Tag Archives: intimacy

SWM 158 – Solo Masturbation – When You Remove the Other Person From Sex

Today we’re continuing with our Sex as Worship series, and in this post, we’re going to be talking about masturbation, which is a highly contested argument in Christianity. Is it okay, is it sinful, it is helpful or harmful?

And before I say anything else, I want to share that I didn’t always believe the viewpoint I’m going to share. Also, I don’t really want to talk about it. It’s still an embarrassing topic, and I know I’m going to get a lot of flak for it. People will unsubscribe. Sometimes I get messages saying they hope to see me in hell.

But, I don’t think I can skip it. This is a topic I see damaging so many marriages, so how do I leave it alone?

SWM 157 – Why Sex Gets Derailed Right Before It Starts

When intimacy keeps getting derailed by oddly timed comments about hygiene, illness, or unrelated problems, it’s easy to wonder if you’re losing your mind or being subtly shut down. This question comes up far more often than people realize, and the answer is almost never “you’re crazy” or “your spouse is malicious.” What’s actually happening lives in the brain, and once you see it, the pattern makes a lot more sense.

SWM 155 – Hookup Culture – When You Take Relationship Out of Sex

We live in a world that has learned to separate what God never divided.

Hookup culture is the next stage of sex stripped of meaning – where bodies meet, but no one truly connects.

I’m continuing this series exploring how, when we remove aspects of God’s intent for sex, we end up with all the examples of sexual immorality we see in our world.

Last time, I tackled what removing covenant from sex gets you: sex before marriage, and the fallout from that choice.

Today, we’re going to push that even further and look at hookup culture. At first glance it might seem like sex before marriage taken to the next level – but that expansion comes with new problems.

This isn’t just the removal of covenant – it’s the removal of the relationship itself.

SWM 147 – How do you know if you’re sexually compatible

The most common argument I hear for premarital sex is, “You need to know if you’re sexually compatible before getting married. Otherwise, you might end up stuck in a sexless, unfulfilling relationship.”

And it sounds like sound reasoning.  We test-drive cars before buying them.  We have probation periods for people we hire at work.  We sample foods before purchasing them.  Shouldn’t sex, which is one of the most intimate parts of marriage, be tested beforehand to make sure you’re a good match?

It’s a compelling argument that convinces many people to abandon their principles.  It makes you question your morality.  It promises both immediate and long-term gratification.

However, it’s based on a flawed premise.

SWM 125 – Rethinking “Duty Sex”

I’ve had a lot of conversations with couples as well as husbands and wives individually lately about what often gets called “duty sex” or “pity sex.” For those who don’t know, duty/pity sex is when one spouse gives in to sex, not because they desire it themselves, but because their spouse does. They might have sex for many reasons, including feeling obligated, pressured, guilty, to keep the peace or to “get them off their back.”

The problem is that these negative reasons are often the only ones considered, and so any situation in which one spouse wants sex and the other agrees to it without having an internal desire of their own is seen as unfavourable.

But there are some excellent reasons to have what’s commonly considered “duty sex” or “pity sex,” and often, the conflicts I see in marriages are not that it’s because of those reasons I mentioned above but instead about something positive and loving.

So, in this podcast episode, we’re going to talk about reframing duty sex in those situations.

SWM 106 – Nude pictures, sex toys, asexual wife, wife not in love with me, wish my wife had a bigger butt

Answering Anonymous Questions about Married Sex

Topics:
Is it okay to take nude pictures and videos of each other?
Limon by Minna discount
Asexual wife?
Wife loves me, but isn’t in love with me
Wife isn’t interested in improving our sex life
Wish I married a bigger butt
Secretly feed her ejaculate
Husband says my vagina stinks and tastes bad
50-year-old wife refuses to have sex
Do we need a counselor?

SWM 060 – Aug 2020 Questions – Negative Self-Talk, Affairs, Manual Sex Troubles and more

Anonymous Questions from our readers

Topics include:
Negative Self-Talk
Sex and Midnight Prayer
Is it okay to ask God for a spouse who enjoys anal sex?
How to deal with jealousy
Sex isn’t special after the wife had an affair
Did Jesus ever get married?
Is it wrong to have sex in the same room as another couple?
Is it okay to leave my wife because she can’t have sex?
Should anything go in the bedroom?
Trouble with manual sex
How to keep intimacy alive without sex