Where do I hide our sex toys?

Jay Dee

Where do I hide our sex toys?

Mar 24, 2016

Here’s a question I received a couple of weeks ago from our anonymous Have A Question page: I’m interested in adding toys to our intimate repertoire.  However, one of the issues which keeps me reluctant to do so is the fear of my kids finding

Anonymous QuestionHere’s a question I received a couple of weeks ago from our anonymous Have A Question page:

I’m interested in adding toys to our intimate repertoire.  However, one of the issues which keeps me reluctant to do so is the fear of my kids finding them. My kids’ ages range between 15 and 21.  There is no doubt they would know exactly what they were if they were to stumble across them. And for some reason I feel like they carry a stigma different than the condoms and lube in the nightstand, which I’m not worried about them finding.  I would hate for my kids to discover that we’re using a vibrator or butt plug. I know that the embarrassment wouldn’t be insurmountable, but I would prefer to avoid it. My question is: How and/or where do you hide your toys when they’re not in use?

Good question.  I’ll be honest, I may not be the best person to ask, because we’re a bit lazy about it.  Our kids are younger (aged 9 and down), and so even if they found it, they’d have no idea what it was.  I know many (most?) 9 year old’s would these days, but one of the benefits of homeschooling is that they grow up slower in that area. Something I’m thankful for on almost a daily basis.

We also have some rules in place:  Kids are not allowed in our bedroom without us being there (a rule they often break unfortunately), and they certainly are not allowed to go poking around in our drawers and end tables (which only the youngest break, because they don’t really understand, or they forget easily.  They’re ages 1 and 3.).

But for the most part, they’re in a room, in an end table, in a box.  Admittedly, sometimes they don’t make it IN the box, but only ON the box.  It can be so hard to be disciplined about those things in the post-orgasmic bliss and sleepiness.

And we also have some things in a bag that’s stored higher than they can reach.

When the kids grow up a bit more (probably soon actually), I’m fully anticipating needing to something a bit more robust.  Something with a lot that can’t easily be circumvented, or picked (I wouldn’t put it passed a kid to learn how to pick a lock).

I’ve heard people use a wide variety of things, depending on the side of their … collection.  Some use a small jewelry box that has a simple lock on it.  Others have … well, a suitcase, again with a lock, that stores under the bed.  I’m thinking something like to the right…with the file folders removed of course (I don’t need to be THAT organized).  It’s simple, nondescript, has a combination lock and I think would fit in my nightstand.

You could always place a label on it that says “Taxes – 2007” to really dissuade the kids from investigating.  Though they might be curious why you’re storing your taxes in the bedroom.  That might be a difficult one to explain.  Perhaps just leave it blank then.

So, that’s what we do, and some options.  I’m hoping some of my readers will offer up some suggests and their storage choices in the comments below.

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14 thoughts on “Where do I hide our sex toys?”

  1. D says:

    My kids are aged 8 and 10. We store everything in our walk in robe. Whilst they are allowed in the bedroom we sort of discourage them from poking around in our walk in robe as we often store presents etc in there. We have lube sitting on the shelf and a box for all the toys to go in that is on the top shelf away from their reach. Off and on we have toys sitting on the shelf drying after use. Whilst they may grow tall enough to reach it all at some point I am hoping by then they will have learnt that going through other peoples possessions is not acceptable. Sort of like how they would not appreciate it if I went through their rooms/electronics once they are 18.

    Having said that… I also found my parents stash when I was a teenager and didnt really think anything of it. Sex was just something that was natural and you did only as a married couple. From what I have read, kids may be grossed out by the thought, but they are also happy that they are in a stable loving family and not having to deal with divorce and separation and the bad emotional situation that brings.

  2. Divamommy7 says:

    My youngest, who is 7, found our stash of toys when he was six. No respect for our things because he had to dig through a foot chest in our bedroom to get to the shoe box with the toys. His excuse when we heard the vibrating chest and went in search of the noise and discovered what he had done: I thought you hid presents in there. He did not know what the items where for and our explanation was that they were toys for grown ups. He had to endure yet another conversation about not touching or going through our stuff (it didn’t help, as we had to install a lock on our bedroom door). Most recently he was curious about why he heard our bed squeaking!

    1. Jeremy says:

      Oh God… I’ve had this happen… It’s especially embarrassing when they knock on the door and ask you why the bed is squeaking at 1 in the morning lol.

  3. Brian Collis says:

    We have a nightstand that has a ‘secret’ compartment.
    the top slides back to reveal an area that can’t be accessed otherwise. It’s worked so far!
    We also have the rule about kids in our room… sometimes they come in to pet the cat who loves our bed when no one else is on it, but that’s it.

  4. Mike says:

    No kids here, but we are often afraid an adult from our church will find them while here cleaning or putting their kids to bed while visiting. (Church owns our house, so some feel they have free reign, or they help us clean or repair.) So far we just hope they do not find them. If they do, I am not sure what I would say.

    1. Jeremy says:

      Honestly as your all adults, it really isn’t their business what you and your wife have or do as long as it doesn’t bother either of you to use them to enhance your marriage. But at the same time I understand where you’re coming from as there is still a sad stigma surrounding sex toys in a Christian marriage. Several people have mentioned firesafes as a place to store them and they only cost $20 at most big chain stores.

  5. crystal says:

    Our kids are 10 and 11 so they don’t know about adult toys. But we established the respect of not going into mom and dad’s room because we are married and need our privacy. The kids have been very good about it. Since you have older ones why not put a lock on your door, carry a key. Also make sure there is nothing they would need to go into your room for like any belongings to share or of theirs. Jay Dee is right as well, buy like a trunk, or small suit case with a lock. Hope this helps.

  6. Mike S says:

    Ours are in the nightstand in a small safe with an electronic keypad. It is there originally for a firearm and what-not. Bolted to the bottom in the nightstand. Works great. Easy to put things up and get them out. My wife feels a lot better now since we have 5 kids, their spouses, 18 grandkids and oodles of others from church in the house all the time. These safes are not expensive and well worth the peace of mind it brings her.

  7. Anonymous says:

    I doesn’t matter how you store them but please make sure they are secure.

    When I was a teenager I discovered my mom vibrator and ended up using it. Ultimately, this ended up being a shared sex toy that went back and forth between our rooms, which, is something I am not proud of today, at all.

    Please don’t assume that your curious kids won’t do anything if they discover your toys. And, this can be particularly dangerous if you have any STDs.

    1. momma31 says:

      I would have never even thought of that aspect. Despite the embarrassment, thank you for sharing as that’s obviously an important factor that I don’t think most would consider with their kids finding sex toys.

  8. Brian says:

    Ok at 15 years and 21 years shouldn’t you have had some discussions about sex and that the difference between being married and not married and what is allowed. I’m not saying leave them out all over the place but if they happen to find one or your stash it can be a great opportunity to discuss what married sex is about and not be ashamed of it.

  9. Anonymous says:

    On a slightly different note, we lived in a small house where all three bedrooms were close together. When we had a young teenage daughter in the next room, I was so afraid to make a noise whilst making love, and rightly so, as I noticed my daughter started getting up and leaving her room whenever we were doing it (I could hear her). Obviously, she knew what was going on and didn’t want to listen to the bed-springs making music. How embarrassing. And I don’t know how we could have fixed that situation. (We’ve now moved into a different house, and she’s grown up, moved out and married now.)

  10. Winston says:

    We actually use a toolbox to store our items. It has a place for a lock – and trays for smaller items (condoms, lube, small toys) then we just put all the items that won’t fit in the tray in the bottom and slide the whole thing under the bed. (our bed is on bed risers – which is one of the best things we ever did for our love life!)

  11. Frustrated says:

    Really? I would love to have this problem. In our house, not hard because theres nothing to hide. Toys are expressly forbidden.

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