Does your spouse get the “best” you?

Jay Dee

Does your spouse get the “best” you?

Mar 22, 2016

As many of my readers know, I recently took a new job.  The work is fantastic.  The pay is more than adequate.  I’m respected, and I feel, and am told, that I’m a real asset to the company.  Not only that, but it gives me

Does your spouse get the best youAs many of my readers know, I recently took a new job.  The work is fantastic.  The pay is more than adequate.  I’m respected, and I feel, and am told, that I’m a real asset to the company.  Not only that, but it gives me a whole new group of people to model Christ to.  However, it comes with a terrible downside:  I commute 2 hours each way to work.  20 hours a week commuting.

That’s especially hard coming from being self-employed and working from my home for the last year.

Now, in 10 days, I get to start working one day a week from home, so that will help, but in the mean time … well, these past 7 weeks have been absolutely brutal as an adjustment period.  Not enough sleep, not enough sex, not enough time to help my wife with the kids, the housework or the homeschooling.

And as a result, by the time I get home, I’m exhausted, and a bit grumpy, due to the long day.  My wife is also exhausted and a bit grumpy having had to deal with our 5 children all day long alone (something she’s not used to).  Plus, we still have a kid who wakes multiple times a night, and we’ve had a horrible cold & flu season the last couple of months, just to pile the stress on.

So, we have not been giving each other our best.  Often we’re stretching our communication skills to the max just to be able to be semi-effective when talking to each other.

And this makes me feel sad, because neither of seem to be able to give the other our “best” by the time we finally see each other in the day.  The very first we see of the other is after a grueling day…every day.  Every week day at least.  And then, the weekend comes around, and we’re in recovery mode.  We still don’t have the energy to be our “best” … we’re just trying to recharge so we can survive the next week.

That makes me sad.  That the people who mean the most to me, get the worst.  The scraps of the table, as it were.

So, I’m going to try and make a concerted effort to change that.  When I get home, I’m going to do my best to show them I’m happy to see them.  To help out more.  To give them, if not my best, then the best I can manage at least.  Because anything less … well, it feels like I’m investing in the wrong relationships.  Or at least, that my investments are weighted wrongly.

I’m afraid I don’t have any large insights here.  This is more a post of me processing what’s going on in our life.  But, maybe it will help you process similar things in yours.  And for those who have gone through this, perhaps you can offer some insight.

P.S.  Those are Canadian geese.  The only reason I picked that picture.  Couldn’t find anything else.

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