Every survey we run, I get a certain question in the comments. It comes in different ways. How can I orgasm, how can I get my wife to orgasm, why can’t I orgasm, what do other wives do to orgasm, what do husbands do to their their wives to orgasm, and many other permutations. So, I thought I’d run a survey just to answer the question. I also spent some time picking up a new skill that I hope will help people assimilate the data better. I would love to know what you think. Anyways, on to our very first SexWithinMarriage.com Infographic!
Lastly, I want to share some of the specific tips people gave on the survey.
Orgasm tips from the wives
- Talk to your husband. Tell him what you need. Be completely truthful, although you must be sensitive to his feelings. Once you can achieve orgasm, this will help your husband, too; he will feel good about how he can please you. It’s worth the effort, even though it might take some time the first time. Play around (pun intended) to discover what feels good with one another. Be open and adventurous.
- Do not think about everything else think about and feel what u are doing to him and what he is doing to you
- Try to incorporate a vibrator into your sexual experience with your husband. I have a hard time having an orgasm and he suggested we try it and now it’s part of our regular routine.
- RELAX. I have to be relaxed or it just won’t happen.
- Read anything you can get your hands on. Relax about sex. Make it a normal part of your life. Make it part of a normal conversation with your husband. Once you lose the hang ups and undstand that we were meant to have sex (it’s not a sin!!) you’ll be amazed at how it makes you feel about yourself, your husband and your marriage.
- Relax! Don’t make intimacy with your husband goal-oriented or task-oriented; just enjoy each other with or without orgasm.
- Relax. Let it take as long as it will – maybe even longer than an hour. Then, “lean” into it when the pleasure gets intense. Don’t pull away or try to stay in control.
- Communicate with your spouse how to sexually fulfill your needs in the bedroom. You can show him too. Show confidence and reassurance!
- Allow yourself to enjoy -and develop-your sexual side! Understand you are created to be a sexual being- your arousal pattern and orgasms will be different than your husbands and a woman’s way is as valid as a man’s way bc God created both. Unfortunately our media and movies doesn’t show this. You and your husband may assume you are like him (or should be) in being able to get aroused easily (or visually) and being able to quickly orgasm by intercourse alone like he can so learn together about how a woman’s body works during sex-his way is not the “right” way so be confident in that! You will most likely become aroused after you start engaging in foreplay. It will take you longer to orgasm than it will him-this is normal so relax and both of you need to take time for you!! Foreplay is essential! He needs to learn not to grab for your breasts and vagina immediately. (I love sex and this is a huge turn off for me.) Make sure you both focus on your orgasm first before his. Take a night or two to let him solely focus on you and your body. Most women cannot and will not orgasm by intercourse alone-you will need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Accept your body and your sexuality-Play! Learn to relax, explore and have fun together!
- Try different kinds of stimulation – deep vibration, light vibration, penetration with vibration, finger stimulation, oral, etc. Tense your thigh and pelvic muscles to increase blood flow to your genital area and help with arousal. Take your time, block out distractions, and keep doing whatever feels good until it happens.
- Tell him where to touch you! Don’t be shy. And have him work that clit! I’ve found the softer touch is better to build up to climax… Soft, rhythmic touching.
- Oral sex was the key for me, and FOCUS! Block everything but sex with your partner out of your mind.
- To relax.. Be comfortable in your skin. He thinks you are beautiful. He doesn’t see one flaw on you. Enjoy it. Have fun.
- Talk it out! Husbands aren’t mind readers, and most really do want to please their wives, but might not know how. Open, honest, communication about what you like, or don’t like is vital. I would add, get to know your own body on your own-if you don’t know what you like, it’s hard to tell someone else!
Orgasm tips from the husbands
- I am a man an all I can say is it helps my wife if she is in a good, safe and secure place. For her to know she is loved and appreciated. Kissing helps too.
The better she feels our emotional connection is the quicker and better the orgasm.
A clear mind might help too, us guys are totally turned on by a wife who is enjoying herself sexually. So have fun!
- For my wife, it seems to be the harder she tries, the less likely it is. Also, clear the mind and remove as many distractions as possible. Slow building foreplay also important.
- Patience — Don’t set an arbitrary time limit. Enjoy the journey.
Relax — Pressure makes it less likely.
Communication — Adjust what you both are doing to advance toward the goal.
Concentrate — Focus on the sensations.These also work for me when I have some difficulty achieving orgasm.
- Make time for it. Don’t feel pressured, but invest both in reading up on ways to allow yourself to let go, deal with any abuse from the past, and allow God to give you the gift He has for you from your husband!
- Help your husband out with some information like when he is doing something right let him know and encourage him to keep doing it. Do some of your own study to find out what works for other women and don’t be afraid to try something new if necessary.
- Learn that it is ok to enjoy physical sexual feelings
- Relax! Let your husband explore and enjoy your body. It doesn’t have to be perfect. He really enjoys you. There is nothing more exciting to a man than an excited wife. Be his coach and cheerleader and enjoy!
- Talk, talk, talk to your spouse. Let him know what’s going on. Tell him what you like and don’t like, what turns you on and off. Let him help you discover it. Do it together.
- We have found communication and selfishness to be the tips. Ask for what you need and don’t be afraid of what your husband will think. We men need direction. Also ladies, if you can orgasm from masturbation, include your husband in that if nothing else works. Have him touch your back, or kiss your boobs while you masturbate. Even if it seems odd to you, figure out what will work, and move forward from there. Your husband wants to pleasure you, we will work with you to make that happen.
These weren’t all of the comments, but just a random few.
What did you think of the Infographic? Anything interesting in the stats? Anything you want to add? Let us know below, or email us if you are shy.