face, read their body language, you need to be able to see what they’re feeling and judge how close they are.  And learning to read your spouse in this manner will help any time you have sex, to instantly recognize what feels better or worse for them.

Edging to prolong sex

Many use edging, specifically on husbands, if the husband suffers from premature ejaculation.  Edging is a way to prolong sex two ways:

Firstly, simply edging extends sex.  It can be a little irritating, because you’re having sex, and it feels good, and then you have to stop so the husband can calm down a bit.  For the wife this can be frustrating.  But, it means sex will last longer, even if it’s a little start-and-stop.

Secondly, using edging, a man can learn when he’s close and learn what that feels and, with practice, learn to control his orgasm better.  Which means, if you suffer from premature ejaculation, then you could potentially learn your way out of it.  Orgasm is partially controlled by PC muscles, and by edging, you can learn to gain better control over those muscles, and thus prevent orgasm for longer.  Again, it may mean some frustrating sexual encounters where you have to stop every minute, or more frequently even, but ultimately you will see the benefits.

Make sure your spouse will have an orgasm

Lastly, I just want to re-iterate: make sure your spouse will have an orgasm before they get too frustrated.  Eventually it stops being fun and just starts being mean.  And it’s an awful feeling when you’re edging your spouse, and then you both realized you missed the orgasm…for the night.  For some, especially women, there is a point where it just has gone on too long, and they don’t have the energy, or they’re too desensitized, to actually achieve an orgasm any more. And that no fun for either of you.  The wife, in this example, feels sexually pent up and frustrated, and the husband feels like a jerk and an idiot.

So, you have to know your spouse.  We used to have fun edging my wife, when she was more orgasmic.  These days (after 5 kids), orgasms are harder to come by.  I wouldn’t dream of trying to edge her now.  They’re hard enough for her to achieve on, to make it harder would just be cruel.

Same goes for wives who have husbands who suffer from delayed ejaculation.  Edging would be torture, not teasing.


So, edging can be a lot of fun, and even a good training tool, provided it’s appropriate for your marriage.

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13 thoughts on “On the topic of edging”

  1. crystal says:

    Can we try this as a weekly challenge? Sounds amazing

    1. Jay Dee says:

      I already have the weekly challenges planned, but you’re welcome to challenge yourself 🙂

  2. Alex says:

    I have never heard the term “edging,” but I know of the practice of teasing in order to bring a larger orgasm. It seems to work well when I do it to my wife during oral sex. If she does it to me, she’ll usually bring me super close to orgasm 2 or 3 times and then take me all the way. 9 times out of 10, this will result in a fairly large amount of ejaculate, which of course is nice :-). But in that 1 of 10 times–and this is hard to explain and maybe it’s just a strange thing with me–I’ll go just beyond the threshold but not quite far enough to fully ejaculate…after a few drops, I go limp afterward. That’s never fun. So if she’s going to “edge” me, it requires some communication so she knows where I am in the “process” of orgasm (this is always when she’s giving me oral). If all goes to plan, again, a lot of ejaculate comes out. During sex, I will sometimes “edge” myself if I have to in order to extend things. Interesting term……

    1. Jay Dee says:

      No, I know what you mean. She got too close. Stopped stimulation at just the wrong time, so you orgasm but just barely. That sucks.

  3. Kay says:

    Thank you for the disclaimer at the end about your wife, lol. Reading this I was wondering the exact same thing! How old is your youngest now, Jay? I wonder if some of that ability to be more orgasmic comes back the farther away from the hormones of pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding a woman gets? Anyone have any experience they’d be willing to share? Mine are 7, 5, and the “baby” turns 2 on Sunday but is still nursing, so I basically have been pregnant or nursing for the past 8 years.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Yeah, it’s been over 10 years for us. The youngest is 14 months. I hope it comes back.

    2. Keelie Reason says:

      I’ll be honest, ever since I had my last child, my ability to orgasm soared. My kids are the same ages apart as your kids. I’m able to go a few times each time we are together. We made the choice that our last child was the last one we were going to have. Since I know I can’t get pregnant, I think it really helps me to be more adventurous and I think mindset has played a huge role in me being able to enjoy my time more. Now that I’m not getting up several times a night, I am not as tired. Maybe you’ll get there in another year as your 2 year old grows up and needs less energy from you. I am not sure how much hormones ever made much of a difference for me. If anything, I wanted it more when I was pregnant. Again- I think it had a lot to do with knowing I couldn’t get pregnant (Because I already was pregnant- Lol). I think mindset made a huge difference for me.

      1. Kay says:

        Oh I orgasmed in less than a minute while pregnant all three times. Not joking. My husband joked that I had a case of pregnancy induced PE. But that made it all the more cruel after my third was born when I could not orgasm at all for the first 10-12 months, and it wasn’t for lack of trying! Though I did finally have to tell my hubby that we needed to stop trying to get me there because that was actually ruining sex for both of us. I finally was able to around her first birthday. It’s gotten better since I started a progesterone cream, because my third really messed me up hormonally. But even now on her second birthday, it takes me at least 30 minutes but usually more of highly active sexual engagement to reach orgasm, at which point I am exhausted, many times getting too tired or too hot to get there at all, so if my hubby tried edging I would kill him. I have hope that it will keep getting better when she weans or I look forward to one last pregnancy in a few months, maybe. What kind of birth control were you using, Keelie? We do natural family planning (fertility awareness method) and I always know where I am in my cycle, so especially after I’ve ovulated, I have no fear of pregnancy so I don’t think that is holding me back; I think it’s all my lovely hormones.

        1. Keelie Reason says:

          I didn’t use birth control meds, just condoms and a calendar. I did get my tubes tired because getting pregnant again would be really bad for my health because of a generic disorder that I was diagnosed with. I worried having my tubes tied would affect my hormones, but I don’t think it has.

        2. AnitaTaco says:

          Check into the kegelmaster! It is an absolute miracle device! It adds so much control and feeling over orgasms & sex plus it has so many other benefits like incontinence and sexual benefits for hubby, too! Think chinese finger trap….

          It’s the only Dr. Approved kegel device and its like the device Dr. Kegel used on his patients, a resistance device, none of this squeezing against air.

          I’m in Premature Ovarian Failure aka premature menopause at only 32, have been since 27. I had zero sex drive for 2 years. I only see now what a living nightmare it was. My husband is such a good, good man to me. Any other man would’ve divorced me between no sex and my mood swings….Yikes!

          1. Jay Dee says:

            Wow, that is an expensive product considering it’s about $5 worth of plastic and springs.

            My wife is going to be reviewing the Elvie soon, which is also for Kegels. It’s a bit more expensive, but I find you get more value.

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