I received this anonymous question from our Have A Question page back in a couple of months ago.
I’m married for 29 years. I love being with my husband sexually but why do I always have to remind him slow and soft during foreplay. You think he might of caught on by now.
Truth is, that we tend to do what we like to have done to us. Men tend to be a bit too rough and fast. Women tend to be a bit too light and slow. Fact is, most men like a rougher touch, and most women like a softer touch. It’s just human nature to assume others are like us. It can be hard to override those thoughts.
This happens in terms of love languages too. We tend to show love in the way we want to be shown love. And it’s not that he’s not listening, or that he’s not paying attention, but obviously it’s not impacting him enough to override his defaults.
So, next time, try this: when he’s being too rough, or fast, stop him. Like a dead stop. Like make him pause what you’re doing and separate. Then explain it to him.
Honey, I know you’re doing that because you want me to feel good, but that’s not what feels good to me. I need you to be slow and gentle. I know you like rough and fast, but I need something else. I can show you what I mean if you like.
No one wants to be interrupted during sex, and he might get a little annoyed, but I bet it will have more of an impact. You might have to do it a few times, but eventually I think he’ll get it. I’d love to know if it works.
Plus, anyone else who has experience with this, please share what worked for you in the comments below.