Glossary Term: vanilla

Definition: Refers to traditional or conventional sexual activity, typically involving a monogamous, heterosexual couple, without the inclusion of elements from BDSM or other kink practices.

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BDSM Survey Results

During July and a bit of August, we ran a survey about people’s BDSM experiences. Depending on who you ask, it was either extensive or just dipping our toes into the topic. In the end, we received over 1,000 complete responses from a wide range of couples, some for whom BDSM is part of their daily life, others who were engaging in BDSM activities didn’t think what they were doing qualified, others who wished they were doing such things but didn’t know how to start, and those who thought it was disgusting that I even considered asking questions about such a topic.

or the last three weeks, I’ve spent evenings and weekends digging through the data, coding it, doing pivot tables, building charts, running correlation formulas, and more, trying to get what I can out of it. It’s aptly called data mining because often it feels like sifting through a lot of rocks and dirt just to try and find a nugget of something valuable contained.

Today, I’m going to share what I found.

SWM 135 – It’s good to try new things

Most kids, when growing up, enter a picky stage at some point.  Some when they’re toddlers, some when they’re young children, some when they become teenagers.  When our 3rd or 4th kid entered this phase, everyone knew the response when they didn’t want to eat something new that we’d made.  “It’s good to try new things.”  They didn’t have to eat it all but had to try it—a decent try, not a touch to the tongue followed by an exaggerated exclamation of disgust.

Teaching children to at least give something new a fair shot, I think, has applications later on in life as well. I often talk to husbands and wives whose spouses simply will not try anything new in the bedroom. One will bring up an idea, and it’s immediately shot down by the “picky” spouse—the one who is perfectly happy with the flavour of vanilla every night.

Today, I want to talk about why I think it’s good to try new things – not only when it comes to food, but also in the bedroom – or outside of the bedroom, depending on how much privacy you have.  We’re going to talk about the interplay between dopamine, controlled risk-taking, adventure and trust in marriages as it pertains to sex and more.

SWM 050 – Anonymous Questions from September 2019 – Deployed Spouses, Passive Sex Partners, Sleep Apnea and How to Boost Attraction for your Spouse

Anonymous Questions from our readers

In this episode, we’re tackling the subjects:

  • How do you deal with deployment and sex drives
  • How do we improve sexual intimacy
  • How to improve our sex life
  • Satisfaction and adventurousness
  • How do you get your wife to be more dominant in bed
  • Asking doesn’t work, not asking doesn’t work
  • Husband has sleep apnea
  • What should teenagers do instead of masturbate?

SWM 044 – Anonymous Questions from February and March 2019

Anonymous Questions from our readers

Answering questions from our readers. Questions include:

Is doggy style demeaning?
Does anal sex always cause bleeding?
How to start talking about sex with a sensitive wife?
Can you have sex with an unsaved spouse?
How to handle a wife orgasming too quickly
Mutual Masturbation
Swallowing your own semen
Can you be married to the wrong person?
Is sexlessness being unfaithful?
Ethical porn

What would be on your pre-vasectomy wishlist?

My vasectomy is scheduled for tomorrow.  That’s a little intimidating to write, to be honest.  Because even after all the encouraging comments I read in our permanent birth control survey responses, and even after all the research I’ve done, and knowing how low the failure

How we grow as godly writers

Last week I put a question out, in the form of a survey, in response to an email I received, a criticism in fact.  Is this blog informative, or erotic, or somewhere in the middle?  Have we strayed from our mission? Have we crossed the

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