Glossary Term: discipline

Definition: the consensual use of rules, structure, and corrective actions within a power exchange dynamic to foster trust, accountability, and intimacy

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BDSM Survey Results

During July and a bit of August, we ran a survey about people’s BDSM experiences. Depending on who you ask, it was either extensive or just dipping our toes into the topic. In the end, we received over 1,000 complete responses from a wide range of couples, some for whom BDSM is part of their daily life, others who were engaging in BDSM activities didn’t think what they were doing qualified, others who wished they were doing such things but didn’t know how to start, and those who thought it was disgusting that I even considered asking questions about such a topic.

or the last three weeks, I’ve spent evenings and weekends digging through the data, coding it, doing pivot tables, building charts, running correlation formulas, and more, trying to get what I can out of it. It’s aptly called data mining because often it feels like sifting through a lot of rocks and dirt just to try and find a nugget of something valuable contained.

Today, I’m going to share what I found.

SWM 137 – Why we don’t spank our children

Last week, Gary Thomas posted an article on his substack on the topic of discipline vs. punishment—not taking a stance but rather offering it up as a controversial conversation starter. Reading it made me curious about something—does your view of hell change your parenting approach? After all, if God is our example, and you believe that hell is eternal punishment, does that then lend to a more heavy-handed approach to parenting versus someone who believes that hell is an act of mercy?

I posted that question in our forum, and it then led to a discussion on using physical punishment on children.  I spent a fair bit of time in the last week or two writing on that thread, and so I thought I’d repurpose it here for those who might be curious about how we raised our children.

We, Christina and I, don’t believe hell is eternal torture.  We don’t believe such a view is in keeping with the Bible.  We grew up in a denomination that taught it was, and it was one of the reasons we left because the doctrine couldn’t stand up to either biblical scrutiny or logic as we saw it.  If you want to know why and/or argue that stance, I fully welcome you to read the post What happens when you die?  That’s not the point of this post.

The point of this post is to share why we don’t spank our children, and now that my children are growing up into adults, what the outcome of such a choice has been.

SWM 128 – Relationships require recalibration

There’s an old quip about how men get married expecting their wives to stay the same, and women get married expecting to be able to change their men, and neither gets what they want. It’s funny because often, there’s an element of truth to this, which frustrates both spouses.

Of course, it doesn’t apply to every marriage, and sometimes the dynamic is reversed, but what is expected of every marriage is that something in the marriage will change.  It may be the wife, it may be the husband, it’s likely going to be both in some ways, and it’s also going to be your surroundings and context.  You’ll get pets, you’ll have kids, you’ll move, you’ll change jobs, change churches, experience illness or injury, suffer losses or experience big wins – whatever it is, things will change.

Those changes require a recalibration of the marriage, communication, and a discussion about what it means, what needs to change, and what should stay the same.  

So, today, we’re going to talk about how to deal with the inevitable changes that come and how and when to talk about them so that you can keep your marriage calibrated rather than running on old habits and patterns that no longer suit your life.

SWM 093 – Crossdressing, counseling not working, should I share fantasies, facial hair, Viagra for women and many more

Answering Anonymous Questions about Married Sex

Topics include:
Crossdressing
Counseling not fixing her sex drive
Should I keep fantasies to myself?
Husband addicted to porn
Wife has no sex drive
FaceTime sex
Spouse’s facial and body hair
Does Viagra work for women?
How do I stop her from seeing me as submissive?
No sex due to pregnancy complications
Wife struggles with overeating
How do I stop masturbating?
Anal fisting

SWM 044 – Anonymous Questions from February and March 2019

Anonymous Questions from our readers

Answering questions from our readers. Questions include:

Is doggy style demeaning?
Does anal sex always cause bleeding?
How to start talking about sex with a sensitive wife?
Can you have sex with an unsaved spouse?
How to handle a wife orgasming too quickly
Mutual Masturbation
Swallowing your own semen
Can you be married to the wrong person?
Is sexlessness being unfaithful?
Ethical porn

Anonymous Questions – Oct 10, 2018

Anonymous Questions from our readers

It’s been almost two months since I answered anonymous questions, so I thought I’d catch up. For those who are new to the site, these questions are all gathered from our anonymous Have A Question page.  If you have a question that you’d like answered,

Your spouse’ sin doesn’t counterbalance yours

Not a week goes by that I don’t see this portrayed in a comment or email from a reader.  Their spouse has committed, or is committing, some sin, and so their response is that they have to do something wrong as well.  Sometimes it’s a retaliation,

Where do I hide our sex toys?

Here’s a question I received a couple of weeks ago from our anonymous Have A Question page: I’m interested in adding toys to our intimate repertoire.  However, one of the issues which keeps me reluctant to do so is the fear of my kids finding

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