Where do I hide our sex toys?

Here’s a question I received a couple of weeks ago from our anonymous Have A Question page:

I’m interested in adding toys to our intimate repertoire. However, one of the issues which keeps me reluctant to do so is the fear of my kids finding them. My kids’ ages range between 15 and 21. There is no doubt they would know exactly what they were if they were to stumble across them. And for some reason I feel like they carry a stigma different than the condoms and lube in the nightstand, which I’m not worried about them finding. I would hate for my kids to discover that we’re using a vibrator or butt plug. I know that the embarrassment wouldn’t be insurmountable, but I would prefer to avoid it. My question is: How and/or where do you hide your toys when they’re not in use?

Good question. I’ll be honest, I may not be the best person to ask, because we’re a bit lazy about it. Our kids are younger (aged 9 and down), and so even if they found it, they’d have no idea what it was. I know many (most?) 9 year old’s would these days, but one of the benefits of homeschooling is that they grow up slower in that area. Something I’m thankful for on almost a daily basis.

We also have some rules in place: Kids are not allowed in our bedroom without us being there (a rule they often break unfortunately), and they certainly are not allowed to go poking around in our drawers and end tables (which only the youngest break, because they don’t really understand, or they forget easily. They’re ages 1 and 3.).

But for the most part, they’re in a room, in an end table, in a box. Admittedly, sometimes they don’t make it IN the box, but only ON the box. It can be so hard to be disciplined about those things in the post-orgasmic bliss and sleepiness.

And we also have some things in a bag that’s stored higher than they can reach.

When the kids grow up a bit more (probably soon actually), I’m fully anticipating needing to something a bit more robust. Something with a lot that can’t easily be circumvented, or picked (I wouldn’t put it passed a kid to learn how to pick a lock).

I’ve heard people use a wide variety of things, depending on the side of their … collection. Some use a small jewelry box that has a simple lock on it. Others have … well, a suitcase, again with a lock, that stores under the bed. I’m thinking something like to the right…with the file folders removed of course (I don’t need to be THAT organized). It’s simple, nondescript, has a combination lock and I think would fit in my nightstand.

You could always place a label on it that says “Taxes – 2007” to really dissuade the kids from investigating. Though they might be curious why you’re storing your taxes in the bedroom. That might be a difficult one to explain. Perhaps just leave it blank then.

So, that’s what we do, and some options. I’m hoping some of my readers will offer up some suggests and their storage choices in the comments below.