I was looking at the stats for the blog today, and it reminded me of a question I had last night: I wonder how many people think they are the only ones in marriage having problems with sex, or who think that maybe sex in marriage is supposed to be dull/bad/painful and/or infrequent. It popped into my head because of something I wrote a few days ago. I didn’t post it here, because it was for a project being hosted by My Beloved Is Mine (site no longer available). But, when I was reading their post (and incidentally, some of my own words back to myself), it sparked the question. This is an excerpt of what I wrote:
…when we got married and had problems in almost every facet of our life, we looked around and saw no one else being transparent about their problems. So, we assumed that this was what marriage was like, and no one talked about how disappointing it was.
This is where our marriage started. We’ve come a long way. But the most startling revelation: we’re not alone. There are so many Christians looking for answers on the topic if sexuality within marriage, and so few resources out there. With the age of the internet, we’ve got a lot more than we ever had before, and people are talking about it more online, but still in person, almost no one is willing. Everyone is afraid. Every day I see people hit my site that are asking the same sort of questions (these are verbatim):
- Is sex a need or a want?
- Why do married men masturbate?
- What is a normal frequency of sex in marriage
- Is there such a thing as Christian Porn?
- How can I spice up my sex life?
- Why do men like sex in the morning?
- What does my wife want sexually?
- How to tie up my wife?
I also get search terms with declarations (also verbatim):
- I hate my wife breastfeeding
- I want him to ravish me
- I argue with my wife about frequency
- Pregnant wife never wants sex
- I found my husband masturbating
- Sex on Father’s Day
Then there are the sad ones, because I know they didn’t find an answer, I just haven’t had time to answer everything, and there is still pain and/or questions there on the other side of the search engine (again, verbatim):
- how to tell your wife you dont want sex
- how to know when your wife wants sex
- wife can’t decide if she wants to be married
- how to make your wife want you in bed
Now, I’m sure everything is of the opinion, “OK, yeah, maybe there are one or two people who have a question like I do, but the world is a big place, lots of people”. It’s not one or two.
At the time of this post, the community around this one blog consists of:
Which is 1469 people (granted, some are overlap). Whenever I post an entry, there are about a guaranteed 1,000 people who read it. To date we have had 53,000 unique visitors!
And there are dozens of Christian blogs devoted to marriage. I’d say that most of them are larger than mine.
But, the point of all these numbers today is not to brag, or to compare, or to worry about stats, but to say, simply:
You are not alone! Welcome to the community. We are all searching for answers, and we all want better marriages.
37 Questions for spouses to ask each other about sex
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